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Old 06-07-2006, 12:45 AM   #451
Anthony33
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Geez, I don't even know who would want to verify most of those.
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Old 06-07-2006, 01:45 AM   #452
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ok mr harvey

wisconsin won the ncaa basketball tourney in 1941

they are from madison, the state capital

so that fact is bullsquat for sure


perhaps even michigan state as well, but there are those who would argue what city the colelege is in
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Old 06-07-2006, 04:02 AM   #453
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They're obviously jokes-

Quote:
In the late '90s, Microsoft secretly developed its own version of Linux, but shelved it after quality control researchers deemed it "too stable."
Come on. Most of them are too stupid to be funny.
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Old 06-07-2006, 05:33 AM   #454
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Famous Mortimer
They're obviously jokes-


Come on. Most of them are too stupid to be funny.
You tell im! Morty. Wolfie told they were authentic. Would he lie to me.?

Harvey
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Old 06-07-2006, 05:35 AM   #455
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Default Management Lesson

Subject: Management Lesson #1

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you."

The girl said, " NO."

Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story

The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened......

She said, "The bastard used quarters!"

Management Lesson #1: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Harvey
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Old 06-07-2006, 05:38 AM   #456
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Default Strange Puns

Strange 'Puns'

March Planned For Next August

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through

Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better

20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

War Dims Hope For Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

Harvey
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Old 06-07-2006, 05:39 AM   #457
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Default Casinos

The Top 11 Signs You're Gambling at a Bad Casino



Complimentary drink is the water in which they boiled the complimentary hot dogs.

You are told to wait for more people to lose money before you can cash in your $100 chip.

The "roulette wheel" is clearly stolen from Milton Bradley's Life game.

"Hi. My name's Yassir, and welcome to Jericho Casino."

When the dealer gets a blackjack, you have to remove an article of clothing.

Roulette croupier keeps asking if you want to buy a vowel.

If having to yell "BINGO!" weren't bad enough, there's a topless octogenarian serving you drinks.

The roulette wheels also have "000" and "0000".

Just when you're starting to see some good cleavage, the cocktail waitress covers his ass with a tray.

The entrance is littered with guys with broken kneecaps.

and the Number 1 Sign You're Gambling at a Bad Casino...


Sign in front: "Over 11 million screwed."

Harvey
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Old 06-08-2006, 05:18 AM   #458
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Default Bad airline

The Top 14 Signs You Chose the Wrong Airline



"If there's a mechanical engineer on board, or even someone who's mechanically inclined, please report immediately to the cockpit."

Four states and a seatmate's life story later, you realize the plane is not on I-95 just to taxi to the runway.

The complimentary beverage is Zima laced with horse tranquilizer.

"...and a special welcome to the Association of Parents with Colicky Triplets!"

Relaxing music for take off is Buddy Holly's Greatest Hits.

Phish Air's complimentary bong hits are soured by overwhelming stench of patchouli oil, sweat and nine-year-old Birkenstocks.

The pilot for your trans-Atlantic crossing? Captain Nemo.

"And we'd like to welcome all our friends from the Islamic Jihad soccer team..."

"We only have one peanut, so just suck on it for a minute and then pass it back."

During her pre-flight demonstration, the flight attendant accidentally inflates her colostomy bag.

"In case of a water landing, that tubby guy in seat 19F will double as a flotation device."

After a flock of birds slams into your window, and an attack of vertigo, you begin to think "North By Northwest Airlines" was a bad choice.

"Our in-flight movie this evening will be camcorder footage from my daughter Ashley's Little League game last night."

and the Number 1 Sign You Chose the Wrong Airline...


The pre-flight safety video shows a pair of lips, an ass, and the word "Goodbye" printed in twelve different languages.

Harvey
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Old 06-08-2006, 05:20 AM   #459
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Default Nobel prize

The Top 15 Reasons You Didn't
Win the Nobel Prize This Year



Your only "research project" culminated in an email to your co-workers describing the physiological traits of Hooters waitresses.

You beat Wilt's record at 20,001, but no one wants to disrespect a dead man.

"Peace prize?!? Oh man, I thought you said 'piece' prize! Do you think I could have my Polaroids back?"

You had to send one too many letter bombs in order to get your thesis published.

Previous winner: Took vow of poverty and fed starving children. You: Held best friend at gunpoint in your Bronco -- and you *still* haven't found the real killers.

Your paper: "The Economics of Supersizing It: The Marginal Utility of Fry-Drink Augmentation"

Just couldn't come up with a good rhyme for "Pawtucket."

Your project suffered when your intellectual inspiration, Al Gore , dropped out of the presidential race.

Your "perpetual motion machine" looks suspiciously like a drinking bird toy.

For your entire career, your "booger physics" and "snot as an adhesive" research has been largely ignored.

It seems the Heisman folks aren't the only ones who frown on stealing clothing.

That radio feller musta been mistaken when he said folks have won for their work on fishin'.

You were supposed to clone the entire sheep, not just "the naughty bits."

Whitey don't give no Nobel Prize for Rap, so who gives a @$%*!?

and the Number 1 Reason You Didn't Win the Nobel Prize This Year...


Your field: biology.
Your state: Kansas.

Harvey
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Old 06-08-2006, 05:23 AM   #460
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Default Opera

The Top 14 Worst Operas


La Travolta

The Pirates of My Pants

The Oozing Dutchman

Gallagher's Watermelon Lake

Il Deliveranze (starring Ned Beatty as baritone in Act I, soprano in Act II)

The Barbara of Mandrell

Carmen II: Revenge of the Bull

Deflated Mouse: Tragedy at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Cats II: The spaying

Cartman

Don Giuliani

Gotterdammerongnumber

How Othello Got His Groove Back

and the Number 1 Worst Opera...


Porky & B-b-b-b-bess

Harvey
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Old 06-08-2006, 06:24 AM   #461
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Default Looking get a couple shows

my have list is at http://www.freewebs.com/down2ozz/nonretailtv.htm
just trying to get my hands on these shows right now. thanks for looking.

daria(disc 2 of the 7 disc set)
just shoot me
mr. belvedere
that's my bush
the wonder years( i have the 7 disc set, i'm looking to upgrade)
the nanny
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Old 06-08-2006, 10:19 AM   #462
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LOL.

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Old 06-08-2006, 09:35 PM   #463
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Default ...

i thought it said BAD HAIRLINE!
__________________

I have not been trading for some time now, so please do not ask---- sorry, i cannot help you!
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:52 AM   #464
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Default Mothers quotes

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
do you want?

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents,
despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every
mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.

Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
remember your presence.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

"Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?"

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of
the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school clothes.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby"
has never tried it.

The best inheritance parents can give their children is
a few minutes of their time each day.

Harvey
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:54 AM   #465
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Default Animal facts

The Animal Kingdom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The venom in a Daddy Long-Legs spider is more poisonous than a
Black Widow's or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot bite humans
because their jaws won't open wide enough.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They
actually pass out from sheer terror.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru: See no evil,
Mikazaru: Hear no evil, and Mazaru: Speak no evil.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Giraffes are the only animals born with horns. Both males and
females are born with bony knobs on the forehead.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you bring a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire
town hall, you are entitled to receive $.10 from the town.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, making the catfish rank
#1 for animal having the most taste buds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth
from 1.8 miles away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Humans and Dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The average garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its
head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An elephant's trunk contains more than 50,000 muscles.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Although beavers live near rivers, streams and lakes - they do
not eat fish. Beavers eat only plants. They eat poplar trees,
carrots, cattail, mushrooms, potatoes, berries, water plants,
swamp wood, and fruit. Soft bark is the main food for a beaver.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blindfolded dolphin can find a nickel at the bottom of its
tank.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grasshoppers have white blood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue
living.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Russian Blue is a breed of cat prone to having an extra toe.
Six toed cats are so common in Boston and surrounding parts of
Massachusetts that some experts consider it an established
mutation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a
cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All porcupines float in water.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An animal epidemic is called an epizootic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The only animals who have sex for pleasure are humans and
dolphins.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean
elephants.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of
yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were
stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up
straight staircases.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have
about ten.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apart from humans, certain species of chimpanzee are the only
animals to experiment sexually. They have been known to 'wife
swap' and indulge in group sex.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels
off several times a year with new growth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cats have a third eyelid, called a haw, which is rarely visible.
If it is visible it could be an indication of ill health.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Starfish have eight eyes--one at the end of each leg.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Polar bears are left-handed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The giraffe has a black tongue that is 14 inches long.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Butterflies taste with their feet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bats always turn left when they exit a cave.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the
Australian coat of arms for that reason.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are
people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The only insect that can turn it's head is a praying mantis.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms per day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

St. Bernard dogs do not carry kegs of brandy, and never have. A
famous Alpine rescue dog, Barry, who saved the lives of 41
persons 170 years ago, was so well loved that a commemorative
portrait was painted of him. The artist, apparently thinking the
detail added interest, drew a brandy keg around Barry's neck,
launching the "tradition" that lives on today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In his book "The Insects", naturalist Url N. Lanham reports that
the aphid reproductive cycle is so rapid that the females are
born pregnant.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The eagle has sex while going up to 60 mph. in flight, and it is
common for both eagles to hit the ground before they finish.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was
Fred.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can tell a turtle's sex by the noise it makes. Males grunt,
females hiss.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its
own weight and always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Camel's milk does not curdle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The starfish is the only animal that can turn it's stomach inside
out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The elephant is the only mammal that is unable to jump.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The average airspeed of the common housefly is 4 1/2 mph.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A housefly beats its wings about 20,000 times per minute.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Katydid hears through holes in it's hind legs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up.
The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling
out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all
of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down
again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in
the air is a skein.
A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
A group of whales is called a pod.
A group of ravens is called a murder.
A group of officers is called a mess.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A group of owls is called a parliament.
A group of frogs is called an army.
Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the
same sex.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get
leprosy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Armadillos can be housebroken.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a
building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving
than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly
takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is
occurring, relax and correct itself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several
weeks until it starves to death.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mosquitoes have teeth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The penguin is the only bird that can swim but not fly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Slugs have 4 noses.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who
have recently eaten bananas.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any
food.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the many rat-infested slums in New York City, rats bite
only 311 people in an average year. But 1,519 residents are
bitten annually by other New Yorkers.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Owls are the only birds that can see the color blue.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have
the same pattern of whiskers.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A jellyfish is 95% water.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pink Elephants? In regions of India where the soil is red -
elephants take on a permanent pink tinge because they regularly
spray dust over their bodies to protect themselves against
insects.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Horses and rabbits cannot vomit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The length of a gorilla's penis is 1/3 that of a human.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smartest dogs: (in order)
1) border collie
2) poodle
3) golden retriever.
Dumbest dog: Afghan

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flea can jump 350 times its body length, which is like a
human jumping the length of two football fields.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A shrimp's heart is located in its head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been
hit by a lightning strike.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A porpoise swims slowly in a circle as it sleeps.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Harvey
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