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Old 11-17-2018, 06:14 AM   #1
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Default Best UM burns

What do you consider to be the best UM burns? To start:

Bonnie Wilder. Paraphrasing: How do you get lost in a crowd when you're enormous?
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Old 11-17-2018, 10:40 AM   #2
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Everything that was uttered out of Danny Wheeler's mouth.
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Old 11-17-2018, 12:31 PM   #3
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That Bonnie Wilder line and the entire Bean-Wheeler segment might have been the two most hilarious in the entire series.
An underrated burn was from the Anita Green segment talking about people being surprised she married her husband: "... not only because Mel weighed over 500 pounds ..."
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Old 11-17-2018, 01:10 PM   #4
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There was the heavy-set fraudulent doctor who, according to Stack, was "notable for his girth".
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Old 11-17-2018, 03:41 PM   #5
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"In the first place, Eddie doesn't have that much education.."
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Old 11-17-2018, 03:42 PM   #6
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Holly Maddox's friend, Andrea Boyce, gave the best burn of Ira Einhorn. She said something along the lines of "he seemed to think a lot of himself and I don't know how he could feel that way because I didn't find him particularly attractive."
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Old 11-17-2018, 03:48 PM   #7
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"I knew what I had and I was happy to pass it on, ok?"
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Old 11-17-2018, 03:54 PM   #8
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I don't think this technically counts, but years ago when the segments were available on YT, the top comment on the Larry George segment (with the update) was "LARRY GEORGE GOT BUSTED IN HIS DRAWS".

ETA: StackTime, I legitimately lol'd when I saw that Ed Baker quote under your username.
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Old 11-17-2018, 04:47 PM   #9
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Old 11-17-2018, 05:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
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There was the heavy-set fraudulent doctor who, according to Stack, was "notable for his girth".
Thatís either a hell of a burn or a hell of a compliment. 😂😂😂
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Old 11-17-2018, 05:41 PM   #11
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Quote:
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"In the first place, Eddie doesn't have that much education.."
My ribs hurt now
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Old 11-17-2018, 06:25 PM   #12
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My favorite was Tommy Zaino talking about Son of Sam and saying stuff to the effect of “I can’t picture Berkowitz running like that. I saw a picture of him and in a week you can’t get that fat.” I don’t remember the exact quote but I always laughed when I watched that
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Old 11-17-2018, 07:04 PM   #13
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In the Johnny Lee Wilson case..."he thought a stun gun was an electric razor"
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Old 11-17-2018, 09:55 PM   #14
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"Don [Dixon] lives in a fantasy world."

"I don't think she's a good-looking woman."

One of my favorites from the Guardian UFO segment: "There are way too many errors in this letter. Someone with very little effort could have come a lot closer than this."
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Old 11-18-2018, 03:21 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MegtheEgg86 View Post
I don't think this technically counts, but years ago when the segments were available on YT, the top comment on the Larry George segment (with the update) was "LARRY GEORGE GOT BUSTED IN HIS DRAWS".

ETA: StackTime, I legitimately lol'd when I saw that Ed Baker quote under your username.
Thank you!! You got it. I love that quote, and his delivery. If only enough of my friends, relatives, co-workers were UM fanatics like us so that I could drop the line in conversation.
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