Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

The Honeymooners (Sitcoms Online) / The Honeymooners links and theme songs at Sitcoms Online / The Honeymooners Photo Gallery


The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on Blu-ray
The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on DVD
The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
Buy The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series) on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4 on DVD

Buy The Very Best of The Honeymooners / The Best of The Honeymooners - The Lost Episodes / The Honeymooners Christmas Special
The Honeymooners Valentine Special / The Honeymooners - Second Honeymoon / Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners

Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > 1950s Sitcoms > The Honeymooners

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

CBS Renews Freshman Fall 2019 Class; Fox Schedules 9-1-1 Spin-off for Midseason 2020
Fox Schedules Comedy Christmas Event; CNBC Gets A-Rod to Get Celebs Back in the Game
Fox Picks Up 2nd Season of Bless the Harts; Remembering Bill Macy of Maude
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of October 21, 2019)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Sunnyside Becomes First Casualty of 2019-2020 TV Season; Our Miss Brooks Arrives on DVD
Fri-Yay: Is It Time to Lower Our Expectations for Sitcom Ratings?; Antenna TV's Dennis the Menace Thanksgiving Weekend Marathon
Raven's Home Gets 4th Season on Disney; Nick Orders More All That Episodes


New on DVD/Blu-ray (August/September/October)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season Six Young Sheldon - The Complete Second Season My Three Sons - The Fourth Season - Volume One Modern Family - The Complete Tenth Season Life with Lucy - The Complete Series

08/06 - Caroline in the City - The Third Season
08/06 - Caroline in the City - The Fourth Season
08/13 - I Love Lucy - Colorized Collection
08/13 - Leave it to Beaver - Seasons One and Two
08/20 - Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season Six
08/27 - Baskets - The Complete Season Four
08/27 - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - The Complete Thirteenth Season
09/03 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 9th Season
09/03 - Fresh Off the Boat - The Complete Fifth Season
09/03 - The Goldbergs - The Complete Sixth Season
09/03 - Single Parents - The Complete Season One
09/03 - Young Sheldon - The Complete Second Season
09/04 - What We Do in the Shadows - The Complete First Season
09/10 - American Dad! - Volume 14
09/10 - The Jetsons - The Complete Original Series (Blu-ray) (WBShop.com)
09/11 - My Three Sons - The Fourth Season - Volume One
09/11 - My Three Sons - The Fourth Season - Volume Two
09/17 - Friends - The Complete Series (25th Anniversary)
09/17 - Modern Family - The Complete Tenth Season
09/19 - Angel from Hell - The DVD Edition
10/08 - Leave it to Beaver - The Complete Series
10/08 - Life with Lucy - The Complete Series
10/16 - Our Miss Brooks - Season 1 - Volume 1
10/16 - Our Miss Brooks - Season 1 - Volume 2
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-21-2019, 07:40 AM   #586
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default Easter Quotes:

Easter Quotes:

All from “Easter Hats”:

#1:

Ralph: “Your sister's husband doesn't have the expenses I do. He lives in a low rent district! And besides what are you always talking about buying clothes. What are you trying to do? Get on the list of the ten best dressed women?”

Alice (holding broom): “Yeah. I almost made it this year, but the Duchess of Windsor nosed me out!”

#2:

Ralph: “A new hat? What about the hat I bought you for your birthday?”

Alice: “You mean the one with all the ostrich feathers on it?”

Ralph: “That’s the one.”

Alice: “Some hat. Every time I put it on I feel like burying my head in the ground.”

#3:

Ralph: “Ninety five cents a dozen for eggs?????”

Alice: “That's what they cost, Ralph. A week ago these same eggs cost seventy cents a dozen.”

Ralph: “I can't understand it. A week ago these eggs sold for seventy cents… Now they're ninety five cents a dozen? What does the farmer do? Go into the hen house where the chickens are sitting, and say "hold it" till the prices go up?”

"On Stage":

Ed (reading the script): "'I don't possess a mansion, a villa in France, a yacht, or a string of...'" (mispronouncing):"...'poloponies.'"

Ralph (reading the script): "'I feel very...'" (not reading): "String of..." (mispronouncing): "...poloponies?"

Ed: "It says so right here."

(Ralph looks.)

Ralph (yells): "THAT'S POLO PONIES."

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "All right. We'll flip a coin to see where the set goes. Gimme a coin."

(Ed gives Ralph a coin.)

Ralph: "All right. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose. Right?"

(Ralph flips.)

Ralph: "Tails, you lose."

Ed: "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you don't mind, will you mind giving me back my coin?"

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "Alice, where's my shoehorn?"

Alice: "It's in the top, left-hand drawer."

(Ralph looks.)

Ralph: "It's not in the top-hand, left-hand drawer."

Alice: "It must be there."

Ralph: "It must be. It must be but it's not. Don't say 'It must be' Alice. What you mean is maybe. Not must be, maybe."

(Alice looks in the drawer and finds it.)

Alice: "This must be it, maybe."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "This poolroom isn’t big enough for you and I."

Ed: "This poolroom isn’t big enough for you and anybody."

"Run, Santa, Run":

(Ralph is in his Santa suit.)

Ralph: "If I do real good, can you get me a job as an Easter bunny?"

Sidney (aka "Mr. Smith #1"): "If you do real good, I will give you a job in February as a Groundhog."

"Petticoat Jungle":

(Ralph is showing the girls the "rabbit" he killed. The "rabbit" doesn't even look real. It looks like something you would find in a kids' room.)

Trixie: "This (the "rabbit") is what you came to Africa for?"

Alice: "What was he doing when you shot him, coloring Easter eggs?"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2019, 07:47 AM   #587
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Ralph: Wouldn't it be much easier, if you bought a new watch?

Norton: No, why? Nothin' wrong with my watch. All it needs is a new mainspring. I just gotta find a guy to fix it. I think I'll write a letter to Walt Disney tonight.
__________________
I love all three boys from Home Improvement.

And many other guys too.

Netflix, please add Home Improvement

Goodnight, sweet prince. Harry Anderson 1952-2018

Errrrrrruuuuuuuuahhh?? - Tim Allen
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2019, 07:30 AM   #588
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default

"In 25 Words Or Less":

(The waiter makes crepe zuzzets [Franch pancakes], he starts a fire on his grill. Ralph sees it and puts the fire out with a fire extinguisher.)

Ralph: "It's a good thing I was here or the whole boat would have been on fire."

Alice: "Ralph, those were French pancakes."

Ralph: "I don't care what started the fire."

"In 25 Words Or Less":

Ralph: "Flakey Wakey's add to the taste..."

Ed: "But take away from your fat little waist."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "How much time would it take a man if he went about selling these things (Handy Housewife Helpers) if he went from door-to-door?"

Alice: "About one minute if this was the first door he knocked on."

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

(Ed comes in wearing shorts.)

Ed: "It's the latest thing. It's about time that we men broke the chains of convention. We have been prisoners long enough."

Ralph: "You keep wearing that and you will be in prison all over again."

"Better Living Through TV":

(Ed is wearing one of Trixie's dresses.)

Trixie: "Do you have to smoke that cigar?"

Ed: "Please. It's the only link left to the old me."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pieces the fish."

Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio the nut."

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Alice: "I'll go get a flashlight for you."

Ralph: "I don't need one."

(Ralph leaves and falls down the stairs. Alice comes by the door. He comes back.)

Ralph: "Well, don't just stand there. Get me a flashlight."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "What did you used to call your dad?"

Ed: "Long distance."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2019, 08:28 AM   #589
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Ed Norton: [to Ralph] As long as I'm an executive in that bus company, you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2019, 07:31 AM   #590
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "Can I use your phone?"

Ed: "No, Trixie is dressing."

Ralph: "But the phone is in the kitchen."

Ed: "That is where she is dressing. There is no window shade in the bedroom."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "What theme should we use for the dance?"

Ed: "How about the Vikings discovering America?"

Ralph: "You want to use that theme in the Sons of Italy hall?"

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ed puts a lit match near the thermometer.)

Ed: 'Hey Ralph, what is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"

Ralph: "98.6."

Ed: "What would you say a bad temperature is?"

Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"

Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous, that I couldn't answer the first question."

Ralph: "What question was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "Your mom's apartment is too small for us."

Alice: "You didn't say that when we lived there before. Mother's apartment is getting smaller."

Ed: "Yeah, but Ralph is getting bigger."

"The New Manager":

Ralph: "I know. We will take the Nortons on our honeymoon."

Trixie: "Ralph, you don't want us on your honeymoon."

Ed: "Will you keep quiet woman?"

"Head of The House":

Ed: "In my household, I am the boss of the household."

Interviewer: "Mmm-hmm."

Ed: "I think that any man that is afraid of his wife, isn't a man."

Interviewer: "Mmm-hmmm."

Ed: "And I can't stree this too strongly that a husband is the boss."

Interviewer: "Yes?"

Ed: "Now don't quote me because if my wife reads that, she will kill me."

"Head of The House":

Ralph: "Men are responsible for the shape the world is in."

Alice: "Well, I am glad to hear one of you finally admit it."

"Without Reservations":

(Everyone is in the broken-down hotel.)

Ralph: "We can knock down those cobwebs."

Alice: "I wouldn't do that Ralph. They are holding up the wall."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2019, 07:52 AM   #591
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Ed Norton: [reading from a script, as he helps Ralph rehearse] "I don't possess a mansion, a villa in France, a yacht, or a string of poloponies."

Ralph: "I'm glad to hear..."

[stops and looks up]

Ralph: "String of poloponies"? Where do you see that?

Ed Norton: [pointing at script] Right there - "a string of poloponies".

Ralph: That's "a string of polo ponies"!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2019, 07:34 AM   #592
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default

"Expectant Dad" & "The Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. They just called us 'Big' Ralph and 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"Double Anniversary":

Ralph: "Something smells good."

Ed: "It can't be me. I just got through working in the sewer."

"Brother Ralph":

Ralph: "We got money in the bank. Don't we?"

Alice: "Yeah, we do. $3.31."

"Pal O' Mine":

Ralph: "Butter on my finger?" (yells): "AT 89 CENTS A POUND?" (normally): "Will you stop throwing my money around? Is there any lard around here?"

Alice: "Yeah, about 300 lbs. of it."

"The Sleepwalker":

Doctor: "We must remove the mental block from the patient's subconscious mind. Do you follow?"

Ralph: "Not exactly but when you said 'Mental Block', I knew it had something to do with Norton."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "You just shattered another dream tonight. 'The Candy Store Dream' we will call this one. You shattered it. When I was a kid, my dreams were shattered. I wanted a pony. I called it 'The Pony Dream.' That was shattered. My parents were broke. Both dreams shattered. The story of my life is shattered dreams."

Alice: "All right Ralph. I understand and I will make it up to you. You forget this 'Candy Store' dream and every Sunday, I will treat you to a pony ride."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "When you own a house, you can go outisde, pick up some dirt and say: 'This is all mine.'"

Alice: "I can go out the door right now into the hallway and do the same thing."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Alice (yells): "RALPH?"

Ralph (from bedroom, yells): "WHAT?"

Alice (yells): "WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?"

Ralph (from bedroom, yells): "WHAT DO YOU HAVE?"

Alice (yells): "BACON, EGGS AND SAUSAGE."

Ralph (from bedroom, yells): "OKAY."

Alice (yells): "WAHT'S OKAY?"

Ralph (from bedroom, yells): "BACON, EGGS AND SAUSAGE."

"Flushing Ho":

Alice: "You use the bathroom first one morning. The next morning, Ed will use the bathroom first."

Ralph: "There's the solution to all my problems. Now, I will only be late every OTHER day."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2019, 06:22 AM   #593
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Norton: Well, we're gonna have a lot of laughs at this convention with wives along. I have a feeling that I may replace you as poster boy during National Nut Week. Will you tell me one thing, please? How do you get us into these fixes?
Ralph: Very simple. Very simple, Norton. I HAVE A BIG MOUTH!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2019, 06:22 AM   #594
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Norton: Well, we're gonna have a lot of laughs at this convention with wives along. I have a feeling that I may replace you as poster boy during National Nut Week. Will you tell me one thing, please? How do you get us into these fixes?
Ralph: Very simple. Very simple, Norton. I HAVE A BIG MOUTH!
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2019, 07:39 AM   #595
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Hey Ralph?"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"Hello Mom":

Ralph: "Cream-chipped beef again?"

Alice: "Yeah, but I fixed it a new way, Ralph. I got the recipe out of a movie magazine. Its Ricardo Cortez's favorite."

Ralph: "Well, I hope when Ricardo gets here tonight he enjoys it!"

"The Worry Wart":

Ralph: "Now why do you think I would put my weight down on my income
tax report?"

Ed: "How should I know? You are the one that is being investigated."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Now what we have to do is wait for Mr. Gleason to show up."

Ed: "That could be kind of tough. With the way that he's built, it's hard to tell if he's coming or going."

"Hero Part 1":

Tommy: "He (Mr. Kramden) was a a great end in football."

Ed: "Great? Probably the biggest end in the business."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "Are you sure that that suitcase can hold $40,000,000? Why don't you cut pieces of paper into the sizes of dollar bills and find out."

(Ed opens the suitcase to reveal that he did just that.)

Ed: "Small details."

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

Alice: "You and Norton will have to sleep out in the kitchen."

Ralph: "Just a moment. Whenever you mother or your Aunt Ethel comes, I have to sleep in the kitchen. It's a good thing that we don't have a cat because if he ever wanted to sleep in the kitchen, I would have to sleep in a box out in the hall."

"To Whomever It May Concern":

Alice: "We'll just have to live on our expenses."

Ralph: "Swell. That will take care of tonight. But, what are we going to do in the morning?"

"Expectant Father":

Ed: "The sewer was swarming with FBI men."

Trixie: "FBI men? What were they doing in the sewer?"

Ed: "They were looking for wetbacks who were trying to beat the cross-town traffic."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-2019, 07:43 AM   #596
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Ralph: If this lodge doesn't get some money soon, there isn't going to be a lodge. Did you hear what happened yesterday?
Ed Norton: What?
Ralph: The Acme Finance Company come in and took out the pool table. Day before that, they come in and took out the television set and the phonograph. And the day before that, they come in and took out the piano. What are we gonna do, Norton?
Ed Norton: Well, we could hold our meetings at the Acme Finance Company.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-2019, 07:53 AM   #597
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,124
Default

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man inthis city that's strong enough to do that."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph & Alice just got introduced as contestants on "Beat The Clock.")

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Have you lived in Brooklyn all your lives?"

Ralph: "Not yet."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the faimly with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-2019, 08:54 AM   #598
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

Ed Norton: [Ralph has been keeping everyone awake worrying about his taxes, while Alice and Norton try to calm him] Boy, I tell you, I'm surprised at you, Ralph, carrying this way. So what if they're investigating your taxes? What can they do to you? Can they put you up in front of a firing squad?
Ralph Kramden: [sheepishly] No, they can't.
Ed Norton: Can they push you over a cliff?
Ralph Kramden: No, they can't.
Ed Norton: Can they string you up there on the end of a rope?
Ralph Kramden: No, I guess they can't...
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-2019, 12:59 PM   #599
ThisLittlePiggy
Member
Forum Veteran
 
ThisLittlePiggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 02, 2013
Posts: 12,881
Default

BANG, ZOOM! To the moon, Alice!
ThisLittlePiggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-2019, 01:32 PM   #600
MA
Once Upon A Christmas
Moderator
Forum Legend
 
MA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 20, 2017
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 57,820
Default

[Ralph says a saying that should help prevent him from getting nervous]
Ralph: Pins and needles, needles and pins, it's a happy man that grins.
MA is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:03 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions Inc.