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Old 09-17-2014, 06:23 PM   #31
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Carol: "Oh Jerry that's a low blow." Jerry: "I know. It's my specialty."
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Old 07-21-2016, 07:08 PM   #32
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Jerry: "I happen to be quite a catch."
Carol: "So does the swine flu."
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Old 11-22-2016, 05:47 PM   #33
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Emily & the delivery guy funny lines.
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Old 11-22-2016, 05:49 PM   #34
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A Bob line from Over the River and Through the Woods:
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Old 11-30-2016, 07:27 PM   #35
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A Howard & Bob quote:
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Old 01-12-2017, 08:27 PM   #36
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A Bob, Jerry & Howard line/quote:
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Old 01-28-2017, 05:13 PM   #37
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A Bob, Jerry & Howard quote/lines:
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:20 PM   #38
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"Desperate Sessions" - where the bank robber holding Bob hostage and threatening to shoot him if he tries a karate move on him asks him to call Teresa, a diner waitress he's infatuated with, and to tell her, "I did it all for her . . . "

Bob: "Yes, can I speak to Teresa? . . . Big Teresa or Little Teresa? Oh, uh, Little Teresa, I guess . . ."

Robber: "No, no, Little Teresa is the bus boy!"



And when the robber agrees to surrender, Bob asks him for his weapon, and he produces . . . a comb! And he says, "I hate violence . . . It's not loaded!"

"Well," Bob replies, "in, in that case . . .

"KEE-YAH!!"

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Old 06-24-2018, 03:30 PM   #39
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Jerry: (to Carol)"What's the worst thing in the world?"
Carol: "I know, you're gonna criticize my coffee."
Jerry: "Okay, what's the second-worst thing in the world?"

Jerry: "Imagine an orthodontist with no teeth."
Carol: "Like a bald barber. Or a one-legged tap dancer."
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Old 06-24-2018, 03:36 PM   #40
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Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?
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Old 07-11-2018, 09:52 PM   #41
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Martha: "Oh I suppose nobody's going to stuff that cornucopia."
Herb: "Why don't you stuff it, Martha?"

Bob: "We always believe in food."
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:09 AM   #42
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"Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Unhappy with Emily's choice of marriage counselor] Emily, I thought you were supposed to find someone neutral.
Emily Hartley: I did.
Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: She's a woman!
Emily Hartley: That's right, Bob. I said neutral, not neuter."
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Old 03-20-2019, 07:14 PM   #43
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:58 PM   #44
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Emily: "Bob, I think I'll make you some coffee."
Bob: "I love coffee."
Jerry: "I love tea."
Mr. Carlin: "I love the java jive and it loves me."
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:54 PM   #45
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Emily: "Bob, if you're going to write an anonymous note, don't use personalized stationery."
Bob: "I wasn't going to sign it."
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