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Old 08-09-2019, 07:36 AM   #1
Frank Gannucci
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Default Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Fortune Teller" & "The Next Champ":

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Fortune Teller" & "The Next Champ":

Episode #72
TV: In 2019, Decades channel started showing this episode in two parts.
DVD: Attached to “Lawsuit”, “The Next Champ”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’54 version), “Move Uptown” & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Color & Lost Episode Title: "Fortune Teller."
Air Date: 04/03/54

"Fortune Teller":

Alice & Trixie and all their girl friends, which are her club members, are at the Kramden apartment and their getting their fortune told by Madam Zelda. Madam Zelda tells Mary via palm reading that she is going to have 8 kids. She already has 7 so she has one more to go. Trixie is next. She uses a deck of cards to have her fortune told. Madam Zelda looks at the cards and thinks that Trixie has had hard times and thinks that there are a lot of bumps in the road. Trixie: “That must have been when I was in burlesque.” Madam Zelda looks at some other cards and she sees a lot of water. She says that the Jack of Spades is her (Trixie’s) husband and asks if her husband has been on an ocean board. Trixie says no. Trixie: “You are close. He works in the sewer.” Ralph & Ed come in. Alice introduces Ralph to Madam Zelda. Alice mentions that when Zelda read her hand, she says that her and Ralph were going to go on a big European trip. Well, they did go on a European trip technically two times. Ralph: “Well, I guess you forgot to wash your hands after you ate that pizza last night.” As most of the girls leave, Ralph asks if Madam Zelda said that there was a tall dark, handsome man in anybody’s future. One of the girls says yes. Ed says that it must be him. The girls leave. Alice says that she was more than satisfied with Madam Zelda. She pays her the money. Madam Zelda wants to wash her hands. Alice hands her a towel and Madam Zelda heads to the bathroom. Alice says that Madam Zelda only charged $3 and change. Ralph: “FOR THAT PHONY?” Alice says that Zelda was wonderful and not a phony. Ralph still believes that what Zelda says is mumbo-jumbo just like all those other fortune tells out there. Ed says that you can’t be too sure. Ed: “I had my palm read once. The teller said that I wasn’t meant for the world of business. I got a scientific mind. I was going to be a doctor and I was going to be famous for inventing some type of syrup.” Ralph: “That proves it. They are nuts.” Ed: “Give it a chance. I’m still young.” Trixie: “Let’s go upstairs Dr. Kildare. You got a rough day in the sewer tomorrow.” Ed: “Don’t get wise Trixie. Next time you got your fortune told, the teller won’t have to read your palm, she can read the bumps off of your head.” The Nortons leave. Alice says that it is amazing what that Madam Zelda can read just by looking at the palm of your hand. Ralph says that they are real phonies. Alice says that they got her because of Blanche. Zelda said that Blanche would be married within a year and she was. Ralph: “Blanche’s dad had more to do with it than she did.” Alice: “If she was such a phony, how could she tell me all that stuff that she did?”

Zelda comes back out. Alice asks Zelda to have a cup of coffee with her and Ralph. She complies. Ralph gets talked into having his fortune told via a stack of cards. Zelda looks at the cards and assumes that Ralph is very satisfied with his job. Ralph: “Boy, you got the wrong number.” Zelda looks at more cards and assumes that Ralph is a leader of men that commands respect of all who know him. Ralph: “So you finally hit on something.” Zelda then reads Ralph’s palm and after a few seconds says that she can’t read his future. Zelda leaves. Ralph tries to go to bed. He goes into the bedroom and comes back out. Ralph: “WHAT DID THAT DAME SEE IN MY HAND?” Alice and Ralph look at Ralph’s palm. Alice can’t tell. Alice tries to remind Ralph of what he said about fortune teller's giving fake fortunes. Ralph blames Alice and says that if he can’t get any sleep, it’s Alice’s fault. Alice says for Ralph to not get so dramatic. Alice: “Maybe you are right about her being a phony. Ralph: “Didn’t she tell Blanche about her upcoming marriage? Those are facts. Alice suggests him going over to Madam Zelda after work and having her tell him that is nothing. Ralph says that that is what he will do. Alice goes into the bedroom.

The next day at Madam Zelda’s headquarters, Madam Zelda and her assistant are talking about Ralph coming. Zelda says that Ralph is gullible. Zelda: “When I refused to tell him his fortune, I knew that I had him. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I am going to have him come back here for 5 or 6 visits.” A knock on the door is heard. She assumes that it is Ralph. He tells her male assistant to tell him that she is busy with a client and for him to wait. Zelda goes into another room to change. Ralph and Ed come in and get told that Zelda is busy and for them to wait. Ed: “That might be too much, he might drop dead any minute.” Ralph: “Will you shut up?” The male assistant goes to get Zelda but he says that she can’t be rushed. Ed says that these tellers don’t give accurate fortunes all the time. Ed: “I once knew a guy who went to a fortune teller and she told him that he has six months to live. She was wrong. It took him a whole year to die.” Both of them look at the hand on the wall and Ed studies it and then looks at Ralph’s palm and closes it. Ed: “I don’t know the first thing about reading palms.” Ralph asks Ed to leave him alone. Ed thinks that Zelda thinks that Ralph is losing his mind. Ed takes a small crystal ball and makes like he is going to use it as a bowling ball. Ed & Ralph look at a picture of a person’s brain that is on the wall. The picture has all the areas of the brain. Ed takes off his hat and touches a part of the drawing of the brain and after examining the picture and feeling his head says that he has all the parts of the brain. Ralph: “That is what you think.”

Zelda comes out. Ralph pays her to tell him his fortune. She says that he will not die. Ralph is relieved. She then says that he will commit a murder within a week. Ralph is now upset. Ralph: "I couldn't harm a fly." Ed: "You have quite a temper." Ralph (yells): "I HAVE NOT!" Ralph asks her who he will murder and agrees to pay her $5 more. She looks into her crystal ball. Madam Zelda: "In my crystal ball, it's cloudy. Cloudy." Ed: "Ralph, who do you know with the name Cloudy?" Zelda: "The image will not come through." Zelda says that she can’t do anything for now and maybe tomorrow, she will get the answer. She leaves. Ralph has to come back tomorrow even though all of those visits will cost him money. Ed agrees. He will need the money.

Later on in the Kramden apartment, Alice is putting things away. Ralph comes home. Alice asks if Ralph went to Madam Zelda and he lies by saying no. Ralph: “Me and Norton just had a couple of beers.” Ralph is very uppity. Alice wants Ralph to rub her neck. He goes to rub her neck but stops himself. He says that he rather not rub her neck. After Ralph says that there is nothing wrong with him, Alice asks Ralph to rub her neck. Ralph rubs her neck. Alice asks him to rub her neck harder. He rubs her neck too hard. Alice: “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?” Ralph: “DON’T SAY IT!” Ralph says that there is nothing wrong. Mrs. Manicotti comes by. She is making a cake and she is a little short on sugar. She tells Alice of the correct fortune that Madam Zelda predicted about a friend of hers. Ralph is now more worried. Mrs. Manicotti: “Madam Zelda is never wrong.” Ralph: “GET OUT!” She does. Alice tells Ralph to tell her what the meaning of that was. Ralph says that he doesn’t know and he’s hungry. Alice: “I will fix your supper.” Ralph: “I am not hungry.” Alice: “You just said…” Ralph: “ALL RIGHT THEN FIX IT!” Alice asks Ralph to cut some bread. Ralph goes to cut the bread in very thick pieces. Alice reprimands him for that. Ralph: “MUST YOU ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.” Ralph shows Alice the knife and yells at her to leave him alone then drops the knife. Ralph asks Alice to get out of here while it is still safe. Alice doesn’t understand. Ralph says for Alice to go to her mom’s. She says that she can’t because she is having the place painted so she suggests having her come here for a week. Ralph doesn’t like that idea. Ralph: “If there is anyone that I am libel to, it’s her.” Alice says that she is not leaving. Ralph says that if she doesn’t go, he will put her out. Alice: “You will put me out over my dead body.” Ralph: “DON’T SAY THAT!” If she doesn’t leave, Ralph will go to his room and he says that he won’t come out. She doesn’t want to leave so Ralph goes to his room and says that he will stay there for the time being. Ralph will not eat his dinner. Ralph comes back out and asks if Alice will leave. She says that she won’t. Ed comes down. Ed sees Alice on the ground trying to catch a cockroach and assumes that Ralph killed Alice and gets scared. He gets scared further when Alice comes back up. Alice goes into the bedroom to wash her hands. Ed suggests for Ralph to spend the week at his place and he will send Trixie to her mothers. Ralph likes that idea. Ralph calls Ed a real pal. Ed leaves.

Norton's apartment's bedroom is shown for the first time. They are ready to go to bed. The bedroom looks different then it did in "The Sleepwalker." Ed comes out with a very loud nightgown. He is too nervous. He won’t even undress. He can’t take the brace that is under his pants off his leg anyway because the doctor told him it’s too soon. The last episode before this was “Lawsuit.” That episode revolved around Ralph’s broken leg. A story that was inspired by Jackie’s real-life broken leg that he suffered a couple of months prior to that episode. Ed says that his bed with the doll is his. What a surprise. Ed says for Ralph to relax. They try to go to sleep. Ed is whistling loudly and asks if Ralph wants a snack. Ralph says no. He doesn’t want to go up and go to the kitchen. Ed says that they don’t have too because he keeps a lot of food in his nightstand. Ha! Ed starts to eat his food and doesn’t make a sound yet Ralph still asks him to take it easy. Ed: “I’m sorry that you can hear the noise.” I guess that that may have been a blooper. Ed reads a Donald Duck comic book and laughs at what he is reading much to Ralph’s chagrin. Ralph mentions that Ed likes those crime books. Ed: “Those crime books are very educational. They say that the murderer is always caught.” Ralph gets upset. Ralph worries about murdering someone while sleepwalking. Ralph then asks Ed to put rope around each other's wrists to prevent Ralph from sleepwalking. He should of thought of that in "Pal O' Mine." They put the rope on. They go to sleep but with the rope is causing trouble. I thought it would be even funnier if they did some sort of reenactment of "Unconventional Behavior" when they had handcuffs on. Ralph then says that one should be awake while the other one sleeps. They try to get into each other’s bed but can’t due to the rope. So they switch beds. The same thing happens so Ralph suggests that they sleep on each other’s backs. Ed complies. Ed then gets up and accidentally drags Ralph off the bed. Ed says that he forgot to open the window. Ed has to open the window that wide because he sleeps in the sewer. According to the “Peacemaker”, isn’t there a rule that is against that? Ralph says that he doesn’t want the window open that wide and because he is a guest, he demands that Ed close the window. Ed accidentally slams the window on Ralph’s hand. Ralph: “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?” Ed thinks that Ralph s being ungrateful. Ed: “You kill me.” Ed gets scared that Ralph will kill him so he says that he is leaving and tries to defend himself against Ralph. Ed leaves much to Ralph’s chagrin.

The “Dragnet” theme plays as we cut to the police station. Ralph comes in and asks the cops to arrest him. He says that a fortune teller says that he will commit a murder within a week. The cops don't believe him and think that he is drunk and orders him to get out or he will lock him up. Ralph: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! MY TAXES PAY YOUR SALARY! YOU WORK FOR ME.” Another cop comes by with a drunk and disorderly person. He is arrested for striking an officer. He will be in jail for 10 days. Ralph gets an idea. Ralph doesn’t listen to the cop when he asks him to get out. Ralph “hits” an officer. Ralph is grateful when he learns that he will get 10 days. Madam Zelda and her accomplice come by with a police officer. They are going to be arrested. They are charged with defrauding the public. Ralph: “You mean that she is a phony.” Madam Zelda realizes that Ralph is sharper than he thought. Madam Zelda and her accomplice go to jail. Ralph says that he is not guilty and is now elated that he can go home and explain it to Alice and everything will be all right. Ralph forgot that he is now arrested. Ralph goes to jail as the “Dragnet” theme plays.

Episode #73 (Syndicated episode #84)
TV: Half-hour (edited.)
VHS: Attached to "Expectant Father."
DVD: Attached to "Expectant Father" & "The Honeymooners' Greatest Battles." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Lawsuit”, “Fortune Teller”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’54 version), “Move Uptown” & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Color Episode Title: "The Main Event."
Lost Episode Title: "The Next Champ."
Air Date: 4/10/54

"The Next Champ":

Ralph and Ed go to a pool room and greet a person named: "Happy." They immediately start their pool game in typical Ralph and Ed fashion. When Ralph tries to make his shot in, Ed puts powder on his hands and claps his hands, making the powder spread. When Ralph makes his shot, Ed sneezes causing Ralph to make a mistake. Ralph's revenge? He goes near Ed and hits his foot with the pool cue. Ed: "Ow!" Ed retaliates by doing the same thing to Ralph." Ralph (yells): "ARRRRGH!"

Dynamite Moran from Altoona walks in. He has come to New York to make it big. He needs a manager. He also has clippings of his two fights that he had. The first fight he had, he knocked the guy out in 12 seconds. Ralph says that must have been a record. If it was in real life, then Mike Tyson broke that record in 1988 by KOing his opponent in 2 seconds. Ed says that he knocked himself out before a boxing match once by falling off the scale. Ralph: "How could you tell?" Dynamite says that the manager that gets him is getting the next champ. Dynamite starts punching in the air. Dynamite then instructs Ralph on how he should fight. Dynamite throws a few punches in the air towards Ralph. Ed (jokingly): "Murder him Dynamite!" Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!" A person across the room is having trouble getting a pack of cigarettes from the vending machine, so Dynamite helps him by punching the machine which helps him get the pack of cigarettes out. Dynamite says he has to use the phone and call the "Y" to find a place to stay.

Ralph then gets his crazy idea of becoming Dynamite's manager. When Dynamite comes back in, he still needs a place to stay. Ralph then says that he will become his manger and Norton will train him and live with him. Gee, isn't that nice of Ralph to volunteer Ed's services without asking him? Of course not. But to be fair, Ralph changes his mind and says that Dynamite will live with in the Kramden's place. He also says that he will help give Dynamite fights because he knows Jack Philbin, a fight promoter and member of the Raccoon Lodge (and in real life the executive producer of the Jackie Gleason Show and The Honeymooners.) Alice will like the fact that another person is coming to live with them, will she?

Alice is shown in the apartment with cans of food. She says that with prices the way they are, she doesn't know how a family of four manages. Given how prices have skyrocketed since then, the prices back then seem pretty good. Ralph comes home with a box of sweets because he knows that Alice will not like the idea of him managing a boxer and living with them. Alice naturally doesn't. She feels like KOing Ralph when she hears the news. Ralph says that all throughout life he wanted to be something in the sports world. He wanted to baseball, but he was to slow. He wanted to play basketball, but he was too short. He wanted to be a jockey, but he was a little too heavy. Alice: "You're too fat to be a horse." Ha! Ralph and Alice do more arguing until Alice goes into the bedroom and Dynamite comes in. Ralph: "Alice Dynamite is here." Alice throws a piece of newspaper in Ralph's direction. Ralph: "I guess that she must be asleep."

The next day, Ralph and Ed show up at Jack Philbin's office. Ralph mentions that he manages Dynamite Moran to a woman. Woman: "Is he the only one in your stable?" Ralph: "Stable?" Ed: "Hey Ralph, she must have seen your apartment." Ralph complains that he has spent $40 on boxing equipment alone and that he never saw anybody eat like this Moran. Hey by looking at Ralph, doesn't he look like he eats more than Dynamite? Ralph says that the food shortage is getting to be so bad, that her and Dynamite had to share a piece of steak. Ed: "You don't want Dynamite to get sore at you?" Ralph: "I rather take my chances with Dynamite rather than Alice." That's real nice. Ralph mentions that they don't want to look anxious, so what does Ed do when he thinks that Jack walked in? He says: "You got to give our boy a fight; he's eating us out of house and home." That person wasn't Jack. Ralph is mad at Ed for almost blowing what he told him. Jack Philbin (played by George Petrie) comes in and Ed's says: "If you think that were anxious about our boy getting a fight, then you are crazy." Ralph says he wants to get fight for his man Dynamite to get a fight. Jack doesn't want to at first, giving the person's lack of good experience. A guy by the name of Armstrong comes in and hears that Moran can punch; Jack tries to get a fight for him. Armstrong then talks with Ralph and Ed about Dynamite. Ralph says that Dynamite eats noting but steaks. Armstrong: "They don't eat peanut butter sandwiches." Armstrong wants to see Moran train. Armstrong: "What gym does he work out at?" Ralph: "He works out at my place. I don't want anybody to see him and steal him away from me." Ed: "Besides that, we can't afford the gym." Gee, a manager and a trainer can't afford a gym for their boxer. That's saying a lot or them, isn't it? Armstrong then tries to make a deal with Ralph and offer him Dynamite's contract for a lot of money. Jack gets a fight for Moran which causes Ralph to say no to Mr. Armstrong. But says that he can watch Dynamite train in his apartment at 5am which is the time just before Ralph has to go to work. Ralph then gives Mr. Armstrong his address and leaves with Ed.

The next morning at 5am, Dynamite wakes up immediately at 5:30 and immediately starts doing exercises. Can you imagine being that energetic at 5:30am? I can't. Ralph wakes up and immediately after that, wakes up Alice. Ralph (yells): "ALICE, GET UP. IT'S LATE. IT'S AFTER 5:30AM." Somehow, that sentence does not seem right. Alice wakes up and starts doing breakfast while Dynamite works on the punching bag. A person by the name of Taylor comes in and complains about the punching bag noise. He can in at around 5 seconds after Dynamite started so he must live VERY close to the Kramden apartment. Dynamite stops for a while. Ed comes in to train Dynamite. Ed (to Alice): "Want to go a couple of rounds with me?" Alice: "I'm ready to go a couple of rounds with all three of you." Ed shows Dynamite some of his boxing techniques that he used when he was a boxer. The technique? He crouches so when he wouldn't have had far to fall. He also swings back and forth because he was on a ship and the ship naturally went back and forth if you know what I mean. Dynamite works on the bag a little more causing Taylor to come in again and complain about the noise. Ralph orders Taylor to get out of the apartment saying that this is his place and he can do what he pleases. Gee, that's very nice of Ralph, isn't it? Of course not. Ralph, Ed and Dynamite throw the medicine ball around. Every time Ed throws it to Ralph, he throws it hard to him. Ed: "You want to play games, huh?" Ed throws the ball in Ralph's direction and the ball goes through the window and outside. Mr. Armstrong comes in and offers his deal to Ralph. Ralph says no. Alice gets mad at Ralph for turning down the money. She says to Ralph to give him the money or she will give him (Ralph) such a going over that Mr. Armstrong will want to buy her contract. Ha! As Ralph and Alice argue, the set comes apart and you can see the stage crew trying to connect it again. Dynamite goes out to retrieve the ball and when he comes back in to work on the bag again, Taylor comes in and once again complains about the noise. Ralph says for Taylor to beat it. Moran: "Do what he says, beat it little man." Yeah, Dynamite is not being a bully here. Taylor then "punches" Dynamite knocking him out. Mr. Armstrong: "Glass jaw." That's the end of Ralph's boxing career. It looks like that he should have taken the deal. Everyone leaves the room. Ralph apologizes to Alice and Alice forgives him.

Credit I believe goes to the old Bill 'Mooners Archive, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Box Set booklet Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Yahoo! Groups You’re A Riot! & amazon.com.
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