Why France is great

[blackbeard]

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."---Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."---Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."---Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."--- Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."--- P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."--Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"---Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."--David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

[Titania]

Originally posted by blackbeard

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

dont get me wrong...i take french, i want to go to france, i really do like the french..theyre just sooo easy to make fun of..

http://www.gopfun.com/new_page_1.htm

French Travel Advisory
Important information from the Department of State:
The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was
compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the
Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about.
It is intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy is ensured or intended.

General Overview
****************
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of
Europe, and is for all intents and purposes totally useless. It is an
important member of the world community, although not nearly as important as it thinks.
It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney.
Among its contributions to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English if shouted at repeatedly.

The People
**********
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously over sexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points.
Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. French women don't shave their armpits or their legs.
American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition.

Safety
******
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised
that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French
surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of
Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors generally goes on much as before.
A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London.

History
*******
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their butts kicked by just about every other country in the world.

Government
**********
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a runoff. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles.
Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although,
confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted.
Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

Culture
*******
The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to
see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch. What can you expect from a nation which worships Jerry Lewis.
Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except perhaps an evening with a French family.)

Cuisine
*******
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word.
American travelers are therefore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at
McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or
Holiday Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor excuse for such.

Economy
*******
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's
economy in Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at
all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on
strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors.
France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

Conclusion
**********
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and a
temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French
people didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Spain.
Remember no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same.

[dawsongirl]

Those are funny.

Like a lot of people have said, if not for America, they'd probably be speaking German in Paris right now.

But if America starts calling them "Freedom Fries," I'm never eating them again. That is just contributing to the ignorance of America.

[Babes_Cat]

In the words of Joc, "Texas is bigger than France.... "

[*Melissa*]

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend a country? No one knows because it's never happened before.

Iraq, North Korea, and Iran are the Axis of Evil. France is the Axis of Weasels.

[UpstairsSteak]

They've got a lot of dirty secrets that will come out after this war. I can't wait to see how they explain what is expected to be found. Hussein himself told them that if they didn't support Iraq in the next war (after the Gulf), he'd spill all their dirty little secrets. I wonder if they bugged the EU?

[brownsocks]

in that history thing you left out a very important person napolean! he conqured most of europe in the name of france...untill the english got pissed and put him on an island but still

[webuster]

For some reason I can't fully explain, I hate most french people. I was in France last year- the people just all go in a rush hour, trampling over people before helping them, most french people look the same, they frown upon tourists and from the ammount they shout at employees, they have little patience. And the underground trains are hell! But still, something I can't quite pinpoint why I also don't like french people. Some are ok, helpful, others if you say hello ( In Ireland everyone says hello, even if they don't know each other) will say it back, some will hold their groceries closer and frown. Some, you wouldn't know are french till you hear them talk./

[Jersey Girl]

Originally posted by webuster
For some reason I can't fully explain, I hate most french people. I was in France last year- the people just all go in a rush hour, trampling over people before helping them, most french people look the same, they frown upon tourists and from the ammount they shout at employees, they have little patience. And the underground trains are hell!

Sounds like New York!

[Jem]

Originally posted by dawsongirl

But if America starts calling them "Freedom Fries," I'm never eating them again. That is just contributing to the ignorance of America.

If America does start calling them "Freedom Fries" and if I ever visit there, I will order some "French Fries" just to bug them.

[Crimson and Clover]

Originally posted by Jem


If America does start calling them "Freedom Fries" and if I ever visit there, I will order some "French Fries" just to bug them.

i will never order freedom fries or freedom toast. i think that is the most rediculous thing. next thing that will happen will probably be giving them the statue of liberty back, or claming tha british gave it to us.

[Tuscadero]

Originally posted by brownsocks
in that history thing you left out a very important person napolean! he conqured most of europe in the name of france...untill the english got pissed and put him on an island but still

What about the French Revolution! 1789, thing get heated and uprisings occur. Eventually, Louis and Marie Antoinette are put to death by guillotine; constitution after constitution is enstated, power shifts like crazy. 1801, Napoleon comes to power, becomes a hegemonic dictator. 1815--he's exiled! And you know what happens...all the laws revert back to 1798 and Louis XVIII is on the throne! Talk about all of that trouble for absolutely NOTHING!

[*Melissa*]

Originally posted by Jem


If America does start calling them "Freedom Fries" and if I ever visit there, I will order some "French Fries" just to bug them.

But for some reason, I don't see you visiting America in the near furure.

[Sterling Holobyte]

Originally posted by dawsongirl
But if America starts calling them "Freedom Fries," I'm never eating them again. That is just contributing to the ignorance of America.

That IS going a bit too far.
French Fries are as American as apple pie. They're too good to be related to the French. Besides, I kind of like the idea of putting anything French in boiling oil!

[°Bubbly Blonde°]

I think the idea of Freedom Fries is sort of retarded but that doesnt mean I'll stop eating fries....