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Old 06-05-2019, 07:28 AM   #46
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Lisa Douglas:
In Hungary, they had a wonderful cereal: shredded goulash. You can't get that here.

Oliver Wendell Douglas:
Thank goodness.
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Old 06-06-2019, 09:44 PM   #47
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Lisa: "Hootersville?"
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Old 06-07-2019, 05:11 AM   #48
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isa Douglas:
Oliver, why is it that every time I say I go back to New York unless you fix up this place, I never go and you never fix it.

Oliver Douglas:
Well, this... it's a privilege to live in a place like this, this is part of America.

Lisa Douglas:
One of the worst parts.
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Old 07-01-2019, 05:35 PM   #49
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Oliver: "Which hen do you think laid this egg?"
Lisa: "I don't know."
Eb: "Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find out, just look for a square chicken."
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:24 PM   #50
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Oliver Douglas: But he couldn't be dead.
Fred Ziffel: Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral.
Oliver Douglas: Are you sure?
Fred Ziffel: I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one.
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Old 07-03-2019, 06:28 PM   #51
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TV Kiddie Show Host:
Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize!

Oliver Douglas:
No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG!

TV Kiddie Show Host:
I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself!
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:35 PM   #52
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Lisa: "Oh. It's that kind of chambers."
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Old 07-22-2019, 08:37 PM   #53
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Alf Monroe: (to Oliver)"Shoot!"
Oliver: "Don't tempt me."
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Old 07-23-2019, 06:31 AM   #54
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Eustace Charleton Haney:
[reading card he's selling for Arnold's birthday] "Happy birthday 'o pig oh mine - "

Oliver Wendell Douglas:
Oh pig 'o mine?

Eustace Charleton Haney:
"Hope this finds you well and fine. The joys you brought me all through life...

Oliver Wendell Douglas:
Yeah, yeah, I'm familiar with the poem!

Eustace Charleton Haney:
Oh. That Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote some great stuff.
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Old 08-05-2019, 05:49 PM   #55
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Oliver, Lisa & Eb:
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Old 08-11-2019, 11:50 AM   #56
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Sam Drucker:
Call the sheriff.

Hank Kimball:
OK. Sheriff.

Sam Drucker:
No. On the phone.
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Old 08-23-2019, 09:00 PM   #57
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Eunice Douglas: "Oh, Oliver, you were such a lovely child. What happened to you?"

Eunice: "Tin plates? Eww."

Hank: "Well, it's our job to help people who don't know what they're doing."

Mr. Haney: "Sam carries a fine line of farmin equipment."

Joe: "...and leave the agricultural problems to us experts."

Lisa: "There aren't any caterers here."
Eunice: "Then I'm sunk."

Lisa: "Ladies, wouldn't you like to settle this like gentlemen?"

Eunice: "I'll let you know after I've counted the silver."
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Old 08-23-2019, 09:14 PM   #58
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Newt Kiley: "That's what I want to know. We're missin Gomer Pyle."

Oliver: "Where was I?"
Newt: "Explainin' why we're missin' Gomer Pyle."
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Old 08-26-2019, 06:13 AM   #59
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(Oliver Wendell Douglas's old tractor has just broken down again)
Oliver Wendell Douglass: There's something wrong with the carburetor.
Eb Dawson: Yeah, it needs a new tractor on it!
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Old 08-29-2019, 02:31 PM   #60
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Oliver: "This is Amy Collins. She has a large farm on the other side of the valley."
Eb: "Oh yeah, need a foreman?"
Amy: "I'm afraid not."
Eb: "How about a hired hand?"
Amy: "No!"
Eb: "Want to adopt a son?"
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