Sam: You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met!
:You Sam Malone are the most arrogant self centered...
:Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow... Or should I say funnier.
:You disgust me! I hate you!
Oh Sam, I have wonderful plans for every room in the entire house.:I cannot let any man touch me, talk to me, or see me, or I'll be shooting out kids like a pez dispenser.
Sam:That's funny so do I. Why don't we start right here in the living room. These floors look like they could use a little polishing.
Sam:Carla was complaining that she missed out on all that teenage stuff, you know homecoming, proms. What if we do something to take her back to her teen years?
Rebecca:Like get her pregnant?
Cliff:Nah. That's been done to death.
Rebecca:How could you take advantage of a lonely, older woman like that?
Sam:Ohhh... sweetheart... When the lights go out, everybody is the same age and NOBODY is lonely.
Cliff:Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army Knife. That's why no one messes with Switzerland.
Cliff:It's pathetic. You'll never catch a woman of mine leading me around by the nose.
Carla:No, but you might catch her sunning herself on a rock.
Diane:Sometimes there is no pleasure in conquest!
Sam:Yeah, I haven't forgotten our first night together, either.
Norm:I want something light and cold.
Carla:Sorry, it's Diane's day off.
Coach:Yeah, I saw them smooch in the parking lot. I was putting up a notice there on the bulletin board.
Diane:With probing tongues?
Coach:No Diane, with a thumb tack.
Rebecca:I know you have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority.
Sam:Whoa, wait a minute. I resent that. I've never had trouble with a woman in ANY position.
Sam:Yeah, well at least I didn't fly across the country to make an ass out of myself.
Diane:Why bother, when you do it so brilliantly right here?
Sam:OK, I admit it. I'm not a sad guy, I'm a happy, horny guy.
Coach:It's the damnedest thing, I've been shivering all of the way over here.
Diane:Well Coach you don't have a coat on. It's thirty degrees outside.
Coach:Oh, thank God. I thought I had malaria.
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