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Ohio8 · 02-18-2018, 03:26 PM

Oliver: "There's something wrong with the carburetor."
Eb: "Yeah, it needs a new tractor on it."

AB · 03-02-2018, 06:31 PM

Oliver: "But he couldn't be dead."

Fred Ziffel: "Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral."

Oliver: "Are you sure?"

Fred Ziffel: "I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one."

AB · 03-02-2018, 06:32 PM

Lisa: "When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor."

Oliver: "Who?"

AB · 03-04-2018, 05:07 PM

Lisa Douglas: "Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him."

Ralph Monroe: "My lips are sealed."

Hank Kimball: "Now if we could only keep them that way."

Ralph Monroe: "If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out!"

AB · 03-08-2018, 05:15 PM

Oliver: "Eb, why don't you pull up the weeds that are growing in the wheat."

Eb: "Can't I just pull up the wheat? There ain't as much of that."

Chip J · 03-09-2018, 04:23 PM

Let's not forget the ever present exclamation in the first year in both Green Acres and Petticoat Junction whenever the Douglas' said where they were living.
Various Characters, at once or individually:
"The HANEY PLACE?'

AB · 03-26-2018, 04:28 PM

Eb Dawson: "Boy, you sure are ruining my love life. In our civilization a fella without wheels is nowhere."

Oliver: "Eb, even with wheels you're nowhere."

Ohio8 · 06-21-2018, 06:02 PM

Hank: "Tomatoes are the dumbest of all plants. Did you know their IQ is hardly above what a 6-year-old child's is?"

Ohio8 · 06-21-2018, 06:03 PM

Oliver: "You mallet head!"

MA · 06-21-2018, 06:18 PM

Oliver Wendell Douglass: [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying!

Lisa Douglas: That's because you don't LISTEN!

Ohio8 · 06-22-2018, 07:36 PM

Lisa: (to Oliver)"What do you want?"
Oliver: "Ham and eggs."
Lisa: "We don't have any ham!"
Oliver: "We could have."
(Arnold Ziffel squeals and runs out of the Douglas' house.)
Oliver: "There's a pig who's all chicken."

MA · 06-23-2018, 06:50 AM

Ohio8 · 06-23-2018, 01:06 PM

Lisa: "He was reincarcerated."

A note about this quote: Lisa meant to say "He was reincarnated" instead of what she said.

MA · 06-23-2018, 01:09 PM

Eb Dawson: Mr. Ziffel, notice where your wife's standing? Under the mistletoe!
Fred Ziffel: Why don't you mind your own business?

Ohio8 · 06-23-2018, 01:18 PM

Oliver: (to Eb)"I'M NOT YOUR DAD!"

02-18-2018, 03:26 PM	#1
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Favorite Quotes. Oliver: "There's something wrong with the carburetor." Eb: "Yeah, it needs a new tractor on it."
	__________________ "Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd Last edited by Ohio8; 04-06-2020 at 10:27 PM.

06-21-2018, 06:18 PM	#10
MA Member Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 97,179	Oliver Wendell Douglass: [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying! Lisa Douglas: That's because you don't LISTEN!
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~

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03-02-2018, 06:31 PM	#2
AB Resident Alien - Harry & Asta Forum Legend Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 52,181	Oliver: "But he couldn't be dead." Fred Ziffel: "Oh, yes he could, I personally attended his funeral." Oliver: "Are you sure?" Fred Ziffel: "I don't know what you do in New York, but around here we don't give a man a funeral unless we're pretty sure he needs one."

03-02-2018, 06:32 PM	#3
AB Resident Alien - Harry & Asta Forum Legend Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 52,181	Lisa: "When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor." Oliver: "Who?"

03-04-2018, 05:07 PM	#4
AB Resident Alien - Harry & Asta Forum Legend Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 52,181	Lisa Douglas: "Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him." Ralph Monroe: "My lips are sealed." Hank Kimball: "Now if we could only keep them that way." Ralph Monroe: "If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out!"

03-08-2018, 05:15 PM	#5
AB Resident Alien - Harry & Asta Forum Legend Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 52,181	Oliver: "Eb, why don't you pull up the weeds that are growing in the wheat." Eb: "Can't I just pull up the wheat? There ain't as much of that."

03-09-2018, 04:23 PM	#6
Chip J Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 04, 2018 Location: Virginia Posts: 40	Let's not forget the ever present exclamation in the first year in both Green Acres and Petticoat Junction whenever the Douglas' said where they were living. Various Characters, at once or individually: "The HANEY PLACE?'

03-26-2018, 04:28 PM	#7
AB Resident Alien - Harry & Asta Forum Legend Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 52,181	Eb Dawson: "Boy, you sure are ruining my love life. In our civilization a fella without wheels is nowhere." Oliver: "Eb, even with wheels you're nowhere."

06-21-2018, 06:02 PM	#8
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Hank: "Tomatoes are the dumbest of all plants. Did you know their IQ is hardly above what a 6-year-old child's is?"

06-21-2018, 06:03 PM	#9
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Oliver: "You mallet head!"

06-22-2018, 07:36 PM	#11
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Lisa: (to Oliver)"What do you want?" Oliver: "Ham and eggs." Lisa: "We don't have any ham!" Oliver: "We could have." (Arnold Ziffel squeals and runs out of the Douglas' house.) Oliver: "There's a pig who's all chicken."

06-23-2018, 06:50 AM	#12
MA Member Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 97,179

06-23-2018, 01:06 PM	#13
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Lisa: "He was reincarcerated." A note about this quote: Lisa meant to say "He was reincarnated" instead of what she said.

06-23-2018, 01:09 PM	#14
MA Member Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 97,179	Eb Dawson: Mr. Ziffel, notice where your wife's standing? Under the mistletoe! Fred Ziffel: Why don't you mind your own business?

06-23-2018, 01:18 PM	#15
Ohio8 Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 13,310	Oliver: (to Eb)"I'M NOT YOUR DAD!"