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Old 02-25-2017, 02:45 PM   #16
IllinoisTVFan
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"Only an uncle" ?
The right kind of uncle is better than the wrong kind of father ( or mother).
A great many people are raised by relatives because in this day and age, mothers and fathers raising their own kids is not as common as it used to be decades ago at least not in the same context. There are people who feel closer to their uncles or aunts who brought them up than to either parent because their parents were not there for them. A lot of fathers and/or mothers are in jail, or they had kids too young and could not raise them and also go to school, so they gave the kids to grandparents, or to older brothers or sisters.
If you feel like less of a loving and responsible family member to a child because that child is not directly yours then that somehow could also mean that you don't feel that the child could be as important to you as your own son or daughter.

I recently was temporarily working in a small medical office and I overheard a conversation between the receptionist and some person who came in the office and he apparently knew the receptionist and he was talking about his new marriage and his step children. He said that he does not actually like the word "step children" though, because it seems to mean that the children are considered a step down from being your own real children and to be considered less than your real children.

I liked hearing that.

Usually I hear more negative conversations about step children. I was once in a waiting room and overheard some people talking about dating or marrying someone who already has children. They were talking about it from a man's point of view and said that the first words that comes out of the kid's mouth is "You are not my father." And they were talking about how horrible step kids can be to a step father.

Heck. My father was the one who said to his stepson "You are not my son."
My dad always told me in some way or other that my mother's son from a different relationship was not part of the family.

As someone who has dated men with kids (and will NEVER do that again), it's rough. I can't speak as a child because I never had a stepparent but know many who have and they struggled. In one case that comes to mind the parents split up because the dad was gay. The mom then remarried and eventually had another son with the new husband. The children from her previous marriage were mistreated and went to live with their dad.

Now onto why I don't date single dads and there are many reasons. For one, I don't want responsibility for their kids. In Illinois they can now ask the stepparent to help support the kids. I'm not sure about alimony but it's possible the new wife might have to help the father support his exwife in some cases. Then there is the drama. A guy I dated kept going to court and his ex was horrible.She wanted more and more money and kept denying his visitation. Then for me there is the moral dilemma because I oppose illegitimacy and divorce in most cases when there are kids involved. So basically you got divorced for stupid reasons, like you got bored, or your ex was a sociopath who cheated, abusive, etc. Why should I deal with that? I know there are widowers and single parents who adopted but those cases (which I may be open to) aren't as prevalent as the other situations. Yes, there are also cases where the families are friends (I know of several cases where the ex wife and new wife are good friends) but these aren't the majority. Simply put, I don't want my money r time to go towards his kids.
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Old 02-25-2017, 02:51 PM   #17
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I dont have kids.
Since I was a kid I knew it was not my destination or anything I would want to do.
I have no regrets.
I have not run into any severe hostility from others about it because I don't live a very social life and I don't interact much with others including relatives.

Of course it is obvious that the majority of the world is into the culture of eventually becoming parents. Like another one of you said here, I have heard it said in one way or other that kids are an emotional investment as well as being "indentured servants."
People tend to say things such as " if you think you dont want kids when you are young you will regret it when you are old," and once I read a small article in which a young female said that she wants to have kids early in her life because she wants her kids to know their grandmother, meaning that it is a race against time so that her grandmother does not die before her granddaughter has kids. This is a tough situation. It can be said to be good that the granddaughter has a good relationship with her grandma and loves her, but then to have kids at a young age so as to please a grandparent and have kids who knew their grandparent(s) sounds like something that can go wrong and then what?
What if grandma gets Alzheimer's by the time her granddaughter's kids are old enough to "know" their grandma but then grandma is not some wonderful soul who has interesting stories to tell but is demented and hostile and does not recognize her family? The kids will grow up feeling that it is better that if grandma passes away.
What if the granddaughter dies giving birth or unexpectedly develops a terminal illness after having kids and grandma is alone taking care of kids when she already thought she was done doing such a thing?

Years ago when the fertility treatments of today were new and so was "Surrogate motherhood" (I think the early to mid 1980s) , there was a case in which a woman made a deal with an infertile couple to be a surrogate mother and got the medical procedures done , but the surrogate mom had sex with her husband and then after she gave birth, the child was born developmentally handicapped, and the couple who paid the surrogate mother knew that it was not their child because they knew that the child would be born healthy. The surrogate mother argued that the child belonged to the couple who paid her, and it took a court case and court ordered DNA tests to prove who the child really biologically belonged to, and it turned out that the surrogate mother bore a child that was the result of her having sex with her husband, not because of having an fertilized egg placed in her.
This was an ultimate disastrous case in which a planned child turned out to be unwanted by everyone involved.

I was lucky because when I was born I had all living grandparents and 4 living great grandparents. One of my great grandparents I never knew because she lived in England but the other three I knew and they died when I was 11, 18 and 24 or 25. I recently lost my last grandparents when he was 94 (I'm 46). My parents were 24 and 25 when I was born and their parents were all in their early to mid 20's as well so both of my grandmothers were around 45, my one grandfather turned 50 the same day I was born, and my last living grandfather would have been about 48. It's creepy to realize they were around my age.
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Old 02-25-2017, 08:08 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by um
"Only an uncle" ?
The right kind of uncle is better than the wrong kind of father ( or mother).

Agreed.
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Old 03-18-2017, 11:40 PM   #19
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I'm never having kids because I will not allow them to ride the school bus to school because the school service strands children on purpose when they have to be picked up more than once and I ended up being one of them. My family refused to contact the school board to report it and take me to school everyday so I had to start taking the Metro bus to school 13 years ago. There needs to a law against stranding children when they have to be picked up from school, allowing children to be bullied instead of writing it up or calling the police, serving bad food in places like school and not having any other food during the summer time. This is all unacceptable behavior and it shouldn't be allowed anymore!
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Old 03-19-2017, 04:41 AM   #20
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Quote:
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I'm never having kids because I will not allow them to ride the school bus to school because the school service strands children on purpose when they have to be picked up more than once and I ended up being one of them. My family refused to contact the school board to report it and take me to school everyday so I had to start taking the Metro bus to school 13 years ago. There needs to a law against stranding children when they have to be picked up from school, allowing children to be bullied instead of writing it up or calling the police, serving bad food in places like school and not having any other food during the summer time. This is all unacceptable behavior and it shouldn't be allowed anymore!

initially I agree, but from what I can best figure, you are still in your 20s or early 30s if 13 years ago you had to go school ( and I assume it was for kids no older than of high-school age ) . Be prepared to hear people say that you are still too young and you will change your mind later on. Also, a lot of people will say that kids of many generations ago did not go to school by bus even if school was miles away. They walked. Also, kids of generations ago were bullied and an entire educational system did not bend over backwards to make sure that the teachers prevent fights or arguments among kids or that laws and rules had to prevent bullying and prevent "kids from being kids."
A lot of people would say that we today are such cowards about situations that our great grandparents faced and did not whine about and today we want "helicopter parenting" and "nanny states" that "protect everyone"
and don't allow people to grow up and be able to tolerate bad things in life without crying about every little thing.
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Old 03-19-2017, 12:07 PM   #21
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The Metro bus is best way that I can get around where I need to go to get to places that I need to go to. I really want things to change even though I'm 32 now.
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