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Old 11-20-2004, 10:45 PM   #1
liton
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Default post your favorite quotes here

heres my favorite quote it is so funny.

Darlene and David are sitting on her bed reading when roseanne comes in.


Roseanne. you 2 are kaving sex!


Darlene. we are David why didnt you tell me i would have put down my book.
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Old 08-12-2006, 12:39 AM   #2
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Nancy: Thank God we all brought our ovaries.

Crystal: How do you like your marshmallows, Roseanne?
Roseanne: Like my men, crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork.

Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks.

Bev:Where do you keep your citrus fruit?
Roseanne: I think there's an orange under the dryer...

Kathy: I'm in hell.
Roseanne: Nah, you're just in Lanford. Same zip code though.

Roseanne: Ya know Lanford's not a bad town. You just gotta go with it more... fit in.
Kathy: And what does that mean, Roseanne? Am I suppose to wonder around town in a tacky house coat and flip-flops with my hair in curlers?
Roseanne: Now you're getting it. Yeah. Absolutely. And then I'll throw us one of these here tupperware parties and then I'll introduce you to THE OTHERS.
Kathy: What are you talking about?
Roseanne: Oh, we all use to be like you Kathy. Angry, bitter, annoying... but now... we're the Lanford Wives.
Kathy: Goodbye, Roseanne.
Roseanne: Oh, it's useless to try and resist us Kathy, we already have Jerry - Jerry's one of us - Jerry joined the lodge.
Kathy: You're a sick woman Roseanne.
Roseanne: Oh, you'll start to love it, I promise Kathy. Just think about it... swap meets... bowling meets... bingo... double coupon week... casino night at the slaughter house. IT'S YOUR DESTINY.
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Old 08-26-2006, 07:14 PM   #3
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It's this one, totally:

Dan: What a beautiful day - the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, "... before turning the gun on himself."
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Old 08-27-2006, 10:15 PM   #4
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Here are a couple of my faves that come to mind now.

Roseanne- "bitch bitch bitch, that's all you ever ARE".

(about Roseanne's pregnancy test)
DJ- I WANNA READ THE STICK.
Darlene- GOD, DJ, it's not like licking the spoon.

Jackie- Tourrine of BEEF. (haha, it was just the moment).

I can probably think of more later, lol. This show has so many funny lines, it's hard to remember them all. <3. xoxo.
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Old 08-28-2006, 03:47 PM   #5
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Darlene on kissing-You Open Your Mouth...FOR WHAT
Roseanne-So u can slip em the tongue.

santa claus episode where darlene gets a new friend named karen,she tells her parents about her,then after dan and roseanne say this-
Dan-hey there karen i like your nose ring
Roseanne-i say karen you naturally bald on one side of your head there
Dan-can i carry your gun for you there karen.



the saturday episode-jackie and roseanne are talking about dwright.
Jackie-oh i think hes kinda cute
Roseanne-you what?i bet his parents are brother and sister.

I have loads more dont wannabore ya all..
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Old 09-30-2006, 02:23 PM   #6
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Becky (to Darlene): You can kiss my butt!
Darlene: Well haul it on over here, Jumbo!
Dan: No butt kissing at the table!

Sorry if this isn't word for word. I just laugh every time I hear it.
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Old 10-07-2006, 12:03 AM   #7
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Darlene (to Roseanne): "...you didn't tell me I was gonna have to spend the afternoon baking with Drunken Heinze."* Dan (to Roseanne): "A pony keg in two minutes?!?.....gimme a break, Roseanne, we ain't in high school no more."
Fred: "Man. She is an ugly sober."

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Old 10-07-2006, 09:26 AM   #8
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Roseanne to Jackie after breaking up with Gary

Roseanne: Are you insane? do you realise how many years i put in to Dan, Do you think he just came out of a box like that?
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Old 10-17-2006, 10:24 AM   #9
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Roseanne: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but at least they're not part of my sex life....." Dan: "Now that's football."

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Old 10-19-2006, 01:22 PM   #10
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Darlene: "I can make you feel like a man, David. Take out the trash."


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Old 10-27-2006, 01:18 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashleysuperfreak
Here are a couple of my faves that come to mind now.

Roseanne- "bitch bitch bitch, that's all you ever ARE".

(about Roseanne's pregnancy test)
DJ- I WANNA READ THE STICK.
Darlene- GOD, DJ, it's not like licking the spoon.

Jackie- Tourrine of BEEF. (haha, it was just the moment).

I can probably think of more later, lol. This show has so many funny lines, it's hard to remember them all. <3. xoxo.
Your first quote -- I don't believe Roseanne says "bitch." They are talking about Darlene's pitching -- and I think Roseanne says, "Pitch, pitch, pitch. All she ever does it pitch." Something like that.

I am in complete agreement with your quotes. I made a shirt of Jackie's line in the play -- my mom and I love that part .. I drew a peg-leg .. just like she was wearing .. memories.
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Old 10-27-2006, 04:38 PM   #12
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I remember the "bitch bitch bitch..." quote that Ashley is talking about - Roseanne says that line to Leon but I cant recall the episode at the moment.
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Old 06-04-2007, 10:40 PM   #13
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Roseanne Well it was nice talking to you becky, but i have to slam the phone down now.

when Roseanne is talking to Becky on the phone after she eloped.
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Old 06-05-2007, 10:02 PM   #14
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Roseanne : (on having their power turned off) "It was between water and electricity and you can only live two days without water."
Dan: "Sure I can take a bath but I can't throw the toaster in!"
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Old 06-09-2007, 02:08 AM   #15
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Roseanne: When I'm in a bad mood, I like to spread it around.
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