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Old 05-27-2018, 08:08 AM   #16
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"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man inthis city that's strong enough to do that."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph & Alice just got introduced as contestants on "Beat The Clock.")

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Have you lived in Brooklyn all your lives?"

Ralph: "Not yet."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the faimly with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."
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Old 05-28-2018, 08:59 AM   #17
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Default Memorial Day Quotes:

All from "Please Leave The Premises":

#1:

Mr. Johnson: "The rent commission gave me permission to raise the rent. My reasons are right there in that note."

Ed: "I knew this would happen as soon as the war ended."

#2:

Ralph: "This is war Alice. Total war and it's going to be run like a war. George Washington never gave up. He fought for a cause the same way I am. I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."

Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."

#3:

Alice: "Do you realize that for the last few days, we hadn't had any heat, water or electricity. And now that you have this silly barricade up, we can't go out and buy any food."

Ralph: "I'm not giving up Alice. I'm not giving up. Boy, you kill me. A few inconveniences and already you want to quit."

"Without Reservations":

Alice: "Stanley has had this trouble with his back ever since the war."

Ralph: "Trouble with his back ever since the war? You're right Alice; the war did give him a lot of trouble with his back on account he was hiding from the draft board in those cellars that's why."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

(Alice's sister is giving a lot of luggage to Ralph who is giving the luggage to Stanley. One of the pieces being, a suitcase.)

Stanley: "I got it. I got it."

(Alice's sister gives Ralph a fourth suitcase.)

Ralph: "The allies invaded Normandy with less than this."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "I'm not asking you for the money. The general is telling you to give it to me."

(Alice gets a pot, puts it on Ralph's head like an Army helmet, and "salutes" him.)

Alice: "Har-har-har!"

"Manager of The Baseball Team":

Trixie: "Ralph has a good head on his shoulders."

Ed: "What is this on my shoulders, a volleyball?"

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ralph: "I'm not giving her this, boy. It's the first chance I've had any money of my own. You don't know what I have to go through when I wanna get something. A couple of months ago I wanted to get a bowling ball, you never saw such a riot take place. Arguing, screaming, yelling, ranting and raving! I finally had to say to her, "Now look, I'm the master of this house..." (yells): "GIVE ME THE MONEY FOR THE BOWLING BALL!!" (normally): "Then about three weeks ago I wanted to get a fishing rod, the same thing all over again. A couple of days ago I wanted to get a wallet. She started in all night, all day, all the next night and all the next day! I had to put my foot down again, I said..." (yells): "GIVE ME THE MONEY!!" (normally): "This time I'm keeping the money and I'm gonna get what I want, without any beefin'."

Ed: "What are you gonna get with it?"

Ralph: "A bowling ball, a fishing rod and a wallet!!!"

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(The makeup lady put lipstick on Ralph's lips.)

Makeup Lady: "Go like this."

(She makes kissing noises with her lips. So does Ralph.)

Ed: "Don't just sit there Ralph. Kiss me."

"The New Manager”:

Alice: "Why would Ralph run away?"

Ed: "He's married, isn’t he?"

Happy Memorial Day!
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Old 05-29-2018, 10:12 AM   #18
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"This Is Your Life Part 2":

Phil Cucco: "Too bad there aren't enough Alices to go around."

Ralph: "This one gets around pretty good."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "'One hand washes the other while both hands wash the face.'"

Ed: "Never mind that. Just get me the water. I know how to wash."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "If you write music, you can write any kind of music."

Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one rhumba that Beethoven wrote."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "I have to get up early in the moring too and you don't hear me complaining and I have got responsibilities. If I fall asleep, I am liable to run into something."

Ed: "If I fall asleep, I am liable to drown."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "You are so funny that I am going to put you in my act. I am going to call the act 'Punch & Judy' and you are going to be Judy."

Alice: "And you are going to be Punchy."

Ed: "Punchy. Ha ha ha ha ha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "I didn't know that anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "You want my salary to leak out?"

Alice: "Your salary couldn't even drip out."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "How will they know that I am a member of the Hurricanes?"

Alice: "Just open your mouth."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I am wiriting a list of all my weak points."

Ed: "Oh, is that all the paper that you are going to use?"
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Old 05-30-2018, 09:25 AM   #19
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"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ralph: "You mean to tell me that after looking at that guy that you are going to give him Trixie's potato salad?"

Ed: "Yeah. This will fix his wagon. Before I started eating Trixie's cooking, I was a regular Clark Gable."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "Don't you know that this morning, Ralph insisted on making the beds."

Trixie: "That is wonderful."

Alice: "What is wonderful is that he got me up at 5:30 so that he could make them."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Trixie: "On the bus, there were two empty seats and who takes them?"

Alice: "Ralph."

"Lunchbox":

(Ralph thinks Alice packed him an awful lunch. He goes to the stove and sees Alice's shoes. Ralph doesn't know what to make of this. He doesn't know that Alice put them there so they could dry.)

Ed: "I know what you are going to have for dinner."

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "A pair of socks."

"Lunchbox":

Ralph: "What do you have for lunch?"

Ed: "Don't ask. All I get is peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter sandwiches and more peanut butter sandwiches. I am telling you it is terrible Ralph."

Ralph: "Why don't you complain to Trixie?"

Ed: "I make my own sandwiches."

"A Promotion Part 2":

Ralph: "A derrick couldn't get me out of this chair."

Alice: "A good big one might be able to."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "I didn't know that anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "You want my salary to leak out?"

Alice: "Your salary couldn't even drip out."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "When you own a house, you can go outisde, pick up some dirt and say: 'This is all mine.'"

Alice: "I can go out the door right now into the hallway and do the same thing."
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Old 05-30-2018, 08:13 PM   #20
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Ralph: Wouldn't it be a lot easier just to buy a new watch?
Norton: I don't need a new watch, Ralph. There's nothing wrong with this one. It just needs a new mainspring, that's all. I'll have to find out where to get it repaired. I think I'll write a letter to Walt Disney about it tonight.
Ralph: Norton, if a man in a white coat ever knocks on your door, don't ask for tutti-frutti, 'cause he ain't the Good Humor man.
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Netflix, please add Home Improvement

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Old 05-31-2018, 08:32 AM   #21
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"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I am making a list of all my weak points."

Ed: "Oh, is that all the paper you are going to use?"

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only realxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight."

Alice: "You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "This (the Handy Housewife Helper) is the key to my future."

Alice: "Don't tell me that that has a key for opening the door at Bellevue."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "I am going to sue the landlord? Where is he?"

Man: "Florida."

Ralph: "Florida?"

Man: "He can't stand this cold weather."

"Expectant Father":

(Ed thinks that Trixie is pregnant. Ralph thinks that Alice is pregannt. They all act real nice around their wives.)

Trixie: "What is going on here?"

Ed: "That is for you to know and for me to find out."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

"Mr. Mosby": "This cottage has features Mr. Kramden that compare favorably to your home in the city."

Ed: "If it has a door on the knob, it's way ahead."

"We Spy":

Ralph: "We are in a foregin country and in a foreign country, you got to live like a native."

Alice: "Ralph, in Brooklyn I live like a native."

"We Spy":

(Ed just said to Ralph that he was a Naval Intelligence in the Navy.)

Ed: "Where is the sun?"

Ralph: "Right up there, naval intelligence."

"Curse of The Kramdens":

Man (to Ralph & Ed): "I don't usually drink."

Bartender (to the man): "What do you want?"

Man: "The usual."
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:46 AM   #22
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Quotes (x2);

Note: I will be going on vacation from June 14th to the 24th. So...

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Remember last year at the Convention when the police were cracking down on the people who were throwing water bags out of the hotel window? That didn't bother me. I just filled up my bags with water and threw them out."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ralph: "You are the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a pocketbook on April Fool's Day. I wouldn't."

Alice: "You couldn't."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ed: "I wish that Trixie would make frosting that tastes as good as this."

Alice: "Icing? Ed, that's starch."

Ed: "It is?"

(Ed tastes it again.)

Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make frosting that tastes as good as this."

"The Next Champ":

(Ed accidentally makes Ralph miss his shot while playing pool. Ralph walks up to Ed and hits Ed's foot with a pool cue.)

Ed: "Ow!"

(Ed hits Ralph's foot with the pool cue.)

Ralph (yells): "OWWW!"

"The Cold":

(Alice is taking the plaster off of Ralph's back.)

Alice: "I suppose you can't take off the top of your pajamas?"

Ralph: "You want to turn the cold into ammonia."

"To Whom It May Concern":

(Ralph says what he wants Ed to say in a letter to his boss.)

Ralph: "'You dirty bum!'"

Ed: "Don't you think that that is a little rough for a starter?"

Ralph: "Maybe your right. ‘Dear Mr. Marshall:'"

Ed: "That's better."

Ralph: "'...You dirty bum!'"

"Brother-In-Law":

Ralph: "I'm the boss. You're nothing."

Alice: "Big deal. You are the boss over nothing."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)

Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Your brother is a moocher, a swindler, and a bum."

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that your brother is a bum. Capital B-capital u-capital um. Bum."

Alice: "My brother is just as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He's still a bum."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my finger on that darn stove."

Ralph: "Gee, that's terrible. If you are not burning yourself, it's my food."

"Flushing Ho":

(The Kramdens bought a duplex and has the Nortons as tenants because the landlord didn't fix anything. Ralph is refusing to fix things in Ed's apartment.)

Ralph: "When we were tenants in the other place, the landlord wouldn't fix anything over there. Did he?"

Ed: "I know, that's why we moved in here. Remember?"

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question that they gave me."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Alice: "You got rocks in your head."

Ralph: "I got rocks in my head? I got rocks in my head? I got nothing in my head."

"The Man From Space":

Ralph: "If you see me coming down the street, get on the other side."

Ed: "When you walk down the street, there AIN'T no other side."

"House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove"):

Alice: "I got Ralph a new belt. I want to make sure it fits."

Trixie: "If it doesn't, you can always exchange it for a larger size."

Alice: "There ain't no larger size."

"The Hypnotist Part 2":

(Mike Case is about to hypnotize Alice to get her to tell Ralph where the money is so he can use it on the convention.)

Ralph (to Mike Case): "You might think that this is a little underhanded, but all's fair in love and war."

Ed: "In this family, it's a little bit of both."

"Manager of The Baseball Team" (Color):

Trixie: "Ralph has a good head on his shoulders."

Ed: "What is this on my shoulders, a volleyball?"

"Two For The Money":

(Ralph just lost the money from the lodge.)

Ralph: "Let's not get panicky."

Alice: "Ralph, did you put the money in an envelope?"

Ralph: "See? Now you are getting panicky."
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:51 AM   #23
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Ralph: I have - I've got an explanation. A perfect one. I'm a dope. Not a run-of-the-mill dope, the world's champ. For years I've been talking for granted the most wonderful thing tht's ever happened to me - you. I've never shown you the appreciation you deserve, Alice. You could walk outta that door right now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something better than me. There are a million guys who'd give you anything if they could have a girl like you.

Alice: Ralph, I don't want a million. There's just one guy I want: you.

Ralph: Baby, you're the greatest.
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Old 06-02-2018, 06:09 AM   #24
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The Worry Wart (1956)

Ed Norton: [Ralph has been keeping everyone awake worrying about his taxes, while Alice and Norton try to calm him] Boy, I tell you, I'm surprised at you, Ralph, carrying this way. So what if they're investigating your taxes? What can they do to you? Can they put you up in front of a firing squad?
Ralph Kramden: [sheepishly] No, they can't.
Ed Norton: Can they push you over a cliff?
Ralph Kramden: No, they can't.
Ed Norton: Can they string you up there on the end of a rope?
Ralph Kramden: No, I guess they can't...
Ed Norton: Alright then. Nothing can happen to you. What possibly can happen to you? What are you worried for?
Alice Kramden: He's right, Ralph. Now come on, let's go to bed.
Ralph Kramden: [softly; shaking Norton's hand] Thanks, pal.
Ed Norton: [patting Ralph on the back] All right. Now, just go in there, and get a good night's sleep.
[Ralph and Alice go into the bedroom. But Norton then calls after Ralph]
Ed Norton: The worst thing they could possibly do to you is send you to the federal pen!
Ralph Kramden: [storming out of the bedroom, arms flailing wildly] What are you starting with that stuff for?
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Old 06-02-2018, 07:50 AM   #25
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"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large":

(The crooks are in the apartment. Ralph picks up a water pistol.)

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! STICK 'EM UP! GET 'EM UP!"

(The crooks get their arms up. Knock on door.)

Ralph (yells): "WHO IS IT?"

Tommy (from outside): "It's me Tommy. Do you have my water pistol in there?"

"Safety Award":

Ed: "Can I wear this hankerchef?"

Ralph: "It's one of my new ones. Remember, it's for showing, not blowing."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Alice (hugging Ralph): "Maye it's better with the lights on so that way I can see my big handsome man."

(Alice kisses Ralph.)

Ralph: "Have you been at that beer?"

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ed (reading an astrology book): "Taurus the Bull shows wisodm in all money manners and is attractive to the opposite sex."

Ralph: "That's me all right."

"Two Men On A Horse":

Ed: "We Racoons do a lot of things for this communitty."

Alice: "Name one."

Ed: "Last year, we planted a bush in the park."

"King of The Castle":

(Trixie kicked Ed out.)

Ralph: "I don't know what went wrong. I told you to say to her that you are the king of your castle."

Ed: "I knew my part. Trixie didn't know hers."

"You're In The Picture":

(The man is holding a picture of Ralph and a girl kissing. If Alice found out, she would get mad.)

Man: "You give me $500 so you can have this picture or I will give it to your wife."

Ed: "Don't take the money. Let Alice have the picture than you can get it from her for nothing."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Ralph: "Can you take a hint?"

Ed: "Yes."

Ralph: "All right." (yells): "I HATE YOU! HATE YOU! HATE YOU! NOW GET OUT!"

Ed: "Okay. What's the hint?"

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man in this city that is strong enough to do that."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Alice: "Ralph, do you know what time it is?"

Ralph: "Yeah, it's a little after 11pm."

Alice: "Yeah. Three hours after 11pm."

"The Safety Award":

(Alice & Trixie have the same dress on.)

Ralph: "Don't those dresses look alike?"

Ed: "Alike? They are like the Bobsie Twins."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Mr. Johnson: "I couldn't raise the rent on my own. I had to go to the Rent Commission to prove hardship."

Ralph: "What did you use for evidence, a picture of this dump?"

"Hot Dog Stand":

Ralph: "On opening day, when the stand is jam packed with customers and photographers are lining up all over the joint, you won't be in the pictures."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back against the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Taurus?"

Ralph: "I'm trying to scratch an itch and I can't reach it."

Ed: "For a minute there, I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle and Roll."

"My Fair Landlord":

Ed: "If you don't fix up my place, I am not going to pay you the rent."

Ralph: "You sneak. What kind of a sneak would think of a plan like that?"

Ed: "I learned it from you. That is waht you pulled on the landlord in the other place."

"Norton Moves In" (Color):

Ralph (yells): "3AM? WHAT DID YOU GET ME UP AT THIS TIME FOR?"

Alice: "The Nortons had thier apartment painted today."

Ralph (yells): "DID THAT NEWSFLASH JUST COME ACROSS THE RADIO?"

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ralph: "It is times like this when I realize how selfish you are. You know the condition I am in. You know I can't do anything by myself."

Alice: "How did you get out here?"

Ralph: "Don't change the subject."

"The Match Game":

Ed: "That was a football player that used to play for us sewerworkers' football team. He got a career-ending injury during the prime of his career."

Ralph: "What was it?"

Ed: "Water on the knee."

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Old 06-02-2018, 12:26 PM   #26
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TV Or Not TV (1955)
Ralph Kramden: We'll flip a coin to see where the television set goes. Give me a coin.
Ed Norton: [pulls out a coin from his pants pocket and hands it to Ralph]
Ralph Kramden: Alright. Uh, heads I win, tails you lose. Right?
Ralph Kramden: [flips the coin]
Ralph Kramden: Tails, you lose. Now...
Ed Norton: Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Ralph Kramden: What's wrong?
Ed Norton: I hope I don't insult you, Ralph, but would you mind giving me back my coin?
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Old 06-02-2018, 12:29 PM   #27
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Unconventional Behavior (1956)

Norton: Well, we're gonna have a lot of laughs at this convention with wives along. I have a feeling that I may replace you as poster boy during National Nut Week. Will you tell me one thing, please? How do you get us into these fixes?
Ralph: Very simple. Very simple, Norton. I HAVE A BIG MOUTH!
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Old 06-02-2018, 06:29 PM   #28
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Ralph: If any of the Racoons ever get sick, it'll be my responsibility to go and visit them.

Alice: Oh, that is a very important responsibility, Ralph. You better start now and find out what the visiting hours are at Bellevue.

Ralph: That did it, Alice - that did it. You have just broken the camel's back with that straw. You have ridiculed my brother Racoons. You have just made fun of something very big that's close to my heart.

Alice: The only thing big that's close to your heart is your stomach.
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Old 06-03-2018, 07:04 AM   #29
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Funny Money:

Ralph Kramden: [Alice's mother has been engaging in her typical insult-based banter with Ralph] Oh, you're startin' right in, huh? Startin' right in with the insults! No warmin' up in the bullpen or nothin', huh? Startin' right in! I remember when you used come over, you used to to start slow with a couple of "Hello, Stupids" and stuff like that! Now I don't even get that, anymore, huh? Well, let me tell you somethin', and get this into your head! This is my home, and when you come in here, treat me with respect, and address me with a civil tongue!

Mrs. Gibson: Oh, why don't you shut up?
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Old 06-03-2018, 08:05 AM   #30
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"Move Uptown":

Ed: "I would like to have a toast."

Ralph: "You know that is awfully nice of you Norton. I would like to have a toast with you."

Ed: "Good. Got any wine around the house?"

"Move Uptown":

(Ed looks at the peep hole.)

Ed: "What is this used for?"

Ralph: "Oh, that is in case someone knocks on the door and you don't want to let him in like a delivery boy or somebody?"

Ed: "The only thing that you can deliver through that thing is a salami."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph (yellis angerly): "I AM GOING TO THE BALL GAME AND THAT'S THAT."

Alice: "And they say all fat men are jolly."

"Young At Heart":

Ralph: "This isn't a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it. I got it. I'm hip! Ready to go! I'm gone! Gone!"

Alice: "You're gone all right."

"Young At Heart":

Ralph: "What does icky mean?"

Ed: "I don't know. Why?"

Ralph: "Alice just said that I was icky."

Ed: "Must mean fat."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "Do you know that this morning Ralph insisted on making the beds?"

Trixie: "That is wonderful."

Alice: "What's wonderful is that he got me up at 5am so he could make them."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and I."

Ed: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and anybody."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Doctor: "I notice that you have a slight limp. Is that disability permanent?"

Ralph: "No, it isn't. I got it this morning. I hit myself with a hammer."

Doctor: "You hit yourself with a hammer?"

Ralph: "Don't get the wrong idea. Ed hit my leg with the hammer."

"Without Reservations":

(Everyone is in the broken-down hotel.)

Ralph: "We can knock down those cobwebs."

Alice: "I wouldn't do that Ralph. They are holding up the wall."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "Stop saying 'okay.' Say: 'That will be very good sir.'"

Thelma: "Okay."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "This (Ed) is my guest and I'm your employer."

Thelma: "Some guest and some employer. The SIMP and the BLIMP."

"The Safety Award":

Ed: "Can I use this hankerchef?"

Ralph: "It is one of my new ones. Just remember, it's for showin', not blowin'."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Fred: "You will have to eat as much in order to stay alive Ralph."

Ed: "Even that will be too much."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "Norton, how can I lose a few inches in a few hours?"

Ed: "Maybe all that food made you shorter."

"Hero Part 1":

Herman Gruber: "I remember our class picture Ralph. You were in the first row."

Ed: "In the first row? He must have BEEN the first row."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Ed just won the TV set on the movie ticket that Ralph got.)

Ed: "It's just like the guy said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"

Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "You chalk up your pool cue like this."

(Ralph chalkes up his pool cue while Alice watches.)

Alice: "Well that is the stupidest thing I ever heard of."

Ralph (during which Jackie is perhaps trying to hold back his laughter): "You are the stupidest thing I ever heard of."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Ed: "Nobody is going to put you in a straightjacket."

Ralph: "Thank you Norton."

Ed: "Where are they going to find one big enough?"

Last edited by Frank Gannucci; 06-03-2018 at 06:49 PM.
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