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Old 06-10-2007, 09:01 PM   #16
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from "the dark ages"


Roseanne: "well, middle class was fun."
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Old 06-12-2007, 01:39 AM   #17
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Dan and Darlene watching the Price is Right (or something like that):
Dan (yelling at contestant on TV): "Lower! Lower! Hundreds of dollars lower!"
Darlene: "Yeah, where does she buy her jukeboxes?!

Nancy in Vegas: "We just turned our craps winnings into actual crap."

Jackie overheard on the baby monitor after she doesn't trust Fred with the baby: "It's ok, baby. There, there. Someday your real daddy will come home from the sea."
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Old 06-12-2007, 09:59 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brookeb82
Roseanne : (on having their power turned off) "It was between water and electricity and you can only live two days without water."
Dan: "Sure I can take a bath but I can't throw the toaster in!"
Hehe thats a good one!!
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:07 AM   #19
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Darlene-You guys dont think we get your corny little sex jokes.
Roseanne-You are our corny little sex jokes!!

Dan-What happened to jimmy? i liked jimmy
Darlene-So did becky untill he dumped her
Becky-He didnt dump me!
Darlene-Get real you hit the ground like a safe!!

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Old 06-15-2007, 03:55 AM   #20
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This one is on right now. I don't remember the exact words but it was something like this.

Fred: What are you ready for?

Jackie: Well I was ready for sex and now I'm not.
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Old 06-15-2007, 02:02 PM   #21
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Dan: (shopping at Morrie's Big 'N Tall) I'm not here 'cause I'm big, I'm here 'cause I'm tall.
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Old 06-15-2007, 11:12 PM   #22
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Leon: I sware Roseanne, cleaning out this grease trap is like cleaning out one of your arteries.
Roseanne: (To Leon) B*tch! B*tch! B*tch! That's all you ever are.


Roseanne: Well Dan we have two, count em' two daughters in college.
Dan: Boy, are we gonna have some explaining to do at the next white trash meeting.

David: Molly makes me feel like...you know, a man.
Darlene: (seductivley grabbing David.) I can make you feel like a man, David...take out the trash!

Becky #2: (To Darlene) B*tch!
Darlene: Skag!
Becky#2: (sarcasitcally) Nice hair!
Darlene: (sarcastically) Nice life!
Becky #2: Go to hell!
Darlene: Go to the mall!

Mark: Becky can handle herself...so why don't you just leave us alone.
Roseanne: (smirks) Foolish boy. Do you not know my powers? I'm no longer your girlfriend's mother. I'm your mother n law!

Arnie: So, what's new?
Roseanne: (sarcastically) Well, Nancy's a lesbian and we've a new lens crafters!

Bev: I won't come by. I won't visit. I will stay competely out of your lives!
Roseanne and Jackie: YEAAAAAH!

Roseanne: (Mark is reading at the table) Let me save you the trouble, Mark. He eats the Green Eggs and Ham.

Jimmy, Darlene's boyfriend: (to Roseanne) I think that you should leave.
Roseanne, Jackie and Darlene: (pause and then look at each other) Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Darlene: I've been making jokes about this family since I could talk....before that I would just point and laugh.

Roseanne: I know the gay ettiquite. Knives on the left, vibrators on the right.

Becky: What's wrong with you?
Darlene: Now the little pervert is peeping at me.(D.J.)
Becky #1: (staring at Darlene) Why?
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:20 PM   #23
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Roseanne: "Wake up, Jackie, even I'm getting a woody."
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Old 06-27-2007, 10:22 AM   #24
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I may not have the lines verbatim. Here are a couple of my favs. It's so hard to pick, like trying to pick your favorite song of all time. lol

Darlene at Jackie's house, Jackie's drunk after arguing with Roseanne over being a cop. Jackie falls off of chair and Darlene helps pick her up. Jackie says, "There's all kinds of gravity in here."

Darlene telling her mom and dad about Becky's 'little accident' in front of the whole student council. She says, "The first woman to break the sound barrier."
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Old 08-19-2007, 05:08 PM   #25
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Roseanne: "This is why some animals eat their young."
D.J.: "What's a virgin?" Darlene: "You in forty years."
Darlene (to Roseanne): "Don't think we don't get your corny little sex jokes."
Roseanne: "Hey! You kids are our corny little sex jokes."
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Old 08-21-2007, 02:53 AM   #26
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I don't know that these would be quotes, but a couple of signs have been good. The one in the Lunchbox that says, "The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers the goods" and the sign in the diner was swithced around on one episode to say "We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone' instead of "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone".
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Old 08-21-2007, 11:10 AM   #27
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"Oh, excuse me, that was my fault. . . . you see, I expressed an interest in your life!"

"I had to! The hooker made him nervous!"

"Every time two lesbians kiss, an angel gets it wings!"

"Dan, we are so beyond Screwed that it will take billions of years for the light from Screwed to reach Planet Earth!"
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:22 AM   #28
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Roseanne and Jackie are at the Lobo. Roseanne is dressed as a man, and decides to wander over to the pool table. One guy is bragging about his latest love conquest, and Roseanne as (Bob) pipes up and says, "Badda Bing, Badda Boom"

Gawwd she's a hoot!
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Old 10-20-2007, 08:00 AM   #29
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It's not my favorite, but I thought it was a really funny line:

Roseanne: "Marriage stinks...With a capital SUCK!"
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Old 10-20-2007, 08:58 AM   #30
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Haha, Roseanne has some classic quotes!!
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