Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

The Honeymooners (Sitcoms Online) / The Honeymooners links and theme songs at Sitcoms Online / The Honeymooners Photo Gallery


The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on Blu-ray
The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on DVD
The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
Buy The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series) on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4 on DVD

Buy The Very Best of The Honeymooners / The Best of The Honeymooners - The Lost Episodes / The Honeymooners Christmas Special
The Honeymooners Valentine Special / The Honeymooners - Second Honeymoon / Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners

Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > 1950s Sitcoms > The Honeymooners

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

SitcomsOnline Digest: Roku Adds Over 100 Linear Channels; Remembering Mary Pat Gleason and Peggy Pope
Fri-Yay: Space Force on Netflix Thoughts; BET+ Comedy Gets Binge Premiere
Antenna TV's Coach Father's Day Marathon; The CW Acquires Patrick Dempsey Thriller for Fall 2020
HBO Max Comedy Starts Strong; Alexa & Katie Returns in June for Final Episodes
Ted Lasso Coming Soon to Apple TV+; Quibi Picks Up 2nd Season of Dishmantled
Disney+ Orders Second Season of Diary of a Future President; Young Sheldon Streaming on HBO Max
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of June 1, 2020)


New on DVD/Blu-ray (February/March/April/May/June)

Martin - The Complete Series Step by Step - The Complete Seventh and Final Season The Good Place - The Final (Fourth) Season Head of the Class - The Complete First Season Modern Family - The Eleventh and Final Season

02/04 - Martin - The Complete Series (WBShop.com)
02/11 - Step by Step - The Complete Sixth Season (WBShop.com)
02/18 - Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
02/25 - Better Things - The Complete Third Season
03/17 - Crashing - The Complete Third Season (Blu-ray)
04/07 - Cheers - The Complete Series (2020 Release)
04/14 - Police Squad! - The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
04/14 - The Righteous Gemstones - The Complete First Season
04/21 - Step by Step - The Complete Seventh and Final Season (WBShop.com)
05/05 - Kidding - Season 2
05/19 - The Good Place - The Final (Fourth) Season
05/19 - The Good Place - The Complete Series - Collector's Edition (Blu-ray)
05/26 - Silicon Valley - The Complete Sixth and Final Season
05/26 - Silicon Valley - The Complete Series
06/02 - Work in Progress - Season 1
06/09 - Head of the Class - The Complete First Season (WBShop.com)
06/09 - Letterkenny - Seasons 3 & 4
06/09 - Modern Family - The Eleventh and Final Season
06/23 - South Park - The Complete Twenty-Third Season (Blu-ray)
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-11-2018, 07:51 AM   #151
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Alice & The Blonde":

Alice: "Ralph, do you know what time it is?"

Ralph: "Yeah, it's a little after 11pm."

Alice: "Yeah. Three hours after 11pm."

"The Safety Award":

(Alice & Trixie have the same dress on.)

Ralph: "Don't those dresses look alike?"

Ed: "Alike? They are like the Bobsie Twins."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Mr. Johnson: "I couldn't raise the rent on my own. I had to go to the Rent Commission to prove hardship."

Ralph: "What did you use for evidence, a picture of this dump?"

"Hot Dog Stand":

Ralph: "On opening day, when the stand is jam packed with customers and photographers are lining up all over the joint, you won't be in the pictures."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back against the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Taurus?"

Ralph: "I'm trying to scratch an itch and I can't reach it."

Ed: "For a minute there, I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle and Roll."

"My Fair Landlord":

Ed: "If you don't fix up my place, I am not going to pay you the rent."

Ralph: "You sneak. What kind of a sneak would think of a plan like that?"

Ed: "I learned it from you. That is waht you pulled on the landlord in the other place."

"Norton Moves In" (Color):

Ralph (yells): "3AM? WHAT DID YOU GET ME UP AT THIS TIME FOR?"

Alice: "The Nortons had thier apartment painted today."

Ralph (yells): "DID THAT NEWSFLASH JUST COME ACROSS THE RADIO?"

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ralph: "It is times like this when I realize how selfish you are. You know the condition I am in. You know I can't do anything by myself."

Alice: "How did you get out here?"

Ralph: "Don't change the subject."

"The Match Game":

Ed: "That was a football player that used to play for us sewerworkers' football team. He got a career-ending injury during the prime of his career."

Ralph: "What was it?"

Ed: "Water on the knee."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2018, 07:59 AM   #152
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Dial J For Janitor

Ralph: Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only relaxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight.
Alice: You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up.

A Man's Pride

Ralph: Me and my silly pride. I promise you this, Norton, I'm gonna learn. I'm gonna learn from here on in how to swallow my pride.
Ed Norton: Well, that ought not to be too hard. You've learned how to swallow everything else.
Ralph: GET OUT!
__________________
~*Mikaela*~
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2018, 07:42 AM   #153
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Alice: "We have to get rid of Happy. He's too big for this apartment."

Ralph: "He's too big for a zoo."

"The Loudspeaker":

(Ralph slips on the rock candy.)

Ralph (yells): "ROCK CANDY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE, ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME OR SOMETHING NORTON?"

Ed: "What are you yelling at me for? You got rid of the hic-koffs, didn't you?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You got no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh yes I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"Move Uptown":

Ralph: "Where's Norton? We have to unload the trailer."

Trixie: "I don't know."

(Crash! Clatter! Bing! Bang! Boom!)

(Ed comes out with a lot of pots and pans attached on him.)

Ralph: "What's the matter with you?"

Ed: "Shhh."

Ralph: "Don't 'shh' me."

Trixie: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Ed: "No, I didn't. Luckily, the pots and pans broke my fall."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(All of them are in the lemon of a cottage.)

Ed: "This cottage isn't so bad."

Trixie: "Maybe not for a guy who spends most of his life in the sewer."

"Ralph's Diet":

Alice: "Look at the stomach."

Ralph: "That is not my stomach."

Alice: "What is it?"

Ralph: "It happens to be a very low chest."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Alice: "Me & Trixie are rehearsing."

Ralph: "For what, the Bellevue Follies?"

"Boy Next Door":

(Ralph just found out that it was Ed who wrote the note.)

Mrs. Patterson: "Notice the open o's."

Ralph: "Open O's? I will open his head."

"The Deciding Vote":

Alice: "Ralph, what are you going to do?"

Ralph: "I will give that bum (Ed) a reference." (reading): "'How long have you known the applicant?' Too long." (reading): "'Is the applicant trustworthy?' Don't make me laugh." (reading): "'In your opinion, is the applicant a good character?' The applicant is a bum!"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2018, 07:46 AM   #154
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

A Matter Of Life And Death

Dick Gersh: Tell me, Dr. Norton, what school did you attend?
Ed Norton: P.S., 31 Oyster Bay.
Dick Gersh: No, I mean, what medical school?
Ralph: Oh, uh, he went to Oxford.
Dick Gersh: Oh, in England.
Ed Norton: Is that where it is?
Dick Gersh: You mean you went to school in Oxford and you don't know it's in England?
Ed Norton: Well, to tell you the truth, sir, it was so foggy over there, I don't know where it was.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2018, 09:11 AM   #155
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Remember last year at the convention when the cops were cracking down on the people who were dropping bags out of the hotel window? That didn't bother me. I just went 1...2...3 and I threw them out."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "Look me all over. Now describe my build to me."

Ed: "Well, if I were to describe your build, I would say you have very well-developed muscles. Got good bone structure. Very good bone structure. Fine frame...and the whole thing is covered with fat."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "For my height, I am four pounds underweight. It says so in the chart."

Alice: "You must have been looking at a chart for a hippo."

"Checkup":

Ed: "Has there been anything you wanted to look inside that didn't belong to you?"

Ralph: "Yes. Your head."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Get in that kitchen and start cleaning up."

Alice: "Only if I use you for a mop."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "Stop saying 'okay.' Say: 'That will be very good sir.'"

Thelma: "Okay."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "This (Ed) is my guest and I'm your employer."

Thelma: "Some guest and some employer. The SIMP and the BLIMP."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Ed just won the TV set on the movie ticket that Ralph got.)

Ed: "It's just like the guy said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"

Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Ed: "Nobody is going to put you in a straightjacket."

Ralph: "Thank you Norton."

Ed: "Where are they going to find one big enough?"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2018, 09:37 AM   #156
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Ralph Kramden: Look, Alice, please, it's simple arithmetic. We buy something for ten cents, and we sell it for a dollar! It's that simple.
Alice Kramden: If it's so simple, Ralph, why didn't the man who had these things in his warehouse sell them and make this big profit?
Ralph Kramden: Because he thinks small like you do. He thinks he's got to go from door to door to sell these things. That's where my great idea comes in. I go on television and in five minutes, I can sell the whole 2,000 of them.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 08:54 AM   #157
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Ed Norton: [sleepwalking] Luu-Luu!

Ed Norton: [shouting during the end of the commercial] And now, back to Charlie Chan!

[Ralph can't get a ring off his finger]
Ralph: Is there any lard around here?
Alice: Yeah, about 300 pounds.
Ralph: Oh, you're gonna get yours!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 09:56 AM   #158
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Ed Norton: [to Ralph about his mother-in-law] I can't even afford to feed her. Boy, can she eat! When she comes to dinner, she clears that table like a hurdler. Gee, and is she fat. From the front, she looks like you from the back!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 10:01 AM   #159
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"This Is Your Life Part One":

(Ralph is trying to catch people in the poolroom in hoping of finding who's seeing Alice. He already interviewed one person.)

Ralph: "Hey you."

Fat Man: "You talking to me?"

Ralph: "Never mind."

Ed: "Well, that's three down."

Ralph: "Three down?"

Ed: "He counts for two, doesn't he?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

(Ralph picks out a small fish from his basket.)

Alice: "This is what you had the big tug-of-war with?"

Ralph: "He lost a lot of weight during the fight."

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph found out that Alice's Aunt Ethel and Herman are moving in since Herman lives at the YMCA. He picks up his hat and puts it on.)

Alice: "Where are you going?"

Ralph: "To the YMCA."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Alice: "Ralph, it's 2am in the morning and Aunt Ethel isn't home yet."

Ralph: "She better get home early if she has to wake me up at 6am."

"Hello Mom":

Alice: "My mother is coming and you are going to be nice to her."

Ralph: "I'm going to be nice to her. That's impossible. We don't get along. We're enemies. Natural enemies like a boa constrictor and a mongoose."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ed: "Don't you think that I should be climbing on that ladder?"

Ralph: "So, you are saying that I'm too fat to climb this ladder. Why don't you just say it?"

Ed: "I don't have too. You just did."

Ralph: "My wife may not be alone on the moon."

(Ralph goes into the bedroom with the ladder. He climbs up it.)

Ralph (falling, yells): "DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "I am now going to put the key under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order for you to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't handle."

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

(After Ralph threatens that him and Ed are going to jump out the hotel window if the wives don't give them the money, Ed accidentally falls out.)

Ed: "I forgot. We are on the ground floor."

Ralph: "You don't know how to fall correctly."

Ed: "I would if we were on the 15th floor."

"The Sleepwalker":

(The doctor gives Ed a shot.)

Doctor: "I want you to count backwards from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 10:12 AM   #160
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Ed Norton: Well, let's face it, Ralph. You're not the easiest guy in the world to shop for, you know? It's pretty tough to get a guy something that, well, a guy that's got everything.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-15-2018, 07:51 AM   #161
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

[Ralph tells Norton that he hid Alice's present under the icebox; Norton goes looking for it and finds the pan underneath]
Ed Norton: That is beautiful, Ralph. I mean it. You know something else? You know, it was a smart idea of yours to put that underneath there, because in case accidentally if she goes in there and finds it, she'll just think it's a pan for under the icebox. It's novel, too, you know. I mean, she's not gonna get another present from anyone like this. She couldn't.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-15-2018, 07:54 AM   #162
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Funny Money":

(Ralph said to Alice that all the bad things that had happened were nothing.)

Alice: "What about quitting your job Ralph or was that nothing?"

Ralph: "I forgot about that."

Alice: "I guess you forgot that all this expensive stuff that you bought has to go back too. Every bit of it except for your suits Ralph. The tailor can't take those back. He doesn't know of any ELEPHANTS that need a new wardrobe."

"Alice & The Blonde":

(Alice catches Ralph coming home late.)

Alice: "Do you know what time it is Ralph?"

Ralph: "Yeah, it's a little after 11."

Alice: "Yeah, it's three hours after 11."

"A Matter of Record":

Ralph: "Your mother is a blabbermouth. A blabbermouth."

Alice: "Ralph, I told you I don't want you calling her that."

Ralph: "All right. You are an expert on crossword puzzles. Give me another word for 'blabbermouth.'"

"Cupid Part 1":

Herman: "I still have our class picture Ralph. You were in the first row."

Ed: "In the first row, he must have BEEN the first row."

"Cupid Part 2":

(Ralph thinks that Alice has left him.)

Ralph: "Everything in here reminds me of her. The potatos she peels, the frigidare she fixes, the floor she scrubs, the dishes she washes. Norton, why did she leave me?"

Ed: "You just gave four very good reasons."

"Brother-In-Law":

Ralph: "I'm the boss. You're nothing."

Alice: "Big deal. You are the boss over nothing."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and I."

Ed: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and anybody."

"Hair To A Fortune":

(Ed is gving the bottles to Ralph and saying what each and every bottle has. He picks up one of the bottles.)

Ed: "This is a tough one. 'Oliveoil.'"

(Ralph picks up the bottle and looks at the label.)

Ralph: "'Oliveoil?'" (yells): "THAT'S OLIVE OIL."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Ed is hypnotized. He is at his job.)

Ed: "I am walking around in the water." (looking at Ralph): "Look out! There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby."

Ralph: "If he wasn't under a spell, I would fracture his skull."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-15-2018, 08:03 AM   #163
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

[Uncle Leo has heartily slapped Ralph on the back a few times, not realizing that he hurt his back; after Leo leaves, Ralph lets out a loud bellow of pain]
Alice Kramden: [worried] Ralph, what happened?
Ralph Kramden: Baby, nothing. I was just yawning.
Alice Kramden: Yawning?
Ralph Kramden: I'm tired.
Alice Kramden: Sounded like feeding time at the zoo.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2018, 08:00 AM   #164
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,490
Default

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I am making a list of all my weak points."

Ed: "Oh, is that all the paper you are going to use?"

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only realxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight."

Alice: "You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "This (the Handy Housewife Helper) is the key to my future."

Alice: "Don't tell me that that has a key for opening the door at Bellevue."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "I am going to sue the landlord? Where is he?"

Man: "Florida."

Ralph: "Florida?"

Man: "He can't stand this cold weather."

"Expectant Father":

(Ed thinks that Trixie is pregnant. Ralph thinks that Alice is pregannt. They all act real nice around their wives.)

Trixie: "What is going on here?"

Ed: "That is for you to know and for me to find out."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

"Mr. Mosby": "This cottage has features Mr. Kramden that compare favorably to your home in the city."

Ed: "If it has a door on the knob, it's way ahead."

"We Spy":

Ralph: "We are in a foregin country and in a foreign country, you got to live like a native."

Alice: "Ralph, in Brooklyn I live like a native."

"We Spy":

(Ed just said to Ralph that he was a Naval Intelligence in the Navy.)

Ed: "Where is the sun?"

Ralph: "Right up there, naval intelligence."

"Corse of The Kramdens":

Man (to Ralph & Ed): "I don't usually drink."

Bartender (to the man): "What do you want?"

Man: "The usual."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2018, 08:57 PM   #165
MA
Member
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 81,272
Default

Ralph: [speaking to a recorder an apology to Alice] Hello, Alice. This is me, Ralph. Alice, I'm sorry. I'm miserable without ya. Please come back to me, Alice. I apologize for everything I've said. I even apologize to your mother. I know she doesn't mean the things she says, Alice, it's just her nature. She doesn't mean to be mean, she's just born that way. When she says things about your old boyfriends and about the furniture in the apartment, I know that she doesn't mean to get me mad. She's just naturally mean, that's all. When she spilled the beans about the end of the play, I shouldn't have gotten mad at that, I should've expected it from her. I know how she is. She's never gonna be any different, Alice! She's gonna be the *same old way*, Alice! She's a BLABBERMOUTH, Alice! A BLAAABBERMOOOUUUTH!

Ed Norton: In the words of the immortal bard, Shakespeare, "There are three times in a man's life when he wants to be alone: one, when he's communing with his thoughts; two, when he's being tender with his wife; and three, when he's in the isolation booth on 'The $64,000 Question'."
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:06 PM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions Inc.