Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

The Honeymooners (Sitcoms Online) / The Honeymooners links and theme songs at Sitcoms Online / The Honeymooners Photo Gallery


The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on Blu-ray
The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on DVD
The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
Buy The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series) on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4 on DVD

Buy The Very Best of The Honeymooners / The Best of The Honeymooners - The Lost Episodes / The Honeymooners Christmas Special
The Honeymooners Valentine Special / The Honeymooners - Second Honeymoon / Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners

Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > 1950s Sitcoms > The Honeymooners

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

Fri-Yay: Space Force on Netflix Thoughts; BET+ Comedy Gets Binge Premiere
Antenna TV's Coach Father's Day Marathon; The CW Acquires Patrick Dempsey Thriller for Fall 2020
HBO Max Comedy Starts Strong; Alexa & Katie Returns in June for Final Episodes
Ted Lasso Coming Soon to Apple TV+; Quibi Picks Up 2nd Season of Dishmantled
Disney+ Orders Second Season of Diary of a Future President; Young Sheldon Streaming on HBO Max
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of June 1, 2020)
SitcomsOnline Digest: HBO Max Acquires Young Sheldon; Simpsons Now Available in Original Aspect Ratio on Disney+


New on DVD/Blu-ray (February/March/April/May/June)

Martin - The Complete Series Step by Step - The Complete Seventh and Final Season The Good Place - The Final (Fourth) Season Head of the Class - The Complete First Season Modern Family - The Eleventh and Final Season

02/04 - Martin - The Complete Series (WBShop.com)
02/11 - Step by Step - The Complete Sixth Season (WBShop.com)
02/18 - Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
02/25 - Better Things - The Complete Third Season
03/17 - Crashing - The Complete Third Season (Blu-ray)
04/07 - Cheers - The Complete Series (2020 Release)
04/14 - Police Squad! - The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
04/14 - The Righteous Gemstones - The Complete First Season
04/21 - Step by Step - The Complete Seventh and Final Season (WBShop.com)
05/05 - Kidding - Season 2
05/19 - The Good Place - The Final (Fourth) Season
05/19 - The Good Place - The Complete Series - Collector's Edition (Blu-ray)
05/26 - Silicon Valley - The Complete Sixth and Final Season
05/26 - Silicon Valley - The Complete Series
06/02 - Work in Progress - Season 1
06/09 - Head of the Class - The Complete First Season (WBShop.com)
06/09 - Letterkenny - Seasons 3 & 4
06/09 - Modern Family - The Eleventh and Final Season
06/23 - South Park - The Complete Twenty-Third Season (Blu-ray)
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-08-2020, 09:02 AM   #1021
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Alice Kramden:
[Ralph has been laid off and Alice is talking about getting a job to help make ends meet] I can get a job as a secretary.

Ralph Kramden:
Oh, you can. And who do you think is gonna do the housework around here?

Alice Kramden:
[smiles sweetly] Guess...

Ralph Kramden:
Oh, no! No, sir, Alice. No, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir! No, sir! Not me!

Alice Kramden:
Oh, yes, you are, Ralph! I'm getting a job and you're gonna do the housework!
__________________
~*Mikaela*~
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2020, 07:50 PM   #1022
Ohio8
Member
Forum Veteran
 
Ohio8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 29, 2003
Location: Wherever you aren't.
Posts: 12,165
Send a message via AIM to Ohio8 Send a message via Yahoo to Ohio8
Default

Ralph: "Not for long; I have a very forgiving nature."

Ralph: "The only time I can relax is when he's wide awake!"

Ralph: (to Ed) "I didn't call the doctor on account of the bump on
your head, I called the doctor on account of the bump in your head!"
__________________
"Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd
Ohio8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2020, 08:29 PM   #1023
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ralph:
You're the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a penny on the sidewalk. I wouldn't.

Alice:
You couldn't.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2020, 08:32 AM   #1024
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man inthis city that's strong enough to do that."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph & Alice just got introduced as contestants on "Beat The Clock.")

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Have you lived in Brooklyn all your lives?"

Ralph: "Not yet."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the faimly with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2020, 06:19 PM   #1025
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ralph:
Hooolllddd it! Wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

Alice:
Nothing, Ralph. Carlos was just teaching us to do the mambo.

Trixie:
Right, Ralph. Carlos was just teaching us to do the mambo.

Ralph:
Ohhhhhhh, Carlos was teaching to do the mambo. Oh ho ho! That puts a different light on everything. For a minute there, when I walked in here, I didn't know what you were doin'. Now I know, Carlos was teaching you the mambo. That makes a world of difference! EVERYBODY OUT! OUT!

Angelina Manicotti:
But, Mr. Kramden, it's fun!

Ralph:
[pointing at her] And YOU, at YOUR age, should be ASHAMED of yourself!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2020, 08:29 AM   #1026
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "I know how to throw my weight around."

Alice: "If you did, you wouldn't leave it where it is."

"Young At Heart":

Ralph: "This isn't a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it! I got it! I'm hip! Ready to go! I'm gone! Gone!"

Alice: "You are gone all right."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "You are supposed to waddle like a duck."

Ralph: "How can I do that?"

Ed: "It's easy. Just walk like you always do."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

Ralph: "What's the sense of saving money if you can't take it with you?"

Alice: "You are right I can't. I never go any place."

"You're In The Picture":

Alice: "You look like you have lipstick on your face Ralph."

Ralph: "Oh, I cut myself shaving this morning."

Alice: "You cut yourself shaving and only now you are starting to bleed?"

Ed: "Well with the way Ralph is built, it takes a long time for his blood to reach the surface."

"Ralph Goes Hollywood":

(Pete from Pettskill Studios confronts Ralph about how much money he is spending that Peetskill Studios will have to pay.)

Pete: "Ralph Kramden, who do you think you are, Jackie Gleason?"

Ralph: "How dare you Jackie Gleason! I'm not that nuts."

"The Golfer":

Ralph: "I got enough confidence in me for the both of us."

Alice: "You got enough of EVERYTHING in you for the both of us."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question that they gave me."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"Quiz Show":

Ralph: "I had six years of schooling."

Alice: "I had eight years."

Ralph: "Well, some people learn faster than others."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2020, 08:37 AM   #1027
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ed Norton:
[to Harvey] A pox on you and all your ancestors!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2020, 08:37 AM   #1028
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph (knocking on door): "Got any mashed potatoes out there?"

(Door opens.)

Ralph: "I said do you have any mashed potatoes out there?"

Cook: "We don't even have anything else to throw away."

"Two Tickets To The Fight":

Ralph: "Throw a punch at me and I will duck."

(Ed throws a punch and hits Ralph.)

Ed: "Hey, that's some ducking Ralph. I can never hit you the second time."

"Flushing Ho":

(Ed comes out with a sailboat he was playing with in the tub.)

Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept we out here for 20 minutes while you were playing with a boat in the tub."

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise."

"Flushing Ho":

Ralph: "Because of Ed, I had to go to work without my bath."

Trixie: "You didn't have to do that Ralph. You could take you bath at the circus. They wouldn't mind bathing one more elephant."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "Mr. Faversham says I have something that stretches from the theater and goes out into the audience."

Alice (patting Ralph's stomach): "You certainly do."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Ed & Ralph are doing a crossword puzzle.)

Ed: "Sofa." (writing): "S-o-f..." (not writing): "What is that an A or an E?"

Ralph: "It's A or E."

Ed (writing): "A or E."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(It's Ed's birthday and Ralph wants to get off cheaply.)

Alice: "Ed took you to the Kit Kat Klub on your birthday."

Ralph: 'Did I ask him?"

Alice: "No, you suggested the Copa Cabana."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "Hey, what kind of peanut butter is that? Is that the crunchy kind?"

Ralph: "Yes, it is the crunchy kind and I can prove it to you. When this jar hits your head, you will hear a crunch."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ed: "Some people will think that just because I have a sewer job, I have a glamorous job."

Ralph: "What job are you applying for?"

Ed: "Sewer inspector."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-11-2020, 08:56 AM   #1029
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ralph:
Don't start that again, Alice. No wife of mine is gonna work. I got my pride. You know, no Kramden woman has ever supported her husband. The Kramden men are the workers in the family.

Alice:
Wait a minute, Ralph. What about your father? For a long time there he didn't work at all.

Ralph:
But neither did my mother. At least he kept his pride, Alice. He went on relief.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2020, 08:50 AM   #1030
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my finger on that darn stove."

Ralph: "That is a shame. If you are no tbruning yourself, it's my food."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(Phone rings. Alice picks up.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."

"The $99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "I am going for my pot of gold."

Alice: "Just go for the gold. You already got the pot."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

(Ralph & Ed are fighting.)

Ralph: "I have a million friends. I have 50 down at the bus depot. 50 down in the lodge. 50 down in the bowling alley. There's 100 right there."

Alice: "If you have so many, how come they never invite you anywhere?"

Ralph: "Because I am always with Ed and they don't like him either."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "How about last year at the dancing contest?"

Alice: "What about it?"

Ralph: "I won the rhumba contest, didn't I?"

Alice: "Only because I backed into a hot radiator."

"Expectant Dad" & "Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. They used to call us 'Big' & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Alice: "How could you even think of going to the movies when Ed took you to the Kit Kat Club on your birthday?"

Ralph: "Did I ask him to take me there? Did I ask him?"

Alice: "No, you suggested going to the Copa Cabana."

"You're In The Picture":

(Ralph is dressed as a matador while Ed has bulls horns. Ed is warming up.)

Ralph (yells): "COME ON!"

Ed (yells): "I'M WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN!"

(Ed charges like a bull and misses Ralph. Ed then decides to stick the horns in Ralph's backside.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHH!"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Ralph: "Some day, someone might discover you."

Ed: "Not unless he falls down an open manhole."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2020, 08:26 AM   #1031
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

(After Ralph's idea to get the tooth out fails [him and Ed tied one side of a string on a doorknob and the other end on his tooth and they slammed the door shut only to have the doorknob come out], Ralph has a doorknob hanging out of his mouth.)

Ed: "I got an idea. We tie one side of a string on your tooth and the other side to the end of the car, I put the car in drive and vroom! Out goes the tooth."

Ralph: "You are an idiot!"

Ed (yells): "Maybe I am but I don't have a doorknob hanging out of my mouth."

"The Next Champ":

Mr. Amrstrong: "Is this (Ed Norton) you're fighter?"

Ralph: "No, he just looks punch-drunk."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(Ralph tries to get Art Carney's autograph for Alice.)

Art: "What's the name?"

Ralph: "My name is Ralph Kramden, but she knows that."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Nick and another guy offer Ralph a job and $600 before he starts it.)

Ralph: "$600, I don't know what to do first."

Ed: "I do."

Ralph: "What is that?"

Ed: "I wouldn't tell Trixie."

"Norton Moves In":

(Ralph and Norton are sharing the cot. Ed is having a cigarette.)

Ed: "Ralph, I dropped the match in the bed. Ralph?"

Ralph: "Nee na miz."

Ralph (feeling the lit match, yells): "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Nephew of The Bride":

Alice: "Aunt Ethel is only staying for a couple of days."

Ralph: "Yeah, those days are Decoration Day, fourth of July and Groundhogs Day."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a
financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Trixie: "Ed, that's very encouraging that you sold to your last costumer. Maybe after talking to all those people, you found the right thing to say. Did you remember what you said to that last costumer?"

Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'"

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(The phone rings.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2020, 08:28 AM   #1032
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default Valentine's Day Quotes:

"New Year's Eve Party":

Ed: "Will you stop looking at the dark side of things? If you work on New Years Eve, you are bound to get Saint Valentine's Day off."

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP!"

"New Year's Eve Party":

Mr. Marshall (to Ralph): "You lied to me so you can get off New Year's Eve."

Ed (to Ralph): "Now you have to work on Saint Valentine's Day."

"Double Anniverasry Party":

(After Ralph told Ed that he was going to take Alice out for their anniversary like it's an ordinary evening, he will surprise Alice with a dinner at a nightclub. Alice comes in.)

Ed: "Alice, may I be the first to wish you a very happy oridinary evening?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

All from "Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

#1

Ralph: "Me and Alice have an anniversary coing up."

Ed: "I hope that it is the 16th. 16th means net."

#2

Alice: "That is all that you are good for. You always boss us around. You men think you own the world."

Ralph: "You women get revenge. You marry us."

#3

(Ralph & Ed are practing louldy in the middle of the night.)

Ralph (yelling out the window to Garrity): "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAT LIP?"

Garrity (yells): "IF I WAS LOOKING FOR A FAT ANYTHING, I WOULD KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT. AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY KRAMDEN? DID THE PIZZERIA BURN DOWN."

All from “Honeymooners Valentine Special”:

#1

Alice: “Ralph purposed to me on Valentine’s Day.”

Trixie: “Yours was more romantic than mine was. Ed proposed to me on Groundhog’s Day.When he pops out of the sewer and sees his shadow, I don’t get a present.”

Alice: “What if he doesn’t?”

Trixie: “I still don’t get one.”

#2

Alice: “What is your waist measurement?”

Ralph: “146.”

#3

Ed: “Trxie how would you like taf pil for dessert?”

Trixie: “What is that?”

Ed: “That is fat lip spelled backwards.”

All from "The Deciding Vote":

#1

Ed: "I wish Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

Alice: "Icing? Ed that's starch."

Ed: "It is?"

(Ed tastes it.)

Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

#2

Ed: "I always get a cold working under the Park Avenue sewer."

Ralph: "Why?"

Ed: "They are air-conditioned."

#3

(Earlier on Ralph gave Alice a vaccuum. He gave it a test by trying to suck up oatmeal. It doesn't work. So, he loaned it to Joe.)

Ralph: "Why would Joe vote against me?"

Ed: "Remember the vacuum you loaned to him? Jim tested it. He didn't do well with the oatmeal test either.

All from “Honeymooners Second Honeymoon”:

#1

Ralph: “How I love thee. Let me count the ways.”

Alice: “That is beautiful. What is it, browning?”

Ralph: “No. After work, Grogan took me to Reilly’s for a beer. I saw it on an mouthwash commercial.”

#2

(Alice is getting the punch ready but she hasn’t put in the punch yet and the alcohol too. Ralph and Ed don’t know this.)

Ed: “What have we here?”

Ralph: “That is the punch. Wait a minute. Let’s have a drink.”

(Ralph gets a cup.)

Ralph: “I must warn you pal. This stuff is strong. Alice put four cups of vodka in this.”

(Ralph and Ed take a drink.)

Ralph: “As that fat guy on TV says: ‘Mmmmm boy, that’s good booze.’”

#3

Alice: “Tell me, I can’t stand the suspense.”

Ralph: "We are going to spend two glorious weeks at the Raccoon National Cemetery.”

All from "Jack & Julie Together":

#1

Ed: “Why don’t you tell her that you sent her a card but it got lost in the mail?”

Ralph: “That’s dishonest. Besides, I already told her that last year.

#2

Ed: “Why do you pick on me?”

Ralph: “Because you are a BUM!”

#3

Ed (writing Ralph's letter): “’My dearest, darling, loving, sweetheart Alice. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am sorry I forgot your birthday, but I will make it up…I will forget next year's too.”

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2020, 08:51 AM   #1033
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ralph:
If this lodge doesn't get some money soon, there isn't going to be a lodge. Did you hear what happened yesterday?

Ed Norton:
What?

Ralph:
The Acme Finance Company come in and took out the pool table. Day before that, they come in and took out the television set and the phonograph. And the day before that, they come in and took out the piano. What are we gonna do, Norton?

Ed Norton:
Well, we could hold our meetings at the Acme Finance Company.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2020, 08:41 AM   #1034
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Finders Keepers":

(Ralph & Ed are wondering how to get some money.)

Ed: "How about a reward?"

Ralph: "A reward?"

Ed: "Yeah, I was down at the post office the other day and on the wall, they had the fugitives from justice. $200 reward, $300 reward, $500 reward. Why don't we gou out and capture ourselves a couple of fugitives from justice?"

(A pause.)

Ralph: "That is the stupidest thing that I ever heard in my life. All I know is that they wanted fugitives from Bellevue, I would make a fortune."

"Finders Keepers":

(Ralph & Ed are playing pinball.)

Ed: "You can still come up empty you know?"

Ralph: "The only thing that is empty in here is your head."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Don't you have to call anybody to tell them that you'll be late for work?"

Ed: "Who am I going to call? If I would tell anybody that I am going to be late, I would write a note and slip it down a manhole."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Alice: "How can you even think of taking Ed to the movies oh his birthday when he took you to the Kit Kat Club on your birthday?"

Ralph (from bedroom): "Did I ask him to take me there? Did I ask him?"

Alice: "No, you suggested the Copa."

"The Worry Wart":

(Ralph is worried about being investigated by the I.R.S.)

Alice: "You are not the first person to be investigated."

Ed: "She is right. The jails are full of them."

"The Worry Wart":

(Ralph is talking about the previous time him & Alice were at Fred's Landing. Ed is listening.)

Ralph: "You should have seen Alice running away from that snake. I thought I would die laughing."

Alice: "How could you see me running away? You were way ahead of me."

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "I am not going to die."

Ed: "You mean never."

"This Is Your Life Part 1":

(Ed reveals that he accidently took the bag of groceries as his lunch.)

Ed: "I got one complaint though. Those cookies were very stale."

Trixie: "What cookies?"

Ed: "Those little round ones."

Trixie: "Those were brillow pads."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Alice: "Me & Trixie are rehearsing."

Ralph: "For what, the Bellevue Follies?"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2020, 10:29 AM   #1035
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,271
Default

Ed Norton:
Hey, Ralph, what's the normal temperature, around 98, ain't it?

Ralph Kramden:
98.6.

Ed Norton:
What would you say a bad temperature is?

Ralph Kramden:
Hundred and two, 103. What is it, Norton? What is my temperature?

[Norton becomes shocked as he examines the thermometer; Ralph gets impatient]

Ralph Kramden:
WHAT'S MY TEMPERATURE, NORTON?

Ed Norton:
[crying out] A HUNDRED AND ELEVEN!

Ralph Kramden:
A hundred and eleven?

Ed Norton:
Why'd it have to be you? Prime of life!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:48 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions Inc.