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Old 04-09-2019, 06:45 AM   #564
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,259

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "Do you know that if I become Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, we have the honor of free burial at the Raccoon National Cemetery? Do you know where that is? Bismark, North Dakota."

Alice: "Well, gee Ralph, I always dreamed about going out west."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You have no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh yes, I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Ralph: "After tonight, I may have my own pool table in my apartment."

Ed: "If you do, you will probably have to stand on the sink to make a shot."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ed: "I have a suggestion to make fellow Raccoons. Secretary, would you please record this? As you know the lodge dues are $2 a month and even with that, the members haven't been paying their dues. I can't see why we can't lower the dues to a $1 a month. Even then, if the members don't pay their dues, it will be cutting the deficit into half."

Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"

Ed: "If we lower the dues to a $1 a month, then if the members don't pay thier...secretary, would you please strike that from the record?"

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

Ethel: "What is the weather like out?"

Ralph: "A beautiful day for traveling."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "My mistake was not going to a ballgame the day of our wedding."

Alice: "What did you say? WHAT did you say?"

(A puase.)

Ralph: "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Ralph & Ed are held hostage.)

Bugsy: "I promised my mom, I wouldn't kill an innocent man."

Ralph: "You are a fine man."

"Two For The Money":

(Ralph & Ed are trying to convince people that Happy Feet can't win. They speak to one guy about this "fact.")

Ralph: "Happy is the worst horse. I saw them take the bandages off the horse."

Ed: "Yeah, Happy had a bad headache."

"Two For The Money":

(After a Raccoon meeting, Ralph & Ed are celebrating into the night at a bar.)

Ralph: "What is the most important thing that can ever happen to me?"

Alice: "You were elected treasurer of that silly lodge of yours."
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