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|06-19-2002, 09:38 PM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 02, 2001
Location: New York City
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity...
Here's another funny e-mail I recieved today.
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
"To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown
|06-19-2002, 09:46 PM||#2|
Defy Gravity 8.26.05
Join Date: Jul 04, 2001
Location: La Vie Boheme
LOL Oh my goodness.
"oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No.
To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway.
You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won.
You must be Broadway.
That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.
|06-19-2002, 10:15 PM||#3|
I'll Cover You
Join Date: Sep 29, 2001
Location: Beneath the opera house...
I e-mailed those to my mommy just now...
Don't you wanna be footloose and free?
Well, you could be the life of the party
If you were more-
All you have to do is jump over the moon
Moo with me!
|06-19-2002, 10:38 PM||#7|
Join Date: Aug 02, 2001
In Joliet, Illinois (my city) it's illegal to put cake in a cookie jar.
I read that in a book once. I wanna call the police department and see if it's true.
|06-19-2002, 10:46 PM||#8|
Join Date: Jan 13, 2001
Location: you'll find me in Emerald City...I'm the green one with the flying monkeys
heres some more interestin stuff....
In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
"English well talking."
"Here speeching American."
Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul:
"Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn **** to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Chinese Mistranslation :
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth".
When translated into Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off".
In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service".
Outside a Hong Kong tailor's shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs".
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists".
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life".
French Mistranslation :
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts". In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.
Italian Mistranslation :
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
Instructions on a packet of convenience food from Italy: "Besmear a backing pan, previously buttered with a good tomato sauce, and, after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them in a only couch."
|06-19-2002, 10:48 PM||#9|
Join Date: Aug 18, 2001
Do it, do it!!!!!
|06-19-2002, 10:56 PM||#11|
Join Date: Aug 02, 2001
I think I'll have my friend Amy do it.
|06-19-2002, 11:09 PM||#12|
Join Date: Aug 02, 2001
I have a few:
"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm
"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." -Anonymous Manufacturer
"Permitted vehicles not allowed." - Road sign on US 27
"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident." - Sign on backseat of Taxi
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
A repair shop sign: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
When we were driving through Kentucky, I thought it was funny...they had this lane...you could only drive in it Monday through Friday between 4 and 6 pm and only if you had 2 people in the car....there was a sign that said that.
|06-20-2002, 09:47 AM||#15|
Join Date: Feb 26, 2002
In a purple hippopotamus store-
green hippopotamuses are best, (And yours are purple why?)
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