Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board


Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > Chit Chat
User Name
Password


Welcome to the Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, search, view attachments, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

MeTV January 2018 Schedule Has Diff'rent Strokes; HBO Hit Comedy Returns for 2nd Year
getTV Acquires Norman Lear Sitcoms; Comedy Central Gets Scripted Comedy
Brooklyn Nine-Nine Starts on TBS Jan. 4; Fuller House Season 3, Part 2 Premieres Just in Time for the Holidays!
American Dad! Christmas Special on TBS; Jessica Jones Returns for 2nd Season
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of December 11, 2017)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Danny Masterson Fired From Netflix Series The Ranch; Disney/Fox Merger a Step Closer?
Fri-Yay: Superstore's Christmas Special; This Is It! One Day at a Time Returns for 2nd Year
Another Period Returns Jan. 23; Pop Orders Comedy Pilot from Krysten Ritter
TBS Launches New Comedy Tarantula; Inside the Actors Studio with Kristen Wiig
The Nanny Coming to COZI TV in January; GSN Adds Chris Harrison Episodes of Millionaire
Full House Heads to Hallmark Channel in January 2018; CBS Mid-Season 2018 Schedule
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of December 4, 2017)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Pilot Season at Amazon to Come to an End?; CBS Plans "Winter Games" with Celebrity Big Brother


New on DVD/Blu-ray (November/December)

The Wayans Bros. - The Complete Third Season Living Single - The Complete Third Season Alice - The Complete Sixth Season One Day at a Time - The Complete Series Fuller House - The Complete Second Season

11/07 - American Dad! - Volume 12
11/07 - Family Guy - Season Fifteen
11/07 - The Wayans Bros. - The Complete Third Season
11/14 - D.C. Follies - The Complete Series
11/21 - Living Single - The Complete Third Season
11/24 - Grandfathered - Season 1
12/05 - Alice - The Complete Sixth Season
12/05 - One Day at a Time - The Complete Series
12/05 - The Simpsons - The Eighteenth Season
12/05 - South Park - The Complete First Season (Blu-ray) / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
12/12 - Fuller House - The Complete Second Season
12/19 - South Park - The Complete Sixth Season (Blu-ray) / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-15-2016, 10:31 PM   #736
Family Ties Forever!
Moderator
member
 
Family Ties Forever!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 16, 2002
Posts: 8,218
Default from GCFL

Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.

The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.

I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van.

I told them my fee: $45.

Quote:
Originally Posted by treky
I don't get it

The law firm charged him for everything including speaking to the wrong person.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2016, 11:01 PM   #737
opus
Senior Member
VB
 
opus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 31, 2003
Location: New York; but ideally Apt. 402 in Indy (for 8 years)
Posts: 9,513
Default

Let's try this one. I've found it works about half the time -------


There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2016, 11:26 PM   #738
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

What's round at both ends and high in the middle? O-HI-O!
__________________
My blogs:

Miscellaneous Musings

Pictures of Beautiful Women

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE:

REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS CHRIS CHRISTIE - SCOTT WALKER - RICK SNYDER - JOHN KASICH - RICK SCOTT - PAUL LEPAGE

ON THE CHARGE OF IMPERSONATING AN OFFICE!!
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2016, 12:25 AM   #739
Bonniegirl
Forum Celebrity
AKA Hazel Horvath
 
Bonniegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 10, 2014
Posts: 28,919
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opus
Let's try this one. I've found it works about half the time -------


There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."


Froggy says, WHAT??????


  Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2016, 06:55 AM   #740
Family Ties Forever!
Moderator
member
 
Family Ties Forever!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 16, 2002
Posts: 8,218
Default from GCFL

The kindergarten class was learning the letters of the alphabet.

"What comes after 'T'?" the teacher asked.

Johnny quickly replied, "V."

  Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2016, 09:42 AM   #741
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

A little boy goes to a living history village and asks the tanner what he makes leather from.

"I make it from hide," the tanner says.

"What was that?" the boy asks. "I didn't hear you."

"Hide," the tanner says.

"What?" asks the boy. I didn't hear you."

The tanner shouts, "Hide! Hide! The cow's outside!"

The boy laughs. "I don't care if it is," he says. "I'm not afraid of cows."
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2016, 09:05 PM   #742
Penny Lane
Forum Celebrity
Member
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03, 2001
Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies
Posts: 25,866
Default

Touche!
Attached Images
 
__________________
The Beatles saved the world from boredom- George Harrison
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2016, 03:14 AM   #743
treky
Forum Veteran
star trek fan
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,594
Default

Name:  blonde.jpg
Views: 0
Size:  33.4 KB
__________________
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2016, 08:50 PM   #744
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by treky

  Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2016, 02:29 PM   #745
Penny Lane
Forum Celebrity
Member
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03, 2001
Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies
Posts: 25,866
Default

Attached Images
 
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2016, 05:37 PM   #746
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny Lane

Oy.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-30-2016, 08:47 PM   #747
Penny Lane
Forum Celebrity
Member
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03, 2001
Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies
Posts: 25,866
Default

Ha Ha! Good One!
Attached Images
 
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2016, 04:06 PM   #748
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

A motorist was driving through the country when he came to a fork in the road. Seeing a farmer workings in the adjacent field, he called to the farmer. "Excuse me," he said, "can you tell me which fork I should take to get to town?"

"Do you really want my advice? " the farmer said. "And trust me, I know this roads, so if I do give you advice, I hope you follow it."

"Yes, I do," said the motorist. "I was thinking I should take the left fork."

"Oh, no," said the farmer, "that's not the best way to town. I would suggest taking the right fork." He then walked away until he was out of sight.

The motorist then drove on and took the right fork. He came to a huge boulder in the road and was unable to go around it. He tried driving over it, and his rear axle broke.

The angry motorist walked back where the road diverged and found the farmer again.

"What happened to you?" the farmer asked.

"I broke the rear axle in my car!" the motorist screamed.

"Serves you right!" said the farmer. "That never would have happened if you had followed my advice!"

  Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2016, 10:37 PM   #749
treky
Forum Veteran
star trek fan
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,594
Default

I don't get it
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-31-2016, 10:40 PM   #750
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,736
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by treky
I don't get it

The motorist did take the farmer's advice but the farmer didn't know he did.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:06 PM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.5.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.