A Honeymooners Thanksgiving:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens & Nortons arrive at the Raccoon Lodge for Thanksgiving.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, take a look at all the food here. Hope you don't die of a heart attack eating all of this food."

Ralph: "Ooooh, we have only been here for a minute Norton and already you are acting like a riot."

Alice: "Too bad that my parents couldn't come to this dinner."

Ralph (sarcastically): "Yeah, it's a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal shame Alice that that blabbermouth of your mother and father aren't coming. I am soooo sad."

Ed: "Ralph, you don't look sad."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Alice: "Ralph, that is not very nice."

Ralph: "Whatever you say Alice. Hey there Freddie Muller. Happy Thanksgiving."

(They both raise the tails on their hats.)

Both: "Whooooooooooo!"

Freddie Muller: "Happy Thanksgiving. Ralph, I hope that you don't eat us out of heart and home."

Ralph: "When did I ever do that?"

Ed: "How about the time..."

Ralph (yells): "DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT!"

Trixie: "This food looks great. Especially the sweet potatoes."

Ed: "By the way Freddie Muller, did you see the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? I was there with Ralph. I LOVED seeing my idol, Spongebob Squarepants floating up there via wires especially over my place of work."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: "Me and Ralph also got to meet the people from CBS This Morning and I said to them that me and my work crew watch thier show before the tide comes in. You should have seen their faces."

(Ralph rolls his eyes again.)

Ralph: "Norton, lets not talk about the sewer right now. Let's all sit down in our chairs at the table."

(They all do. The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler comes in.)

G.H.E.M.R.: "Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Now Raccoons, the traditional Raccon salute."

(They all get up and rise the tails on their caps.)

All (yell): "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(They all sit down.)

G.H.E.M.R.: "Now, we have chosen Mr. Ralph Kramden to speak before we have our dinner."

(Ralph gets up and gets a pretty lukewarm ovation.)

Ralph: "I just want to say how we should all be thankful for what he have today. I am thankful to be part of the Raccoons. I am thankful to have great friends like the Nortons. I am thankful to have a great wife in Alice who has tolerated me for a long time."

Ed: "Especailly with all the food you eat."

Ralph: "Yes...but I think that we should all be thankful for being here tonight, for living in a free country where all of our brave men and women are still fighting for our freedom. Let's all hope that they get home soon."

All (yell): "HERE! HERE!"

Ralph: "We should all be thankful."

(They all sing a song about being thankful.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. I just want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! The Miami Beach Thanksgivings are the BEST!"

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: " "Ladies and gentlemen, time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Crowd cheers as Jean comes on stage and greets Jackie.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Crowd cheers as Audrey comes on stage and greets Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and greets Jackie.)

Jackie: "GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)