Thread: Quotes:
View Single Post
Old 10-17-2019, 06:58 AM   #866
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,306

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ed uses a lit match to look at the thermometer.)

Ed: "What is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"

Ralph: "98.6."

Ed: "What would you saya bad temperature is?"

Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"

(A pause.)


Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Head of The House"):

Ralph: "I am a horse. You are a mouse."

Ed: "Well, let me say this. I rather be a live mouse than a dead horse."

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, how did Alice know of something like TV sets. I thought you kept her in the dark on things like that."


Ralph: "All I know is that when I win the jellybean contest, I am going to get myself that leather lumbar jacket, a pair of bowling shoes and before I am finished, you will have a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lsoe, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."


Ralph: "I wear the pants around this house."

Alice: "Believe me, those pants would fit around this house."


Ralph: "If you can play music, you can play any kind of music."

"Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one Rhumba that Beethoven wrote."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "You work in the sewer and you can't stand the smell of paint?"

Ed: "I got sick down there too. They were painting the sewer."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the mustard and sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."

Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"

Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."

Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"

Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."

Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."

Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."

Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate beige."

Ed: "Yeah."

Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Trixie: "I married two dummies in one day."

Ed: "Are you insuinuating that I am the other dummy?"

Trixie: "Yes dear."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote