'Bachelor' Less than Fabulous for Tina

[Brett Ferino]

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - We're down to just Andrew and three women on Wednesday's (May 7) edition of "The Bachelor," and all of them seem to realize at once that it's, like, serious now.

It's one thing to know the format of a reality show like "Survivor" and use that knowledge to your advantage. The remaining women -- Jen, Kirsten and Tina -- all seem to know what's coming, but knowing and being able to stay focused on "winning" when something as nebulous as love is involved is no mean feat.

Oddly enough, though, the one who seems to have her emotions most in control is the one who goes home.

Three women left means overnight dates for our Bachelor with each of them, starting with Kirsten in Park City, Utah. The footage makes it look like a sleepy little town, so they must have been there after the Sundance Film Festival.

After taking a run down the Olympic bobsled track -- which, admittedly, sounds pretty damn cool -- Andrew drops an obviously rehearsed line. He asks Kirsten what her favorite part of the day was. Naturally, she answers the bobsledding, and he immediately comes back with "Mine was when I first saw you" or some such. In a bar, he'd get laughed at; "My last name's Firestone" would doubtless work better.

During dinner, the previously all-about-me Kirsten presses Andrew a little bit to open up and assure her that he's not just saying the same thing to Jen and Tina as well. "I don't understand how you can have strong feelings for three different people," she tells him. "I know I could never do that." It's probably safe at this point to say we won't be seeing Kirsten on "The Bachelorette 2."

In the end, Kirsten's doubt is assuaged enough that she agrees to spend the night in the "fantasy suite" -- something Jen and Tina will also do, which should surprise exactly no one.

Andrew next meets Jen at a resort in Arizona, on the one day a year it rains there. Outdoor plans thus messed up, they go bowling instead, where they have some fun and joke around a bit. Say what you will about "Ed," but Andrew and Jen are no Ed Stevens and Carol Vessey in the romantic-banter department.

Perhaps that's because they can't stop talking about how warm each makes the other one feel. The way they describe each other, you could almost think they're talking about a down comforter or a nice big bowl of chowder -- which, if done poorly, can cause butterflies in your stomach.

Jen talks about how well they "fit" when they snuggled on the couch. It sounds silly to hear someone else say it, but I'd wager that at least half of you who've been in a giddy early-dating phase have remarked on something similar.

The final date is with Tina in Hawaii. The occasionally stand-offish Fabulous One says at the outset that her job is to "steal" a rose from Jen or Kirsten, whom she assumes have them sewn up by this point. She also cops to falling for Andrew, which she says scares her a little bit -- just as the other two have said. Seriously, awareness of the show's format seems really to be causing some apprehension on everyone's part.

After lounging on a pristine beach and swimming with a dolphin, Andrew and Tina have a Serious Talk at dinner. She gives him the I'm falling-I'm scared bit, and he replies not to worry, that I want you to fall.

Tina then says something that seems to come straight from a real, non-televised relationship, explaining that yeah, she is a little afraid of giving him her heart, but she feels like the risk is worth the potential reward. Andrew goes a little slack-jawed; he says later that he was "taken aback." Tina, however, takes his fumbling as tacit acknowledgment that he's not all the way into it with her.

On rose night, Andrew says "I've changed my mind a hundred times" about who he's going to pick, but in the end, the shock is minimal when he picks Kirsten and Jen to take home to his family.

Although he says he never felt fully comfortable emotionally with Tina, it's Andrew who tears up a little as they say goodbye. He seems to be making one last stab at getting her to open up -- like it matters now -- but Tina stays her cool self. "I didn't have time to give him 100 percent of my heart," she says, "but if I did [have time], I don't know that I would have."

She also notes that being "barefoot and pregnant at a winery" isn't how she envisions her future. Hard to argue with that.

Next Wednesday is the "Women Tell All" placeholder special, while the finale of "The Bachelor" will air at 9 p.m. ET Sunday, May 18.


Jen or Kirsten? Cast your vote on the final rose ceremony on our message boards.
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[Pitooey]

They really fooled us last night. Before the rose ceremony I heard Tina breathing heavy. They shouldn't lie to us that way. I'll probably skip the last episode now. What angers me is they leave out the vital information like when Tina jumped in the hot tub/bath tub with the bachelor and she says Don't touch me.