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Old 05-23-2019, 05:15 PM   #31
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Mister Ed: (about the fact that Ed has caused Wilbur a lot of trouble for a sneaky trick he played on his wife and neighbors, so he could have his birthday party) Don’t be sore at me, Wilbur. I’m only a nine year old kid.
Wilbur Post: Well, nine years old in a horse is equal to sixty in a human being.
Mister Ed: Then stop yelling at an old man.
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Old 05-24-2019, 02:10 PM   #32
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Wilbur: How did you like the bed?

Mr. Ed: The mattress was delicious.
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Old 05-24-2019, 02:18 PM   #33
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Mister Ed: Wilbur, why don’t we write a letter to Dear Abby? She could give us advice on what I should do.
Wilbur Post: Okay, we’ll write Dear Abby. How’s this? “Dear Abby, my horse told me that he wants to leave home and have his own swinging bachelor apartment. Do you think he’s right? Signed, Butterfly Net.” Because that’s exactly what they’ll throw over me.
Mister Ed: You don’t have to say your horse told you. Tell her it was your cat.
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Old 06-11-2019, 03:53 PM   #34
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Clint Eastwood: I have a little western sketch at home that I've been saving for a benefit performance.

Wilbur Post: Oh, is it written for four people?

Clint Eastwood: No, nine, but that's alright. It's a western, we can kill off five of them in the first few seconds.
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Old 06-12-2019, 03:22 PM   #35
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Wilbur Post: (referring to Robin Hood) He used to steal from the rich, and you know why?
Mister Ed: Because the poor didn’t have any money.
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Old 06-23-2019, 06:42 PM   #36
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Wilbur: Why don't you eat some hay?
Mr. Ed: If you had a dry mouth, would YOU eat hay?
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Old 08-26-2019, 08:35 PM   #37
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Mrs. Adams:
[to Mr. Ed, while feeding him an apple] "This is a WASHINGTON apple!"
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Old 08-27-2019, 02:51 PM   #38
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Mister Ed: My mother didn’t raise her horse to be a jackass.
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Old 08-28-2019, 07:10 AM   #39
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Wilbur Post:
[examining a goat] What's wrong with him?

Mister Ed:
Splitting headaches. He keeps butting his head against fences.

Wilbur Post:
What are you going to do for him?

Mister Ed:
Have him take two asprine and have him to check back on me in the morning. But be careful. Don't let him eat the whole bottle.
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Old 09-14-2019, 05:11 PM   #40
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Winnie:
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Old 09-19-2019, 05:04 AM   #41
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Wilbur. I’m only a nine year old kid.
Wilbur Post: Well, nine years old in a horse is equal to sixty in a human being.
Mister Ed: Then stop yelling at an old man.
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Old 09-19-2019, 07:12 PM   #42
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Wilbur:
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Old 09-29-2019, 08:09 AM   #43
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[Mister Ed, alone in his stall, picks up Wilbur's ringing office phone]

Mister Ed:
Hello?

Kay Addison:
[voice] Hello? I'd like to make a reservation. Is this Trans Continental Airlines?

Mister Ed:
No, lady. This is the Pony Express! [hangs up]
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