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Old 10-31-2007, 11:24 PM   #31
MonarC
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When Darlene went to a concert with Molly and she got home and they asked her why didn't you call and she said.

"I got tired of waiting for the guy to finish peeing" or something like that.


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Old 11-05-2007, 02:25 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonarC
When Darlene went to a concert with Molly and she got home and they asked her why didn't you call and she said.

"I got tired of waiting for the guy to finish peeing" or something like that.



I loved it when Darlene asked, "Why do I feel like I'm in a really bad After School Special?"
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Old 11-10-2007, 05:40 PM   #33
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When Darlene was helping DJ make a sundial or something for school, they used a pizza and Darlene said something like...

"Go set it in the front lawn and when it starts to stink, it's tomorrow."
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:36 PM   #34
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Darlene (to Becky): "So how was your date?" Becky: "Oh, he's a great kisser....But it's not like you would know the difference". Darlene: "Did you get felt up?" Becky: "No!" Darlene: "Huh! I did." Becky: "I don't believe you." Darlene: "It's true. Me and Brian made out tonight, and he went up my shirt". Becky: "What?! But you guys never even went out!!"
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Old 09-08-2008, 09:19 AM   #35
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Roseanne: That is not funny! You're grounded until menopause!
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father's!


Dan: [D.J. is screaming and running up the stairs] Whoa, whoa, settle down!
D.J.: Mom was just telling me a story I don't want to hear anymore!
Dan: Well that's no reason for you to go running out of the room screaming like a maniac!
D.J.: It was about her having her period!
Dan: As you were.
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Old 10-28-2010, 01:45 AM   #36
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My favorite quote, by far, has to be thus -

"You were sitting in a porta-crapper that got nailed by a wrecking ball. I didn't take *one shot*. Now *that* is love." - Darlene

Other favorites that come to my head -

"Oh, let's sell the villa in France, Dan, we hardly ever use it." - Roseanne

"Gross?! You're disgusting ... and I'm proud to be your mama!" - Roseanne

"I just bumped into my future, and it was hideous!" - Roseanne
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Old 04-08-2011, 03:57 AM   #37
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"It's beginning to look a lot like crap!" Roseanne

"No, Darlene was a disaster." Dan

"You have such a big mouth." Becky to Darlene
"You have such a small chest." Darlene to Becky
"At least I have a chest." Becky to Darlene
"At least I'm not a boy crazy, oversexed nymphomaniac." Darlene to Becky

"Becky, Zippy's on the phone!" Darlene to Becky on the phone with Mark

"I had to stay here and watch DJ while Becky went out with Mark, the cold sore king." Darlene

Becky comes downstairs dressed provocatively.
"Wow is that Becky?" Dan
"Some of her, I would check upstairs for some missing Kleenex." Darlene

"Drop dead!" Becky to Darlene
Darlene falls to the floor.

"Chip works at the bowling alley, we will be at the bowling alley. We are bound to run into one another." Roseanne and Dan make disgusting faces.
"If you guys love me you will pretend you are not my parents." Becky
"Okay, get out of our house, little girl." Roseanne
"Thank you." Becky

"Here's one with a big bow on the back, that should cover the continental divide." Darlene

"Mom, Darlene called me a prevert." DJ
"No, you're a pervert." Roseanne

"I can't work this damn thing!" DJ
"Where did you learn that language? It's not a thing, it's a VCR." Roseanne

"Dad, when's Darlene gonna die?" DJ

I will post more later.
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Old 08-03-2011, 08:39 PM   #38
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Roseanne: "I'd snap your spine like a potato chip bitch"
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:25 PM   #39
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Roseanne: "Wellll. People have been sayin' it for years. But now, with Dan goin' to jail and everything, we are officially poor white trash." (Dan and Roseanne do a hillbilly dance.)

Roseanne: "Now all we need is some little half-wit sittin' in the front yard eatin' dirt." D.J. (enters from outside): "Hiiiii." Roseanne: "Shut up, Darlene."
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Old 08-15-2014, 08:51 PM   #40
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Roseanne (On phone at Diner): Oh and by the way I know you and David got back together.

Darlene: How'd you find out?

Roseanne: You just told me!


LOL
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Old 08-22-2014, 04:22 PM   #41
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Dan (to Roseanne): "Aww man we're screwed." Roseanne: "No, Dan. We are so far beyond screwed that the light from screwed will take one billion years to reach the Earth."
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Old 04-26-2015, 04:45 PM   #42
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Louise Jefferson (To Roseanne): "We moved on up to get away from people like you."

Darlene: "Well...I think Grandma just outed herself."

Darlene: "What reeks?" Roseanne: "Your future." Darlene: "Yeah, that smells about right."

Darlene: "I knew she stuffed."

Darlene: "Becky. Cut the cheese."

Bev: "I married the first man that came along." Nana Mary: "You married the first ---- that came along."
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Old 04-26-2015, 07:04 PM   #43
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The Christmas ep when Becky gets a job at Bunz restaurant
Becky: ...with tips I'd be making 14 dollars an hour.
Roseanne: 14 dollars! Well maybe I ought to sashay on down there and throw one of those dresses up OVER MY FAT A**!
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Old 04-26-2015, 08:34 PM   #44
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Darlene to D.J.: "You're about to become a strange smell in the attic."

Darlene to her parents..... (she is talking about D.J.) - "Hire a hearse, pick out a plot..."
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Old 10-17-2015, 09:24 PM   #45
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Becky (hungover): "Who was the bartender?"
Darlene: "Wasn't it the girl who was over here yesterday?"
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