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Old 12-22-2007, 07:15 AM   #1
Frank Gannucci
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,229
Default Honeymooners X-Mas Episode Reviews (includes the 70s ABC Specials. Please read them)

Because the holiday season is upon us, I thought I would repost these episodes.

Episode #206
TV: Has not been seen on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: MPI MIGHT release this episode in the future.

I attempted to do a review of this episode in August 2004, but since at that time the last time I saw it was in 1998 at the Museum of TV & Radio, I relied completely on my memory and needless to say, my review was poor. I now have this episode in my possession and here is the review. The synopsis of this episode for some reason is not on

Unlike the past specials, this one was filmed in Superstar Theater in the Resorts National Hotel on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. The opening of this episode is similar to the other specials as well as the Color Honeymooners but the footage they use is a person zooming in on the Atlantic City boardwalk from the ocean. Eileen Heckart guest stars.

The Kramden apartment has some Christmas decorations in it as Alice brings in a skinny Christmas tree. Trixie comes in. Alice said that she didn't want Ralph to pick it out because he always waits until the last minute hoping to get one cheap. That is why last year; he got the tree on Jan. 10. Alice is going to put the tree into the bedroom to keep cool since according to her, it's colder in there than it is outside. She does. Ed comes down with his usual sewer outfit. Ralph comes home and combs his mustache. Ralph has had a bad day. On his very first stop, an old lady comes on the bus and her false teeth fall right into his change pocket. Tomorrow, it won't be much better since he is driving a school bus. I guess that Ralph got demoted from being Traffic Manager (since he was going to be promoted to one according to the end of "Honeymooners Christmas Carol." Trixie forgot to get Ed his dinner, so she asks what he wants from the store. His choices are nothing but frozen foods. Ed: "Here's a woman risking frostbite just to feed me." Ed doesn't know what he wants to eat. Trixie: "Do you want me to surprise you?" Ed: "Yeah, don't come back." Ed shows his Christmas bonus check which is $418.79. Ralph's eyes light up. The girls leave to go to the store. Ralph reveals his plan to Ed. Ralph: "I'm going to be a millionaire." How many times have we heard THAT before? Ralph: "I am going to give you an opportunity to invest in the greatest plan that I have ever had in my life." Ed: "What's the plan?" Ralph: "I can't tell you. You will have to trust me." Ed: "How much will it cost me?" Ralph: "$418.79." Ed claims that he lost the check. Ralph: "Look in your hat." Ed says that he can't give him the money because Trix will hit him. Ralph says that he was an only child (despite the fact that in previous episodes, he revealed that he has siblings.) He was a lonely child and he always wanted a little brother to play with. Ralph: "A little brother that he could beat up every now and then so I can put a band-aid on him." He said that since he doesn't have a little brother, he would have an imaginary brother and he would wonder what he would be like. He would depend on him. Ed asks what he looked like. Ralph: He looks exactly like you." Ed is touched and he says that he loves Ralph like a brother. Ralph: "Since we missed a lot of games in our childhood, we are going to play one right now. The game: Hand Over The Check." Ed "looks" for the check. He gives the "check" to Ralph. Ed: "As your imaginary brother, here's an imaginary check." Ha ha. Ed says that he will not give Ralph the check. Ralph is mad. He says that it was true that he had an imaginary brother, that he used to play games with him and that he looked like Ricardo Montelban. Ed: "Maybe he will give you the check." A knock on the door is heard. It's Alice's mother (played by Eileen Heckart.) She looks like a different person…again. As usual, they have a fight. Alice's mom says that she has given them the bureau, the table and the icebox. Ralph: "Yeah and twenty years ago, you gave me a headache." They go back and forth arguing. Alice's Mom: "Where's Alice, the person that I said thirty years ago that you are marrying Ralph over my dead body." Ralph: "That is another promise that you didn't keep." Alice's Mom said that Ralph didn't even give Ralph a child. Alice's Mom: "The only person around here that looks pregnant is you." Alice's Mom wants to give Alice her dad's three month social security check. Now they are arguing over Alice's Dad. Alice's Mom doesn't want Ralph to forget to give Alice the check. Ralph: "Should I tie a string around my finger?" Alice's Mom: "Tie a rope around your neck." She leaves. Ralph forgets about doing his idea, but then changes his mind when he remembers that he is holding Alice's Dad's three month social security check. Ed finally gives Ralph his check. Since they are "brothers", Ed asks if they can go over to the schoolyard and play Potsie.

The next day, Trixie comes in. Alice has some news. She went to the bank to get some money and the banker told her that the account was closed. Ralph went to the bank this morning and cleared out their entire life savings which was $248. Trixie: "There goes your condo in Florida." Trixie says that Ed handed over his entire big paycheck for one of Ralph's crazy ideas. Alice's Mother comes by. Alice: "I feel awful." Alice's Mom: "Good. I hope its morning sickness." Alice says that she is upset at Ralph. After Alice's Mom asks Alice if Ralph gave Alice her dad's three month social security check. Alice says no. Ed comes in. Trixie is upset at Ed. Alice: "Are you alone?" Ed: "I am never alone as long as I got my big brother." Alice: "Well, in about 10 minutes, you will be an only child." Ralph comes home and says that he took all of his & Alice's life savings, took Alice's Dad's social security check, Ed's paycheck, cashed his own paycheck, his Raccoon pension fund, and borrowed from his insurance. He did that because he wanted to invest in the greatest idea he ever had. He said that he used the money to buy lottery tickets. Ed: "And you thought that Ralph was crazy. He is as sane as I am." There's more. Ralph asks Ed to help him remove the bureau. They try to lift it. You can tell that Jackie and Art are not making any effort to move it, yet somehow Ralph screams in pain from trying to "lift" it the first time since Ed didn't do his part. They try it to "lift" it two more times. It is too heavy. So, Ed takes the two top drawers and puts them on TOP of the dresser to make it easier to move and somehow that works. It is almost the scene thing that they did in "A Woman's Work Is Never Done." They move the bureau so Ralph can get another bag of lottery tickets that he bought. Those lottery tickets look awful big for lottery tickets and somehow I doubt that all that money could have really be used to buy all those lottery tickets since there looks to be less than 100 of them. Ralph: "The top prize is $1 million. That pales in comparison to some of the top lottery prizes today. Ralph: "Name me someone else that could make a million dollars in one day." Alice: "Seattle Slew." Ed: "Are you comparing Ralph to a horse?" Alice: "Only part of a horse." I think I know which part. Ralph is going to tell them an amazing story. Ralph: "Four weeks ago, FOUR weeks ago, my bus breaks down in front of a gypsy tea room. When I go inside there to make a phone call to the depot, I look through the beaded curtains, I see an old gypsy lady reading tea leaves. When I get the dime out of my pocket to make the call (remember back then pay phone calls were a little bit less in New York than they are now), my rabbit's foot falls on the floor. She picks it up, presses it to her lips and mumbles something. I said: `What are you doing with my rabbit's foot?' She says: `I am putting a blessing on it.' You will have good fortune for the rest of your life. As I am making the phone call, she starts to read my palm. She says: `Happiness is on the way. You money line is very strong and your lucky number keeps popping up all the time.' I said: "What is my lucky number?' She said: `That is a buck extra.' I gave her the buck. She says: `Your lucky number is 4. I think nothing of it at the time. I go back to the depot and Garrity says to me that they are switching me to the FOURTH avenue line. I have never driven the fourth avenue line. I am going along the run. The first stop is FOURTH Street. FOUR men got on the bus and they didn't get off until FORTY-FOURTH Street. I go back to the depot. It is exactly FOUR o' clock. I wanted to give it one more test. I go back to the gypsy tea room and there is a cop there padlocking the door. I said: `Where is the gypsy lady?' He said: `We evicted her FOUR hours ago. She hadn't paid her rent in FOUR months.'" Ralph says that every one of those tickets has the number 4 on it someplace. Alice: "Your number is 4 all right Ralph because soon a little wagon is going to pull up around here. It will have FOUR bells on it. The there is going to be FOUR knocks on this door. We are going to open it. There is going to be FOUR men in white. They are going to grab you by the arms and legs and say those FOUR magic words Ralph. Just FOUR words. `AND AWAY WE GO!'" Alice says that it might be a good idea to have Ralph's head examined. Ralph says that he will have it examined anywhere but no one will find anything in there.

Later that night, Alice is getting the cot ready so Ralph can sleep on it. Alice's Mother is staying with them because Ralph got her so upset so Ralph has to sleep in the kitchen. That is why she is staying? Ralph says that he left his lucky rabbit's foot in the bathroom where Alice's Mom is in right now. Ralph is so concerned with her mom and Alice's Irish wishes. I guess that Alice's family is Irish. Ralph: "Your mother is putting an Irish wish on my rabbit's foot. Alice goes into the bedroom. Alice's Mom comes out with her beauty cream on and scares Ralph. Alice's Mom: "Here is your rabbit's foot Ralph and you know what you can do with it." She leaves. Ralph puts his rabbit's foot on the table. Ed comes down using the fire escape to stay with Ralph after being locked out by Trixie on the fire escape. She got him there by using a clever ruse. She said: "Ed, go out there and water the flowers." Ed, being stupid, says yes then realizes that you don't water flowers in the wintertime and remembers that they have no flowers. Ralph is going to go to bed by lying down on the cot in his bus uniform since according to him; he can't get his pajamas (although right now he could if he wanted to). Ed keeps Ralph awake by asking Ralph for some mustard on the sandwich that he (Ed) brought down. Then it is ketchup, then ketchup. Ralph asks if there is anything more that he wants. Ed says that the sandwich is perfect. Ralph tries to go to sleep. Now Ed is asking for a drink. Ralph (yells): "PUT DOWN THAT SANDWICH AND GET IN THIS BED." Ed does and both of them are trying to go to sleep on the same cot…without any covers. Ed can't sleep, so he tries counting sheep. He counts loudly. Ralph gets upset and orders Ed to get out of the bed. Ralph asks Ed how he gets to sleep upstairs. Ed says that Trixie always rubs his back. Ralph rubs his back. Ed says that when Trixie rubs his back, she always sings their song. Ed: "The song is: `Last Time We Were In Paris." That is how we met. We didn't meet in Paris though, but in Newark. Last time we were in Paris reminds me that we met in Newark." One of the precise locations that Ed claimed that he met Trixie for the first time was at a burlesque show. I doubt that Newark had any burlesque shows in its existence because I used to live in Northern New Jersey. Ralph: "That reminds me of my song: `Help Me Make It Through The Night." Ralph says that he will rub Ed's back and sing to him, but if he ever tells anyone at the Raccoon Lodge about this, he will kill him. Considering that in a previous episode (or two), the Nortons & Kramdens visited Paris, how could "Last Time We Were In Paris" be their song? Ralph tries to sing "Last Time We Were In Paris." Alice's mother sees him singing that song to Ed and rubbing his back. She gets the wrong idea. Alice's Mom: "I am calling Anita Bryant tomorrow morning." Remember, back then homosexuality on TV was more controversial than it is today. Ralph: "Everyone is against me. All I have left is my rabbit's foot." Ralph then discovers that Ed accidentally ate it when he sat down to eat his sandwich. Realistically, how could that happen?

Time for the middle commercial break bumper.

The next day, Ed comes in with a bottle of champagne. He puts the bottle into a bowl. Ralph comes out with his radio. After Ralph wins the money, he will move to Park Avenue and rub elbows with the big shots. Alice comes out with a suitcase. Her mom is leaving and so is Alice. Alice is leaving too to think things over and she might not come back. Ralph blames Alice's mother for Alice leaving him. Ralph says that he doesn't want the money for himself. He wants it for her. With a million dollars, they can go on a second Honeymoon to Atlantic City. If this episode was done in Miami Beach, you know Ralph would have said Miami Beach and not Atlantic City. According to Ralph, they will check into the finest room they have, the room that has a window that overlooks the platform where Daisy the Diving Horse jumps over. Ralph: "You are also going to have that wart removed from the back of your knee." Alice's Mom: "That is a beauty spot. I have two of them. One on my knee and one where only my husband has seen." Ralph: "If he has seen it, there must be a wart under the table at Kelly's Saloon." Ed plugs in the radio and Ralph turns up the volume. Nothing is working. Ed unplugs it and looks at the back of the radio. Ed: "You got to push that wire into that slot there and hold your finger on it." Ralph does that while Ed plugs the radio in. Cue Ralph being "electrocuted" now. While Ralph is being "electrocuted", a loud sound is heard. I don't think that could have come from that radio. Ralph, of course, is too stupid let go of the radio so Ed unplugs the radio. Ed asks Trixie to bring down his radio. Ed's radio is shaped like a cat. According to Ralph, he has never been this nervous. What about the episode (or two) in which he was locked inside of a haunted castle as well as some other experiences? Ralph wishes he has had his lucky rabbit's foot. So does Ed. Ralph goes into the bedroom.

Later on, Ralph comes out. Trixie comes down with the radio. Ralph selfishly says: "Gimme that radio." Trixie is upset at Ralph for being so mean. Ed: "Watch it Ralph. That radio costs me $15." The "cat radio" doesn't even look like a real cat. It looks like a radio that a little kid would have. Ralph: "How do you turn her on?" Ed: "Usually I bite her ear." The audience laughs. Ralph: "Not Trixie. The cat." The left eye turns on the radio and controls the volume. The right eye is the station tuner. I should mention that on this cat radio, there is no way to tell what station the radio is on just by looking at it (maybe unless you look at it from the side in which the camera is not on.) To get police calls, you twist her whiskers. To get soft wave music, you raise or her tale up or down or simply turn it to the left. Ed turns on the radio. Music plays in such a fashion that you can tell that it is not coming from the radio. They get the station that airs the Christmas Lottery Program. The announcer is Johnny Olsen. Johnny: "I will announce the names of the three top winners. Will you spin the giant tumbler penny?" Today, the lottery hosts use a machine (I am not sure what it is called) that puffs magic balls out. Those magic balls have numbers on them. Johnny: "The winner of the million dollars is Mr. Ralph Krausmeyer." Ralph is upset. Johnny says that Ralph Krausmeyer's numbers were basically all fives except for one which was a zero. Johnny: "The winner of the $500,000 prize is Mr. Pete Mountgovern of Gnome, Alaska." In reality, I don't think that lottery programs will have winners that live that far, far away. I think that all lottery programs would have winners who live in the area that the program is broadcasting in and I don't think any lottery program was ever heard or show nationally. Johnny: "The winner of the $100,000 prize Merry Nolan of Ocean Port, New Jersey." Ralph is upset because he thinks that he didn't win anything. Trixie leaves with the cat as the music from the radio blares loudly. The girls & Ed also think that Ralph has lost. Alice's Mom calls Ralph a bum and goes into the bedroom. Trixie comes down with the good news. Ralph did win something. He won sixth prize which is $1500. Ralph and Ed are happy. How could Ralph have won sixth prize if Trixie just left the room mere seconds ago? Ralph: "This is the first time Alice that I have ever seen you speechless with joy." She looks upset to me. Ralph is going to take everyone to the Hong Kong Gardens for Chinese food. The Nortons are happy as they leave with the champagne and radio. Alice's Mom comes out. She calls Ralph her favorite son-in-law. She claims that she didn't hear anything and she was thinking over how mean she has been. She then says what she wants from the Hong Kong Gardens. She tells Alice to make sure that Ralph bundles up so he wouldn't catch a cold and then leaves. Ralph: "She is not a bad skate at that. Everyone loves a winner." Alice: "You won $1500. How mush did it cost you?" Ralph adds up the costs. The cost is $1499.88." So he won 12 cents. Ralph is still happy that he won at least something and calls himself a winner. Alice thinks that he is a loser because he lost all the trust of his friends. She remembers all the bad things Ralph did in order to get the extra 12 cents like taking Ed's paycheck and making sure Ed doesn't get any money from it as well as cashing in her dad's social security check, borrowing from their insurance money etc. Alice sits down. Ralph walks around. Time for the usual "I'm sorry Alice" bit as unique music plays in the background. He says that he does everything wrong but he does it for Alice. Ralph: "If I promise NEVER to do any more crazy things, will you stay with me?" Alice says: "I must be crazy too Ralph because I still love you." Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest." They hug and kiss. That was a fitting way to end the last official episode (although Ralph did do a crazy scheme in The Honeymooners movie in 2005 where he attempted to get money to get a train out of the sewer so him & Ed can make money giving tours of New York.)

Time for the curtain call. Jackie steps out in front of a gray curtain. He has his usual curtain call "coffee" cup with him. Jackie: "How sweet it is. I used to go to Atlantic City for salt water taffy cut to fit the kisser but right now he is coming to Atlantic City for the friendship. It is the greatest." He then introduces a "young woman" who is working with them for the first (and eventually only time) named Eileen Heckart. I guess Jackie wanted to be nice when introducing her. He then introduces the main cast. As he is doing it, I think you can see that Jackie's cup was empty. After Jackie introduces the main cast, he says "Good night."

During the credit roll, Johnny says: "This is Johnny Olsen saying: `Merry Christmas from The Honeymooners.' Then the ABC announcer plugs an ABC show. He then says that "Frosty's Winter Wonderland", a Nester the long-eared Christmas guppy special is going to be "shown" on Wednesday. Announcer: “Now stay tuned for `The Gathering' on the Sunday Night Movie." I didn't know that ABC aired Frosty the Snowman specials.

Episode #204
TV: This episode has not been scene since its original airdate.
MPI: MPI MIGHT release this episode in the future.

This episode starts with Ralph Kramden entering the Gotham Bus Company locker room. I guess that the company changed its name back to the Gotham Bus Company since it was called the Madison Avenue Bus Company in "To Whomever It May Concern." The locker room sure looks different than it was during the Lost & Classic 39 episodes. The locker room is decorated with Christmas decorations. A big crash is heard from outside. All the drivers that were in the locker room go out to see what the big crash was. Ralph comes in. Ralph says hello to Pop Parker, the custodian. Rod asks what that big crash that he just heard was. Ralph says that when he was parking, he backed into a sign that said: "Our bus drivers are the most careful bus drivers in the world." Ralph doesn't care. He will be spending seven days in Miami, Florida. He is staying at his brother-in-law's condo. Rod says that he is retiring in three months and he will be moving down to Miami. He leaves. Ralph opens his locker, combs his moustache and utters that controversial line: "Frankly sweetheart, I don't give a (darn)." He didn't say darn, but I think you know what he said. Ed comes down. Ralph: "When you see the mistletoe around here, don't give me a kiss. Anita Brant may be in the area." Ed is giving Trixie a silver-plated cocktail shaker for Christmas. He got that prize for winning the highest score playing pinball. Ed: "When you shake it, it plays `Cocktails For Two.'" Ed shakes it, but all that is heard is a gunshot and a whistle. Ed: "It's the Spike Jones version." Ed gives Ralph a present too. It's one ear plug that he can take while swimming. According to Ed, Ralph won't need the other plug since only one ear will be underwater. Mr. Marshall (played by Gale Gordon who gets a round of applause from the audience) comes in. Ralph introduces Ed to Mr. Marshall. Mr. Marshall is looking for someone with theatrical experience to direct "A Christmas Carol." Mr. Marshall's wife is putting on a play for charity. The charity: To feed all the stray cats in the city. Mr. Marshall: "She has a motto for it. `Make a kitty cat Merry at Christmas.'" Ralph: "Your wife must be a splendid woman." Mr. Marshall: "Oooh, she is indeeeed." Ed: "Out of all the times that I went to Macy's at Christmas time, not once did I see a cat sitting on Santa's knee." Mr. Marshall: "Does he (Ed) work for us?" Ralph: "No." Mr. Marshall: "Good. I once had a secretary like him. Her name was Lucy. A real screwball." That was an inside joke because Gale and Lucille Ball were co-stars on a TV show in which Lucy played Gale's secretary. (I think you might know what show I am referring to.) According to Mr. Marshall, Jim Guild did the play last year, but he is unavailable because he married Mr. Marshall's daughter and they are on vacation in France. Mr. Marshall then asks Ralph to think of a person who could direct the play. He leaves to talk to Pop Parker. Ralph thinks that the guy who directs that play will be a lucky man. Ralph: "Take Jim Guild. He was a bus driver. Than after he directed the play, he became a traffic manager and then voile (meaning voila) he gets married to Mr. Marshall's daughter." Ralph volunteers to direct the play. Ed: "I have theatrical experience. I was in the Navy with Jerry Vale." What about the time (or times) that he appeared with Ralph for the Halsey Theater Amateur Contest (that was won by Alice & Trixie)? Ralph asks Ed to tell Mr. Marshall that Ralph will direct the play because he is too modest. Ralph, too modest? Mr. Marshall comes in and gets the news that Ralph will direct the play. Ralph says that he was in a play once. Ed says that he has theatrical experience, he played UNDER Broadway. Ralph: "Ed played in the UNDERGROUND Theater. If I am not qualified, may this building fall down on me." Ralph looks up to see if the building will fall down on him. Mr. Marshall's favorite play is "A Christmas Carol" because he finds Scrooge such a lovable character. Mr. Marshall says that the play will go on Dec. 24 and wishes Ralph good luck. He leaves. A play on Christmas Eve? Ed hides his present to Trixie in Ralph's locker. Ed finds out that Ralph has the dates December 21-28 are circled on Ralph's calendar. Ralph: "That is when I & Alice are going to Miami…Norton; I can't take her on that vacation." Ralph says that he also can't tell Mr. Marshall that he can't do the play. Ralph is now in a quandary. Mr. Marshall comes back in with the news that his wife is so happy that Ralph will direct the play. Ralph said that he might not be able to do the play. Mr. Marshall: "Did you lie to me? I don't like liars. I don't like them at all." After finding out that Mr. Marshall fired Pop Parker, Ralph decides to take on the responsibility of director, but he will need help. Ralph: "Ed can't help me. He doesn't know anything about theater." Ed: "I can help you." Mr. Marshall: "Good. You will be the director." He leaves. Ralph blames Ed for the spot that he is in. Ed tells Ralph to look on the bright side and tell Alice the good news if he directs the play. One of the pieces of good news is that he (Ralph) could marry the boss' daughter. Ed leaves.

At 3am. Ralph is arguing with Alice in the bedroom. Alice is steamed that she is not going to Miami and has been steamed ever since Ralph came home with the news. Ralph comes out in LOUD pajamas. The pajamas have different colored stripes on them. Alice follows. Ralph is going to sleep in the kitchen because he can't sleep with Alice hollering at him. Alice: "I will stop hollering when you tell your boss that you can't direct that play because you are taking your wife to Florida." Ralph: "I can't do that. It's for charity." Alice: "Some charity: `Make a kitty cat Merry at Christmas.' I will take a cat to Miami with me and when he gets back, he will be the only cat with a sun tan." Ralph gets out the cot as Alice says that Ralph is allergic to cats. Ralph: "I can't tell the boss that I can't direct the play because I promised him." Alice: "Who is number 1 in your life, your boss or me?" Ralph: "At 3am, that is an unfair question." Alice (yells): "ANSWER ME!" A voice is heard saying (yells): "ANSWER HER KRAMDEN SO WE CAN GET OUR SLEEP." Ralph identifies the person as McGarrity even though his voice sounds different. I guess that the guy changed his last name from McGarrity to Garrity to McGarrity again. Ralph (yells): "WHY AREN'T YOU OUT CELEBRATING MCGARRITY? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NATIONAL MUSKATELL WEEK?" Ralph & Alice continue arguing. Ralph goes to open the cot. He can't open it. He tries to open it; a sound effect that doesn't look like it would come from a cot is heard and hurts his finger. Almost like the times that he tried to open the cot in "Alice's Aunt Ethel", "Goodbye Aunt Ethel" & "Battle of The Sexes." Alice asks Ralph if he hurt himself. She thought that he did when he heard him screaming. Ralph: "If I can open that cot, I will go to sleep." Alice opens it for him with no problem. Ralph: "Let me sleep." Alice: "Not until you promise to take me to Miami Ralph." Ralph: "After I get that promotion, we will visit France and Greece, we will dance on the tables in Spain, we will wade in the Roman fountains and on our way home in our rented yacht, we will hop scotch to the Caribbean." Alice: "I don't need to visit Greece to see the ruins. I live in one in Brooklyn. I already dance on the tables every time a cockroach comes across this floor. I don't need to wade in the Roman fountains. I can do that every time the plumbing is backed up in the bathroom. Ralph says that after all the places that they will visit; they will visit the number 1 tourist attraction in America which is Billy Kotter's Gas Station. Alice: "I don't have to go there either. I have a full tank right here." She pokes at Ralph's stomach. Ralph tries to go to sleep on the cot but he makes the cot lopsided and falls down. Ralph orders Alice to set the alarm. She does do all right. She sets it so it will ring right about now. Alice: "Okay. Round 2. When are you going to take me to Miami?" Ed comes down. He heard the arguing. He has cameras with him because he figures that the police will come down here and he would send the pictures to the Daily News. Ed vows to settle their argument by going to the window, opening up and yelling for all those in favor of Alice to say "I" and for all those in favor of Ralph to say "I." A lot of people say "I" for Alice while only a “cat” meows after Ed yells: "ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF RALPH, SAY: `I!'" Ralph tries to kick Ed out, but Ed doesn't leave. After Ed asks Alice to hear her side, he sits down on Ralph's cot which causes it to be lopsided and causes Ralph to fall down. Alice: "I want to go to Miami so I can see my sister in her condo." Ed: "Do you know that they are turning this building into a condo? I saw a sign." Alice: "Ed, they are just repainting a sign that has been there for 10 years and it doesn't say `condo.' It says: `Condemned." Alice doesn't want to fight anymore. She is just disappointed. She thought that after 25 years, a bond of trust and understanding had been made. She would like to have thought that after Ralph's boss asked him to be the director, Ralph would say that he would think about it and ask her first. She would have never stood in his way. But when he came in that door tonight with the news, she knew that for the first time, her marriage lacked the substance to hold it together. Alice looks like she is almost ready to cry. Alice: "The sensitivity, trust and love. It is very sad to discover that after 25 years." Ralph promises that after he directs that play, he would take Alice on the best vacation that she has ever had. He puts it down in writing with Ed writing it. Ralph signs it. Ed says that he will have it notarized since he's a Notary Republic. Ed asks for $2 because that is the fee that he charges. Ralph says no and he and Alice go to the bedroom. Ed grabs a chicken leg and attempts to sit on the cot, but his sitting down on it makes it lopsided and he falls down. Ralph comes out. Ed: "My pound of flesh (referring perhaps to the chicken leg.)"

The next day, Alice is ironing part of her costume for the play. Trixie comes down. Alice said that Ralph bribed her to be in the play and she accepted. Ed Norton is the assistant director. Ralph was not satisfied with Charles Dickens' original version of the play, so he re-wrote it. Oh boy! Alice: "This may be a bigger blow with our relations to England than the Revolutionary War." Ed comes out wearing pants, for whatever reason; look to be very thick in the quad area but not anywhere else. Ralph comes out with a VERY LOUD outfit and with an assgot on which looks like a VERY BIG tie. In the play, Ralph plays Daddy Cratchett, Alice plays Mother Cratchett, Trixie plays the Cratchett's 13-year-old daughter and Ed plays Tiny Tim. Ed starts singing: "Tip Toe Through The Tulips." Ralph: "Not THAT Tiny Tim." Ed also plays the villain, Scrooge. Ed remembers that Tiny Tim walked with a limp. He asks Ralph what kind of limping he wants. According to, Art Carney suffered a gun shot in I think World War II which caused him to walk with a slight limp for the rest of his life. For the longest time, I never noticed it. Ralph asks for a little bit of that Pappy McKoy limp with a little dash of a Frankenstein limp. Ralph sets the scene. The Cratchett's are very poor and so is their house, almost like the Kramden house. A man comes in with posters advertising the play. Man: "I don't need a tip. Just looking at you and Ed is good enough. Ha ha." He leaves. Alice (reading the poster): "'Ralph Kramden presents A Christmas Carol starring, directed and produced by Ralph Kramden.'" Ralph: "Mooreritee (sp?) (sp?) The Undertaker paid for the posters and during the play, I am going to give him a plug and I am going to do this with all the stores that helped me out. Mooreritee (sp?) the Undertaker has got a new place called the New-Frills Funeral." Alice looks at the script and notices that one of the plugs is Manicotti (as in Mrs. Manicotti). Ralph: "Mrs. Manicotti helped me out and I promised I would do a plug one of the restaurants that her son manages." Alice & Trixie read the plug which constitutes them singing: "Hold the pickles/hold the lettuce/special orders, don't upset us/just as we let it have it your way." An old Burger King jingle. Two men come in with a big tub of corn flakes. Ralph says that they will be spray painted to look like snowflakes. "Just like in the movies" according to Ralph. Ralph: "Then we get a great big net. Don't you say it Alice. We put the corn flakes in the net, hang the net over the stage and when the snow scene comes, we tug on a rope and the snow flakes gently fall down from heaven." Gee, Ralph believes that the "snowflakes" will fall down just like in the movies with his way of releasing them? How stupid is Ralph? Ralph claims that he is a genius. Ralph assigns Alice & Trixie to spray the flakes. Alice says no and they won't be in his stupid play. They quit. Mr. Marshall comes in. Mr. Marshall: "Who are these charming ladies?" Ralph introduces them. Mr. Marshall hopes that they will be in the play because he thinks that such beauty deserves to be on stage. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph's efforts to be rewarded and says that he will give the wives each a present. He leaves. The girls now want to be in. Ralph & Ed will go upstairs to work on the script. They leave. The girls get the spray cans ready. Alice wants to pull a practical joke on Ralph. So she calls Ralph to come on down. Both girls get on opposite sides of the door and when the door opens, they spray…Mr. Marshall who came in with presents for the girls. He is not pleased and neither are the girls.

It's play night. Mr. Marshall tells the audience what they are about to see. The curtain rises. Carolers sing: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." As they are singing, the town crier (played by Johnny Olsen) says: "Six o' clock and all is well." This message is brought to you by Mooreritee (sp?) the Undertaker. Mooreritee (sp?) says take advantage of my year-end clearance. Go now and save. GO ON DOWN." Johnny says "ON DOWN" the same way as he did when he was an announcer on a certain CBS game show that is still shown even after 35 years at 11am Eastern (I think you know what game show I am referring to). At the Cratchett household, Mother Cratchett (Alice with a brunette wig) comes out to sweep the front steps. It is supposed to be cold out and she is not even wearing a coat. The daughter comes out, also with no coat. The daughter is complaining about them being poor and what will happen if they can't pay the rent (that being Scrooge will evict them). Daddy Cratchett and Tiny Tim come by. Tiny Tim "limps" but you can tell that the limp is not real. Daddy Cratchett said that his solution to their money problems didn't work. Ralph: "Our lousy horse ran 3rd AT COLDER (sp?) RACE TRACK. OPEN EVERY DAY." Ralph says that he and Tiny Tim haven't eaten in two days. Ralph (yells): "SO WE STOPPED AT FATCHUMATA MOTZERONNI'S PIZZERIA." Mother said that they didn't have any money. Daddy said that they went to a gentleman and asked for a bite because they didn't have one in two days, so the man bit them. Daddy: "It smells like snow." Tim: "It smells more like corn flakes to me." A picture from this scene is in "The Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book. They all go inside to start a fire. The daughter opens the window and sees Mr. Scrooge. Tim says that he can't see him so Daddy yells: "DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU CAN'T SEE HIM?" Ed finally remembers that he is also Scrooge. Daddy (as the camera veers to the left, yells): "HERE COMES MR. SCROOGE NOW. MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. SCROOGE." Scrooge comes out with the same limp as Tim. Scrooge: "Sorry Ralph. Christmas: Bah humbug. I came to evict everyone. Everybody out." He also plugs the "Scrooge Eviction Company." He yells at them to get out. They all do, except for Tim for obvious reasons. Scrooge: "Where's the kid? Come on out Tiny Tim?" Daddy (yells): "WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S NOT COMING OUT? I KNOW YOU ARE EVICTING EVRYONE MR. SCROOGE." Scrooge goes in to get Tiny Tim. We see a person helping Ed changing his costume on stage. Tiny Tim & Scrooge have a "fight." As Scrooge & Tim talk to Ralph though the window, Ed off course gets the costumes mixed up. Scrooge finally gets "Tiny Tim." (Actually, "Tiny Tim" during this moment was a stuffed-up dummy.) This is all very funny. I should note that the "house" is very small. It's about the size of a bathroom. Daddy: "You certainly have spunk Tiny Tim." He throws the dummy back in. The "real" Tiny Tim comes out. During Tim's fight with Scrooge inside, Tim picked his pocket and found money. Mom: "It won't be proper to keep that money. Daddy: "Remember moral righteousness." (to the crowd, yells): "HE IS THE SECOND DOG IN THE THIRD RACE AT THE MIAMI KENNEL CLUB." The town crier comes out. Town Crier: "Seven o' clock and all is well." Wasn't it six o' clock a few minutes ago? Town Crier: "Time for the 7pm weather report. There's a 20% chance of snow. This report brought to you by the Landmark Bank at Fort Lauderdale." Ralph Kramden got help for his local play from people who are far away as Florida? Daddy: "It certainly looks like snow…I said it certainly looks like snow." Ed (yells): "RALPH WANTS THE SNOW." Ralph is upset. In hilarious fashion, the "snow" falls…like a thud. Snow falling down like a thud doesn't look believable. The snow doesn't look like the corn flakes that Ralph shown everyone earlier. The scene ends. Considerating how much of the play that is shown in this episode, how much sense does the ending of this scene make for a good ending of a Christmas play?

After the play while everyone is on the set, Ralph says that the play was a big smash. Everyone is happy. Mr. Marshall comes out with his wife and her cat. Mr. Marshall and his wife thank Ralph. Ralph is rewarded by getting Mr. Marshall's wife's pregnant cat. Mrs. Marshall: "Phyllis, my cat may have as much as eight cats." The Marshalls leave. Ralph is not pleased. Ralph apologizes to Alice for what he did. Mr. Marshall comes back. He forgot to give Ralph the news that Ralph has finally been promoted to Traffic Manager. Ralph: "All my life, I have never done anything right. Why now?" Alice: "It's Christmas time Ralph." Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest." Everyone kisses their respective spouses.

During the credit roll, the ABC announcer plugs an ABC show, the special, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", ABC News Close-up. "The Class That Went To War" and an NFL football game that features Buffalo vs. Oakland.

Episode #162
TV: One hour long musical
DVD: The color version hasn't been released yet but it will in 2008.

Ralph & Ed are having lunch outside. Ed has a table for him to eat on with a tall candle. Ed shows his napkin which has an "N" on it. Ralph: "What does the 'N' stand for, nut?" Ed: "No, the 'N' stands for napkin." Gee how clever. Ralph is upset that Alice hasn't been giving him good lunches lately, so Ed gives him a turkey leg for him to eat. Ralph is about eat it when Ed tells him that that turkey leg was with him when he was down in the sewer. Ralph says that Alice has been acting strange. He says that he has been having tuna fish and he also mentions that she has been going to the supermarket early. Ed: "Maybe she wants to go on the picket line and get interviewed by Roger Mudd." Ralph says that she wants to get bargains, so that's why she goes to the supermarket early. Ralph & Ed then sing: "A Woman's A Curious Creature."

Alice is busy knitting clothes for some baby. Trixie comes in with a turkey leg that Ed brought for lunch. She brought it for Ralph, just in case he has to eat tuna fish again. Alice reveals her temporary job she has just so she can save enough money for Christmas (hence the reason she has been going to the "supermarket early".) She won't tell Ralph because Ralph will make her quit no matter how hard the job is. It's the principle of the thing to him. She did and said the same exact thing in "Expectant Father" too. Alice hurts her back so Trixie says she will make sure Alice go sees a doctor.

Ralph comes home and is upset that he has to have tuna fish again. Alice says that it isn't. She gives him the turkey leg. Ralph is happy until he finds out that it was left over from Ed's lunch. He wanders why that he couldn't have a hot meal. Ralph: "Don't you ever cook? Do you know what our gas bill was last time? 48 cents." Alice says that she is sorry, but she has been so busy. Ralph wonders why she ahs been putting on her best dress and going to the supermarket early. Alice says that she is going on a husband/wife picket line and going to be interviewed by Walter Cronkite. Ralph says that she isn't being interviewed by Walter but by Roger Mudd. Alice: "Don't cross-examine me." Alice goes into the bedroom. When Ed comes down, he asks Ralph if he can hide Trixie's Christmas present in the Kramdens' apartment, Ralph says yes and sticks the present in the bureau drawer -- where Alice has hidden the baby clothes. Now Ralph is remorseful for yelling at Alice. A moment later, when Norton tells Ralph that Trixie has made a doctor's appointment for Alice, Ralph is sure that Alice is pregnant. Alice comes in. Ralph: "Oh sugar-dumpling puss." Alice says that Ralph was right he deserves a hot meal. Ralph is acting all nice because he thinks that Alice is pregnant. Alice doesn't know what to make of it. Ralph: "When can we expect the happy occasion? Alice: "After I go to the butcher’s and get you two lamb chops." Ralph: "Did you hear that? It's going to be twins." Alice leaves, saying that she is going to get Ralph two lamb chops. Ralph only wants one because two are too heavy. She leaves. Ralph: "That son of mine is going to get things that I didn't have. He's going to have an education." He decides he has to make some more money in a hurry so that his future son can go to college. He needs so extra money for the kid. Ed: "I have some money that is owed to me and when I get it, it's just as good as yours." Ralph: "You're a good pal Norton. Who owes you?" Ed: "You do." Gee, that really helps Ralph. Ed finds some jobs that Ralph can do to earn extra money for the kid. One of them requires chemical engineering and it is in South America. Ralph says to forget about that job because he doesn't want to go to South America. Ed finally finds a job for Ralph, a street Santa. Ralph tells Ed that he is going to be his elf. Ralph & Ed sing "Father of the Year" in which Ralph says that his son will graduate from college in 1989. Also while they are singing, Jackie & Art walk off the set and walk back on.

The next day outside in New York, it is revealed that the people who wrote the ad are bookmakers, Lenny & Sidney. Ralph comes with his Santa outfit and the people identify themselves as Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith. Ralph and Ed begin their first day on the job. An old lady comes by. When she puts down her bet with the money, Ralph says that she doesn't have to do that. Lady: "I want 'Rocking Chair' for $2." Ralph still doesn't know what she meant. A person comes by and puts his money in the pot. Ralph says he will get that back many fold. Man: "I should. It's 20 to 1." Ed: "What are you talking about? It's half-past six." He leaves. A policeman comes by and puts his money in (thinking that what Ralph and Ed are dong something good.) When Ralph says to the police officer to put in his slip (everyone else put in their slips). The policeman sees what's really going on and sends Ralph and Ed to jail, thinking that they are the bookies they are looking for.

In the police station, a group of people (along with Ralph & Ed) show up and stand for their mug shots. Ralph & Ed try to explain their innocence. Crook: "Don't do this to Santa." The other crooks, Ralph & Ed sing: "Don't Put Santa In Prison." After the song, Ralph explains to the police officer that his wife is pregnant and he was just trying to make just as much money for the baby. Alice comes by and Ralph tells her that he was making extra money for their future baby. Alice says that she is not pregnant. Ed says that maybe Trixie is pregnant. Ed: "Are you with Elf?" Trixie: "No, I'm with Nincompoop." Now Ralph and Ed are in bigger trouble. When Ed says that the two Mr. Smiths are going to come by their street corner and collect the money soon, Ralph hatches a plan so the police can catch the real bad guys.

Later on, the police say that they are going to hide from the crooks and also instruct Ralph & Ed to wait until the two "Mr. Smiths" and when they come, they are to ring the bell so they can catch them. The two "Mr. Smiths" come but the bell doesn't sound so Ralph & Ed yell "DING DONG! DING DONG!" The two "Mr. Smiths" don't know why they are yelling "DING DONG!" The police come and catch them.

It looks like Ralph will have a Merry Christmas after all. Alice asks why Ralph thought she was having a baby. Ralph says that he found baby clothes, so Alice reveals the fact that she got a temporary job so she can get enough money to get Ralph's present, a rocking chair. Ed: "How do you like that? She's Knuckles Grogan." The Krmadens & Nortons sing "It's A Happy Time of The Year" as people dance in the background.

At the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast (I'm sure this was edited by AmericanLife). Because of that, we never found out who played the two "Mr. Smiths." (The audience clapped when they saw them for the first time.)

Episode #103
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Young At Heart."
DVD: Attached to episodes #9-16 of the classic 39 box set.

Alice is wrapping a Christmas present as Christmas music is being played. She hides her present which is a gift for Ralph. She finally decides to hide it under the ice box. Trixie comes by and the two of them talk about Christmas. Trixie says Ed gave her an orange juice squeezer in which you squeeze the orange on top of Napoleon’s head and the juice squirts out of his ears. The same gift that he got her in "Honeymooners Christmas Party." Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with a Christmas present. He decides to hide it in the ice box but spots Alice seeing him in the act. She says she put his present under there. Ralph says that they are acting like two kids. Ralph wants to know what Alice gave him. Alice won't reveal the contents and suspects that Ralph would un-wrap it when she goes upstairs. Ralph says to not worry and that he will wait until Christmas. Alice fools Ralph by indicating that she left and sure enough she spots Ralph trying to get his gift. Alice: "Looks like Mommy will have to hide your present somewhere else. It looks like I can't trust you Ralph." Ralph: "You're the one who can't be trusted. You said that you were going upstairs." Alice hides Ralph's present on the top shelf of the closet. Ralph and Alice decorate the tree. Ralph says that she can tell him where the gift is and he won't get it. Alice tells him where it is and when Alice leaves, Ralph goes to get it...and gets his finger caught in a mousetrap. Ha! Ralph: "Okay, two can play at that game." He puts a mousetrap where he hid Alice's gift (which is under the icebox.) Ralph decorates the tree as Ed Norton comes down. Ed: "Merry Christmas Eve Ralph." They exchange presents. Ed gave Ralph spats while Ralph gave Ed a tie. Ralph: "Why did you give me spats for?" Ed's response is that Ralph isn't the easiest person to shop for since Ralph has everything.

Ralph says he got Alice a gift and that it's under the ice box. Ed goes under there and pulls out the pan that is always under there and assumes that that's the gift. Alice comes down and Ed presents her with the gift that he thinks Ralph got her. Ralph corrects Ed and begins to take the gift out...and gets his finger caught in the mousetrap. Ed assumes that that is the gift. Ralph says that the gift is a matchbox containing of 2000 matchsticks glued together. The same gift he got her in "Anniversary Gift." Ralph says that he was told the gift came from the Emperor's palace in Japan. When a friend comes down and exchanges presents with Alice, Alice gets the same exact gift. The actor that played the friend made a blooper in her line when she says: The gift I gave to you was nothing. I feel embarrassed after the gift I gave you.” The friend leaves. Ralph is screwed.

Ralph is all upset as Ed decorates the tree. Ralph talks about his problem as far as not being able to get Alice a gift. Ed suggests putting a sticker on the gift that says: "Don't open until Christmas" and to give it to Alice on the day after Christmas. That way, Ralph will have a whole year to give her a present. A dumb idea and Ralph says so. Uncle Leo comes in and the studio audience applauds for him. He gives Ralph a gift certificate for him and Alice. He leaves. Ralph gets a scheme. He will use the gift certificate to buy Alice a present. He hatches a plan that will allow him to give Alice a present and for Alice to think that Uncle Leo didn't give them anything. It's a typical Ralph idea. Alice comes home and says that he saw someone that she knew on the way up. Ralph thinks that it was Uncle Leo and gives the gift certificate. Alice: "A $25 gift certificate from Tommy Mullins?" Ralph: "Tommy? I thought you meant Uncle Leo." Alice: "Was he here?" Looks like Ralph foiled his own plan. Ralph: "Yes, he was here." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph gets another idea. He will hock his bowling ball to give Alice a new gift. Gee, Ralph is really thinking of Alice here.

Christmas morning, Alice is making breakfast as Ralph likes his new slippers from Alice's mother. They open their presents and to Ralph's chagrin, he finds out that Alice gave him a new bowling ball bag. Ralph says that they can't figure out if the ball will fit. Ralph explains the whole story about what he did and what he did as far as hocking the ball. He said Alice will like her new gift. Alice says that it's beautiful and it's the best present she has ever gotten. It's an orange juice squeezer in which you squeeze the orange on Napoleon’s head and the juice squirts out of his ears.

Ralph says this to Alice. Ralph: "You know something sweetheart? Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up - red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas'. Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home - you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you’re going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

And so the show ends...or does it? Jackie stops the curtain from closing and says this: "Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, we usually don't step out of character, but tonight I think that it's proper that Mr. and Mrs. Kramden and Mr. Mrs. Norton wish everybody a Merry Christmas. Would you come in here Norton?"

(The Nortons come out.)

Jackie: "There they are."

(Everyone bows to the crowd's applause.)

Wow, everyone steps out of character at the end of this episode. This type of thing would later be seen in syndication at the end of most of the Color Honeymooners episodes.

Episode #72
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Double Anniversary Party."
DVD: Attached to "Battle of The Sexes" & "Catch A Star."

At the Raccoon lodge, Ralph and Ed are playing ping-pong with a couple of other Raccoon players. After Ralph yells: "I HAVE GOT IT! I HAVE GOT IT!", he somehow ends up with the ball in his mouth. Ed says that he could go on the Ed Sullivan Show doing that. The Raccoon meeting is called to order as the Raccoons recite the Raccoon Pledge in Latin. After the pledge, Ed wants to know what it means. Oh God! We found out that the Raccoon Pledge was made by their founding Father Herman Hildebrand even though in "The Hypnotist" it was Toots Mondello. It turns out that Herman made some kind of drugs. It is also found out that Ed wants to fix the grandfather clock in the lodge and he wants to fix it during the meeting to show the Raccoons that it works. He does at approximately 8:57pm. He fixes it and when Ralph tries to talk, the gong in the clock rings for 9pm and swings thereby looking like some person is controlling it. I'm pretty sure it didn't ring three minutes later. Ralph gets upset and "unfixes" it.

Mr. Alfredo comes by and asks the Raccoons to sing the Raccoon Marching Song which goes like this:

In the west and in the east
There's a mighty little beast
For courage there is no other.

When the chips are all at stake
The Raccoon will never break
We are proud to call him brother.

So with our noble tails entwined
And a spirit strong of mind
We'll have hearts that cannot melt.

In the forest, in the trees
On the land or seven seas
We're brothers under the pelt.

Raccoons, the noble Raccoons.

The audience didn't even clap or laugh at the end. After everyone leaves, Ed plays "Swannee River" on the piano and Mr. Alfredo says that Ed Norton has plenty of talent and musical ability. He also knows that Ralph is a good lyric writer. He leaves just as Ralph talks about his latest idea. He and Ed are going to become songwriters. Ed fixes the grandfather clock. He says that by fixing it, he saved the Lodge $3. They leave, just as the clock rings. As it rings where it actually causes nearby things to fall and break. The clock also breaks more now than ever. Watch and you will find out what I mean. So in turn, Ed costed the lodge money.

At home, a piano is delivered and Alice says to Trixie that it is a refrigerator. Seems to be VERY BIG for it to be a refrigerator. Trixie leaves. Ralph enters and asks Alice to close her eyes as Ralph opens the package. It's a piano and Alice demands it to be returned back. They argue. Ralph says that he always wrote great poetry. Alice recites some of his poetry: "Ape! Ape! Open the gate! Here comes Alice the Grad-u-ate!" Some poetry. Ralph says he spent the whole $80 (the Christmas club money) to pay for the piano. (He bought it on credit.) Alice is upset since they have 15 relatives that they have to give presents for. Alice says that she is going to take it back. Ralph throws out the window the store information so Alice won't find out what store it belongs to only to have Ed pick it up and give it to Alice. Ralph kicks Ed out.

That night, Ralph and Ed are getting very tired rehearsing. Ed warms up to every song playing by playing "Swannee River." He would do the same thing in the "$99,000 Answer." Ralph says some of the lyrics that he wrote which include: "Ears like a bunny." Ralph: "Maybe we can make it an Easter song." Ed is very tired. Ed: "I got to get up in the morning. I got a job to do." Ralph says that he does to and he has responsibilities. If he falls asleep, he's liable to run into something. Ed says that if he falls asleep, he will drown. Ralph says some more of the lyrics that he wrote that include: "Baby dear, what are you crying for? Do your dad-dy a big favor!" McGarrity complains and so does Alice who recites some of the bad lyrics that she heard Ralph sing. Ralph gets upset. Alice goes to bed. Ralph and Ed rehearse some more with little success. McGarrity's wife vacuums saying that with Ralph living in the building, she has to sleep during the day. Her voice is like Trixie's. Ralph complains about a person moving garbage cans and McGarrity banging his pipes. Those two interruptions give Ralph some lyrics which go: "The garbage cans go clang! The radiator goes bang!" Ralph: "It's going to be hit."

At a publisher's office, Ed plays the piano while Ralph attempts to say the lyrics. Ed warms up by playing "Swannee River." The publisher thinks that "Swannee River"'s notes are being rewritten and he mentions "Swannee River”‘s writer, Steven Foster. Ralph would forget that Steve wrote that song in "$99,000 Answer." Ralph explains to him that Ed does that to warm up. A pianist comes by and plays the song just as Ralph and Ed write the lyrics which go like this: "The garbage can goes clang, the radiator goes bang, and the vacuum makes a racket too. Put them all together and...that's my love song to you." Bob Manning wrote this song before this episode was made. Don't the lyrics seem a bit outdated? The publisher doesn't know what to think Ed leaves. The publisher says that he likes the music but the lyrics need to be changed and that a pro lyric writer would write new lyrics to Ed's music. Instead of being selfish, Ralph steps aside for Norton's sake.

At home, Ralph is upset about what he did. Alice is happy that Ralph did something nice for Norton. Ed Norton comes in with a radio saying that they are going to play a song on CBS radio. Ralph goes into the bedroom but comes out when he hears his and Ed's song on the radio. By the way, the guy on the radio says that the song is being sung by a guy named Bob Manny. Norton says to Ralph that he values his friendship with Ralph more than a musical career, and unbeknownst to Ralph, takes their song to another publisher, who loves it so much he has it recorded. Ralph says that they will be millionaires! It turns out that Ralph's idea worked sort of. Of course, they don't become millionaires!
Episode #47
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Forgot To Register."
DVD: Attached to "Forgot To Register" & "Income Tax."

I do remember in the 1997 or so, searching through an online TV guide and finding out that the now CW11 was going to air this episode right before Christmas 1997 in two parts. I don't know if they really did or not and if they didn't, it was probably because of them having to pay $$$ for the rights to the songs in this episode. I do know however that this episode was also part of a Honeymooners Christmas Special that you can buy on video and it may have been shown on the CW11 a LONG time ago. I do know that TV Land aired that Honeymooners
Christmas Special in 2000.

I will also point out that when this episode was released on VHS, MPI decided to put most of the video package in red. For the video that has "New Year's Eve Party", they put that video package in green. I guess they did that since that they are holiday episodes, the might as will decorate the packages with holiday colors. I like that. They didn't do the same thing with the DVDs though.

I find it strange that there were two Christmas specials done in the same year.

The episode opens up with Alice decorating the Christmas tree. Ralph comes home with potato salad from DeVitos. She says that he should get it from Krauss'. Ralph explains that at DeVitos that Reginald Van Gleason as running a party and that a lot of people are there including people who came from Connecticut. Ralph, disgustedly, leaves to get potato salad from Krauss'.

Trixie comes in and she reveals that Ed gave her an orange juice squeezer. You squeeze the oranges on top of Napoleon’s head and the juice squirts out of his ears. Same gift that he would give her in "'Twas The Night Before Christmas." A guy knocks on the door and Trixie answers it and within a second she knows his name: Fenwick Babbit. Either Trixie saw him before or he gave her his name very softly and quickly. Fenwick is played by Jackie Gleason. After pacing his beer barrel in the apartment, he begins to cut the ice. He hits his finger and yells in Ralph Kramden fashion. Now I wonder why Alice and Trixie don't come up with the thought that Ralph and he look alike. When Trixie goes upstairs to get something for Fenwick, Fenwick asks: "Does she live nearby?" The crowd laughs. When Trixie comes back, Fenwick realizes that he is in the wrong apartment and leaves. But not before he says to Alice: "You are a nice lady."

Ed comes in and says that he has come with, Frances Langford. The crowd applauds for the guest star. She sings "Great Day" and "I Love Paris" for Alice, Ed, and Trixie, and dances with Ed. Joe The Bartender comes in (also played by Gleason). Of course after hearing Joe speak, Alice, Ed and Trixie don't come up with the thought that he and Ralph look alike. Joe The Bartender reveals something that just happened a few minutes ago at Krauss'. This poor soul comes in and takes the last bit of steak and gives it to a kitten that he bought in from the cold. Fatso Fogarty sees this and becomes mad. He sets up a nasty practical joke in which he tells him he had "won" a diamond and then handed him a cheap rhinestone. What made the hoax particularly pathetic was that the poor soul, totally taken in, cherished his prize. Alice, moved by the tale, tells Joe to send the poor soul up, and she'll give him a real present. Joe, Frances and Ed leaves. Trixie: "Now that Ed is gone, we can relax."

The poor soul comes up (played by Jackie Gleason in pantomime) comes up and Alice gives him a real present. Once again, Alice and Trixie don't even think that he and Ralph look alike. He gives her the "diamond" and leaves.

Trixie says that they are showing some Christmas Specials on TV, so she asks Alice if they can watch it on Alice's TV (which probably looks terrible). Alice says that the TV is on the brink. Gee, in "TV or Not TV", Alice says that the Kramdens never got a TV. Rudy the Repairman comes by to fix it. Rudy is played by Jackie Gleason and once again by looking and hearing Rudy speak, Alice and Trixie don't think that Ralph and he look alike. Alice explains all the trouble she is having with some of the channels. Some of the channels that I think she talks about: 4, 5, 7, 11, and 13. Now, since I used to live in North Jersey and about an hour away from New York, I can tell you that those channels in real life do exist. And do you know what; the channel 11 that Alice is talking about would start to carry reruns of the Honeymooners four years later and has carried them for the better part of 50 years. Rudy, after hearing Alice's strange problems, brings in Whitey. Whitey talks to Ralph in language that is not real English. But Rudy understands him anyway. Great comedy. Rudy makes a pass at Alice and Trixie, destroys the television set, and departs. Alice tells Trixie that it doesn't really matter, since she just had the set on trial.

Ed Norton comes in. It's either this scene where he comes in or the previous scene where Trixie says something to Ed and Ed says: "You made me lose my TRACK of thought." My mom heard this and said that Art made a mistake. Anyway, Ed brings in little Eddie Hodges that is going to sing at Krauss'. "He is not going to drink", says Ed. Eddie had to be a kid. Ed sings: "Welcome My Baby Back Home." It's interesting that Jackie allowed this kid to sing on his show when you think about the fact that he didn't want kids to appear on his show because he thought that kids may not be able to act on cue. Both Eds leave. Alice says that Ed is always looking to help someone. Trixie says that after a wedding he drove a couple of family members home. The only problem was that it was their wedding. Oh boy!

Ed comes back in and Reginald Van Gleason comes in (played by Jackie Gleason). He brings in gifts for Ed, Trixie, and Alice. He also brings in his band and June Taylor Dancers, but with Alice's permission. The band plays a song VERY loudly and Gleason dances with the dancers. Try doing what Reggie is doing in an ordinary apartment at night in real life and you will probably get a TON of complaints (and maybe get kicked out too.) Anyway, at one point Reggie dances too far to the left and you can see the stage curtain. Another think that wasn't in the script. Once again, Alice, Ed and Trixie don't come up with the conclusion that Reggie and Ralph look and probably sound alike (maybe except for Reggie's mustache). Reggie and his whole entourage leave. Ed: "Reggie is okay in my book." Ed says that in Reggie's limo, he watches wrestling. Not on TV, he watches wrestlers wrestling each other in the limo in a pro wrestling match. Oh God! Trixie is afraid to leave because another star may drop by. Alice says that she wonders where Ralph is. Ed says to Trixie that he will give her what every woman wants on her hand, that being rubber gloves. Ha!

Ed and Trixie leave. Ralph comes by with a policeman. Alice explains the whole situation to the policeman and leaves. Ralph reveals what happened. After he returned the original potato salad, he had to walk two LONG blocks to Krauss only to find out that Krauss was asleep. He kicked so hard on his door that he knocked out the window and got in trouble with the police. Anyway, Alice and Ralph exchange gifts. Ralph opens his gift first and finds out that Alice gave him rubber-lined gloves. Alice gets an orange juice squeezer from Ralph. The same gift that Ralph will giver again in "'Twas The Night Before Christmas." Ralph says that after 14 years of marriage, every Christmas gets better and better. 24 years later in an ABC Special, Ralph and Alice say that they are celebrating 25 years of marriage (the writers thought that that would be appropriate since that show marked the 25th anniversary of the show.) The hug and kiss.

I lot of people probably don't like this episode since it's a great departure from traditional episodes. I liked it because it's a great X-Mas episode and it offers a change of pace. Jackie Gleason must have had to do some quick costume changes in this episode since this episode (like all the other ones in the 50's) were done live.

Episode #47
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Game Called On Account of Marriage."
DVD: Attached to "Game Called On Account of Marriage", "Brother-in-Law" & "Peacemaker."

I think that this episode has been seen on TV. Why do I think that? In 1995 and 1996, Nick aired a Honeymooners Christmas celebration. One of the things I remember seeing about this (maybe it was a commercial advertising this celebration was Ralph in a Santa Claus costume.)

Alice is busy knitting clothes for some baby. Trixie comes in and here Alice reveals her temporary job she has just so she can save enough money for Christmas. She won't tell Ralph because Ralph will make her quit no matter how hard the job is. It's the principle of the thing to him. She did and said the same exact thing in "Expectant Father" too. Alice hurts her back so Trixie says she will make sure Alice go sees a doctor.

Ralph comes home and is upset that he has to have tuna fish for the fifth time. He wanders why that he couldn't have a hot meal. He and Alice have an argument about this causing Alice to go into the bedroom. I think Ralph tries to make his own dinner, but has no luck. Ed comes in Alice is knitting baby clothes to make some extra money for Christmas. Norton comes down. Ed: "Hey Ralph, what are all those cats doing outside your front door?" Ralph gets more upset that he has to have tuna fish. Ed asks Ralph if he can hide Trixie's Christmas present in the Kramdens' apartment, Ralph says yes and sticks the present in the bureau drawer -- where Alice has hidden the baby clothes. Now Ralph is remorseful for yelling at Alice. A moment later, when Norton tells Ralph that Trixie has made a doctor's appointment for Alice, Ralph is sure that Alice is pregnant. Ed: "This is almost as good as when you got 300 points in bowling." He decides he has to make some more money in a hurry so that his future son can go to college. He needs so extra money for the kid. Ed: "I have some money that is owed to me and when I get it, it's just as good as yours." Ralph: "You're a good pal Norton. Who owes you?" Ed: "You do." Gee, that really helps Ralph. Ralph he answers a newspaper ad for a Santa Claus job but not before Ed finds some jobs that Ralph can do to earn extra money for the kid. One of them is in South America. Ralph says to forget about that job because he doesn't want to go to South America. Ed finally finds a job for Ralph, a street Santa. Alice comes in and says that Ralph was right he deserves a hot meal. Ralph is acting all nice because he thinks that Alice is pregnant. Alice doesn't know what to make of it. She leaves and then so does Ed. After Ed leaves, he brings in the cats that were near Ralph's front door, one of them climbs out of Ed's hands. D'Oh! Not something that was in the script.

The next day Ralph goes to apply for the job. What he doesn't know is that the guys who placed the ad are bookmakers and that they plan to use the Santa to collect bets. They reveal themselves to Ralph as Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith. Ralph gets hired and asks Ed if he can be hired but he warns them that he is not as smart as he is. With that, Ed is hired. Around 6pm the next day, Ralph and Ed begin their first day on the job. Ed is recognized by some kids as Space Hopper. Ha! After one person drops in their slip, Ralph reads it and still he doesn't know it's a bet for a horse in a race. A mother and a kid come by. She asks "Santa" that if he doesn't go to bed when they get home, will he put a lump of coal in his stocking. "Santa" says: "Yes." So the kid kicks Ralph. They leave. Either that kid and his mother live VERY far away or that mother forces her kid to go to bed VERY early. One drunken person comes by, takes one look at them and says that he will never drink as long as he lives. One other person comes by and accidentally knocks over the bowl. That was also not in the script, so Jackie covers it up by saying: "The dollar is going down every day." Another person comes by and puts his money in the pot. Ralph says he will get that back many fold. Man: "I should. It's 20 to 1." Ed: "What are you talking about? It's half-past six." He leaves. An old lady comes by. When she puts down her bet with the money, Ralph says that she doesn't have to do that. Lady: "I want 'Rocking Chair' for $2." Ralph still doesn't know what she meant. A policeman comes by and puts his money in (thinking that what Ralph and Ed are dong something good.) When Ed says to the police officer to put in his slip (everyone else put in their slips). The policeman sees what's really going on and sends Ralph and Ed to jail, thinking that they are the bookies they are looking for.

In jail, Ralph is mad at Ed. He is thinking that this is the end of life for him. Ralph explains to the police officer that his wife is pregnant. Alice comes by and Ralph tells her that he was making extra money for their future baby. Alice says that she is not pregnant. Now Ralph and Ed are in bigger trouble. When Ed says that the two Mr. Smiths are going to come by their street corner and collect the money soon, Ralph hatches a plan so the police can catch the real bad guys. It works.

It looks like Ralph will have a Merry Christmas after all. But when he holds out his hand, a woman comes by and drops money in his hand. A policeman catches him and sends Ralph off to jail as the opening of the "Dragnet" theme song plays.

Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!
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Old 12-22-2007, 07:59 AM   #2
Frank Gannucci
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I should point out that for the 1952's version of Honeymooners X-Mas Party (and maybe the 1951 version), that instead of Reggie Van Gleason and the June Taylor Dancers, Frances Langford making an appearance, Patricia Morrison, Phil Napoleon and His Memphis 5, and Frankie Avalon make an appearance.

Credit goes to
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Old 12-23-2007, 12:29 PM   #3
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Thanks, Frank! I just finished watching my annual traditional Honeymooners Christmas specials from the 1970s while I wrap my gifts, but it was great to still read this! Time to put them away until next year!

Just a couple of quick comments .....

1) Is that a dixieland version of "Melancholy Serenade" at the beginning of the 1977 Christmas special and the 1978 Valentine special as well as over the final credits?

2) Was Gusman Hall in Miami where these two specials were videotaped different than where Gleason did his show in the 1960s and the first reunion special? Just wondered .... there is such an echo in that place! (Unless it is just me that thinks so!)

3) The first Honeymooners Christmas show from Gleason's CBS show that was performed in 1952 is available audio-only on a record that was released maybe in the 1970s? I don't know much about this release other than it pops up on Ebay occassionally and that I think it was released overseas and not in the US.

Merry Christmas Frank and everyone else!!!!!
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:59 PM   #4
Frank Gannucci
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Default Thank you.

Merry Christmas to you too. I'm glad that you liked my reviews.

In response to your first question, I have no idea.

In response to your second question, I think Gusman Hall and the theater that housed Jackie Gleason's show in the 60s were two different places. If you go the theater's website:, it makes no mention of it being called Gusman Hall.

Merry Christmas to all.
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Old 12-24-2007, 12:30 AM   #5
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Merry Christmas everyone! I don't remember all of the Christmas episodes but the one I adore is the classic when Ralph buys Alice the same gift that she received from her neighbor.
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Old 12-24-2007, 05:15 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Benno123
2) Was Gusman Hall in Miami where these two specials were videotaped different than where Gleason did his show in the 1960s and the first reunion special? Just wondered .... there is such an echo in that place! (Unless it is just me that thinks so!)
Indeed it is. Actually, I.I.N.M., he taped The Second Honeymoon at Gusman Hall (which I've also seen spelt "Guzman Hall") in 1976, as well. (His final original Honeymooners installment, the 1978 Jackie Gleason Honeymooners Christmas, was taped in Atlantic City, NJ.) He did three of the four 1970's specials there, apparently, if William Henry 3d's The Great One book is correct on this, because the Miami Beach Tourist Development Authority balked at certain of his demands as from his 1964-70 "golden days" as the "Monarch of Miami" - i.e. they refused to subsidize Gleason to the tune of $40,000 in exchange for plugging the city on the shows.
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Old 01-26-2008, 11:32 PM   #7
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Gusman Center and the Miami Beach Auditorium were/are indeed two different venues. The former is in downtown Miami, while the latter is in Miami Beach, a separate city across Biscayne Bay.

Gusman Center is located at the Olympia Theatre, now a downtown Miami historic landmark. Jackie Gleason actually did his last several seasons (1967 on) from that venue, as the City of Miami Beach, which was also beginning a decline in the late sixties, did not accede to his demands for improvements and subsidies to the city-owned Miami Beach Auditorium. The city did name the street on which the Auditorium was located after him, Jackie Gleason Drive. Gleason pouted and went across the bay. Miami Beach did end up improving the facility and renamed it the Miami Beach Theatre of the Performing Arts, but it was too late for Gleason.

His patronage of Atlantic City for his final special, as I recall, had to do with being lured by the new casinos there, which had opened that same year. He continued to live in South Florida, though he moved to Inverrary, a country club community just outside of Fort Lauderdale. His Smokey and the Bandit movies were partially filmed in South Florida. After his death in 1987, Miami Beach renamed the theatre the Jackie Gleason Theatre of the Performing Arts, a name it still bears today. Broadway shows that come to the Miami area typically appear there.
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Old 01-28-2008, 12:22 PM   #8
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From what I've read, Mr. Gleason appears to have used Gusman Hall in at least some form, or some way, or on some occasions, earlier than 1967; I recall reading a New York Times article detailing the making of the 1966 "Adoption" reunion special which seemed to hint that that show was taped at Gusman (which, as I noted above, The Times misspelled "Guzman"). It's also interesting that whatever base he used, all his Florida shows up to the point of cancellation in 1970 bore the credit "Auditorium Facilities Provided by The City of Miami Beach."

However, I do see a history of this venue which seems to indicate that either they or we are confused about this whole trajectory viz Gleason:
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Old 02-16-2008, 07:39 PM   #9
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However, I do see a history of this venue which seems to indicate that either they or we are confused about this whole trajectory viz Gleason:
I do not see a Gleason reference here--please advise.
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