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Old 11-19-2020, 09:42 PM   #31
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Dan: "What is this, Mayberry?"
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Old 11-24-2020, 07:52 AM   #32
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Crystal Anderson-Conner:
[about Crystal's baby] Well, why won't he sleep? I've tried everything, even the washing machine.

Darlene:
You put him in the *washing machine*?
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Old 12-18-2020, 08:22 PM   #33
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Darlene: (to D.J.)"You're about to become a strange smell in the attic."
(He runs upstairs.)

Darlene: "What reeks?"
Roseanne: "Your future."
Darlene: "Yeah, that smells about right."

Darlene: "I kneww she stuffed."

Dan: "Fruity, yet bovine."

D.J.: "Mom says I get to name the restaurant."
Darlene: "Great. From the boy who named his goldfish 'Fluffy'."

Dan: "Hey, he couldn't do any worse. Go ahead, Deej. Give it a shot."
D.J.: "The Lunch Box."
(Silence as they think it over.)
Roseanne: "That's pretty good!"
Dan: "'Lunch Box' it is. Way to go, Deej."

Roseanne: "Tomorrow? I can't come up with the truth by tomorrow."

Roseanne: "We've got to get a better class of friends."

Last edited by Ohio8; 12-19-2020 at 03:15 PM.
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Old 12-19-2020, 07:38 AM   #34
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Ronnie:
Do you want to know why I didn't want you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding? Because there wasn't enough tangerine chiffon in the whole state of Illinois to make your dress.

Roseanne:
[pause] Good one.
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Old 02-11-2021, 11:47 PM   #35
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Roseanne: "I was tougher than this in my wedding vows."

Darlene: "Yeah, D.J.'s finally got a friend who isn't imaginary."

Darlene: "Don't worry. How munch damage can he do with one free hand?"

Roseanne: "It's more like a home project."
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Old 04-20-2021, 05:00 PM   #36
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Darlene: "So how was your date?"
Becky: "Well, he's a great kisser. But it's not like you would know the difference."
Darlene: "Did you get felt up?"
Becky: "No!"
Darlene: "Huh! I did."

Darlene: "Make 'em beg, right?"
Becky: "Basically."

Darlene: "Great. Torture me, then kill me."
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Old 04-21-2021, 01:47 PM   #37
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Ty Tilden:
Ah man... daughters. They oughta come with a handbook.

Dan:
Yeah, so you can smack 'em with it.
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Old 04-21-2021, 09:29 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio8 View Post
Dan: "Fruity, yet bovine."
When/what episode?
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Old 04-23-2021, 09:36 AM   #39
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Dan Conner:
Do you regret marrying me?

Roseanne Conner:
Every second of my life.
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Old 04-23-2021, 10:48 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nuraman00 View Post
When/what episode?
The fifth season's "Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places". October 1992. Dan said this after he ate a sample of Roseanne's loose meat sandwich.
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Old 04-24-2021, 05:46 AM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio8 View Post
The fifth season's "Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places". October 1992. Dan said this after he ate a sample of Roseanne's loose meat sandwich.
Thanks.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:59 AM   #42
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Roseanne:
Feel like a chili dog?

Jackie Harris:
Among other things. How bout you, Beck? You want a chili dog?

Becky:
No, I'm never eating again.

Roseanne:
Well you're still doing the dishes.
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Old 05-01-2021, 02:02 PM   #43
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(In a department store.)
Salesman: "I see you decided on a king size."
Dan: "No. We'll take that one over there, the double."
Salesman: "And for the lady?"
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Old 05-09-2021, 10:03 AM   #44
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Dan:
Well, you don't have to lie for me, I'm not afraid of my wife.

Fred:
Oh? Have you remarried?
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