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Old 05-27-2006, 05:33 AM   #406
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Default Famous mothers

Famous Mothers

The youngest mother whose history is authenticated is Lina Medina, who delivered a 6-pound boy by cesarean section in Lima, Peru in 1939, at an age of 5 years and 7 months. The child was raised as her brother and only discovered that Lina was his mother when he was 10.

On April 9, 2003, Satyabhama Mahapatra, a 65-year-old retired schoolteacher in India, became the world's oldest mother when she gave birth to a baby boy. Satyabhama and her husband had been married 50 years, but this is their first child. The baby was conceived through artificial insemination using eggs from the woman's 26-year-old niece, Veenarani Mahapatra, and the sperm of Veenarani's husband.

Bobbie McCaughey is the mother who holds the record for the most surviving children from a single birth. She gave birth to the first set of surviving septuplets - four boys and three girls -on November 19, 1997, at the University Hospital, Iowa, US. Conceived by in vitro fertilization, the babies were delivered after 31 weeks by caesarean in the space of 16 minutes. The babies are named Kenneth, Nathaniel, Brandon, Joel, Kelsey, Natalie and Alexis.

Jayne Bleackley is the mother who holds the record for the shortest interval between two children born in separate confinements. She gave birth to Joseph Robert on September 3, 1999, and Annie Jessica Joyce on March 30, 2000. The babies were born 208 days apart.

Elizabeth Ann Buttle is the mother who holds the record for the longest interval between the birth of two children. She gave birth to Belinda on May 19,1956 and Joseph on November 20, 1997. The babies were born 41 years 185 days apart. The mother was 60 years old when her son Joseph was born.

The highest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69, to the first wife of Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782) of Shuya, Russia. Between 1725 and 1765, in a total of 27 confinements, she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets. 67 of them survived infancy.

The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Leontina claims to be the mother of 64 children, of which only 55 of them are documented. She is listed in the 1999 Guinness World Records but dropped from later editions.

Katherine Hepburn's father was a surgeon and her mother was a dedicated suffragette and early crusader for birth control.

Kim Basinger's mother had been a champion swimmer who performed water ballets in several Esther Williams movies in the 1940s.

Laura Dern earned a Best Actress Oscar nomination for her illuminating performance as the title character in Rambling Rose, an underrated picture in 1991 that also won a Best Supporting Actress nomination for her mother, Diane Ladd. This was the first time a mother-daughter team had been so honored; they became the first mother and daughter ever nominated for Academy Awards for the same movie.

Madonna's mother died when she was five years old.

Phyllis Diller, a 40-year-old mother of five and an advertising copywriter for a California radio station, made a rousing comedy debut at San Francisco's Purple Onion in 1957.

American talk show host Conan O'Brien's father is Dr. Thomas O'Brien, a noted epidemiologist, the head of microbiology at Peter Brigham Hospital, and a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, Ruth Reardon O'Brien, was a partner at Ropes & Gray law firm outside Boston until her 1997 retirement.

Elvis Presley, was a mama's boy. He slept in the same bed with his mother, Gladys, until he reached puberty. Up until Elvis entered high school, she walked him back and forth to school every day and made him take along his own silverware so that he wouldn't catch germs from the other kids. Gladys forbade young Elvis from going swimming or doing anything that might put him in danger. The two of them also conversed in a strange baby talk that only they could understand.

Meredith Baxter-Birney played the mother, Elyse Keaton on the hit TV sitcom Family Ties. Her actress mother, Whitney Blake, also played a mom: Dorothy Baxter, on TV's Hazel.

James McNeill Whistler's best known painting, often called "Whistler's Mother," is actually titled "Arrangement in Black and Gray: The Artist's Mother."

Many of the sweaters worn by Mr. Rogers on the popular television show, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, were actually knitted by his real mother.

Monkee Mike Nesmith's mother, Bette Nesmith Graham was the inventor of Liquid Paper correction fluid. She sold the rights to the Gillette Corporation in 1979 for $47.5 million and when she died in 1980, she left half of her fortune to her son Michael.

Eric Clapton was born to an unwed mother and to shield him from the shame, Eric grew up believing that his grandparents were his parents and his mother was his sister.

Hoyt Axton wrote Three Dog Night's "Joy To The World". His mother, Mae Axton wrote "Heartbreak Hotel" for Elvis Presley.

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Old 05-27-2006, 05:35 AM   #407
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Default Gender

You May Not Know This But Many Non-Living Things Have A Gender.

1. Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see Right through them.
2. Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3. A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4. A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have To light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part
5. Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6. A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8. An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the Bottom.
9. A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 Years, but it's handy to have around.
10. A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and While he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying!

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Old 05-27-2006, 05:37 AM   #408
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Default Affirmations

Ineffective Daily Affirmations
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment. I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.

Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step, blaming my parents.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

No way will I accept YES for an answer !

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

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Old 05-27-2006, 05:40 AM   #409
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Originally Posted by lilhave
My satisfaction is getting a smile from Anthony. Plus, Savage told me, if I get Anthony to post about the jokes, she would come to Brooklyn and spend time with me on the Coney Island beach, in the most secluded area. Now all I have to do is convince my wife there is a big sale at Wal-Mart. Now to pick my favorite color for the bikini.

You're from Brooklyn? Cool, I'm from Long Island.
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Old 05-27-2006, 05:43 AM   #410
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Originally Posted by lilhave
You show im! Jenny. Now if we can get a quarterback. Every monday the sport pages say how Eli is improving and all I see is overthrown, underthrown, wide and garbage passes from Manning. May have to get involved in darts.

Hey, I'm a Giants fan too and I like Eli. Besides, didn't the Giants draft a backup QB this year? I also just heard on WFAN radio that they signed Rob Johnson as a backup QB, didn't he used to be a starter for the Bills?
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Old 05-27-2006, 05:43 AM   #411
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Originally Posted by Anthony33
You're from Brooklyn? Cool, I'm from Long Island.
Aren't you afraid, I'll stalk you. Belt to the cross Island and then the L.I.E., and when your not home, rob all your dvds.

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Old 05-27-2006, 05:44 AM   #412
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Originally Posted by lilhave
Aren't you afraid, I'll stalk you. Belt to the cross Island and then the L.I.E., and when your not home, rob all your dvds.

What, you have nothing better to do? Come on over, we'll watch some together.

Or maybe go to a Giants game. Or maybe baseball, who do you like Mets or Yankees?
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Old 05-28-2006, 05:44 AM   #413
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Default Airlines

How To Save The Airline Industry & Stop Muslim Hijackings

TO: Federal Aviation Administration

Our airline industry is in real trouble, and it's time to start fixing this before it's too late. To that end, here are some modest suggestions:

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Bill Clinton

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Old 05-28-2006, 05:45 AM   #414
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Default Groucho

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
After his introduction on a music/variety show, Groucho and the host both sat down at center stage.
Host: "I'm a big fan of yours, Groucho."
Groucho: "If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan."
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
Time wounds all heels.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple-sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh . . . Now you tell me what you know.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
Whatever it is . . . I'm against it.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

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Old 05-28-2006, 05:47 AM   #415
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Default Yogi Berra

If you don't know where you're going, chances are you will end up somewhere else.

I really didn't say everything I said.

If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

It ain't the heat; it's the humility.

It's deja-vu all over again.

You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours.

The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands.

You can't think and hit at the same time.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

90% of the game is half mental.

It's never happened in the World Series history - and it hasn't happened since.

I'm as red as a sheet.

It's not too far, it just seems like it is.

If you don't set goals, you can't regret not reaching them.

Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting.

We were overwhelming underdogs.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

You mean now? (When asked for the time.)

We have a good time together, even when we're not together.

Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house.

The future ain't what it used to be.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Pair up in threes.

Don't get me right, I'm just asking.

I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question.

You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left.

90% of short putts don't go in.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself. (After being told he looked cool.)

We're lost, but we're making great time!

If people don't want to come to the ball park, how are you going to stop them?

How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. (Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "Bearer".)

I'd say he's done more than that. (When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.)

He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light. (On the acquisition of Rickey Henderson.)

I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn't find it.

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I'm not hungry enough to eat eight.

I don't know, I'm not in shape yet. (When asked what size cap he wanted.)

I want to thank you for making this day necessary. (On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in 1947.)

I don't remember leaving, so I guess we didn't go.

I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it. (When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.)

I usually take a two hour nap, from one to four.

Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died.

It gets late early out there. (Referring to the sun conditions in left field at the stadium.)

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone - there were too many people talking.

I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.

Texas has a lot of electrical votes. (During an election campaign - after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.)

You can observe a lot just by watching.

No, you didn't wake me up. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.

I really liked it. Even the music was good. (When asked if he liked the opera one evening.)

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

Shut up and talk.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" To this, Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

Carmen said "I took Tim to see Doctor Zhivago today." Yogi replied, "What the hell's wrong with him now?"

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Old 05-28-2006, 09:15 PM   #416
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Viaduct? Vhy notta horse?
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Old 05-28-2006, 10:21 PM   #417
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I think it was Chico who said, "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
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Old 05-29-2006, 09:49 AM   #418
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I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
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Old 05-29-2006, 01:17 PM   #419
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Default LOL

(laughing hysterically)

To avoid channel surfing Wipeouts!
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Old 05-29-2006, 07:08 PM   #420
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
There was a similar quote: "Who are you going to believe, me or those crooked x-rays?"

It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
Sounds like one of Chico's lines in the film "Monkey Business".
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