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Old 11-17-2002, 12:29 AM   #31
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Ok...if you insist! LOL

Jerry: Ok, welcome back. Today we're talking to people who are secretly in love with their stepchildren.
(Audience boos and groans)
Jerry: Before we went to break we talked to Al, who has some disturbing news for his wife, Louisa. Let's bring Louisa out!
(Audience applauds)
Louisa: Al, what's wrong, you look sick honey. Did you put too much oregano in your spaghetti sauce again?
Al: *takes Louisa's hand* No...sweetheart...I have something to tell you. I...I'm in love with someone else.
(Audience groans in empathy as Louisa gasps)
Louisa: What?! Oh my god! Who is she? Who is she?!
Al: It's...it's..
Jerry: *interrupting* Let's bring out the OTHER WOMAN!
(Chachi comes bounding onstage with his guitar, thinking he's there to play a gig)
Al: Chachi, Chachi, Chachi...
(Audience boos)
Louisa: Al! How could you? He's my son!
Al: But he's just so cute!
Chachi: *still confused at the audiences reaction* But I didn't play anything yet!
Jerry: The story gets even more exciting folks. When we come back, Chachi's girlfriend has some shoking news. Stay with us.
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Old 11-17-2002, 12:52 AM   #32
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Here I go again...

Jerry: Ok, we're back! Today we're uncovering some pretty insane stories...and we're just getting started. Please welcome Joanie to the show!
(Audience applauds and Chachi, who is still standing in the middle of the stage with his guitar, still has no idea what's going on)
Chachi: Joanie, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to be part of the band anymore.
Joanie: You're not here to sing Chach. I have to tell you something.
(audience goes 'Ooooohhhh!')
Jerry: That's right...Joanie, you have something to tell your boyfriend, isn't that right.
Joanie: Yes, Jerry. *turns to Chachi* Chach, do you remember that first month when you moved to Chicago, right after Al and your mom got married? When I was still in Milwaukee?
Chachi: Yeah? *strums guitar* Are you sure I'm not suppposed to be singing?
Jerry: If I were you I'd be singing the blues, kid. *Looks at Al and grimaces*
(Audience chants 'Jerry! Jerry!')
Joanie: I'm trying to tell you something here, Chach. Look, during that time, I went up to Inspiration Point with Potsie. I was bored, and it was something to do. Anyway, we, um...we had some children...
Jerry: Let's bring out the quintuplets!
(Audience cheers, Potsie comes out pushing a baby stroller with 5 babies in it)
Louisa: Joanie, how did you hide a pregnancy all those months you were with us in Chicago?
Joanie: I held the tamborine in front of my stomach.
(Chachi, being somewhat slow, looks over at Al)
Chachi: Hold on a sec...are you telling me that Al has the hots for me?!!!
Jerry: Where have you been kid? Weren't you paying attention?
Chachi: Oh God! Anything but that! Noooooooooooooooo! *Runs across the stage and jumps out a tenth story window*
Jerry: Tomorrow on Springer, 'My son killed himself when he found out his step-father was in love with him'
(Audience cheers, credits roll)

(Over credits, Joanie and Potsie push the 5 babies in the stroller down the hallway...)
Potsie: Hey Joanie, I just thought of something.
Joanie: What?
Potsie: How come all of our babies have red hair? They look just like Howdy Doody.
Joanie: *Smirks at camera* That's another topic for another show.


Wow...ok...I'm done.
Please don't kill me. LOL
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Old 11-17-2002, 12:54 AM   #33
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Ah. OMG. You need to do this more often! Encore! Encore! Ok, let me read these lol.
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Old 11-17-2002, 12:58 AM   #34
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Quote:
Originally posted by CameraQueen
Here I go again...

Jerry: Ok, we're back! Today we're uncovering some pretty insane stories...and we're just getting started. Please welcome Joanie to the show!
(Audience applauds and Chachi, who is still standing in the middle of the stage with his guitar, still has no idea what's going on)
Chachi: Joanie, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to be part of the band anymore.
Joanie: You're not here to sing Chach. I have to tell you something.
(audience goes 'Ooooohhhh!')
Jerry: That's right...Joanie, you have something to tell your boyfriend, isn't that right.
Joanie: Yes, Jerry. *turns to Chachi* Chach, do you remember that first month when you moved to Chicago, right after Al and your mom got married? When I was still in Milwaukee?
Chachi: Yeah? *strums guitar* Are you sure I'm not suppposed to be singing?
Jerry: If I were you I'd be singing the blues, kid. *Looks at Al and grimaces*
(Audience chants 'Jerry! Jerry!')
Joanie: I'm trying to tell you something here, Chach. Look, during that time, I went up to Inspiration Point with Potsie. I was bored, and it was something to do. Anyway, we, um...we had some children...
Jerry: Let's bring out the quintuplets!
(Audience cheers, Potsie comes out pushing a baby stroller with 5 babies in it)
Louisa: Joanie, how did you hide a pregnancy all those months you were with us in Chicago?
Joanie: I held the tamborine in front of my stomach.
(Chachi, being somewhat slow, looks over at Al)
Chachi: Hold on a sec...are you telling me that Al has the hots for me?!!!
Jerry: Where have you been kid? Weren't you paying attention?
Chachi: Oh God! Anything but that! Noooooooooooooooo! *Runs across the stage and jumps out a tenth story window*
Jerry: Tomorrow on Springer, 'My son killed himself when he found out his step-father was in love with him'
(Audience cheers, credits roll)

(Over credits, Joanie and Potsie push the 5 babies in the stroller down the hallway...)
Potsie: Hey Joanie, I just thought of something.
Joanie: What?
Potsie: How come all of our babies have red hair? They look just like Howdy Doody.
Joanie: *Smirks at camera* That's another topic for another show.


Wow...ok...I'm done.
Please don't kill me. LOL
LMAO!!!!! OMG! Yes, its a given--you watch Springer! LOL. You even know about the end credits! Ahaha. OMG..seriously, you need to do more!!
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Old 11-17-2002, 01:01 AM   #35
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I'd be scared to do more...I could get pretty bad. LOL Gotta keep it PG!
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Old 11-17-2002, 01:03 AM   #36
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Originally posted by CameraQueen
I'd be scared to do more...I could get pretty bad. LOL Gotta keep it PG!
But but but but....you just gotta!! LOl. Or atleast PM them to me or something!! Youre so good with words!
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Old 11-17-2002, 01:30 AM   #37
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I'll try to come up with some more tomorrow...LOL
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Old 11-17-2002, 01:38 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally posted by CameraQueen
I'll try to come up with some more tomorrow...LOL
Ah cool! Something to read!!
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Old 11-17-2002, 02:24 AM   #39
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I thiknk this may now be classified as TV14
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Old 11-17-2002, 08:05 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally posted by CameraQueen

(Over credits, Joanie and Potsie push the 5 babies in the stroller down the hallway...)
Potsie: Hey Joanie, I just thought of something.
Joanie: What?
Potsie: How come all of our babies have red hair? They look just like Howdy Doody.
Joanie: *Smirks at camera* That's another topic for another show.


Wow...ok...I'm done.
Please don't kill me. LOL

Oh wow...oh wow...oh wow...incest! always a favorite jerry springer topic!
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Old 11-17-2002, 08:21 AM   #41
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Jerry: Ladies and Gentlemen, on today's show, we'll be talking about families and friends. close knit famlies and friends. much closer than we thought. Let's bring out Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham and their daughter Joanie all the way from MILWAUKEE!!!
(The C's walk out with Joanie nervously walking on stage)

Marion: Hello, Jerry, how are you today?
Jerry: Marion, I should be asking you how do you feel today..
Marion: Well, our good friend, Arthur, said he had something very important to tell us. But I never knew he would bring us out in front of a live audience. oh dear...(starts to stress)
Jerry: And Howard?
Howard: I'm gonna kill Fonzie when he gets here
Jerry: And how are you today, little Joanie?
Joanie: Well, I have an idea about what Fonzie's gonna tell us since I saw...something...happen
(Audience oooh's,The C's look at her in shock)
Jerry: Well, on that cue, let's bring out FONZIE!!!!
(Audience screams hysterically, Fonzie walks out)
Fonzie: Uh, hey Mr. and Mrs. C
Jerry: Fonzie, do you have something important to tell them?
Fonzie: Yeah, Jerry, just give me a moment (voice starts to break). Mr. and Mrs. C, you guys have been my parents. You're the greatest people on this earth since leather jackets were invented. Joanie, you've been like a little sister to me, I adore you with all my heart. Red....Richie's been special to me....verrrry special.....
Howard: (starts to understand) how...special?
Fonzie: Mr. C.....I love your son!
(Howard gets up to attack Fonzie, but Steve stops him. Marion starts to scream and cry and laugh alternatively. Joanie rushes at him and manages to kick him)
Fonzie: I know you're upset. And I'm....s--so--s-sorry to say this, but he loves me too!
(Howard tries harder to kill Fonzie)
Jerry: Well, let's bring out Richie Cunningham!
(Audience boos, Richie walks out on stage and he and Fonzie "go at it" on stage, Howard starts to scream and curse)
Richie: Dad, Mom....Joanie. I'm very sorry to hurt you, but it started so long ago! We had our bits and pieces of affairs when he wasn't living in the house yet. But when he moved in (he rubs Fonzie's hand), we became very close. All those times I'd go up there for "advice" from Fonzie...yeah...we did more than talk!
(Howard breaks lose from Steve and almost kills Richie, but Fonzie steps in and they have a little fight till Steve breaks them up, Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE)
Marion: Oh Richard! How could you? ARTHUR!!! I thought you were like a son to me!!!
Fonzie: I was like a son, Mrs. C
Joanie: Sons don't have relationships with their brothers!
Fonzie: I was a very close son.
Marion: But what about all those girls?
Fonzie: It was a cover..to hide my true feelings from the world so I would not be humilated!
Jerry: Richie...you have something to tell Fonzie, don't you?
(Audience: Ooooh, Fonzie stares hard at Richie and even Howars stops struggling to watch)
Riche: Fonzie, you can't blame me for this. I was...tired..and I needed someone...you weren't there...I thought it wouldn't amount to anything....
Jerry: Let's bring out Richie's Greenland Fire!
(Audience screams as a figure walks out)
Person: How are ya! How are ya! How are ya!

That...took a lot of personal pain. hee hee, quite possibly the scariest thing yet, I was wondering why no one mentioned it. I'll finish it later...
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Old 11-17-2002, 10:02 AM   #42
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Wow...OMG! And I thought mine was risque'! LOL LOL



Keep going! (If you dare!)
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Old 11-17-2002, 10:57 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally posted by CameraQueen
Wow...OMG! And I thought mine was risque'! LOL LOL



Keep going! (If you dare!)

I take that dare!

Jerry: Ladies and Gents, Ralph Malph!!!
(Fonzie stares cruelly at Richie)
Fonzie: How could you give up this hunk a burnin' love (motions to self) for a nerd?!?!
Ralph: Fonzie, Fonzie, Fonzie....it's perfectly understandable that Richie would want to give up you for me. We look alike, so people won't suspect anything when they notice that Little Richie looks nothing like him...
Fonzie: That's ridiculous. I gave Red my personal permission to father his child...
Richie: I didn't father my child, Fonz
Howard: You didn't...
Marion: OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Joanie: But if you didn't...then....oh no!!!
Richie: You see, Fonz. Lori Beth swore that she would tell everyone if I didn't give her a child. But I couldn't bring myself to do it...
Ralph: I get a call from Richie over here and he wants me to do him a favor. Well, I get LB a little tipsy....9 months later....sigh, I never knew how accurate I was...
Fonzie: And so how does this stupid plan lead to an extra affair, Red?!?!
Richie: Well, you see....I...uh....er...oh boy...
Ralph: Fonzie, my son (puts arm around Fonzie). I promised this little favor...if Richie would do me a favor...
Fonzie: (glaring at Ralph) Malph!
Ralph: Fonzie, you'll be suprised how much confidence that little favor Richie gave me
Richie: believe me, Fonz, it was a one time thing that....became a two time thing
Jerry: Well, we're sure this arguement can go on forever, but we have a suprise for all of you. She's been listening backstage and trust me...she's not pleased. Ladies and Gents, LORI BETH CUNNINGHAM!!!!
(Audience cheers and Lori Beth walks out on stage angrily. She walks over to Richie and hits him over the head. Steve lets go of Mr. C to go stop her and Mr. C rushes at Fonzie. Mr. C hits Fonzie from behind and Ralph stands there laughing till Joanie gets up and knees him. Other bodyguards manage to restrain them all)
Lori Beth: DEATH DO US PART!!!! SOUND FAMILIAR?!?!? WELL WE'RE GONNA PART! AND I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S GONNA DIE!!Richie: LB, honey, trust me, you have...a special...but different part of my heart
Lori Beth: My own child!!! Little Richie wasn't even fathered by his own $@%!$@% father!!
Ralph: Baby, you gotta admit. You knew that it wasn't that pathetic husband of yours, it was me!
Lori Beth: Ralph Malph, you sicko, I'll have you arrested for this.
Jerry: Calm down, calm down. Richie, this your wife. You knew you were in love with Fonzie but yet you married her and you can't even give her a good life?
Ralph: He loves me!
(Joanie knees him again, Marion sobs hysterically and Howard sits there, distraught)
Jerry: Fonzie, you read his wedding vows for him?!?! Do you all have any decency?! Why am I asking them that? I'm hosting the show!
Fonzie: Hey, Red married her so people wouldn't question our love any more (Ralph laughs). Malph, I'm gonna make your head fly!
Jerry: Well, that's all the time we have today folks, but we have one last suprise for you. POTSIE WEBBER!
(Audience cheers but quickly dies down when they see how Potsie is dressed. He's wearing a Ku Klux Klan robe)
Potsie: You're all going to hell...

OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HAPPY DAYS?!?! hahahaha, I hope I don't get banned from the site for this. If I have offended anyone, I'm very sorry, this was meant to be a joke from someone who watches Jerry Springer when school is canceled...
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Old 11-17-2002, 12:40 PM   #44
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This topic is BEGGING to be closed...It's getting WAY to adult!
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Old 11-17-2002, 12:50 PM   #45
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This topic is BEGGING to be closed...It's getting WAY to adult!

ditto, shall we just end the Springer stories? There are some things that just should not be mixed....
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