Episode Reviews: “Life Upon The Wicked Stage” & “Rafitti, Brooklyn Style”:

[Frank Gannucci]

Episode #167
TV: Hour (edited.)
DVD: Due to musical issues, this episode may never be released on DVD. If it does, it MIGHT be attached to “Without Reservations” & “Rafitti, Brooklyn Style.”
Color Honeymooners Title: "Life Upon The Wicked Stage."
Lost Episode Title: "Songs & Witty Sayings."

This episode is filled with musical clearance issues, so much to the point that ALN had a lot of trouble getting the rights to an edited version of this episode which is what they have now.

Ed Norton comes out looking to get a tan on top of 328 Chauncey Street. I believe that this is the first time that we see what the roof of the building looks like. It is so obvious that the background is fake. This episode was shown for the first time in February in '67. So, if this episode was topical in terms of the season at the time and the fact that the sky was mostly anything but sunny, why would Ed want to get a tan in New York in February? He is wearing some loud shorts. He actually uses some tinfoil and puts it on his neck. Ralph comes up. Ralph asks what the foil is used for. Ed: "To prevent the soot from the chimney from getting on my vest. Ralph: "It would be a shame to get that vest dirty after working in the sewer all day." Ed asks Ralph to move away because he is casting a shadow on his big toe as well as casting a shadow on the whole Williamsburg Bridge. Ralph and Norton have entered the annual amateur night at the Halsey Theater, where the grand prize is two hundred dollars. Ed is planning on using his share of the money to go down to Miami Beach, Florida to get away from his mother-in-law. Either Ed is stupid for thinking that it costs only $100 to visit Florida, and/or he is using the money with additional money to take a trip to Florida, and/or or prices were really low back then. Ralph says he will use the $100 to go to Fred's Landing to do some fishing. The other day, he saw some fishing equipment that he loved. It only costs $97. He plans on using the other $3 to get Alice mosquito netting. Ralph says that Alice and him have an anniversary coming up. Ed: "I hope that it is the 16th. 16th means net." Ralph and Ed's act is a comedy act which consists of a mind-reading bit, jokes and a Laurel and Hardy impersonation, and a song-and-dance routine. Ralph & Ed rehearse the mind-reading bit. Ed says that he would like to add another bit. This is something that he has said at birthday parties, bar mitzpahs etc. Ed says a story that is called: "Our Friends The Animals." The story is so bad. Ralph says he knows all about the stage and he's been on one all his life. They both sing: "You're A Star."

At home, Alice is dressed as a Hawaiian hula girl and Trixie is a sailor. Ralph comes home When Alice says "theater" when she says: "We are rehearsing for the contest at the Halsey Theater", you can tell that she is saying it with I believe is an English accent. (Shelia was born in England.) Ralph says that they don't have to rehearse because Bellevue will take them as they are. We finally see what the wallpaper in the bedroom looks like while the characters are in the kitchen/living room/dining room. Ralph: "You are not going to make a fool out of me." Ralph says that Alice has no talent. She doesn't? Ralph insults Trixie, so she leaves. They argue. Ralph says that he has plenty of talent. Ralph: "The theater has been in me all my life." Alice: "Yeah, I knew that that wasn't your stomach. It was the balcony." Ralph says that he will belt her. Alice: "That is all that you are good for. You always boss us around. You men think you own the world." Ralph: "You women get revenge. You marry us." Ralph & Alice did the same bit in one of the Classic 39. (I don't know which episode off the top of my head.) Alice says that her whole family was talented. Ralph: "Yeah, yoru dad was. To go to raise a family of 12 without going to work was talented. Alice said that her mom was talented and was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down. Ralph said that the reason was because she couldn't keep silent. Alice: "Molly wally unga. That is Hawaiian for: Soak your head." In "Songs & Witty Sayings", Alice says that "Molly wally unga is Hawaiian for: "Ahh, shut up." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed finds out about this too when he comes in. Ralph and Ed talk about the girls being involved in the contest. Alice comes out and says that Ralph is afraid of competition. Ralph makes a bet. If they lose to the girls, Ralph will give her $10 Alice says that they will lose because they have a finish that will wow the crowd. She brings out a table full of hand bells and plays "Tip-Toe Through The Tuilps." Ralph says that number may help the girls, so Ed "sabatoges" the number by rearranging the bells.

At 1am, Ralph and Ed are rehearsing. The first act is the mind-reading act with Ed in his Swami character. Ralph (holding a pack of cigarettes): "O Swami, what is this that I am holding in my hand. I don't want any buts." Ed: "Buts. Buts. It is a pack of cigarettes." Ralph: "Don't say 'buts.' The crowd will think that there is some sort of trick to this." They rehearse their song-and-dance act. They sing: "Hand Me Down My Hat. Hand Me Down My Cane." While they are singing this, the music sounds disjointed for a couple of seconds or maybe it was me. After the song, Alice comes out and complains. So does Garrrity. Ralph goes to the open window. Since this episode was set in New York, either the Kramdens and Nortons either braced the cold weather or had real hot body temperatures for them to endure the cold weather in February (that is of course, if this episode was topical in terms of the season.) Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? DID THE SALOON BURN DOWN? Ralph says that Alice is so funny that he will put her in his act that will be called: "Punch & Judy." Alice thinks they should stop practicing. Ralph: "What do I have behind me? Don't you dare." Ralph was making reference to his big butt. Garrity (yells): "GO AHEAD ALICE. SAY IT." Ralph (yells): "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAT LIP?" Garrity (yells): "IF I WAS LOOKING FOR A FAT ANYTHING, I WOULD KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY KRAMDEN? DID THE PIZZERIA BURN DOWN." Alice goes into the bedroom. After that, Ralph and Ed rehearse the "restaurant sketch." Norton does a Stan Laurel impersonation as a customer who wants a piece of custard pie, and Ralph plays the waiter a la Oliver Hardy, is a priceless tribute by Carney and Gleason to the two great funny men. Ralph wants to rehearse every bit of the scene (which includes hitting Ed in the face with a pie). Ed says he doesn't want the pie in the face. He wants Ralph to get the pie in the face. Ralph says that with him being the sympathetic character, if he got the pie in the face, the crowd will be mad at him because with him being the wise guy, they want him to get the pie in the face.. Ed leaves it at that. When they rehearse the scene, Ed doesn't want the pie in the face now but Ralph says for him to roll with the flow. Question: Why does Ralph want to hit Ed in the face with a pie in rehearsal, when he can hit him once in the face during their live act? Ed obliges, but ducks and Alice (who was coming in) gets the pie. That moment was shown on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special in 2002.

The next scene takes place at the theater now known today as the Jackie Gleason, err Halsey Theatre (yes, they used the real-life theater that they show this show in as the "Halsey Theater." Makes sense.) The host says that the Indian who held up the stagecoach in the movie that they saw is the then-current governor of California, Ronald Reagan, and the driver is the then-current senator. This is the Halsey Theater 23rd annual show and has "introduced" to the entertainment world such people as Humphrey Bogart.. The first act is Alice and Trixie. According to the host, they are the Kitchen Cuties. They come out in red sequin gowns and sing: "Popular Gal In Town." The gowns show off their legs. The girls wow the crowd. You can hear the men whistling in the audience. I wonder if they were told to make the noises. The second act is Ace Fargo (sp?). According to the host, he has been filing out your taxes and cutting your hair at Orlando's Barber Shop He is played by special guest Robert Goulet. The crowd applauds when they see him and then applaud and boo him when he sings "In Summer." Ace then gets the hook. Host: "That boy will never become a Sonny King." Ralph and Ed do their first bit and puts Ralph puts on the blindfold on Ed (who is in his Swami outfit), he flashes his hand in his face. Ed: "I can't see anything, except for the hand that is in my face." Ralph "tightens" it. Norton can't even guess the first object in the mind-reading routine. (When Art says: "A book on Ring Allevio" (sp?), he mispronounces "book.") Some people actually cheer as the bit ends. (I guess someone in the sound booth activated the cheering noise) When Ralph and Ed try to do their song-and-dance, the people just throw their canes at them. Ed: "When we become stars, we will never work in this theater." Ralph & Ed bomb in their song and dance as they sing "Hand Me Down My Hat. Hand Me Down My Cane." They get the hook.

At home, Ralph and Ed are upset. The window is open again. Since this episode was set in New York, either Ralph & Ed either braced the cold weather or had real hot body temperatures for them to endure the cold weather in February (that is of course, if this episode was topical in terms of the season.) Ralph reveals that the girls won the contest. Ralph: "After tonight, the manager says he won't even let me in to see the movie anymore." Alice and Trixie come in with Chinese food. The Nortons leave as Alice says that her and Ralph will be up in 10 minutes. Alice reminds Ralph of his bet. Ralph says no. Alice says that with the $10 in addition to the $3 that she has, she can buy what she needs. She says that she already spent the $97 out of the $100 to buy Ralph a fishing outfit. Alice says that their anniversary is coming up and she wanted to enter the contest to buy Ralph a gift. She will use the $13 to go to Fred's Landing and to buy mosquito netting. Alice: "It is a dollar a yard. Three yards for me and ten for you." What about the money it will cost to go to Fred's? Ralph says that Alice is the greatest and they hug.

During the curtain call, Jackie says that tonight was a nostalgic night for him because he started out acting at the Halsey Theater in Brooklyn. He worked with a guy named Charlie who had all the talent while he (Jackie) just watched. Jackie thanked the writers and lyric people. Jackie then introduces the person who played one of the amateurs, Mr. Robert Goulet. When he introduces Robert Goulet, he says: "Mr. Robert Goulet?" He said it in the form of a question. Robert says that Gleason is the greatest. Jackie then introduces the main cast. Jackie then says: "Good night."

During the credit roll, Johnny Olsen says: "Don't forget to tune in next week for the Honeymooners." After that, you can hear the crowd cheering.

Episode #168
DVD: Attached to "Without Reservations." In the future, it might alson be attached to "Without Reservations" & "Life Upon The Wicked Stage."
Color Episode Title: “Rafitti, Brooklyn Style.”
Lost Episode Title: “Great Jewel Robbery.”

On my copy of this episode that I have on DVD, the TV channel now known as AmericanLife airs the wrong Nick Clooney intro. He says that the viewers are going to see "Life Upon The Wicked Stage" rather than "Rafitti, Brooklyn Style." I wonder if this was due to "Life Upon The Wicked Stage"'s musical clearance issues. I'm not sure if they made this error every time they aired this episode.

Ralph is collecting money from all the bus drivers for a wedding present for the boss' daughter. He hopes the gift will mean a raise for the drivers--and maybe a promotion for him. He meets with Ed at a jewelry store. Ed didn't even recognize that this was a jewelry store from the outside. Ralph is having each driver pitch in $5. Ralph: "When he realizes who idea it was to make the collection to get a gift, who do you think is going to get the promotion?" Ed: "The guy who she is marrying, who else?" Ralph wants to have this collection so he can get promoted. All the drivers said Ralph is doing this only to get in good with the boss. Since there are 50 bus drivers and each chipped in $5, Ed assumes that the collection is up to $250. Ralph: "$245. One of the bus drivers didn't chip in." Ed: "Who was it?" Ralph: "Never mind." Wow, Ralph didn't chip in to his own collection? Gee, that's a surprise. A clerk comes by and Ralph asks him if this is a good jewelry store. Clerk: "The Montonyea (sp?) is great. We have branches in London, Paris, Rome, Vienna, Stockholm & Coconut Grove." Ed: "So does Dairy Queen." Ralph tells him of his situation. The clerk shows Ralph & Ed some of the jewelry. The first piece of jewelry is a Sterling Silver Pickle Fork. Ralph hates that. Ralph says he has $245 to spend. Ed suggests a cigarette lighter that plays "Me and My Shadow." The clerk says it would be appropriate to pick out something for the bride and the groom. Ralph: "Why should I pick out something for the groom? I hardly know the BUM." Ralph likes the 14 carat gold watch the clerk shows him. It costs $246 plus tax. Ralph buys it with $1 from his own money. Ralph gets it delivered to his apartment. Ralph & Ed sing: "You Got To Have An Angle."

It's also Alice's birthday. Trixie gives Alice a Sterling Silver Candle Snapper. Alice's mother (played by the original Alice, Pert Kelton) comes by with an expensive dress. Alice's Mom: "When you are married to Ralph, you need EVERYTHING." Trixie leaves. Alice and her mother complain about the living conditions as well as Ralph. They sing: "Why Didn't You Marry Someone With Dough?" in which Alice's mother says she is impartial when it comes to Ralph. Alice says that Ralph hasn't given her anything yet. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph comes home. Alice's mom: "Hello Ralph." Ralph: "How could you tell it was me?" Alice's mom: "I can hear the floor sag." A battle royal of an argument between the two of them starts which includes trading insults like Ralph saying to Alice's mom: "You were never Alice's age." Ha! The mother shows her disdain for the stove. Ralph then wants to fight Alice's mother. Alice's Mom: "Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!" Ralph: "Crow! Crow! Crow!" A delivery boy from the jewelry store arrives with a package that contains a watch Ralph bought for the boss's daughter. Alice thinks it's her birthday gift and is ecstatic. She praises Ralph up and down to her mother and saying that he's the best husband in the world. Sure. Ralph is ashamed to admit the truth that he forgot Alice's birthday. Alice's Mom: "I'm glad you thought of your wife and not of a scheme to get in good with your boss." Alice tells Ralph of her guilt of her thinking that he forgot her birthday.

At the bar with Ed, Ed tells Jacko the bartender to put more bisch (sp?), chocolate syrup, vanilla ice cream and a cherry in his drink. Ralph tells him about his problem. The bus drivers will kill him if Ralph didn't give the watch to the boss' daughter. Ralph says they will tie one of his legs and arms to a bus each and the other leg and arm to another bus each and each one will drive in a different direction and thus Ralph will get killed. Ed suggests lying to Alice and her mother. Ralph says that he mother is the originally lie detector. Ralph: "Alice's Mother is just as trusting as Kurt Douglas on an army dentist." They come up with a scheme on how to get the watch back without letting Alice know it isn't hers. Norton will get one of his pals to pose as a burglar, hold up the Kramdens, and take the watch. Ralph will eventually meet up with him to get the watch back. His friend is Joe Torre. I wonder if they got his name from the now L.A. Dodgers Manager. Joe happens to be an amateur manager. He ends up calling his friend on a pay phone and it's a party line so his friend doesn't want to reveal where he works so Ed says that both he and his friend, who is an amateur actor, work in a bank and that Ed saved his friend from drowning in the small loans department. Ha! The plan is set. While Ralph and Norton were devising their plan, a real crook overhears them and decides to show up at the Kramdens' before Norton's friend gets there.

At home, some cops arrive to sell tickets to the Policeman's Ball and Ralph thinks that his plan is going to be foiled. So Ralph concocts a scheme to get the cops out of there much to Alice's chagrin. Fortunately for Ralph, they end up leaving. When the real crook shows up saying: "Stick 'em up!" Ralph thinks he is Norton's friend and is acting badly and asks him to come in again when Alice is in the room. When he shows up, Ralph thinks he's Norton's friend and practically hands him the watch. Alice asks Ralph to do something. He "attempts" to punch him and the crook punches Ralph in the stomach. Ralph hallows in pain in typical Ralph fashion. While the crook's examining the goods, Alice plunks him with a frying pan and knocks him cold. She rushes out to call the cops, but Ralph revives him and sends him on his way, with some extra loot to boot. Ralph thinks that the title of "amateur actor" really belongs to Ed's friend and that is the last time that he ever listens to Norton. When Ed shows up wit crook get up and tells him that his friend couldn't make it, Ralph realizes what he has done.

Later, Ralph says that he will not go down to work tomorrow or anymore (he won't dare say the real reason why). So he covers it up, by saying that Saudi Arabia is looking for welders and he wants to apply for the job. Ralph tells Alice the real story about him forgetting her birthday and the watch. He apologizes. Ralph sings: "I Don't Deserve A Wonderful Girl Like You." The cops catch the crook and recover the watch. The cop shows Ralph the crook and the woman who captured him...Alice's Mom. Alice is heartbroken, but she returns the watch. Alice's Mom gets told the story and says that Ralph should be given the watch. Alice's Mom wants to kill Ralph herself. Ralph runs away from Alice's Mother

During the curtain call, Jackie says that this is a special night. He mentions that Pert Kelton was the original Alice. He introduces some of the cast members (Art, Pert, Shelia & Jean.) On a side note, I'm glad that Audrey was picked rather than Pert as the Alice during the lost episodes and Classic 39. I saw some Pert Kelton clips during the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Celebration and Pert looked ugly compared to Audrey.