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Old 06-20-2020, 09:35 AM   #16
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Night Court

Bull: This is Rozalind Russell.
Dan: Hello! I'm Mr. Ed!
Harry: Rozalind Russell, that's a neat name.
Roz: My mother was a show business freak.
Harry: Ah.
Roz: I do consider myself more fortunate than my sister, Zsa Zsa.
Christine: Oh, the poor thing.
Roz: That's what my brother says.
Harry: Your brother...?
Roz: Slappy.
[a few minutes later, when Harry receives his mother's letter]
Bull: Harry's mother left him when he was a child. He hasn't seen her in thirty years.
Roz: My brother hasn't seen my mother in thirty years.
Bull: Your brother...?
Roz: Topo Gigio.
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Old 06-25-2020, 04:53 AM   #17
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Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank: Opera! Just what the world needs - more fat women screaming.
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Old 07-01-2020, 04:06 PM   #18
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The John Larroquette Show

[a gang member is offering John a service]

Iceman: For a certain price the Iceman can provide you with... protection

John: Really? How much to have you provide... ice?

Iceman: Now listen, man

John: No! You listen! I have a party in two hours and I need a thousand cubes and a couple of blocks. Can you help me or not?
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Old 07-02-2020, 04:08 PM   #19
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Splitting Up Together:
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Old 07-02-2020, 04:13 PM   #20
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Holliston

Adam: I can't date a girl if she's never seen Gremlins. She doesn't even know the three rules. It's dangerous.
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"There's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence." - Elvira
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Old 07-02-2020, 05:10 PM   #21
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Mom

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
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Old 08-07-2020, 05:31 PM   #22
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The Detour

Nate:
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Old 08-07-2020, 05:32 PM   #23
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F Troop

Chief Wild Eagle: "We Hekawis very brave warriors, except for one thing...."
Sgt. O'Rourke: "What's that?"
Chief Wild Eagle: "We *faint* a lot."
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Old 08-08-2020, 12:51 PM   #24
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Bewitched:

"A witch who's on the wagon is no match for an elf who's on the warpath." - Endora.
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Old 08-09-2020, 04:42 PM   #25
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Surviving Jack:
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Old 08-10-2020, 07:13 AM   #26
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According To Jim

Jim:
Cheryl, you made your bed, now lie in it.

Cheryl:
I make *all* the beds!
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Old 08-14-2020, 04:48 PM   #27
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Animal Practice

Dr. Yamamoto:
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Old 08-20-2020, 06:12 AM   #28
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Coach

Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.

Coach Hayden Fox : I think you mean "executor."

Coach Hayden Fox : We've got pie! Coach Hayden Fox : You think I didn't respect you Christine, but the truth is, I didn't even think of you.
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Old 09-20-2020, 12:34 PM   #29
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Alice:

Jolene: "Isn't it enough the customers have to eat the food? Don't make them look at it ahead of time."

Earl: "What a rotten thing for a mother to do her son."

Maury: "You have the right to remain silent."
Mel: "Which should be very tough for you, Alice."

Mel: "I'm only half as dumb as Earl!"

Earl: "Back then, getting arrested was an extracurricular activity!"

Bag lady: (to Vera) "Sorry, kid, I work alone."

Tommy: "Anyone can make a mistake."the
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Old 09-20-2020, 12:41 PM   #30
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Alice:

[repeated line]
Mel Sharples : You stow it!
[recurring line Mel uses to tell Flo that her order is ready]
Mel Sharples : Flo, pick up!
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