Thread: Quotes:
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Old 02-17-2020, 08:24 AM   #1037
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,479
Default President's Day Quotes:

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I will play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way - it takes a lot of figuring. For instance, I noticed that you picked up a queen, and I know you picked it up to make a run of three queens. I also know that you have a run of clubs. I also noticed that you threw away two sevens. Therefore, you couldn't possibly use the card I'm about to throw down which is a seven of spades. That's scientific figuring!"

Ed (showing his cards): "That's ever-lovin' gin!"

"Box Top Kid Part 1":

(Ralph is trying to participate in a contest where you have to guess the name of a U.S. President.)

Ralph: "There is a picutre of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton."

Ed: "I know who it is. Eisenhower."

Ralph: "Eisenhower?"

Ed: "There's a picture of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton. Washington. Who's in Washington right now? Eisenhower."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."

Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

(Alice is upset that Ralph brought home a lot of boxes because he wants to enter every single contest that every box has just so he can win something big.)

Ralph: "Fix my dinner."

Alice: "Fix it yourself. Go fix yourself some Happy Hound Meatballs."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "How many holdups have I had on the bus?"

Alice: "Six."

Ralph: "Well, in most of them, the criminals got nothing."

Alice: "The sixth time was a dozzy. They took $45 and the bus."

Ralph: "I have been driving a bus for 15 years and because I lose one bus, you got to hold it over my head."

"Brother Ralph":

Ralph: "You don't know how to handle money."

Alice: "Of course not. I never had any practice."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ed just explained the whacky rules of a card game called Knuckle-Knuckle.)

Ed: "The important thing about this game is that all the wet cards are wild."

Ralph: "All the wet cards are wild? What wet cards?"

Ed: "Well, we usually play this game down in the sewer."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ralph and Ed arrive in the Kramdens apartment. Ralph thinks that Alice is asleep in the bedroom.)

Ralph (whispering): "Shhh! Alice is asleep."

Ed: "What's that Ralph?"

Ralph (whispering): "I said that Alice is asleep."

Ed: "I can't hear you."

Alice (from bedroom): "He said: 'Shhh! Alice is asleep.'"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Nick and another man see Ralph so they can get him a job in which he will be killed.)

Ralph: "I have been driving for the Gotham Bus Company for 14 years and I hate to leave that job if this job wasn't steady."

Nick: "Steady?"

Man: "I'll tell you, you will have this job for as long as you live."
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