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Old 08-20-2018, 06:35 AM   #1
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Default Roseanne Quotes and Lines

Darlene: [to Roseanne] You have a big mouth.
Roseanne: No I don't.
[shouts from up the stairs]
Roseanne: Becky!
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Old 08-20-2018, 06:42 AM   #2
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Dan Conner: I put it away twenty years ago when we quit.
Roseanne Conner: We quit? I just thought we were out.
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Old 10-22-2018, 06:52 PM   #3
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Dan Conner: [to Darlene] Morning. Where is everybody?
Darlene Conner: Mom went to the supermarket and Jackie's still sleeping. The doctor gave her something to knock her out.
Dan Conner: What about D.J.?
Darlene Conner: I tried, but he wouldn't swallow the pill.

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Old 01-12-2019, 02:07 PM   #4
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Dan: (About a drywall job) Be a lot of money if I get it.
Roseanne: You're not gonna get it.
Dan: There'll be a lot of guys puttin' bids in.
Roseanne: And they're all better than you, I bet.
Dan: Hey, I'm pretty good.
Roseanne: You're not either.
Dan: I'm the best!
Roseanne: You're the worst!
Dan: I am drywall master of the universe! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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Old 05-07-2019, 10:00 PM   #5
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Roseanne: (to Barbara Healy)"It's people like you that give white trash a bad name."
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Old 05-08-2019, 05:00 AM   #6
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Dan: (About a drywall job) Be a lot of money if I get it.
Roseanne: You're not gonna get it.
Dan: There'll be a lot of guys puttin' bids in.
Roseanne: And they're all better than you, I bet.
Dan: Hey, I'm pretty good.
Roseanne: You're not either.
Dan: I'm the best!
Roseanne: You're the worst!
Dan: I am drywall master of the universe! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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Old 05-24-2019, 10:46 PM   #7
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Roseanne: "Wellll, middle class was fun."
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Old 06-29-2019, 11:54 AM   #8
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Roseanne: "There's nothin' like a hardship song to set my toes to tappin'."
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Old 06-29-2019, 01:43 PM   #9
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Becky: You did forget, I can't believe it!
Dan: [to Darlene] A little help. [Darlene imitates driving a car, crashing the car, and sirens blaring] Oh, yeah, your driving lesson.
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Old 07-04-2019, 03:20 PM   #10
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D.J. Conner:
[Darlene catches D.J. peeking at her] She called me a prevert.

Roseanne Conner:
No honey, you're not a prevert, you're a pervert.
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Old 08-23-2019, 09:33 PM   #11
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Louise Jefferson: "We moved on up to get away from people like you."

Ally Mills: "You mean you're the boss in your own family?"
Roseanne: "Yep, and I get alll the good jokes too. Pretty sweet, ain't it?"
June Lockhart: "In my show, the dog got all the good lines... I just translated. And then they shot me off into outer space, and I had that annoying Dr. Smith and that damn robot."

Barbara Billingsley: "Reefer?"
Roseanne: "Ask Eddie Haskell."

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Old 08-26-2019, 09:18 AM   #12
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D.J.: I haven't said anything in two days and nobody's cared.
Roseanne: That's impossible.
D.J.: Uh huh! The last thing I said was 'Cheerios'!
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Old 08-29-2019, 03:08 AM   #13
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Roseanne: "Oh and by the way I know you and David got back together"

Darlene: "How did you find out?"

Roseanne: "You just told me"
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Old 10-19-2019, 05:19 PM   #14
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Doris: "Bread is never a bother, dear."

Roseanne: "God, they've got rules for just about everything!"

Grandmama: "Take the damn sandwich!"

Doris: "We don't start wars, we just profit from them."
Grandmama: "Oh, we start some."

Roseanne: "Doris Wentworth, I'm going to tutor you in the fine art of female anger."

Chip: "She's got you there, Mumsy."

Jackie: "Trust her, Doris, she's very good at this."

Roseanne: "Women who yell don't need pills! Men invented pills to shut women up!"

Jackie: "I believe our work here is done."

Nurse Stella: "You'd better check! yo' self before you wreck! yo' self."

Chip: "Conners are a hoot."
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Old 11-28-2019, 07:51 PM   #15
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Jackie: He walked in here and he gave me an ultimatum. He told me to quit the force.
Roseanne: Well, so what? I've been telling you to quit the force since the day you started!
Jackie: Yeah, and I've been trying to break up with you, but you won't seem to go away!
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