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Old 10-16-2019, 06:36 AM   #865
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 7,313

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "I am not going to die."

Ed: "You mean never?"

"Something's Fishy":

Ralph: "When did you ever catch anything?"

Alice: "15 years ago. I caught 300 lbs. of blubber."

"Something Fishy":

Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE NOT GOING!"

Alice (yells): "I AM GOING!"

Ralph: "The only place that you are going to is the moon."

"Move Uptown":

Mrs. Winters: "Do you and your wife have any wild parties?"

Ralph: "No."

Ed: "He hasn't even taken his wife out in the last five years."

"The Adoption" & "Expectant Dad":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. Nothing wrong with that. They used to call us 'Big' Ralph & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ed: "I have a well-thought plan to eliminate the deficit. Secretary, would you please strike this down in the record? As we all know, the club dues are $2 a month and even with that the Raccons haven't been paying their dues. I see no reason why we can't shrink the dues down to a $1 a month. Even then, if the member's don't pay their dues, it will be cutting the deficit in half."

Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"

Ed: "I said the club dues are $2 a month. If we shrink the dues down to a dollar a month...Secretary, would please erase this from the record?"

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek after the makeup put some makeup on Ralph's eyes and lipstick.)

Ralph: "What did you just do?"

Ed: "I put a beauty mark on your left cheek."

Ralph: "Why did you do that?"

Ed: "Without it, you look exactly like Barbara Streisand."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

Ed: "Mike Douglas was down the sewer one time to present the USO Award."

Ralph: "USO Award?"

Ed: "Yeah United Sewerworkers Of."

Ralph: "Of what?"

Ed: "We don't know yet. No one will take us."

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

(After Ralph threatens that him and Ed are going to jump out the hotel window if the wives don't give them the money, Ed accidentally falls out.)

Ed: "I forgot. We are on the ground floor."

Ralph: "You don't know how to fall correctly."

Ed: "I would if we were on the 15th floor."
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