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Old 02-11-2021, 09:14 AM   #1
Frank Gannucci
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Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 8,211
Default Honeymooners Episode Reviews: Honeymooners Valentine Special” (MPI made version)/more

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Honeymooners Valentine Special” (MPI made version), "2nd Honeymoon", "Valentine's Day Special", "The Honeymooners In Chicago", "Life Upon The Wicked Stage", "Double Anniversary", "The Deciding Vote", "Cupid", "Pickles" (2 versions) & "Alice Plays Cupid":

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would post these reviews:

Honeymooners Valentine’s Special:
VHS: It has been released but with no episodes attached to it.
DVD: Attached to “Great Jewel Robbery” & “Lawsuit”

Honeymooners Valentine’s Special:

This clip fest that I think MPI made in 1992. It is definitely not to be confused with the similarly named 1970s special. (How would have thought that back in 1992, that MPI would have released the 1970s specials eighteen years later?)

This clip fest starts off with a rare moment in which Jackie & Ray Bloch are in the same scene with Ray's orchestra behind him. Jackie: "You don't know how much of a kick I get in which I hear a band play something that I composed." The video then shows Jackie leading an orchestra with the narrator saying: "Jackie was the most romantic comedian in history." Various romantic clips involving Jackie’s other characters are shown (including one of Jackie's characters with a man in drag in which the Narrator says: "Even if the premise was completely outrageous, The Great One carried it with a style that rivaled Valentino.") Another clip shows Jackie flirting with the commercial girl on his variety show as well as him having fun with a chorus line full of girls (in which there is an image of the 48 states. This was filmed before the annexation of Alaska & Hawaii.)

Jackie loved the ladies and Charlie Bratton was no exception. Jackie (as Charlie) is shown with a backdrop that says "Busy Bee Grocery." This was the same backdrop that was used in "People's Choice." Charlie amongst girls sings: "Charlie is here." The next clip is from "This Is Your Life" in which Ralph tries to catch Alice with Phil Cucco (played by George Petrie) and level the home wrecker only to find out that Charlie left (Ralph tried to catch them while looking into the window) and that he decked Mr. Wilson from the show "This Is Your Life." Ralph also finds out the truth that Alice was trying to get Ralph on the show but since he punched out Mr. Wilson, he killed his own spot on the show and Alice was not being unfaithful at all. (Phil left because he thought that Mr. Wilson & Alice wanted to talk business.) Soon after, the Kramdens hug and kiss.

Ralph may have had a jealous nature but the Poor Soul was the opposite. He bought a TV set as a birthday present for his girlfriend. He tries to set it up in her apartment (that, for whatever reason, has a lot of hay or something like that inside. If it was meant to be feathers, it didn't look like them to me.) After he plugs it in, the circuits are overloaded and explosions abound. The Poor Soul gets arrested due to the fact that he thought that he was responsible for dropping a pie out the window.

The next clip is from "Alice's Aunt Ethel." The narrator says that the Kramdens romance left during the first season. The clip shows Ralph's plot to get rid of her by faking a bad back only for it to backfire when Aunt Ethel reveals that she will cancel her plan to leave and nurse Ralph back to health. Next clip is Reggie running an outdoor cafe in Central Park. (Hot dogs were 10 cents.) He ruins an evening for a romantic couple by saying insults. After the couple leaves, Reggie's girlfriend comes by. She is proud that he is working but she misses the old Reggie. Reggie responds by turning the cart that he was using around to reveal a guy with a martini shaker.

Next clip is from "Expectant Father." Both Ralph & Ed think that with Trixie going to the doctor with Alice that only one of them is going to be a dad. When the wives come home, they don't expect a thing. Soon, Ed struggles to carry Trixie up the stairs. Ed: "It better be you." Trixie has a look on her face that suggests that she doesn't like the fact that Ed is carrying her. Ralph then finds out that Alice & Trixie are not pregnant and that Trixie was taking Alice to the doctor just for Alice's job in which she wanted to make some money for Christmas. Ralph didn't know about this job. They hug and kiss as that brings us to the end of the clip fest with no credits (unlike the other ones that MPI made in the early 90s.)

Episode #227
TV: This episode has not been shown since its original air date
DVD: Attached to a Honeymooners parody skit from a 1971 episode of The Kopy Kats Kopy TV in which Shelia MacRae plays Alice, George Kirby plays Ralph and Rich Little plays Ed.
Air Date: 2/13/78

"The Honeymooners 25th Anniversary: The Second Honeymoon":

These as well as some of the other 70s specials, were listed under the title: "Jackie Gleason Presents The Honeymooners." Jackie, Art, Audrey & Jean reprise their roles.

In the Honeymooners Lost Episode Book that was published in `86, there is a chapter that says: "Still Lost." In this chapter, Jackie says: "I wanted to be sure they (the Classic 39) had run their course before I brought out the new ones. I'll let these run for about thirty years, and then we've got a few left." It also says "These episodes aren't available today unless people taped them in the 70s. (Anyone reading this in the year 2000 should note that in the 70s, relatively few people owned VCRs). I would imagine that several years from now, relatively few people will own stand-alone VCRs. Unlike all the other episodes, these ones were shown on ABC.

The few seconds of the opening video are the same as the Color Honeymooners except band music is playing and Johnny says: "Coming to you from Gusman Hall in Miami's New World Center: Jackie Gleason Presents The Honeymooners. Starring Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, Audrey Meadows & Jean Kean." (yells): "AND AWAY WE GO!"

The Kramden apartment is shown. Alice comes out and starts cooking. Trixie comes. Alice has a job as a switchboard operator so she can buy Ralph his Valentine's Day present. Alice has a paper of the calls that she made down at the office. There were a lot if interesting calls. He tells them. Armand, a handsome guy who runs an escort service, has called Alice several times on the job. Alice wants to hide the list from Ralph, so she and Trixie pull both ends of the table so Alice can put the list in the middle. Alice is going to give Ralph a tailor-made suit, but since he lost so much weight, she has to get his measurements without him knowing it. Ralph proposed to Alice on Valentine's Day. Trixie says that Ed proposed to her on Groundhog's Day. In the episode entitled: "Finders Keepers", Ed said that Trixie proposed to HIM. Every Groundhog's Day, she doesn't get a present. Ralph comes home. His hair is more gray than dark by now. He also combs his mustache Trixie leaves. Ralph is going to stay home, rather than go bowling. Alice wants him to go bowling, so he doesn't know that Alice is going to work. Alice: "What is your waist measurement?" Ralph: "146." Alice: "That is your waist measurement?" Ralph: "No, that is my bowling average. I thought that tonight, we can sit down on the couch and do a little necking." They have a couch? Alice says that they don't. Ralph: "We can put the two chairs together and do it on that." Alice says that she has plans for the night. She is going to help her sister hang the drapes. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed comes in looking fatter than Ralph. Ralph says that she is going to give her a stereo, a color TV and a soundless electric kitchen on credit. Ed: "That must have been expensive." Ralph: "Yeah. I had to put $5 down." Ralph says that he will get things in here without her seeing with not a big problem since she is running out every night. The payments are $10 a month for a long time as evidenced by the LONG contract. It is so long that it looks like a petition for more traffic lights. Ralph wants to hide it, so he & Ed open the table. Ralph discovers the list of phone calls Alice has made. D'oh! He & Ed read the fact that Armand has made a lot of phone calls. He puts the list back where he & Ed found it. Ralph is going to make Alice convict herself. Ralph will look into Alice's eyes and see what she is up too. Alice comes out with dark sunglasses on. This funny moment was shown on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special on CBS in 2002. Alice goes to get her keys. Ralph orders Ed to follow her when she leaves. Alice leaves. Ed leaves but he comes back saying how he is going to follow her. Ralph orders him to leave. Ed leaves. Ed comes back and asks for a trench coat. Ralph (yells): GET OUT!" Ed leaves but comes back when he says he lost her on the stairs. They did this same bit in the Honeymooners Lost Episode entitled "Love Letter."

In the next scene, Alice is writing an insurance policy card for Ralph. Trixie comes down. Armand called Alice twenty times. Alice puts the new list in the middle hole of the table. Ralph comes home. Alice is staying home but she has to run up to Trixie's. Ed: "What are we having for dinner and it better not be leftovers." Trixie: "All right. Srevotfle." Ed: "What is that, a Russian dish?" Trixie: "That is leftovers spelled backwards." The girls leave. Ed got the phone book Ralph opens the table and notices the list with Armand's calls. They look up the new names in the phone book Ed, being Ed, takes a long time. They look up the name Duke. Ed said that he had a dog named Duke. I thought that Ed was allergic to dog hair. Well, then again, in the episode entitled: "The Sleepwalker", he had a dog named Lulu. They also find out that some of the names on the list are a druggist, an insurance person, a guy who runs a funeral home and a guy that runs a cemetery. Ralph thinks that Alice is going to kill him. He also notices the new paper with Armand's twenty calls. Ralph says that Valentine's Day is coming up and he proposed to Alice on that day. He got her a diamond engagement ring for $14. On that night, Ralph took Alice to Jersey to some joint where they had two zombies-a-piece. The orchestra was called: Sammy K and the Swinging Orchestra. Sammy had a contest called: "Lead The Band." Sammy got a bunch of guys including him to lead the band. Ralph's song for the contest: "Yes, We Have No Bananas." Ralph won. The crowd loved it, especially Alice since she never had two zombies before. Ralph's prize: An autographed baton, then he went to propose to Alice and she accepted. That was their song: "Yes, We Have No Bananas." Wow! Ralph goes to show Ed the baton but he can't find it. Ralph thinks that Armand has his baton. Ed tells Ralph that when Alice kills him, it can be anytime. Alice comes home and Ed leaves. Ed: "I hope I see you later." Ralph goes to get Alice her apron. Alice has Ed's measuring tape. Since his supper won't be ready for a few minutes, she asks him to take a nap. Ralph is suspicious. He won't. Ralph: "I am never going to take another nap as long as I live." Ralph sits down. Behind Ralph's back, she tries to measure him. Ralph hears the tape and gets up. Ralph: "I heard a noise Alice." Alice (frightened in a sarcastic way): "Was it a scary noise Ralph?" She goes to measure his waist. Alice: "Please protect me." Ralph: "I heard that noise again Alice." Alice: "My earring fell off. I think it fell under the bureau. Can you get it for me please?" Ralph lies down as Alice measures his waist line. Wow! Ralph lies on his stomach to get it as Alice measures his left pant leg. Alice: "I left my earring in the bedroom." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed comes in and seeing Ralph on the floor thinks that Alice killed him. Boy is Ed stupid. Ralph gets up and Ed thinks that now he is a ghost. Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Ralph tells Ed that Alice just measured him for a coffin.

In the next scene, Alice has the tablecloth ready and is preparing dinner. Alice (yells): "RALPH, ARE YOU SLEEPING?" Ralph (yells): "I AM WIDE AWAKE ALICE!" Alice goes upstairs to Trixie's to get some bread. Ralph comes out and we can see that the wallpaper in the apartment hallway is much darker. Ed comes in. Ralph is going nuts. He hasn't slept in three days. Ed says that he can't take a quick nap. Ed says that when he is in the sewer, it isn't glamorous that people say it is and if he fell asleep on the job, he can drown. So when he gets sleepy, he turns on some music and starts to move a little. Ed turns on his portable radio and the music that "comes out" of that radio sounds like the music from the opening of the show. Ed and Ralph dance around. Ralph dances the same way as he did in "Mama Loves Mambo." Ralph then yells at Ed to turn the music off. Ed: "I see that you are not asleep." Ralph (yells): "NO, I AM UNCONSCIOUS." Ralph apologizes to Ed. Ralph: "When I die, I want you to have my bowling ball and my new pool cue stick." Ed: "Maybe you better take a nap." Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!" Alice brings down a loaf of bread. Ralph sees Alice with a knife and gets scared. Ralph: `I know that I haven't been a good husband, but do I deserve this?" Alice: "You deserve it and you are going to get it." Ralph wants to tell Alice what he got for her for Valentine's Day, but Alice says she got something for him. Alice: "It is bigger than a breadbox." Ralph (yells): "IT SURE IS!" Alice: "It will also cover you from your head to your toes." Ha! Alice: "Why don't you sit down so I can give it to you?" Ralph: "I rather get it standing up." When Ralph asks Alice if she ever wanted to get a divorce, she says no. She meant the vow that he and Ralph took at their wedding. Ralph: "What vow?" Alice: "'Till Death Do Us Part.'" Alice has a special meal prepared for Ralph. Ralph: "So that is how I am going to get it." Alice gets Ralph his dinner. Ralph: "What is it?" Alice: "It is a surprise." Ralph: "I know that, but what is in it?" Alice: "Everything." Ralph: "You are not taking any chances are you?" Alice puts the secret ingredient on it. Ralph is even more suspicious. Alice: "You will remember that for the rest of your life." Ralph orders Alice to taste it. Alice: "I am trying to lose weight." Ralph: "If I taste it, you will lose weight. About 210 pounds." Alice puts saccharine (sp) into Ralph's drink. Ralph: "Got anything else that the government banned to put in my food?" Alice tries to leave. Ralph tries to sing: "Yes, We Have No Bananas." Alice: "Eat that Ralph and you won't need any bananas." Alice leaves. Ralph tries to see where Alice is going. Ed comes down. Ed tires to eat Ralph's dinner. Ralph warns Ed that there is poison in it. Ed coughs the same way that he did in the Color Honeymooners. Ralph says that Ed is about to die in three minutes because of those poison mushrooms that he ate. Ed doesn't want Trixie to know since that she hates it when he eats between meals. Ralph says that he knows that Ed was a good man when he was alive and when he dies, he will see to it that he gets buried in his Raccoon uniform with all of his fellow Raccoons by his side humming the Raccoon hymn and when it is all over, Ralph will escort his remains to the Raccoon National Cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota. He said the same thing in "The Loudspeaker." According to Ralph, three minutes are up and he's not dead. It didn't seem like three minutes to me. Ralph: "Maybe Alice didn't poison that." Ed resumes to eating it. What kills Ralph is that she might kill him before Ralph can get his hands on that dirty bum Armand. Ralph & Ed will call Armand up and make a date with them. Ed will dress up as a woman looking for a date. Ed will be a woman looking for some action, while Ralph will be his mother. He will fit into one of Mrs. Manicotti's dresses. He will kill Armand on the date. Ed: "This will be the first blind date I have been on since my date with Trixie. I hope this one turns out better than that." They leave to make the call.

In the next scene, Ed comes out with a red shirt, a skirt, stockings and a big black-haired afro wig. He looks hilarious. Ralph comes out in a gray-haired wig, a gold dress and it looks like he has a RIDICULOUSLY BIG bra on. He looks funnier. On my copy of this episode, there is a cut between Ralph coming out and him saying to Ed: "Now, let me fix your hair." As I said before, I did a tape trade with a guy and the person who recorded this, must have hit the Stop button on his VCR and pressed Record (or Record & Play) when Ralph said to Ed: "Now, let me fix your hair." Ed: "I rather do it myself." Ralph hides his mustache with a veil when he answers the door. Armand comes in. Ed identifies himself as Virginia-Charlotte. Ralph: "My name is Mrs. Finnegan." Ed: "I smoke everyday in the sewer." Ralph gets them some hors d' oeuvres. Armand: "Your mother is a fine figure of a woman." I think Armand needs some glasses. Ed: "You remind me of my first love Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter." Armand: "Why are you wearing that veil?" Ed: "To cover up his…" Ralph hits Ed. Ralph: "I am in mourning. You see my husband Abdullah died.” Ed: "He died because he thought I can drink more than he could." Armand will go on a date as long as he pays for it, even an old one. When Ralph asks him, if he goes on date to a Chinese restaurant with a girl named Alice, he asks him who will pick up the tab. Armand: "Alice." Ed: "Daddy's camel's name was Alice." Ralph goes into the bedroom so Ed and Armand can be alone. Ed says that his daddy died six years before he was born. Wow! Armand is wearing a mustache that looks fake. Armand her and "her" and "her mom" look strange, but he finds "her" (Ed) very attractive. Armand says that "she" has a beautiful face. Ed: "You look like my dad's camel." Surprisingly, Armand isn't offended. Armand asks "her" out for a date to go to the movies tomorrow night and HE will pay. Armand's other girlfriends used to wine him, dine him and then he cast them away like an old shoe. Ralph comes out. Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! THAT DID IT! SO YOU ARE GOING TO CAST MY ALICE ASIDE LIKE AN OLD SHOE, HUH?" Ralph goes to fight Armand. Armand: "Are YOU his MOTHER?" Alice & Trixie arrive. Ralph says that he has finally caught up to Alice's scheme. Alice tells him the real story. Alice is upset. She also gives Ralph back his autographed baton, which is now bronzed. Ralph is apologetic. Armand says that Ralph owes him $20. Ralph declines and kicks him out. Ed is crying since now he can't go to the movies with Armand.

The curtain rises and shows the Kramden apartment, now has a stereo, an all soundless electric kitchen, and a color TV. There are wires all over the place. Ralph plugs everything into a surge protector. He plays romantic music on the stereo. He calls the Nortons and Alice down. Everyone is so happy. Ralph kisses Alice and wishes her a Happy Valentine's Day. Ralph turns on every one of the soundless kitchen appliances. He turns on the furnace, puts some bread for toasting and gets some wine from the fridge. Ralph asks Ed to make a toast that is important for the occasion. Ed does. Ed: "Down the hatch." That moment was shown on the Larry King Live Honeymooners Special as well as the 50th Anniversary Special. Ralph says that it is now time to watch the 6 O' Clock News with Bob Rowe Wallace. First, I thought he said Barbara Walters, but I was wrong. Ralph turns on the TV. An explosion is heard and sparks fly from the TV. The stereo explodes as well as the whole soundless electric kitchen. Smoke is filling up the room. Ralph is not pleased. Ed: "I think that the toast is burnt." Ha! Ha!

During the curtain call, Jackie is standing in front of a red curtain. As music is being played, he thanks everyone. Jackie says that they had a wonderful time tonight and hopes that everyone did too. He introduces the cast. When he introduces Art, Art still raises his right leg like he did in the Color Honeymooners' curtain calls. He praises the Miami audience by saying that they are the BEST in the world and says good night.

During the credit roll, an announcer (I think it was Charlie O' Donnell) says that the Honeymooners has been brought to you by the men & women of The International Ladies Garment Union. Johnny Olsen says: "From Gusman Hall in Miami, Florida for Jackie Gleason Presents The Honeymooners saying goodnight everyone. The background of the credit roll is the Miami skyline at night. In my copy of this episode, an ABC announcer says: "Thursday Night Excitement" and then plugs an episode of that 1970s show that starred John Travolta (I think you know what show I am referring to) as well as some other special, as well as an episode of a TV show that Aaron Spelling made in the 1970s that had people on a cruise (once again, I think you know what show I am referring too.)

Episode #225
TV: This episode has not been shown since its original air date
DVD: Attached to a Honeymooners Parody skit from a 1967 episode of the Hollywood Palace with Ray Bulger as Ralph and Audrey Meadows as Alice.
Air Date: 2/2/77

"Honeymooners Valentine Special":

The few seconds of the opening video are the same as the Color Honeymooners, even the same Color Honeymooners music is playing and Johnny says: "Coming to you from Gusman Hall in Miami, Jackie Gleason Presents The Honeymooners. Starring Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, Audrey Meadows & Jean Kean and away we go!

Alice and Trixie are in the Kramden apartment. The Kramden's 25th Anniversary is coming up. This, despite the fact that in the show's SECOND season, Ralph says that they have been married like 13 years. Alice says that she still doesn't have any gray hairs. Alice has been keeping an eye on Mrs. Manicotti's kids. When she was down there, she had to take little Tommy (her son) and his sick rabbit to the vet on Halsey Street. Much too little Tommy's chagrin, they had to leave the sick rabbit there but on the way home, he found a stray cat, so he now has a new pet. Alice is knitting a cover for Ralph's bowling ball. Alice's mom has been having ulcers, so Trixie was watching the Mike Douglas Show, and they had a woman on there discussing ulcers and what people shouldn't eat when they have ulcers, so Trixie copied them down on a piece of paper. Ralph Kramden comes home and he immediately combs his mustache Ralph kisses Alice hello. Ralph (to Trixie): "How is our favorite neighbor?" Trixie: "What was that beer you had? Norton can use some." The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Raccoons called Ralph at the bus depot today. He said they have some kind of honor that they bestow on their members that have been married for 25 years. I thought that the Raccoons weren't in favor of happy marriages. I guess that they must have changed. Alice: "What is it?" Ralph: "He didn't know. This is the first time that it has happened." Wow! Ralph says that the G.H.E.M.R. will look up the honor and he wants to marry Ralph & Alice again. Trixie will be her maid of honor. Ed will be Ralph's best man. The girls go upstairs so that Alice can see the dress that Trixie will wear. Ed comes down. Ed sees Ralph combing his mustache Ralph: "Just because I have been married for 25 years, doesn't mean that I can't be sexy." Ha! Ha! Ralph: "A mustache makes a man distinguished. It gives you a certain air. You should grow one." Ed: "Not me. When you work in the sewer, you already got an air about you." This moment was shown on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special in 2002. Ralph breaks his news to Ed about him marrying Alice again at the Raccoon Lodge and he wants Ed to be the best man. Ed accepts. Ed hasn't given any thought as far as what to give Ralph for his 25th Anniversary. Ralph (yells): "WELL, GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT." Ed has little money left, so he asks Ralph if he wants a picture of the Lone Ranger's Horse. Ralph says no. Ralph says he wants silver cuff links He has Garrity getting him a silver stick pen. Doesn't Garrity hate Ralph and vice-versa? Ralph looks for a pencil and notices the stuff that Alice was knitting. Ralph thinks that somebody must be having a baby. When he sees the holes for the bowling ball, he concludes that the top holes must be for the arms and the middle one is for the head. Gee, is Ralph stupid. Ralph finds the list Trix made for Alice in the knitted clothing. He reads it. Ralph: "Diet for Mother: No smoking…"Ed says that Alice must be pregnant. Ralph says that that isn't possible because Ralph is too old. Ralph says that it still is possible. Tommy Manicotti comes by. He sure hasn't aged because the last time he was shown was twenty plus years prior in "Trapped." Tommy said that Alice has to know that the rabbit died. Tommy leaves. Ralph thinks that Alice is pregnant (despite the fact that the ages of the characters make this unbelievable. Jackie was 59 while Audrey was 54.) Ralph: "I'm going to be a father." Ed: "You are going to adopt the rabbit's kids?" Ralph says that doctor's test to see if a woman is pregnant by doing something with a rabbit in which that if it dies, it is pregnant. Ralph says he heard that information somewhere. Ralph doesn't want to tell Alice yet. Ed: "Now that we know that Alice is pregnant, the next question is obvious. Who do you expect is the dad?" Ralph is not amused. Ed says that since Ralph is out playing pool, bowling and going to the lodge, there isn't any room for hanky-panky. Ralph remembers the night when the poolroom burned down early in the evening, he went home early and that could have been the night that started the whole thing. Ralph wants Ed to be the godfather of Ralph's kid, but Ed declines. He says that he is too old. Ralph tells him of the good things that the godfather does for a kid. Ed finally accepts.

Announcer: "The Honeymooners: The Second Honeymoon is brought to you by the men & women of The International Ladies Garment Union." A commercial about the product follows on my tape.

Ralph comes home. Ralph gave Alice a telephone for an anniversary gift. Ralph says that she might need the phone in case of an emergency like calling a doctor in the middle night etc. Alice says that the only way to get a doctor in the middle of the night is to watch Late Night on NBC. Alice asks for a TV set and Ralph obliges. Ralph: "Do you want black & white or color?" Alice: "You better start me off with black & white. I am not ready for color." Alice has a surprise for Ralph, but he will have to wait until their anniversary day. Ralph: "I am waiting with baited breath." Alice cooks Ralph his dinner. Ralph says he is admiring Alice's "fantastic" shape. The G.H.E.M.R. calls. He has a gift for Alice & Ralph: A two week honeymoon for them at the Raccoon National Cemetery. Gee, what a vacation. It's on a European plan, so that means no meals. Alice: "I didn't expect a cemetery to have room service." They are going to stay at the Raccoon Old Folks Home which is right near a pond. Alice asks Ralph if they will accept a party for three. Ralph says yes and he will pick up the bill for the third party. Alice: "Any minute now, the third party will come." Ralph (yells): "ANY MINUTE NOW?" Alice: "My mother is coming." D'oh! Ralph isn't going to like that. Ralph: "Don't say a thing like our honeymoon now because right now, I can't afford to bring her." Alice's mom comes in. She looks completely different than when she appeared in the Color Honeymooners as well as the Lost Episodes and the Classic 39. Alice's mom: "I thought he lost weight. He still looks FAT to me." Alice: "You apologize to Ralph." Ralph: "No, that won't be needed. I am delighted to be in front of a celebrity. The star of Jaws." Ha ha ha. A battle between Ralph and Mrs. Gibson erupts. After that, Alice's mother has to go. She says that Alice's sister's husband drives her home. Alice's Mom: "She drives a foreign car." Ralph: "I drive a foreign bus. None of my passengers speak English." The girls leave. Ed comes down with a box. It has a lot of baby-related things in it. After the Kramden's got married, they stayed with Alice's mother. Ralph: "Those were the worst eight years in my life." In "Here Comes The Bride", Ralph says that it was three years and in "A Promotion", I think Alice said that it was two years. Ed brings out the baby powder, diapers, safety pins and a doll in his box that he calls: "Father's Expectancy Kit." Ed shows Ralph how to change a diaper. He puts powder on the baby. He uses so much powder that if he was doing this on a real baby, I can imagine that the baby would either sneeze and/or cough. As Ed is trying to straighten the doll's legs, he accidentally knocks one of them off. He puts it back on. He puts the diaper on and asks Ralph to hold the doll for him so he can put the safety pin on. Cue Ed accidentally stabbing Ralph with the pin now. Ralph is yelling so much that you would think he accidentally smashed his hand. Ed asks Ralph to give him a picture of water. Ralph obliges. He asks Ralph to pour the water into the diaper that Ed is holding up. Ed swings the diaper and all the water comes out and splashes against Ralph. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ed: "The joke is on me Ralph. I used the wrong diaper." Ralph kicks Ed out. The picture of the moment that he kicks Ed out is shown in The Honeymooners Companion Book.

In the commercial break, it should be noted that this was recorded from WABC in New York.

Alice comes into the kitchen. She is making the punch for the wedding reception tomorrow. Trixie comes in. She tries the punch. Despite the fact that it sounds like she hates it, she says she likes it. She is going to put vodka in the punch. Alice says that she has to make the punch because the Grand High Exalted Mystic Weirdo said so. Ralph comes home and eyes the punch. Ralph gives Alice the money so she can go to the beauty parlor and get some other things. The girls leave. Ed (from outside, yells): "YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!" A piano falling down the stairs is heard. Ed (from outside, yells): "HEY RALPH! OPEN UP!" Ed comes in with a piano. Ed wanted to bring it downstairs so he can play a song for Ralph. Ralph: "You shouldn't have carried it downstairs. You can hurt yourself." Ed: "What do you think I am, dumb? I rolled this thing down the stairs." Ed has a song that he has written for Ralph's wedding as well as his being a daddy. Ralph is disappointed that he is getting married tomorrow. He wanted to have a bachelor party. Isn't Ralph still married? Ed: "I was going to wait a few days and throw you a baby shower." Ralph says that they can have their own private bachelor party. The party is on right now. Ed gets some hors d' oeuvres. They have some punch. Ralph: "This stuff is strong. Alice put four quarts of vodka in this." Ralph doesn't know that Alice didn't put the vodka in it and right now it's just grape juice. They start getting drunk on…grape juice? Just like in "Head of The House" except I wonder if this time Jackie & Art did their lines word-by-word instead of totally going off the script which caused EVERYONE to laugh like they did in "Head of The House." Question: How can anybody get DRUNK on GRAPE JUICE? Ed: "Here's to Ralph! A gentleman and a Raccoon. Here's to Ralph who used to be built like a balloon." Ralph laughs. Eventually, they start dancing. Ralph starts singing: "Maybe I Am Right. Maybe I Am Wrong." Ralph says that that was Alice and his' song. In "Honeymooners Valentine Special", it was: "Yes, We Have No Bananas." Ed starts to throw things and Ralph has to catch them in a bag. They continue to get drunk on grape juice. Ed then falls asleep. Ralph takes a picture of Alice and says: "What a lucky guy I am." The audience claps as he falls asleep.

A commercial for the International Ladies Garment Union is shown on my copy of this episode. A commercial for the "upcoming" Olympics are shown. Johnny Olsen then says: "The Honeymooners will resume in a moment." After that, more commercials are shown like ABC plugging an episode of one of their shows. After that, the Honeymooners return.

At the Raccoon Lodge, everyone is ready for the wedding. The G.H.E.M.R. is in charge of the wedding. Music for the wedding will be provided by Ed Norton. Ed comes in with a different uniform than his fellow Raccoons. Everyone gets ready. A lot of the Raccoons have ridiculously long tails on their Raccoon caps. They raise their tails. Ed warms up prior to playing The Wedding March much to the chagrin of Ralph. Also, much to his chagrin, Ed warms up by playing "Suwannee River." As the Kramden's & Trixie make their entrance, Ralph accidentally bumps into Ed. Ed and the two women follow the Kramden's to the "altar." The G.H.E.M.R. then tries to marry the Kramden's. I never knew that he was allowed to marry people. G.H.E.M.R.: "If there is any person who thinks that these two shouldn't be married, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Alice's mom gets up but when Ralph sees her, she sits back down without saying a word. They say their "I dos." Ed gets the ring to put on Alice's finger, but he is having trouble finding it. What a best man. He finds it. Ralph puts the ring on Alice's finger and says what the G.H.E.M.R. says to him. They kiss and hug. Everyone is happy. Ralph says that everyone is going to be happy when they hear this surprise announcement that Alice is going to make. Alice: "What surprise?" Ralph: "I saw the baby clothing." Alice: "Those things were covers for your bowling ball." Ralph: "What is the use of kidding? I saw the Mother's Diet List." Alice: "That is the diet for my mother's ulcer problem." Alice's Mom: "Guess who gave it to me." Ralph (angrily): "What about the dead rabbit." Alice: "You weren't supposed to know about that. The dead rabbit was Tommy Manicotti's fault." Ralph is upset that he is not hearing the news that he thought he was going to hear. Alice explains that she got the rabbit for Tommy's birthday. The rabbit got sick, so she and Tommy went to the vet and that is where it died. Ed: "Ralph thought that you were pregnant." Alice says no. Everyone is laughing. Someone comes out with the news that the G.H.E.M.R. fell in the punch. Everyone leaves to help him except Ralph. Ralph starts to play: "Here Comes The Bride" on the piano, but stops.

Time for the commercial break. Several products are shown.

After the wedding party, Ralph & Ed return to the Kramden apartment. Ralph says that the band at the wedding was great but he is upset that he made a fool of himself at the wedding by getting upset by finding out that he won't be a daddy. Ed: "You are in the prime of life." Yeah, he is despite the fact that he has a lot of gray hairs. Ed says that Ralph's mustache makes him look good. Ed has to go. He has to be in the sewer at 6am tomorrow. He leaves. Alice comes home. Ralph reminisces about the party they were just at. Alice: "Thank you Ralph for a perfect evening." Organ music plays. Ralph says that he is sorry that he made a fool of himself at the wedding. Ralph: "I wanted a kid. The only reason why is because I know it would be exactly like you Alice." Alice: "There is no reason why we have to stop trying." Audience laughs. Ralph (yells): "LET'S GO!" As he says this, Alice's mom comes out with a bathrobe on. Ralph takes off his tux jacket and sees Alice's mom. Alice's mom: "Will you two please be quiet? I am trying to get my beauty rest." She goes back to sleep. Ralph is angry. Alice apologizes for not telling Ralph that mom is staying with them for the night. Alice is almost ready to cry as she is trying to get Ralph to forgive her. Alice: "Please say something." Ralph: "Frankly, sweetheart I don't give a (darn!)." I put darn in there because Jackie actually uttered the four letter profane word that starts with d and ends with n. I am not going to write it for fear that there's a slight chance that kids may access this message. Considering that this episode was shown in the 70s, I am surprised that that word was said considering that this is a Honeymooners "episode" (even if it is a minor profane word.) They hug and kiss.

Time for the commercial break, but all the commercials are edited out and then the announcer says: "The Second Honeymoon brought to you by the men & women of The International Ladies Garment Union." During the credit roll, Johnny Olsen says that the part of Alice's Mom was played by Templeton Fox." The ABC announcer plugs an episode of that show that starred Henry Winkler (I think you know what show I am referring to) as well as Henry making a guest appearance on Laverne & Shirley. I think he made that guest appearance because his show & Laverne & Shirley were going to team up to do a two-part episode. One episode was going to be from Henry's show and the other from L&S. The announcer also says that ABC is going to do a special on the "upcoming" Olympic Games. All of this is going to be "on" tomorrow night. As the credit's roll, they (the credits) actually zoom out. There was no curtain call at the end of this that I know of.

“Jack & Julie" (in England and possibly the entire U.K., this special is called "Jack & Julie Together" since Julie Andrews [who is from England] is more famous than Jackie Gleason in the U.K.):
DVD: Attached to other skits.
Air Date: 5/22/74

This hasn't been seen on TV nor released since its original air date in 1974.

Here’s the YouTube link:

Ralph comes home. He sees a letter that Alice wrote. It says that since Ralph forgot their anniversary and in turn forgot to give her a card she “forgot” to make dinner. Ralph is upset. He tries to make his own dinner. After that, Ralph sits down at the kitchen table. Ed Norton (played by Julie Andrews) comes in. Yes, a woman plays Ed Norton in this sketch. Ed asks what Ralph is eating. Ed grabs whatever Ralph is eating much to Ralph’s chagrin. Alice is out with her mother. Alice is mad at her for not sending her a birthday card. Ed says: “Why don’t you tell her that you sent her a card but it got lost in the mail?” Ralph: “That’s dishonest. Besides, I already told her that last year.” Ed then suggests writing a nice, intimate poem. Ralph agrees. Ralph has Ed write the poem for him. Ralph: “’My dearest, darling, loving, sweetheart Alice. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am sorry I forgot your birthday, but I will make it up…” Ed suggests him ending that sentence with: “…but I will make it up. I will forget next year’s too.” Ralph is upset and tries to kick Ed out.

Ed asks why he is being kicked out. Ralph: “Because you are a nut.” Ed: “Why do you pick on me?” Ralph: “Because you are a BUM!” Ralph says that it was a sorry day when he ran into Ed. Wow! That isn’t nice. Ralph: “Here I am in desperate trouble. My marriage is hanging by a thread. The whole world is crumbling down around me. Who let’s me down? My best friend.” Ed agrees. He says that he doesn’t deserve a friend like him. Ed: “I am always taking and never giving. I will get out of your life. I will move away.” Ed is crying. Ed: “There are many other towns with sewers.” Ralph is feeling guilty. He says that he (Ralph) is everything he says that Ed was. He goes through the same “I am sorry” routine that he usually gives Alice. Ed stands up and says that Ralph is the nicest guy in the whole world. Ed forgives Ralph’s apology. Ralph: “Baby, you’re the greatest.” He kisses Ed (despite the fact that we are supposed to believe that Ed is a man) which causes the audience to laugh. I wonder if the casual fan thought that Jackie and/or Ralph and/or Ed were gay. Well, Ralph kissing Ed is understandable considering that Ed was played by Julie Andrews. Ed (after the kiss): “Va-va-va-voom!” They both go out to get something to eat as the sketch ends.

Episode #217 (Syndicated episode #39)
TV: Hour (edited)
DVD: Attached to "Double Trouble", "We're Off To See The Wizard", "Operation: Protest", "Women's Lib" & "Trixie's Honeymooners Memories (with Jean Kean) [aka "A Talk With Trixie."]
Air Date: 11/29/69

"The Match Game":

The title of this episode is a reference to the game show of the same name.

In the Nick Clooney intro that aired before these episodes from July 2003 to March 2005, Nick said it is a pleasure to talk about the guest star (Frances Langford) in this episode no matter what the premise of this episode is. He then talks about Frances.

In Chicago, some dancers (June Taylor Dancers) come out and sing: "Chicago." During the song, they act like they are being blown around by wind. After that, they leave just as the Kramdens & Nortons arrive in Soldier's Field in Chicago. There are going to see the Chicago Bears Vs. New York Giants. He talks about Soldier's Field. Ed said he played football in Soldier's Field once. He was on the New York Sewer Workers team when they played the Chicago Sanitation Workers in the annual Garbage Bowl for charity. The charity? Fresh Air Fund. The game is about to start. They meet Mr. Young (the person who is going to give them the tickets). He has a publicity stunt. There is an electronic trade show in which there will be a computer to see which loving couples are made for each other. The stunt fits well with the song "Love On A Bus." Mr. Young leaves. A man greets Norton. He used to be friends with him. They talk for a few seconds and leave. After that, Norton reveals that was Bronco Branagan, one of the greatest sewer workers to play football for the sewer workers team. He was All-Sewer four years in a row. He got his football career permanently when he got an injury no sewer worker ever recovers from, which is water on the knee. Ha! How could that be? They then go to watch the football game.

The next day at the trade show, Ralph and Ed are shown near one of the computers. Frances Langford comes in (with applause). Ralph introduces themselves and says that they are here to take a test to see if they match up correctly with each of their wives. She says she knows about them and the movie. She says that the wives are inside and her assistant is preparing their data cards for the machine. She tells them about the machine and says that they name it Clyde. Ed says that they are supposed to meet Prof. Vansickle. She introduces herself as Prof. Vansickle. Ed: "Pleased to meet you sir." Prof.: "I'm a woman." She says that the average layman thinks of the professor as a man and not a woman. She says that she invented that machine. Prof. Vansickle reveals her first name which is Bonnie. Ralph & Ed go to fill out their data cards. Prof. Vansickle says that Clyde can do anything. She and some male professors sing: "Ask Clyde" in which she mentions the fact that Jackie Gleason lost weight. Some male professors dance along. Prof. Vansickle asks for the short biography that he & Ed filled out for themselves. Ed: "I got them right here in my attach case." Ed gives them to her. It is revealed that Ed's highest level of education was the eighth grade. Ed: "I wasn't one of those drop outs." Ralph: "Do you always have to rub it in?" In "Manager of The Baseball Team", Trixie says that Ed didn't graduate from public school. The Prof. says that Ralph's card and Abraham Lincoln's are exactly the same. Ha! The girls come in with both their cards filled out. They put them in Clyde. Amazing that Trixie takes one look at the professor and doesn't realize that her and Frances look and sound EXACTLY the same. In "Honeymooners Christmas Party", it is revealed that Trixie and Frances worked together at some point. The professor puts in the Nortons cards in first. The machine says that they are a perfect match and they will be together for a long time. The professor puts in the Kramdens cards and it says the same thing. The professor realizes that she put in the wrong cards for the Kramdens (she put in Ed Norton's card in with Alice). She puts in the correct cards separately when a few minutes ago; she put the Nortons cards in a non-separate fashion. When she puts in the Kramdens cards, the machine breaks down and everybody assumes that that means that Clyde is telling them that they are not a perfect match.

At the hotel room, Ralph is upset that what the machine said. Alice says to Ralph to just ignore what the machine says. She isn't worried about it. Alice: "I have known all along that you weren't a perfect husband." Ralph: "How long have you known this?" Alice: "Try 19 years Ralph. That is how long we have been married." Ralph is upset at Alice now for her not telling him that he wasn't a perfect husband. Ralph: "Who else knows about the fact that I'm not a perfect husband?" Alice says nobody but radio-free Europe, their families, the Hong Kong Gardens etc. Ralph: "How do I rate from 1 to 100%? 65% is a passing grade." Alice: "You are 64 and a half." Ralph: "Tell me one reason why I am not the perfect husband." Alice says that he's thoughtless and never brings her anything for her anniversary, birthday etc. He is also sloppy. In past episodes, I'm sure Ralph has brought her things for her birthday and their anniversary. He also has a terrible temper. Ralph: "All right. That is one thing." Alice tells Ralph a lot of his good points. Alice tells Ralph not to worry. She also tells him of all the things that a woman loves. Alice: "The first thing he does is open the door for her, he will notice the flowers, compliment me, take Trixie's coat and fold it and get her a chair." Ralph bets some more that he doesn't. Ed comes in and does all the things that Alice claimed that he would (the only thing is that he throws Trixie's coat on the floor unbeknownst to the Kramdens). Ralph says that if Trixie sits down in that chair, he will kill Ed. Ed compliments Ralph on his hair-do. Alice says that Ralph is still upset over the computer test. The girls go inside the Norton's bedroom in the other room. Ralph says that Alice doesn't think that he is a perfect husband and that she will compare him to Ed. Ed: "If you are going to be compared to somebody, you better be compared to the best." Ed said that Ralph should treat Alice the same loving way that he treated Trixie. Ed sing: "Secret of A Happy Marriage Today" in which he dances along.

That night, Ralph wakes up Alice. Alice must have gone to bed early. Ralph sings: “I’m In Love, In Love, In Love All Over Again.” The audience gives an ovation during the last seconds of the song. After that, Alice comes out. Ralph is now treating Alice romantically with a candlelight dinner. Ralph says that he has New Jersey-made champagne. Ralph gives her some bubbly for him and Alice. Ralph turns on some mood music. He accidentally plays a record that plays a loud American patriotic song. Alice is laughing. Ralph turns off the music. Ralph: "That is the last time that I send Norton out to get some romantic music." Ralph talks about how nice Alice's ears look. He says that a part (or all) of them look like custard. Ed comes in. Ed: "Did somebody mention custard?" I now notice that the outside background looks VERY fake. Ralph talks to Ed privately and says it is his night to be romantic. Ed talks about the big game which is the New York Jets/Oakland Raiders. Ralph sounds like he is interested in watching. Alice says that he rather watch the game. Ed says that he doesn't care if Joe Namath sets a world record and the game doesn't mean anything to Ralph. Ed turns on Ralph's TV to the football game. The announcers voice (I think it is Johnny Olsen's) is loud. Ed takes the TV into his room while the set is still plugged in. I guess that the Norton's room must have been real close to Ralph's. Alice wants to continue the dinner and puts her arm around Ralph's neck. Ralph says that he lovers Alice and wants to continue the romantic dinner. He gets an earphone with a radio so he can listen to the game. Alice gets romantic with Ralph but Ralph is, unbeknownst to Alice, talking about the football game that he is hearing. Alice: "Who do you love?" Ralph: "Joe Namath. He is going to pass. I mean I love you Alice. Kiss me." Alice does. Ralph (yells): "GO BABY! GO!" Ralph slaps his hand on the table. Ralph: "Stepped out of bounds. You dirty bum." Alice finds out what Ralph has been doing and is upset. Alice: "This is the worst thing you ever done. The computer is right." She kicks Ralph out so he can watch the game. She is really angry at Ralph. Alice then sings: "Ralph Kramden, You Never Change."

The next day in the Norton's apartment, the Nortons are having breakfast. Ralph comes in and learns that Alice went out without her telling him. Alice comes in and ignores Ralph. She goes into the Nortons bedroom. Ed: "Nice to know that she isn't mad at you Ralph." Ralph (yells): "ALICE, LET ME IN THERE." She doesn't. Alice won't even let her explain. The Nortons go in another room. Ralph (yells): "ARE YOU READY FOR IT ALICE! ARE YOU COMING OUT! IF YOU DON'T COME OUT, I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU HATE. ARE YOU GOING TO COME OUT? ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO DO MY PETER LOURY IMPRESSION." Ralph (imitates Peter Loury): "'Do you have the information for me Mr. Miller? You don't have the information for me Mr. Miller? I'm supposed to get the information." Jackie gave his impression of Peter with the same lines in Jackie Gleason's Honeybloopers. Ralph yells at Alice to come out. Ralph says that he will spend all of his time with her just as soon as the Super Bowl is over. Ralph: "I will go anywhere with you. From the Super Bowl to the beginning of the baseball season. I'm giving up hockey. You just want a love machine Alice." Ralph (yells): "IF YOU DON'T COME OUT OF THAT ROOM BY THE COUNT OF FIVE, I WILL BREAK DOWN THE DOOR. BREAKING IT DOWN! 1...2...3...4..." Alice comes out with what was then NY Jet football players’ attire. She looks ridiculous. Alice: "If this is the way you want it, here I am." Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest." They hug and kiss.

At the curtain call, Jackie says "How sweet it is." Jackie drinks some freeze-dried coffee. Jackie tries to talk, but due to an olive in his mouth, he can't. Everyone laughs. Jackie praises the state of Florida. Jackie talks about the Florida Chamber of Commerce and their oranges. Jackie talks about how the Florida Chamber of Commerce had a dispute with the Californian Chamber of Commerce about who had the best orange juice. Jackie: "They made two screwdrivers (vodka & orange juice). They made California orange juice and labeled it 'A' and made one with Florida orange juice and labeled it 'B'. Then to make the whole test real, they went on the street and got a guy on the street. They asked him to test the orange juice. He drank from 'A' & 'B' and finished both of them. They asked him: 'Which one is better.' He said: 'I can't tell you. Can I have more of that?' So, they made him a couple more of each. They said: 'Which one is better.' He said: 'Take the orange juice out of each of them and you got something.'" Everyone laughs. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says "Goodnight!" I guess they were running long on time, so they had Jackie do this comedy bit. But doing that meant there was no time to introduce the cast. I wonder how they felt about Jack saying the joke and not introducing them. He could've introduced them and past history shows he could have improvised some material to pad the time but than again, he was obviously older.

Episode #148 (Syndicated episode #99)
TV: Attached to "Lunchbox."
VCR: Attached to "Songwriters."
DVD: Attached to "Hair-Raising Tale", "Love Letter" ('56), & "What's Her Name." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Boys & Girls Together”, “Principal of The Thing”, “Songs & Witty Sayings”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’55 version), “Checkup” & “Forgot To Register.”
Air Date: 10/13/56

"Double Anniversary Party":

Trixie is helping Alice prepare for her anniversary party which she wants to have in the Nortons apartment. They have some snacks that they want to have the people eat up there. Alice says that Ralph will be surprised when he sees the party (he doesn't know about it). Alice: "He is just like a kid about these things. It's very easy to surprise him about our anniversary. He never remembers it anyway." Ha! Trixie says Ed always forgets their anniversary too so Trixie sent him a note two weeks before the anniversary saying: "Your wedding is in two weeks. Signed, a friend." Ed's reply: "Mind your own business. Signed, a husband." Ed doesn't know about the party too. Trixie then brings up a story that Ed wrote out invitations to his and Trixie's elopement. Trixie: "I never saw such a crowd of people at the foot of a ladder in my life." Gee, some elopement. Trixie goes upstairs with all the food. Trixie instructs Alice to let Ralph come up around 9pm.

Ralph & Ed come in. Ralph: "Something smells go around here." Ed: "It can't be me. I just got finished working in the sewer." Trixie calls Alice up. Alice leaves. Ralph tells Ed his plans about surprising Alice for their anniversary tonight at the Kit Kat Club. Uh oh! Ralph has arranged a table for him and Alice with two candles, a big cake with: "Happy Anniversary Alice" on it and has instructed the choir to play: "Anniversary Waltz." Ed asks Ralph how he is going to get her down there. Ralph is going to act nonchalant and act like it's an ordinary evening. Ralph will ask Alice: "How would you like to see a movie tonight?", she will say "Yes" and since the Halsey Theatre is located across the street from the Kit Kat Club, Ralph will say to Alice: "I have to make an important call in the Kit Kat Club. Would you come with me?” they go in and Alice gets surprised. Ralph: "I hope she doesn't faint when she gets surprised." Ed: "I hope she doesn't faint when she finds out that you are willing to take her to a movie." Ralph tells Ed to keep it a secret. Ed: "You're talking to ol' Mum Lips. Down there in the sewer we have a saying about keeping a secret: 'Keep your mouth shut!'" Alice comes back. Ed: "Alice, may I be the first to wish you a very happy ordinary evening?" Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE!" Ed leaves. Alice: "What's the matter with him?" Ralph: "He's a nut."

Alice sits down. Ralph: "Sure is an ordinary evening. Let's go to an ordinary evening." Ralph goes to get dressed." Alice: "I don't feel like going to a movie. Let's go to the Nortons instead." Ralph (yells): "YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING TO A MOVIE?" Alice: "I thought we would see them." Ralph: "I don't care what you want to do. We are going to the movies." Alice objects. Ralph & Alice argue. Ralph wants to see this movie for about four weeks and it's one of the greatest that has ever been made (he doesn't even know the title of the movie). He looks in the paper and according to him, he sees the title: "The Bowery Boys In Baghdad." Ha! He names some of the stars. Ralph: "You are going to the movies or the moon Alice." Ed comes down and asks Ralph to lend him his hammer that Ralph borrowed from him. Ralph: "I am the captain of this ship Alice because I bring in the money. That ice box belongs to me, this table belongs to me, that bureau belongs to me..." Ed: "When you get to the hammer that is mine." Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!" Ed leaves.

Ralph bullies Alice & then they argue some more. Ralph says that if Alice doesn't go to the movies, he will go alone. Alice in return says that if Ralph doesn't go to the Nortons, she will go alone. Ralph (yells): "YOU GOT TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH ME ALICE!" Ralph gives up and blabs his anniversary plans to Alice. Alice in response blabs her anniversary plans for Ralph. They agree to go to the Nortons that night and to the club the next night.

Episode #119 (Syndicated Episode #11)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Unconventional Behavior." On the Honeymooners Tape "At The Lode", it is attached to "Unconventional Behavior", "The Loudspeaker", "Something Fishy" & "Man From Space."
Laserdisc: Attached to “TV or Not TV”, “Funny Money”, “The Golfer”, “Better Living Through TV”, “Brother Ralph”, “Pal O’ Mine”, “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done”, “Something Fishy”, “The Worry Wart”, “The Sleepwalker”, “Hello Mom”, “’Twas The Night Before Xmas” & “Man From Space.”
DVD: Attached to episodes #9-16 of the classic 39. The HD Blu-Ray set has the exact same episodes (including two versions of "Hello Mom." in which one has the original ads) and includes Best Buick Yet presentation.
Air Date: 12/10/55

"Deciding Vote":

To see the script for this episode, click here:

Alice is doing some ironing. It's around anniversary time for the Kramdens. Ed comes down and wishes them a "Happy Anniversary." He tastes what he thinks is icing and wishes that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this. Alice: "Icing? Ed, that's starch." Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this." Ralph comes home with a present that he claims that he thinks Alice wants: an old second-hand vacuum cleaner. Wow! That is so not what Alice needs. After Ralph goes over all the attachments, Alice says for the most part, they don't need it. To prove that it works, Ralph instructs Ed to put some dry oatmeal on the floor and the vacuum will pick it up. Not only does it not pick it up, Ralph has to hit it to work. Alice: "This (the vacuum) is nothing but a piece of junk." Ralph looks into the vacuum tube and sees there's a piece of gum in there. He tries to blow it out with his mouth. Ed: "You’re doing it the hard way." Ed turns on the vacuum cleaner and not only does Ralph's lips get stuck, he now has a PRICELESS look on his face and the audience laughs. He motions Ed to turn off the vacuum. Ed: "Accidents will happen." Ralph: "And you're the biggest accident that will ever happen." He throws Ed out.

Later that night, Alice is weeping up dirt. Alice (sarcastically): "There's no getting around it Ralph. Having a vacuum cleaner sure lightens my housework." Ralph's friend from the Raccoon Lodge, Joe Munsey comes by and says that Ralph is a lock to beat Frank McGuillicuddy in the Convention Manager nomination. With being the Convention Manager, the manager can go to Chicago (the place where the convention takes place that year) for free, and getting a car to drive around in while there. Joe rounds off all the people that will vote for Ralph and says that Ed has the deciding vote (hence the title of this episode). Ralph is nervous because him and Ed just had a fight but is confident that he and Ed can patch things up quickly. He calls Ed down, but Ed doesn't respond. He went bowling with Frank McGuillicuddy. Joe looks at the vacuum cleaner and Ralph says that Jim can use it for Joe's wife.

At the Raccoon Bensonhurst headquarters, Ed is socializing with Frank. Ralph comes by and he and Ed are still not speaking to each other. Ralph: How about the time where we were playing softball and you got hit in the head with a baseball bat? Who got you a cab and took you over to the hospital? I did. Who came up and saw you everyday? I did. Who got you cigarettes and candy? I did." Ed: "Who hit me in the head with the bat? You did." Oh boy! Ralph says that Ed always brings up the bad points and never the good points. The meeting starts and Ed gives out the pieces of paper for the people to write the name of the person that they are voting for. The end result is 4 for Frank and 3 for Kramden. The meeting is adjourned. Frank (to Ed): "You sure are a pal Norton." Ralph is upset. He thinks that Ed did him in.

The next day, Trixie comes down to talk to Alice. She leaves a reference for Ralph to fill out so they can get new furniture. She leaves. Ralph is still upset. So upset that when Trixie comes down to talk to Alice, he throws her out. He is remorseful for kicking her out and he says that will forgive Norton but when he sees the reference, his anger towards Norton resumes. He turns on the water and makes sure it keeps running by taking the faucet handle of the kitchen faucet to make sure Ed doesn't get any water for his bath. (The water runs bad in the building.) He fills out the reference: "'How long have you known the applicant?' Too long. 'Do you consider the applicant trustworthy?' Don't make me laugh. 'In you opinion, is the applicant a good character?' The applicant is a BUM!" He goes out to mail the reference just as Ed comes down to confront Ralph. Ralph leaves. Ed fixes the kitchen faucet. Alice is upset that Ed didn't vote for Ralph. Ed says that he did and he doesn't even know how to spell Frank's last name. Alice: "Why didn't you tell Ralph?" Ed says that he didn't because he has pride and if Ralph thinks he did that, let him and if he wants to call him names, let him. Ralph comes by and gets the real story. Ralph: "If you didn't vote against me, who did?" Ed: "Joe Rumsey." Rumsey? Turns out that Art either mispronounced Munsey or forgot that that was Joe's last name. Jackie even starts to say that that's Joe's last name. Ralph: "Why would Joe vote against me?" Ed: "Remember the vacuum you loaned to him? Jim tested it. He didn't do well with the oatmeal test either. Ralph apologizes and now is worried since he mailed the application and on it, he practically says Ed is a crook and that he won't get the furniture now. Ed isn't steamed. Why? The Kramdens were supposed to get the furniture as an anniversary gift, not the Nortons. D'oh! Not something the Kramdens wanted to hear.

Episode #95 (Syndicated Episode #: 62/63)
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Manager of The Baseball Team." (1953 version.)
DVD: Attached to "Vacation at Fred's Landing" (1954 version) & Gleason's Honeybloopers, Vol. 2. On the Lost Episode DVD Box Set, it is attached to “The Hypnotist”, “Hero” & “The Great Jewel Robbery.”
Air Date: 2/5/55


Ralph and Ed are at a restaurant where even though Ralph is on a diet, he orders a lot of food for himself. They run into Ralph and Norton run into Herman Gruber, a boyhood friend of Ralph's from P.S. 73. Herman isn't married yet, so Ralph decides to find him a girl. They see another girl across the table where Ralph tries to get another sugar bowl and the girl's attention (and not only does he fail to get the girl's attention, he accidentally gets her dress dirty because he spilled her food.) Ralph: "I accomplished something didn't I?" Ed: "You sure did. You got us two sugar bowls" Ed also says that by looking at her, her name is Hildeguard (sp?); she is a seventh-grade teacher among other things. Ralph says that Ed is wrong and by looking at her, he can draw up some of his own facts about her. The restaurant owner comes by and confirms that Ed's facts are right. Ralph accuses Ed of knowing her and Ed denies it. Ralph calls Evelyn Fensterblau and asks her what she's doing the following night, and she hangs up on him. He has better luck with Charlotte Stadtelman from the bus company, who agrees to date Herman. When Ralph lets Herman speak to Charlotte, all Herman says is: "Hi Charlotte!" The phone conversation ends and the date is set for Herman and Charlotte. After Herman leaves, Ralph says to Ed to not tell Alice what they did (or something like that) and that they are lucky to be married and they should greet their wives with flowers tonight.

The next day at home, Trixie comes by and she says that at the beauty parlor she heard the latest gossip -- Ralph called Evelyn and asked her for a date! Trixie tells Alice, and at first Alice doesn't believe her. Trixie leaves. Ralph comes by with flowers and says to Alice: "Hello sweetheart face!" This video clip of Ralph saying that to Alice would be used in an Anderson Windows commercial in 2003. When Alice confronts Ralph about what she heard, Ralph tells her the truth. Alice doesn't believe him. Alice thinks that Ralph is having an affair. Isn't this a reversal of the traditional Kramden antics? Alice says that she knows that Ralph is seeing other women. So what does Ralph do, he says that Alice is right. Ralph: "Every night, I am out taking cabs and spending money." He also says that he asks for kisses and hugs from girls and he says that the bus says: "This bus is for lovers only." He's only making the situation worse, isn't he? Ralph brings down Norton and asks him to tell Alice the truth. Ed: "After bowling last night, we went home." That doesn't work. He lied because Ralph told him not to say what happened last night. Ralph decides to go to Charlotte's apartment to bring her and Herman home with him to explain things to Alice. He and Ed leave, but Ed brings up the flowers that Alice rejected from Ralph to Trixie. Trixie comes down as Alice is packing clothes for charity and is sending them in a suitcase. Trixie says that what she heard at the beauty parlor was false and that Ralph wasn't setting up a date for himself but for someone else. Alice: "Ralph was telling the truth." Alice feels awful and with Ralph gone out for a walk, she feels it will take him a long time for him to cool down. Trixie also says that Ed just brought her some flowers.

At Charlotte's apartment, Charlotte and Ethel are talking about Charlotte's blind date. She is also is talking to her old boyfriend Mike and saying that she never wants to see him again. Mike desperately wants so see Charlotte While Ralph is there, Charlotte's jealous ex-boyfriend Mike shows up and Ralph has to bluff his way out of a broken head. Herman also comes by (unbeknownst to Charlotte, Ethel and Ralph) and Mike beats him up in the hallway. With that, Herman and Charlotte don't meet at the time they were supposed to meet each other for the first time.

At home, Ralph says to Norton that he is the hard luck champion. Ed says that he saw Alice walking with a suitcase and that she might be leaving her. Ralph: "Why didn't you do something about that?" Ed: "the subway wasn't far away?" Ralph is convinced that Alice is gone and that he doesn't want to hear her name anymore. Ed complies but says that she will come back (and when he says her name, he uses a different name because Ed said that Ralph didn't want to hear that name again.) Ed also brings up some of the bad points of living with Ralph, so Ralph kicks him out. Charlotte shows up to explain everything to Alice, whom Norton spots coming up the block. Ralph and Norton think Alice will never understand Charlotte's being in the apartment, so they try to sneak her onto the fire escape. Alice catches them and thinks its proof that Ralph is seeing another woman. But in walks Gruber to confirm Ralph's story and save the Kramdens' marriage. Herman and Charlotte make another date (he couldn't date with her tonight, because he is tired. Probably because of the beating he took from Mike.) Everyone leaves.

Alice: "Gee Ralph." Ralph (yells): "DON'T 'GEE RALPH' ME." Ralph talks about the whole situation. Alice apologizes and the two hug and kiss. Yup, this whole idea behind this episode was a reversal of the traditional Kramden antics.

I find it funny that this episode aired with more than a week to go before Valentine’s Day.

Episode #41 (Syndicated episode #85)
TV: Attached to "Finger Man."
VCR: Attached to "Boys & Girls Together."
DVD: Attached to "Boys and Girls Together," "Pickles" & "This Is Your Life." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Xmas Party” (’52 version), “Glow Worm Cleaning”, “Alice Plays Cupid”, “Suspense”, “Lost Job”, “Income Tax”, “Alice’s Aunt Ethel”, “What’s Her Name”, “Lunch Box”, “Hot Tips”, “Norton Moves In”, “Ralph’s Diet”, “Dinner Guest”, “Manager of The Baseball Team” (’53 version), & “Dorsey Bros. Show”
Air Date: 2/21/53

"Anniversary Gift":

This episode opens up in the Kramden apartment with Ralph & Alice telling the Nortons it is their anniversary. After Alice & Trixie go into the bedroom, Ed tells her a story on how he saw Trixie on the job and he gave her a rose. He had to because it was her costume. Ha!

Ralph shows Ed what he is planning to give to Alice for the anniversary. It is a box of 2000 matchsticks glued together the same gift that Ralph wanted to give to Alice in "'Twas The Night Before Christmas." Ralph says it is an exclusive thing, much like in the Christmas episode. Alice comes out and gives Ralph her present. Ralph opens it up. Ralph: "Gee, just what I always wanted. Money." Now Ralph get can get that suede jacket he wanted.

Trixie gives Alice her gift which is the same gift that Ralph got for Alice. Again, the same thing happens in the Christmas episode. Ed (to Ralph): "Come on. Give her your gift." Ralph lies to Alice, saying that the gift is coming on delivery. The girls go into the bedroom.

Ralph gets mad at Ed for putting him in a bigger spot than he already is in. A delivery person comes with a dress for Mrs. O' Leary but no one is there at her place. So he asks Ralph to hold onto it. Alice sees Mrs. O' Leary's gift and assumes it belongs to her. Alice goes into the bedroom to try on the dress. Ralph gets mad because now he has to get Mrs. O' Leary a dress. He hatches an idea on how to get himself out of this mess without telling Alice that he lied and without telling Mrs. O' Lear what happened to her dress. The plan is so complicated that Ed said by the time Ralph gets finished, it will be anniversary time again.

Alice comes out with Mrs. O' Leary's dress on and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the dress is a little big on Alice. Trixie cuts the dress as Ralph becomes more nervous. Mrs. O' Leary comes to the house and gets mad at what Alice & Trixie are doing to her dress. The person who played Mrs. O' Leary is the same person who played several characters on the show such as Mrs. Manicotti, I think. Ralph confesses to her and gives her the $25 so she can buy a new dress. Alice then confesses the truth to Alice. Alice says she doesn't know why, but she loves him.

Episode #38 (Syndicated episode #73)
TV: Attached to "Ralph's Diet".
VCR: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand".
DVD: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand", "Jellybeans" and "Cottage For Sale.”
On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Xmas Party” (’52 version), “Glow Worm Cleaning Powder”, “Suspense”, “Lost Job”, “Anniversary Gift”, “Income Tax”,” “Alice’s Aunt Ethel”, “What’s Her Name”, “Lunch Box”, “Hot Tips”, “Norton Moves In”, “Ralph’s Diet”, “Dinner Guest”, “Manager of The Baseball Team” (’53 version) & “Dorsey Brothers Show.”
Air Date: 1/17/53

"Alice Plays Cupid":

Before I begin this review, let me say this minor point. On the TV Land website, they labeled this episode as "Ralph Plays Cupid." Since the network no longer shows The Honeymooners anymore, this information isn't there.

I had the TV version of this episode, so the episode opens up with Ralph coming home with Ed and Alice already there. You can almost tell that the beginning of this episode has been edited on TV. Alice asks Ralph is she got what she asked for at the bakery. Ralph says yes he did, but this will be the last time that he ever gets anything on his way home. Why? Ralph waited at the bakery and he saw a sign hat said: "Pick A Number." Ralph waits for a half-hour and says to a lady that he has been waiting longer than anybody else that's on line and he has a number from the "Pick A Number" sign. The lady says: "You took the price tag off a birthday cake." You think Ralph would tell the difference between a price tag and an ordinary number tag (unless of course there was no $ sign on it.) Ed found the situation funny, but sees that Ralph is upset about it, so he leaves.

Ralph sees four seats at the table and wonders why. He says that the person that is coming over, George is single. Alice asked Henrietta to come over. Alice: "She is a nice single girl." Ralph is worried that he will be transferred over to drive a bus over at Staten Island. George is the traffic manager at the bus company, so he is in charge of those decisions.

Ralph sees all the food that Alice has out. Ralph says that any day he can get this food in a restaurant. Alice says that Ralph should take him to one. Ralph: "That won't be necessary. All I have to do is put up a sign that says 'Take off your hat and coat.' and he won't know the difference." Gee, that's giving your boss a lot of credit as far as his intelligence, is it?

Henrietta, a big lady, comes over and says the funny story that happened at the bakery. She said that some dope took the price tag off a birthday cake, thinking it was a regular number on the "Pick A Number" sign. Henrietta notices that the dope (aka Ralph Kramden) is married to Alice. Ralph helps Henrietta off with her boots but accidentally pulls Henrietta to the floor. Henrietta goes into the bedroom.

George comes over and after exchanging "Hellos"; he gets notified that a single girl is also over too. George says that he's already engaged. Ralph: "You should see this monster (Henrietta)." The audience laughs as if they know what the relationship between George and Henrietta is. The girl is revealed as Henrietta. George gets upset that Ralph called Henrietta a monster so they leave. As they leave, George says to Ralph that he will be transferred over to Staten Island. D'oh! Not something that Ralph wanted to hear. But, Ralph and Alice laugh it off anyway.

Note: I don't have "Supermarket Shopping" (aka Alice's Anniversary)" but since it is to believed an earlier version of "Pickles", I thought I would post the review for "Pickles.":

Episode #3
TV: Hasn’t been seen on TV since its original “airdate”.
VHS & DVD: Hasn’t been released.
Air Date: 10/19/51

"Pickles" ('51 version):

Nobody knows for sure if this episode ever aired on TV or not. In the early 2010s, it was revealed that this as long as some other sketches were rumored to have been shown on TV. I am going to assume that the script for this one and this one are on and the same.

The episode opens with Ralph and Alice retuning home after going on a long shopping spree. Immediately, they get into an argument on what Alice spent that day. If you see this episode on TV, you will notice that the episode begins right in the MIDDLE of the argument.

Ralph is upset that Alice just spent his whole paycheck: $42.50 a week. Ralph says that he doesn't want his salary revealed to the whole building. So Alice yells: "$42.50 A WEEK! $42.50 A WEEK! $42.50 A WEEK!" Ralph decides that Alice wants to make it public, so he makes it public by yelling out the window what he earns per week. This same spiel by both would be repeated in two more episodes "The Next Champ" & "Brother Ralph." But in the latter episode, Ralph decides not to make his salary public and another difference is that in both episodes, he earns $62 a week.

Ralph is also complaining that he's tired of Alice dragging him all over the neighborhood for her shopping spree. One of the things Alice did was walk three more blocks from one store to another store to buy pickles. She says she saved a few cents by doing that because in the other store they were in, pickles cost more.

Ralph says because Alice spent his whole paycheck, he doesn't have any money, much like Alice. But, when Ed Norton comes down to borrow $5; Ralph is more than happy to give it to him. He hid the money in a very safe place. Ed leaves. Alice complains that Ralph lied. But Ralph says, since he used the $5 that Ed borrowed, he now doesn't have enough money to buy Alice her anniversary present. Alice thought that Ralph forgot. So when the present arrives at the house, Ralph says he has no money. So Alice pays for it, by getting the money that she hid in a very safe place.

Ralph now knows that Alice lied to him also. Alice reveals that she was going to use that money to buy Ralph a gift. After she says that, Alice says that she needs a pickle. Ralph jumps to the conclusion that they are going to have a baby. He gets so excited, but then Alice breaks the news to him that she has an allergy and she needs those pickles to help her get cured. But, she says that one of these days, they will have a baby. The only baby, they ever wound up having was one in which they adopted and had to give it back to the original other. The storyline in which Ralph thought that Alice was pregnant was repeated a few times after they made this episode.

Episode #32 (Syndicated episode #76)
TV: Attached to "Lucky Number."
VCR: Attached to "Ralph's Sweet Tooth" & "Cold"
DVD: Attached to "Boys & Girls Together", "Anniversary Gift", & "This Is Your Life" On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Bread”, “Razor Blades”, “New TV Set”, “Ralph Threatens To Leave”, “Alice & Ralph Get Dressed For A Dance Last Night” (aka “The Dance”), “Ring Salesman” (both the E.S. and J.G. versions), “Quiz Show” (’51 & ’52 versions), “Xmas Party” (’51 version), “New Bowling Ball”, “The Turkey”, “Lost Baby”, “Halloween Party” (’52 version), “Cold”, “Jellybeans” & “Six Months To Live” (’52 version).
Air Date: 11/8/52

"Pickles" ('52 version):

The episode opens with Ralph and Alice retuning home after going on a long shopping spree. Immediately, they get into an argument on what Alice spent that day. If you see this episode on TV, you will notice that the episode begins right in the MIDDLE of the argument.

Ralph is upset that Alice just spent his whole paycheck: $42.50 a week. Ralph says that he doesn't want his salary revealed to the whole building. So Alice yells: "$42.50 A WEEK! $42.50 A WEEK! $42.50 A WEEK!" Ralph decides that Alice wants to make it public, so he makes it public by yelling out the window what he earns per week. This same spiel by both would be repeated in two more episodes "The Next Champ" & "Brother Ralph." But in the latter episode, Ralph decides not to make his salary public and another difference is that in both episodes, he earns $62 a week.

Ralph is also complaining that he's tired of Alice dragging him all over the neighborhood for her shopping spree. One of the things Alice did was walk three more blocks from one store to another store to buy pickles. She says she saved a few cents by doing that because in the other store they were in, pickles cost more.

Ralph says because Alice spent his whole paycheck, he doesn't have any money, much like Alice. But, when Ed Norton comes down to borrow $5; Ralph is more than happy to give it to him. He hid the money in a very safe place. Ed leaves. Alice complains that Ralph lied. But Ralph says, since he used the $5 that Ed borrowed, he now doesn't have enough money to buy Alice her anniversary present. Alice thought that Ralph forgot. So when the present arrives at the house, Ralph says he has no money. So Alice pays for it, by getting the money that she hid in a very safe place.

Ralph now knows that Alice lied to him also. Alice reveals that she was going to use that money to buy Ralph a gift. After she says that, Alice says that she needs a pickle. Ralph jumps to the conclusion that they are going to have a baby. He gets so excited, but then Alice breaks the news to him that she has an allergy and she needs those pickles to help her get cured. But, she says that one of these days, they will have a baby. The only baby, they ever wound up having was one in which they adopted and had to give it back to the original other. The storyline in which Ralph thought that Alice was pregnant was repeated a few times after they made this episode.

Note: Even though this episode that I am going to post a review on has no Valentine's Day references, it takes place in February and makes reference to the fact that the Kramdens' anniversary is "coming up."

Episode #185 (Syndicated episode #14)
TV: Hour (edited.)
DVD: Due to musical issues, this episode may never be released on DVD.
Color Honeymooners Title: "Life Upon The Wicked Stage."
Lost Episode Title: "Songs & Witty Sayings."
Air Date: 2/11/67

"Songs & Witty Sayings":

Ed Norton comes out looking to get a tan on top of 328 Chauncey Street. I believe that this is the first time that we see what the roof of the building looks like. It is so obvious that the background is fake. This episode was shown for the first time in February in '67. So, if this episode was topical in terms of the season at the time and the fact that the sky was mostly anything but sunny, why would Ed want to get a tan in New York in February? He is wearing some loud shorts. He actually uses some tinfoil and puts it on his neck. Ralph comes up. Ralph asks what the foil is used for. Ed: "To prevent the soot from the chimney from getting on my vest. Ralph: "It would be a shame to get that vest dirty after working in the sewer all day." Ed asks Ralph to move away because he is casting a shadow on his big toe as well as casting a shadow on the whole Williamsburg Bridge. Ralph and Norton have entered the annual amateur night at the Halsey Theater, where the grand prize is two hundred dollars. Ed is planning on using his share of the money to go down to Miami Beach, Florida to get away from his mother-in-law. Either Ed is stupid for thinking that it costs only $100 to visit Florida, and/or he is using the money with additional money to take a trip to Florida, and/or or prices were really low back then. Ralph says he will use the $100 to go to Fred's Landing to do some fishing. The other day, he saw some fishing equipment that he loved. It only costs $97. He plans on using the other $3 to get Alice mosquito netting. Ralph says that Alice and he have an anniversary coming up. Ed: "I hope that it is the 16th. 16th means net." Ralph and Ed's act is a comedy act which consists of a mind-reading bit, jokes and a Laurel and Hardy impersonation, and a song-and-dance routine. Ralph & Ed rehearse the mind-reading bit. Ed says that he would like to add another bit. This is something that he has said at birthday parties, bar mitzvahs etc. Ed says a story that is called: "Our Friends The Animals." The story is so bad. Ralph says he knows all about the stage and he's been on one all his life. They both sing: "You're A Star."

At home, Alice is dressed as a Hawaiian hula girl and Trixie is a sailor. Ralph comes home When Alice says "theater" when she says: "We are rehearsing for the contest at the Halsey Theater", you can tell that she is saying it with I believe is an English accent. (Shelia was born in England.) Ralph says that they don't have to rehearse because Bellevue will take them as they are. We finally see what the wallpaper in the bedroom looks like while the characters are in the kitchen/living room/dining room. Ralph: "You are not going to make a fool out of me." Ralph says that Alice has no talent. She doesn't? Ralph insults Trixie, so she leaves. They argue. Ralph says that he has plenty of talent. Ralph: "The theater has been in me all my life." Alice: "Yeah, I knew that that wasn't your stomach. It was the balcony." Ralph says that he will belt her. Alice: "That is all that you are good for. You always boss us around. You men think you own the world." Ralph: "You women get revenge. You marry us." Ralph & Alice did the same bit in one of the Classic 39. (I don't know which episode off the top of my head.) Alice says that her whole family was talented. Ralph: "Yeah, your dad was. To go to raise a family of 12 without going to work was talented. Alice said that her mom was talented and was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down. Ralph said that the reason was because she couldn't keep silent. Alice: "Molly wally unga. That is Hawaiian for: Soak your head." In "Songs & Witty Sayings", Alice says that "Molly wally unga is Hawaiian for: "Ahh, shut up." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed finds out about this too when he comes in. Ralph and Ed talk about the girls being involved in the contest. Alice comes out and says that Ralph is afraid of competition. Ralph makes a bet. If they lose to the girls, Ralph will give her $10 Alice says that they will lose because they have a finish that will wow the crowd. She brings out a table full of hand bells and plays "Tip-Toe Through The Tulips" Ralph says that number may help the girls, so Ed "sabotages" the number by rearranging the bells.

At 1am, Ralph and Ed are rehearsing. The first act is the mind-reading act with Ed in his Swami character. Ralph (holding a pack of cigarettes): "O Swami, what is this that I am holding in my hand. I don't want any buts." Ed: "Buts. Buts. It is a pack of cigarettes." Ralph: "Don't say 'buts.' The crowd will think that there is some sort of trick to this." They rehearse their song-and-dance act. They sing: "Hand Me Down My Hat. Hand Me Down My Cane." While they are singing this, the music sounds disjointed for a couple of seconds or maybe it was me. After the song, Alice comes out and complains. So does Garrity. Ralph goes to the open window. Since this episode was set in New York, either the Kramdens and Nortons either braced the cold weather or had real hot body temperatures for them to endure the cold weather in February (that is of course, if this episode was topical in terms of the season.) Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? DID THE SALOON BURN DOWN? Ralph says that Alice is so funny that he will put her in his act that will be called: "Punch & Judy." Alice thinks they should stop practicing. Ralph: "What do I have behind me? Don't you dare." Ralph was making reference to his big butt. Garrity (yells): "GO AHEAD ALICE. SAY IT." Ralph (yells): "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAT LIP?" Garrity (yells): "IF I WAS LOOKING FOR A FAT ANYTHING, I WOULD KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY KRAMDEN? DID THE PIZZERIA BURN DOWN?" Alice goes into the bedroom. After that, Ralph and Ed rehearse the "restaurant sketch." Norton does a Stan Laurel impersonation as a customer who wants a piece of custard pie, and Ralph plays the waiter a la Oliver Hardy, is a priceless tribute by Carney and Gleason to the two great funny men. Ralph wants to rehearse every bit of the scene (which includes hitting Ed in the face with a pie). Ed says he doesn't want the pie in the face. He wants Ralph to get the pie in the face. Ralph says that with him being the sympathetic character, if he got the pie in the face, the crowd will be mad at him because with him being the wise guy, they want him to get the pie in the face. Ed leaves it at that. When they rehearse the scene, Ed doesn't want the pie in the face now but Ralph says for him to roll with the flow. Question: Why does Ralph want to hit Ed in the face with a pie in rehearsal, when he can hit him once in the face during their live act? Ed obliges, but ducks and Alice (who was coming in) gets the pie. That moment was shown on the Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Special in 2002.

The next scene takes place at the theater now known today as the Fillmore at The Jackie Gleason Theater, err the theater called the Halsey Theatre (yes, they used the real-life theater that they show this show in as the "Halsey Theater." Makes sense.) The host says that the Indian who held up the stagecoach in the movie that they saw is the then-current governor of California, Ronald Reagan, and the driver is the then-current senator. This is the Halsey Theater 23rd annual show and has "introduced" to the entertainment world such people as Humphrey Bogart. The first act is Alice and Trixie. According to the host, they are the Kitchen Cuties. They come out in red sequin gowns and sing: "Popular Gal In Town." The gowns show off their legs. The girls wow the crowd. You can hear the men whistling in the audience. I wonder if they were told to make the noises. The second act is Ace Fargo (sp?). According to the host, he has been filing out your taxes and cutting your hair at Orlando's Barber Shop He is played by special guest Robert Goulet. The crowd applauds when they see him and then applaud and boo him when he sings "In Summer." Ace then gets the hook. Host: "That boy will never become a Sonny King." Ralph and Ed do their first bit and puts Ralph puts on the blindfold on Ed (who is in his Swami outfit), he flashes his hand in his face. Ed: "I can't see anything, except for the hand that is in my face." Ralph "tightens" it. Norton can't even guess the first object in the mind-reading routine. (When Art says: "A book on Ring Allevio" (sp?), he mispronounces "book.") Some people actually cheer as the bit ends (I guess someone in the sound booth activated the cheering noise) When Ralph and Ed try to do their song-and-dance, the people just throw their canes at them. Ed: "When we become stars, we will never work in this theater." Ralph & Ed bomb in their song and dance as they sing "Hand Me Down My Hat. Hand Me Down My Cane." They get the hook.

At home, Ralph and Ed are upset. The window is open again. Since this episode was set in New York, either Ralph & Ed either braced the cold weather or had real hot body temperatures for them to endure the cold weather in February (that is of course, if this episode was topical in terms of the season.) Ralph reveals that the girls won the contest. Ralph: "After tonight, the manager says he won't even let me in to see the movie anymore." Alice and Trixie come in with Chinese food. The Nortons leave as Alice says that her and Ralph will be up in 10 minutes. Alice reminds Ralph of his bet. Ralph says no. Alice says that with the $10 in addition to the $3 that she has, she can buy what she needs. She says that she already spent the $97 out of the $100 to buy Ralph a fishing outfit. Alice says that their anniversary is coming up and she wanted to enter the contest to buy Ralph a gift. She will use the $13 to go to Fred's Landing and to buy mosquito netting. Alice: "It is a dollar a yard. Three yards for me and ten for you." What about the money it will cost to go to Fred's? Ralph says that Alice is the greatest and they hug.

During the curtain call, Jackie says that tonight was a nostalgic night for him because he started out acting at the Halsey Theater in Brooklyn. He worked with a guy named Charlie who had all the talent while he (Jackie) just watched. Jackie thanked the writers and lyric people. Jackie then introduces the person who played one of the amateurs, Mr. Robert Goulet. When he introduces Robert Goulet, he says: "Mr. Robert Goulet?" He said it in the form of a question. Robert says that Gleason is the greatest. Jackie then introduces the main cast. Jackie then says: "Good night."

During the credit roll, Johnny Olsen says: "Don't forget to tune in next week for the Honeymooners." After that, you can hear the crowd cheering.

Note: I used to get all the episode numbers for all my episode reviews from "To The Moon" until the Honeymooners DVD Box Set came out and included some episodes that weren't listed in John K's Book even though no one knows for sure or not if those episodes aired. I also found out from according to that book that the Kramdens got married in February & November (the months that these episodes aired.) I noticed that during the Classic 39, the Kramdens celebrate their anniversary in December. I also noticed that in the '52-'53 season, that the Kramdens celebrated their anniversary TWICE.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives,,, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book,,, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet,, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! &
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