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tiredmike59 · 07-13-2012, 03:26 PM

A dog came back from the vet
He seemed to be really upset
The doc called him mutt
Stuck finger up butt
He was the worst vet that he ever met.

tiredmike59 · 07-13-2012, 10:47 PM

While a man was combing his hair
He discovered a flea in there
So he sprayed Raid on his head
Until he found the flea dead
Then saw his dog hide under a chair.

tiredmike59 · 07-14-2012, 02:39 AM

A woman came back from the store
" I'm not going back there anymore "
" I was caught stealing "
" By a hole in the ceiling "
" I was spied on when I walked thru the door "

tiredmike59 · 07-14-2012, 11:42 AM

There once was an actor in Belfast
Who played in " How to get to Hell fast "
His acting was fine
He remembered his line
And the Devil thought he was well cast.

tiredmike59 · 07-14-2012, 11:44 AM

There once was a Captain named Kirk
Who couldn't get his phaser to work
He looked on the back
And it said RadioShack
So he called the prop man a jerk.

tiredmike59 · 07-14-2012, 05:13 PM

There once was a grump
Who lived in a dump
No job
For the slob
So he sat on his rump.

tiredmike59 · 07-14-2012, 08:15 PM

There once was a man named Paul
Whose shoes were four sizes too small
All the blood running down
Had to turn around
And his head swelled like a basketball.

tiredmike59 · 07-15-2012, 10:57 AM

A man thought his boy should have fun
So he bought him a new BB gun
Then one day
There was a ricochet
Now Popeye is the name of his son.

tiredmike59 · 07-15-2012, 03:48 PM

There once was a fellow named Joe
Who was carjacked while leaving the show
There wouldn't be court
Cuz he did not report
He had just stolen that car two nights ago.

tiredmike59 · 07-15-2012, 10:51 PM

There once was a boy named Fred
Who was worried what was under his bed
What was under there
Was a Koala bear
And it worried what was above it's head.

tiredmike59 · 07-16-2012, 12:07 AM

A man was out watering his lawn
Then he felt a poop coming on
He was shocked
To find the door locked
And the key in his pocket was gone.

tiredmike59 · 07-16-2012, 07:07 PM

There once was a painter named Gene
Whose houses all looked kind of green
The paint that he made
Contained Gatorade
Which he carried in a canteen.

tiredmike59 · 07-16-2012, 11:07 PM

There once was a man named Chip
Who was born with a twisted lip
He was able to whistle
Like a guided missile
But his spit would steadily drip.

tiredmike59 · 07-16-2012, 11:10 PM

I saw a possum by the shed
As I approached,he seemed to be dead
I started shaking
Then I learned he was faking
Cuz when I poked him,he up and fled.

tiredmike59 · 07-16-2012, 11:12 PM

One night while watching TV
A man thought " This should be free "
Cable is crap
I must be a sap
I'll just watch a DVD.

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07-13-2012, 03:26 PM	#136
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	A dog came back from the vet He seemed to be really upset The doc called him mutt Stuck finger up butt He was the worst vet that he ever met.

07-13-2012, 10:47 PM	#137
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	While a man was combing his hair He discovered a flea in there So he sprayed Raid on his head Until he found the flea dead Then saw his dog hide under a chair.

07-14-2012, 02:39 AM	#138
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	A woman came back from the store " I'm not going back there anymore " " I was caught stealing " " By a hole in the ceiling " " I was spied on when I walked thru the door "

07-14-2012, 11:42 AM	#139
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was an actor in Belfast Who played in " How to get to Hell fast " His acting was fine He remembered his line And the Devil thought he was well cast.

07-14-2012, 11:44 AM	#140
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a Captain named Kirk Who couldn't get his phaser to work He looked on the back And it said RadioShack So he called the prop man a jerk.

07-14-2012, 05:13 PM	#141
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a grump Who lived in a dump No job For the slob So he sat on his rump.

07-14-2012, 08:15 PM	#142
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a man named Paul Whose shoes were four sizes too small All the blood running down Had to turn around And his head swelled like a basketball.

07-15-2012, 10:57 AM	#143
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	A man thought his boy should have fun So he bought him a new BB gun Then one day There was a ricochet Now Popeye is the name of his son.

07-15-2012, 03:48 PM	#144
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a fellow named Joe Who was carjacked while leaving the show There wouldn't be court Cuz he did not report He had just stolen that car two nights ago.

07-15-2012, 10:51 PM	#145
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a boy named Fred Who was worried what was under his bed What was under there Was a Koala bear And it worried what was above it's head.

07-16-2012, 12:07 AM	#146
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	A man was out watering his lawn Then he felt a poop coming on He was shocked To find the door locked And the key in his pocket was gone.

07-16-2012, 07:07 PM	#147
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a painter named Gene Whose houses all looked kind of green The paint that he made Contained Gatorade Which he carried in a canteen.

07-16-2012, 11:07 PM	#148
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	There once was a man named Chip Who was born with a twisted lip He was able to whistle Like a guided missile But his spit would steadily drip.

07-16-2012, 11:10 PM	#149
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	I saw a possum by the shed As I approached,he seemed to be dead I started shaking Then I learned he was faking Cuz when I poked him,he up and fled.

07-16-2012, 11:12 PM	#150
tiredmike59 Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 05, 2010 Location: OUTLAW STATE {MO} Posts: 1,863	One night while watching TV A man thought " This should be free " Cable is crap I must be a sap I'll just watch a DVD.