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04/03 - Ballers - The Complete Third Season (Blu-ray)
04/03 - 90's Sitcom (Just Shoot Me!/The Larry Sanders Show/Wings) Starter Set - Season 1 & 2 Bundle
04/10 - Vice Principals - The Compelte Series
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Old 03-23-2017, 11:53 PM   #766
Steve M.
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What do you call a cat that travels in a straight path? A bee-line feline.
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Old 05-22-2017, 12:00 PM   #767
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A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!"
The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
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Old 05-28-2017, 08:17 PM   #768
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Why isn't a hand twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
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Old 08-07-2017, 08:35 PM   #769
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MERGER TIPS FOR 2017: For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2017:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
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Old 08-07-2017, 10:56 PM   #770
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termite walks into a bar and says "Hey where's the bar tender?"
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Old 08-07-2017, 11:14 PM   #771
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Default How do you keep a fish from smelling?

Cut off its nose.
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:51 AM   #772
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A woman goes into a home decorating store and asks a clerk about their wallpaper selection.

"We have numerous designs," he says. "Not only that, we specialize in applying it to the walls for you."

"Well," the woman says, "if I buy my wallpaper here, can I put it on myself?"

"Of course you can," the clerk says, "but it looks better on the walls."
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Old 10-10-2017, 03:23 AM   #773
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A guy walks into a physiatrists office and says "Doc, I need your help-I sometimes dream I'm a wig-wam and other times I dream I'm a teepee." The physiatrist said "I see your problem, you're two tents!"
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the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
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Old 10-10-2017, 06:02 PM   #774
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Jerry asks Fred how his trip to Africa was, and Fred tells him it was great. "I went on a safari and saw lions, antelopes, rhinos . . .."

Just then Jerry notices the lucky charm Fred is wearing. "What's the lucky charm for?" He asks Fred.

"Oh, this," says Fred. "I wore it in Africa to keep tigers away from me. I hate tigers."

"There are no tigers in Africa," Jerry says.

Fred replies, "See how good it works?"
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Old 10-14-2017, 12:46 AM   #775
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Name:  johnny joke.jpg
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Old 10-14-2017, 12:03 PM   #776
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Why did the golfer bring an extra sock to the golf course? In case he had a hole in one.
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:46 AM   #777
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The fact that there is a HIGHWAY TO HELL
and only a STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
says a lot of
anticipated traffic numbers
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Old 12-20-2017, 01:00 PM   #778
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe stupid!
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Old 12-20-2017, 03:39 PM   #779
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If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
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Old 12-20-2017, 05:04 PM   #780
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How do I get my hair cut? Off.
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