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Old 06-06-2012, 02:47 PM   #61
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A termite crawled out of the wood
He had eaten all that he could
I asked, " How did it taste? "
He said, " None went to waste "
" And considering the age,I found it quite good "
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Old 06-06-2012, 08:03 PM   #62
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There once was a man named Doyle
Who made his fortune in oil
He fell in a store
From spilled Wesson on a floor
And made millions without having to toil.
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Old 06-07-2012, 01:10 AM   #63
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A man stood on a talking scale
Where it proceeded to call him a " Walking whale "
He threw a fit
And smashed it to bits
Now the whale's in jail awaiting his bail.
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Old 06-07-2012, 02:05 AM   #64
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A man was frying some chicken
But in the pan it seemed to be stickin
Then it fell on the floor
He didn't want it no more
Because his dog was down there lickin.
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:00 AM   #65
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There once was a woman named Claire
Who always got people to stare
Her shirts were so tight
That they tore every night
And her boobs always got some fresh air.
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:30 PM   #66
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A man had escaped from Hell
He had been there for quite a spell
He snuck thru a crack
Behind the Devil's back
He now runs a lot with cars to sell.
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:35 PM   #67
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A man called to report a crime
Cops asked, " What is it this time? "
" Ok, I'll get to the point "
" A squirrel is smoking a joint,
That he bought off my cat for a dime "
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Old 06-07-2012, 11:44 PM   #68
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A plane was flying like crap
The pilots were taking their nap
As the pilots dreamed,
The passengers screamed
Then they woke up and lowered their flaps.
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Old 06-08-2012, 01:09 AM   #69
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A man brought his car to the shop
It made noises when he came to a stop
He said he cleans tables in bars
Knows nothing about cars
And saw the mechanic licking his chops.
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Old 06-08-2012, 04:05 AM   #70
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Henry had witnessed a stabbin
So he hid out in an old cabin
Weeks went by
Till they caught the guy
Then Henry came out blabbin.
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Old 06-08-2012, 04:07 AM   #71
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Agnes was a disgusting wench
Only two front teeth and they were least an inch
Her armpits had dreadlocks
She always wore red socks
And was accompanied by a powerful stench.
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Old 06-08-2012, 04:09 AM   #72
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Two tough thugs were skipping rope
A man showed up to sell them dope
They broke his jaw
Then called the law
Cop looked at them and thought, " There's still some hope "
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Old 06-08-2012, 04:49 PM   #73
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A man was eating some cheese
And then he began to sneeze
Cheese came out his nose
Like a garden hose
So he spread it on crackers with ease.
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Old 06-09-2012, 02:18 AM   #74
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There once was a woman named Grace
Who was born with an upside down face
When seeing her chin
She looked sad when she grinned
Since everything was so out of place.
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Old 06-09-2012, 10:19 AM   #75
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A man took his dog to the drive-in
Bought popcorn and told him to dive in
Then asked, " Think we'll survive,
If I let you drive ? "
Then laughed,and said he was jivin.
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