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Old 11-12-2006, 08:14 PM   #91
Steve M.
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A motorist was driving through the country when he came to a point in the road where the pavement ended. Seeing a farmer tending to his crops in the adjacent field, he called to the farmer. "Excuse me," he said, "can I get to Stanleyville this way?"

The farmer replied, "Of course you can."

Full of confidence, the motorist continued on to the unpaved road. Some time later, he ran over some jagged rocks which punctured all four tires and cut a hole in his oil pan, causing the car to run off the road in a briar patch and the engine to seize up.

The angry motorist walked back covered in briar thistles and axle grease. He came back to the field where the unpaved road began and found the farmer standing there. "I thought you said I get to Stanleyville that way!" the motorist yelled, as he pointed down the road.

"Sure," said the farmer. "But I didn't say it was easy!"


Last edited by Steve M. : 12-31-2016 at 03:58 PM.
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:27 AM   #92
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to
>know each other so well, they decided to get married.
>
>One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
>
>The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom
>was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
>
>After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and
>said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk
>broom!!!"
>
>
>
>
>
>"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
>
>
>
>Are you ready for this?
>Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.
>
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>*
>
>"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
>
>
>
>
>
>
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Old 11-14-2006, 07:14 PM   #93
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A motorist was driving through the country when he came to a flooded area the road where the pavement ended. Seeing a farmer sitting along the side of the road watching ducks in the flooded roadway, he called to the farmer. "Excuse me," he said, "can I drive my car through here?"

The farmer replied, "Sure, I don't see why not."

The motorist continued on and drove into the flooded roadway. Within five seconds he and his car were completely under water.

The motorist managed to get out of his car and swim to the surface. He waded out of the water, soaking wet. He glared at the farmer.

"What made you think I could drive my car through there?" the motorist roared.

"Well," said the farmer, lowering the palm of his hand to the ground, "the water only came up to here on the ducks!"
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Old 11-24-2006, 12:34 AM   #94
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I think I have told this joke on here before, but oh well.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in an elevator. A man enters. The women notice that he has a lot of dandruff in his hair.

"Damn that's a lot of dandruff!" says the redhead.
"We should give him some Head and Shoulders!" says the brunette.
"Okay!" says the blonde, "But what's shoulders?"
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Old 11-25-2006, 02:03 AM   #95
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This joke is in honour of today's Oregon Ducks vs Oregon State Beavers Civil war game, in which the Beavers won in an awesome 30 to 28 classic!! Here's the joke:

There was this baby duck, who went to his social worker. He said to him: I don't want to live with my mom anymore because she beats me, in which the social worker replied: What about your dad?? The baby duck says: I don't won't to live with him either, he beats me as well, so the social worker asked: Well then, who do you want to live with?? to which the baby duck replied: I want to live with the Oregon Ducks, they never beat anybody!!

Believe it or not, I'm actually a huge ducks fan, but I heard that joke from my ex-girlfriend tonight who is an OSU alumn, and I thought it was cute. You'd think I was an OSU fan since I'm wearing an OSU shirt right now, but that's only because my OU shirt is dirty.
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Last edited by Brad Russ : 11-25-2006 at 02:58 AM.
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Old 11-28-2006, 03:52 PM   #96
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Old 11-28-2006, 04:25 PM   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janice

Exactly!!!
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:25 AM   #98
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "$750.

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father s ays to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.

That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door .

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that **** again"
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:29 AM   #99
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EXACTLY!!!!!! What buggers me up is that there are MANy of the kind of that cra**Y sheriff on this here board....the point is, while THEY can boast their REVOLTING ideas, I say, so should the rest of us......see 1st amendment!!!
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Old 11-30-2006, 06:01 PM   #100
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Xmas joke:

Why is a Christmas Tree better than a man?
Because it stays erect longer
Has cute balls
And looks good with the lights on.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS
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Old 12-01-2006, 08:03 PM   #101
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Wink Wedding Night Conversation

Wedding Night Conversation

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burlyman -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers," she said.

"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."

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Old 12-02-2006, 11:07 PM   #102
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HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
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Old 12-04-2006, 04:12 PM   #103
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HAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:00 PM   #104
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Ten things to say about gifts you don't like


10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.

9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.

7. Well, well, well...

6. I really don't deserve this.

5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:39 PM   #105
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One day a guy named fred was driving with his friend rob
Fred runs a red light and Rob says " what are you doin trying to get us killed!"
Fred says"NO NO i know what i'm doin
He runs another red light" do you wonna get arested"said rob
Fred says" my brother taught me how to drive its cool" they come up to a green light he stops Rob yells" YOU go on green and stop on red moron!!" then fred says"I'm just afraid my brother might be comin."
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