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Old 02-24-2020, 08:22 AM   #1047
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,561

"Expectant Dad":

Ed: "When my son graduates from college and is ready to face the world, I will get him a job with me in the sewer."

Ralph: "When your son graduates from college, you are going to get him a job in the sewer?"

Ed: "Well certainly. The sewer accepts college grads."

"Expectant Dad":

Ralph: "Alice is going to an obstertrician."

Ed: "Good for her. It's about time that she gets that bunion removed."

"The Prowler":

Ed: "There is a prowler loose in the building. You better pile some furniture up against the door."

Ralph: "Thank you but I have already done that."

Ed: "How did I get in?"

"A Dog's Life":

Ralph: "I got in here something that is worth a million dollars."

Mr. Marshall: "Then you must have had a good day on the bus."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "Why should I cut out bowling, it's my only relaxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight."

Alice: "You don't need something to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "You haven't touched this cornette in years."

Ralph: "I want to keep it."

Ed: "He has a point Alice. He hasn't seen his toes in years and he still wants to keep them."

"Raffitti, Brooklyn Style":

Ralph: "When he realizes who idea it was to make the collection to get a gift, who do you think is going to get the promotion?"

Ed: "The guy who she is marrying, who else?"

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Alice: "Tell him how you saved Jackie Gleason's life."

Ralph: "I was driving my bus. He was going to walk across the street and then I stopped for a red light. If I gone through the light, I might have hit him. I saved his life."

Ed: "You didn't save his life, you saved your bus."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Maybe we can Gleason to come if we say it is for charity."

Alice: "What charity is this?"

Ed: "Well, see we need a new pool table and when we get the money, we will give the pool table to the settlement house if they have enough money for it."
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