Thread: Quotes:
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Old 10-19-2019, 11:31 PM   #869
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,323

"The Deciding Vote":

(Ralph turns on the vaccum cleaner. It doesn't work.)

Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."

Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."

Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Alice: "I read in a magazine once where they said 50% of the pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (in the mouth). The other 50% is here (head)."

Ralph: "For your information, 100% of it is in here (mouth). There is nothing up there (head)."


Ralph: "You know that when I lay down on that bed, it takes me an hour to get to sleep."

Alice: "Remarkable. Every night for fifty-nine minutes, you snore before you go to sleep."

"Flushing Ho":

(Ed comes out with a sailboat. Ralph wants to take a bath.)

Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you were in there playing with a boat in the tub?"

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on the Shakedown Cruise!"

"Boy Next Door":

(Ralph and Mrs. Paterson think that Ed loves Alice but the feeling isn't matual.)

Mrs. Paterson: "Why don't you give your wife the benefit of a doubt?"

Ralph: "All right, maybe they don't love each other but if they do, they are going to have a lot of fun on the moon."

"On Stage":

Ed: "While I was in the Navy, I studied typing under the G.I. Bill and I happened to be the best in the class."

Ralph: "Then why didn't you get a job in an office instead of one down the sewer?"

Ed: "I couldn't stand the thought of being cooped up in a stuffy office all day."

"On Stage":

Mr. Faversham: "Mr. Norton, did you notice that when he came in here how his (Ralph's) voice filled this room?"

Ed: "I did notice that the room got a little crowded."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question they asked me."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Ralph: "If Frank can win a contest, so can I. Because I am smarter than he is."

Ed: "That's because you have me helping you."
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