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Old 01-14-2017, 08:42 PM   #751
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Old 01-14-2017, 09:41 PM   #752
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Old 01-16-2017, 06:03 PM   #753
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"One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"
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Old 01-16-2017, 07:57 PM   #754
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A kangaroo walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the soda jerk for a hot fudge sundae. The soda jerk asks the kangaroo if he has any money. The kangaroo produces a twenty-dollar bill.

"All right then, one hot fudge sundae coming up!" the soda jerk says, taking the money.

"Don't I get any change?" the kangaroo asks.

"No," the soda jerk replies. "Our hot fudge sundaes are exactly twenty dollars."

The soda jerk makes the hot fudge sundae and gives it to the kangaroo. As the kangaroo is eating the sundae, the soda jerk says, "So, you're a kangaroo. You know, it's funny - we usually don't get kangaroos in this place."

The kangaroo looks up and replies, "No wonder, with the prices you charge!"
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:48 AM   #755
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a frog went into a bank. He hopped up to the loan officer whose name was Patty Whack & asked for a loan. Startled; she asked him if he had any collateral. He said "Yes I do" and held out a little plastic statue. She said "Just a minute" and left to ask the president. She said to him "There's a frog out there who wants a loan and he has this for collateral. And she showed him the statue. He said "Wait a minute...who's his owner?" She went back to the frog "Who owns you?" He said "Mick Jagger" She went back to the president and said "He says he belongs to Mick Jagger". He said "I thought so" and picked up the statue again. He said "It's a knick-knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Old 01-17-2017, 09:52 AM   #756
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Quote:
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a frog went into a bank. He hopped up to the loan officer whose name was Patty Whack & asked for a loan. Startled; she asked him if he had any collateral. He said "Yes I do" and held out a little plastic statue. She said "Just a minute" and left to ask the president. She said to him "There's a frog out there who wants a loan and he has this for collateral. And she showed him the statue. He said "Wait a minute...who's his owner?" She went back to the frog "Who owns you?" He said "Mick Jagger" She went back to the president and said "He says he belongs to Mick Jagger". He said "I thought so" and picked up the statue again. He said "It's a knick-knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Meanwhile, McDonald's is facing accustions that their hamburgers have been made from a "Meet The Press" host, circles, and a knighted big cat. Chuck, round, and Sir Lion. Can anyone think of a bad joke even worse than that???
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Old 01-17-2017, 04:33 PM   #757
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Meanwhile, McDonald's is facing accustions that their hamburgers have been made from a "Meet The Press" host, circles, and a knighted big cat. Chuck, round, and Sir Lion. Can anyone think of a bad joke even worse than that???
I don't get it???
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Old 01-17-2017, 07:39 PM   #758
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I don't get it???

Chuck, round, and sirloin are cuts of beef. See, I told you it was a bad joke!
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Old 01-18-2017, 12:15 AM   #759
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Chuck, round, and sirloin are cuts of beef. See, I told you it was a bad joke!
yes you did & you were right. That's AWFUL!!!
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Old 01-18-2017, 10:45 AM   #760
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yes you did & you were right. That's AWFUL!!!

Give me time and I can think of one that's even worse!
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:56 AM   #761
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"By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained.

"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me"
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Old 01-23-2017, 02:49 PM   #762
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Quote:
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"By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained.

"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me"

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Old 02-26-2017, 08:24 PM   #763
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Old 03-19-2017, 02:41 AM   #764
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a man was having dinner in a restaurant. An attractive young woman was seated at the table next to him, he glanced at her, she glanced back and they smiled at each other. Just then she sneezed and her glass eye popped out and landed at his feet. He picked it up, stood up, walked over and handed it to her. She thanked him, put it back in then looked up at him and smiled. She said to him "Once again thank you. That was embarrassing!" He said "It's ok, don't be embarrassed." She then said "As a thank you, would you like to have dinner together? I think you're very handsome, you caught my eye."
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Old 03-19-2017, 11:09 AM   #765
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What's round at both ends and tall in the middle? O-HI-O! Sorry, it's Sunday morning . . .
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