Ever get the feeling that making new friends makes some of your friends jealous??

[Brad Russ]

I've had this feeling alot recently, and it really sucks. I recently met an old friend that I went to Middle School with named Andrea on Facebook, and I have a friend that's been acting jealous ever since I told her. I even told this person today that this re-kindled friendship will in no way take her place, and will not change our friendship any, but she's still just very short with me, and it's obvious that she's hurt by this. I know I shouldn't since I did nothing wrong, but still, I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt anyway. This isn't the first time this has happened to me either, it's happened alot. Now, I've admitted before that I can be a jealous person, but I'm never jealous when friends of mine make other friends. The only time I am jealous in that situation, is when the friend starts treating their new friend like they once treated me, while suddenly treating me as just a casual friend, or even worse, just ignoring me all together. This too I've had happen to me before, and let me tell you, it's one of the worst emotional pains you can go through!!! Anyway, can anyone else relate to what I'm saying??

[Janice]

It's happened to me. Many years ago, I was tending bar at a restaurant. I got a very good friend of mine a job there as a waitress. She got very friendly with a couple of other waitresses there. We were all married, and they all had kids. My friend invited these women and their kids to her parents summer home in New Hampshire, for a long weekend. It was the summer. My friend didn't tell me about it until after it was over. When I asked why I wasn't invited, she told me because she figured the kids would drive me nuts. She was probably right, but I would have liked to decide that myself. I was heartbroken.

Karma sprung into action. Her newfound friends ended up being jerks. One of them borrowed some clothes and refused to return them. The other did some sneaky manuevers at work, taking the best tables, etc. My friend told me that she felt bad for treating me poorly. She never followed through, and we're not friends today simply because I was always on the begging end of the friendship, while she called the shots. The friendship wasn't balanced, and I knew I needed a friend who would be there for me, just as I was for her.

Sorry to ramble Brad, lol. That's just one of many examples I have regarding friendship and jealousy. Sometimes it's hard to juggle a lot of friendships, and from what I see, you have a lot going on. That's fine, if that's what you truly want and can handle it all. I was that way until I took ill. I had to make some hard decisions regarding freindships. Online, I just can't spend my days typing away and destroy what neck I have left, lol. I've taken it to the phone with a few people. Offline, I take it easy there too. If I try to be everybody's friend, I find that I spread myself too thin. People sense that too. I can tell when someone's phoning it in, so to speak. I find that you generally get what you give.

I guess at my age, I just don't care. I don't think anyone could ever break my heart, except my husband. It's been broken so bad in the past, and I'm jaded. I've got a couple of dear online friends (you included), and a couple of dear offline friends, and I'm good with that. I'm friendly with others, and some are acquaintances. I guess there are levels to friendships. It's late, and I'm tired. I'm sorry Brad. I just tossed it all out. My point is in there somewhere, lol.

[Number 9 Dream]

Yes, I'm actually dealing with it to some extent right now. I guess the major difference between my friends and me is that I'm still in college and have made a whole new group of friends there. These are people I have classes with, and in a tiny major like ours (creative writing), people are bound to get friendly. I've recently made some new friends from these classes, about 4 people I am working on the literary magazine with. Of course we have a lot in common, and we generally have to get together frequently to get our job done.

Anyway, I have a feeling my friends "at home" are jealous of the fact that I have these new friends. I'm constantly busy with this literary magazine stuff, and I just feel like my life is heading in a different direction, one that excites me and is probably going to help me in my future in terms of a career. I finally found something that gives me purpose and it's been great working with these people on something that means so much to me. Yet my friends who aren't involved in my college life seem to make comments: "Oh, you're doing that AGAIN?" or "When are WE going to be able to hang out?" And I do hang out with them too, so I don't really understand where the comments are coming from.

It does suck, but I figure it's just a fact of getting older. People will come in and out of our lives, I guess.

[Shine]

There have been a few cases where I've made new friends and some older friends have become jealous. Sometimes, it has been my own doing since I've at times taken certain older friends for granted after I've met newer friends.

[Shine]

Originally Posted by Number 9 Dream

Yes, I'm actually dealing with it to some extent right now. I guess the major difference between my friends and me is that I'm still in college and have made a whole new group of friends there. These are people I have classes with, and in a tiny major like ours (creative writing), people are bound to get friendly. I've recently made some new friends from these classes, about 4 people I am working on the literary magazine with. Of course we have a lot in common, and we generally have to get together frequently to get our job done.

Anyway, I have a feeling my friends "at home" are jealous of the fact that I have these new friends. I'm constantly busy with this literary magazine stuff, and I just feel like my life is heading in a different direction, one that excites me and is probably going to help me in my future in terms of a career. I finally found something that gives me purpose and it's been great working with these people on something that means so much to me. Yet my friends who aren't involved in my college life seem to make comments: "Oh, you're doing that AGAIN?" or "When are WE going to be able to hang out?" And I do hang out with them too, so I don't really understand where the comments are coming from.

It does suck, but I figure it's just a fact of getting older. People will come in and out of our lives, I guess.

That's a good point, Kristel. I think sometimes there's a point where our lives and the lives of our friends go into different directions and as a result we can sometimes grow apart.

[Hollow]

offline, there's really no chance of that happening because i have only one close friend. he wishes i would make more friends, but for various reasons i choose not to. if i did, it's possible they would get jealous of him because he's my life.

[browneyes106]

I can relate to being in that position. When I first started college about three of my friends from high school went to the same college as me. One of my friends got a little jealous when I made friends with people I met from class or from my on campus job. I did feel a bit guilty at first but I realized part of my life is meeting new people and making friends. I never really get jealous when my friends make new friends.

[InspectorExstead]

It's happened to me before as well. But like others have said, it's something that has to happen. Meeting new people isn't bad; it's fun. As long as nothing bad comes of it, or the old friends are forgotten, it's okay. I like to hang out with both old and new friends at the same time, so everyone feels included and no one feels left out.

[Brad Russ]

Originally Posted by InspectorExstead

It's happened to me before as well. But like others have said, it's something that has to happen. Meeting new people isn't bad; it's fun. As long as nothing bad comes of it, or the old friends are forgotten, it's okay. I like to hang out with both old and new friends at the same time, so everyone feels included and no one feels left out.

That's a great way too look at it. Why can't we all just get along?? lol!! Wish everyone shared your view of things!!

[MickeyMac]

This really hasnt happened to me but I have gotten jealous when friends of mine make new friends. I'm not insecure but I cant help that jealousy thing. I guess its something thats in all of us.