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Old 12-17-2006, 11:51 PM   #121
Cactus Jack
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Guy #1:Wouldnt it be hilarious to go to a taco restraunt owned by Taco?

Guy#2:What would be the theme song for it?


Guy#1:Food Gives Me the Sh*ts?



GUy#2 :Sounds good!

You;re hungry
and you want to get some tacos from that
Guy who had one hit
Puttin on the Ritz
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Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock








April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!

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Old 12-18-2006, 02:08 AM   #122
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was
her stunningly gorgeous younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less. One day, "little" sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings
and desires for me that she just couldn't overcome. She told me that
she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed
my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,"I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,just come up and
take me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her bounce up the
stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards
my
car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said,we are very
happy that you have passed our little test...we couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is :


ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR
That's a good one!!! It sounds familiar. I think I heard it before...
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Old 12-18-2006, 03:40 AM   #123
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pilot to teenager-"Wanna fly"?

teenager-"SURE"!

pilot-"Wait a minute, I'll catch one for you".



A fat man and a skinny man walked up to each other.

fat man-"From the looks of you, you've just been through a famine"!

skinny man-"And from the looks of you, you just caused one"!



man #1-"So, what about these taxes"?

man #2-"Texas? My uncle lives there"!

man #1-"No, no, I'm talking about taxes. You know, dollars"!

man #2-"Yea, that's where he lives. Dallas, Texas"!
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the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
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Old 12-18-2006, 09:47 PM   #124
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Q: What do you get when you cross an Argentine cowboy with a wisecracking comedian?

A: Gaucho Marx!
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Old 12-18-2006, 11:11 PM   #125
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JULY 1947

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you are probably not aware that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day,

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things
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St. John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Currently my favorite song.
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Old 12-19-2006, 01:40 AM   #126
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swedeace
That's a good one!!! It sounds familiar. I think I heard it before...
Glad you liked it. It took me about 15 minutes before I understood it, but when I did, I laughed out loud. Anyway, I got it, and I get the majority of my jokes through emails. That might be where you heard it before.
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Old 12-19-2006, 11:23 PM   #127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
JULY 1947

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you are probably not aware that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day,

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things
That's funny. We need one for the Republicans.
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Old 12-20-2006, 10:03 AM   #128
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"" When it comes down to the facts I laugh And walk away"
Mickey Mouse
More peeps should do just that!!!
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Old 12-20-2006, 08:57 PM   #129
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janice
That's funny. We need one for the Republicans.

Dig this. George Bush and Sylvester Stallone were both born on July 6, 1946.

I won't say it. . . it's too easy a shot!
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Old 12-30-2006, 12:36 AM   #130
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-Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?

-He wanted to beat the crowd.
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Old 12-30-2006, 02:01 AM   #131
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who's Ron Artest???
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Old 12-30-2006, 02:10 AM   #132
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treky
who's Ron Artest???

The basketball player who jumped the fans in Detroit two years ago.
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Old 12-30-2006, 02:17 AM   #133
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oh; you should have mentioned that; I'm sure a lot of other people her are also not into sports like me.
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Old 12-30-2006, 06:27 PM   #134
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A carjacker cuts off a car and runs up to the driver's window with a sawed-off shotgun. "Your car or your wife!" he yells.

The driver throws his wife out of the car and drives away.

The carjacker yells, "Come back here, you willy wivered wouse!"

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Old 01-06-2007, 05:01 AM   #135
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what do you call the white stuff in a girls panties? clitty litter
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