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05/07 - Baskets - The Complete Season Three
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05/13 - My Three Sons - The Third Season - Volume One
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05/14 - The Donna Reed Show - Seasons 1-5
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06/04 - The Brady Bunch - 50th Anniversary The Brady-est Brady Bunch TV & Movie Collection
06/18 - Will & Grace (The Revival) - Season Two (Blu-ray)
07/09 - Broad City - Season 5
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07/17 - The Practice (1976) - The Complete Series
07/30 - The Good Place - The Complete Third Season
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Old 07-20-2005, 01:49 PM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 03, 2004
Location: N.Y.C.
Posts: 2,287

What do butterfly's feel when they're in love?

Why do people have "hot water heaters"? If your water is hot, why heat it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why is it new and improved? If it's new how can it be an improvement of something and if it's improved how can it be something new?

Why does a coach tell the team to "play to win"? Why else do you play?

Why do the sick people have to walk all the way to the back of the pharmacy for medicine when cigarettes can be purchased at the front door?

What do birdies see when they faint?

Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice?

Do burn victims get discounts at crematoriums?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Can it be a mistake that "desserts" gives "stressed" spelled backwards?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Adam and Eve were the first people on earth............Did they have belly buttons?

A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

Are unripened oranges called greens?

A wise old owl sat on an oak, The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird? (Edward H. Richards)

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Could your eyes be called an academy, because there are pupils there?

Crime doesn't pay. . .does that mean that my job is a crime?

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

Did you ever feel that you were a typewriter, while everyone else in the world was a wordprocessor?

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?

Do fish get thirsty?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do penguins have knees?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm" in and scoop the others?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10 minutes?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? (S. J. Lec)

If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?

If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? (Richard Lederer)

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

If helium existed in a solid form, and you ate it would you get heavier or lighter?

If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? (Richard Lederer)

If someone were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?

If stores claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have locks on the doors?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent?

If there's so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I have more free time?

If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?

If the world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

If we weren't meant to keep starting over, would God have granted us monday?

If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? (Robin Alumbaugh)

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are your waiting? (Stephen Levine)

I have lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Am I now about to live through the noughties?

I'm in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it?

I never spit in your drink; why do you smoke in my air?

I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? the dog?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and never his prescription? (Finley Peter Dunne 1867-1936)

The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."

What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move when the traffic light turns green?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What exactly is "Unsweetened" iced Tea? Did they take the sugar back out? (W. Lanza)

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What is listed as the hair color on a drivers license of a bald headed man?

What would the world be like without hypothetical situations?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

When your parents get finished spanking you they say " you better dry it up or I'll give you something to cry for." What do they think that a whipping is.

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites?

Why call it a building if it's already been built?

Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? (Kin Hubbard)

Why does Queen Elizabeth, who has people to put on her make-up, do her hair, and needs no cash or identification carry a purse?

Why does the sun on the Raisan Bran cereal box wear sunglasses?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

Why do the hours at work drag on endlessly when the years seem to fly past?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? (Richard Lederer)

Why do we look in our handkerchiefs after blowing our nose?

Why do we say there is nothing on TV tonight when there obviously is something on?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why is it that the uneducated minds always criticize the brilliant minds? (Kelly Nelson)

Why is it that when one man kills another, he is hanged as a murderer, but when one man kills millions, he is hailed as a conqueror?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? (Richard Lederer)

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why is the practice called "fasting" when time passes so slowly when you're doing it?

Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business", always be followed by, but?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Wouldn't it be strange if the God who made His people free and happy should then give them commands that enslaved them again? Doesn't it seem more likely that what He gave them were rules for remaining free and happy? (Mark Finley)

You can't have everything...where would you put it?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

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