Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

Games / Movies / Music / Sports / Random Posts / Politics


Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > Chit Chat

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

GLOW Renewed for Season 3 by Netflix; TNT Orders Niecy Nash Talk Show Pilot
MeTV Fall 2018 Schedule; Disney Channel Gets New Sitcom for Friday Nights This Fall
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of August 20, 2018)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Pilot Commitment for Spinoff of The Middle Starring Eden Sher; Luke Null Leaving Saturday Night Live
Fri-Yay: Reboot Fever Continues with Talks of Designing Women and Frasier Reboots; E! Gets Busy...Philipps
Netflix's Atypical Returns Sept. 7; GSN Brings Back John Michael Higgins Game Show
Antenna TV's Alice Labor Day Marathon; NBC App Adds Saved by the Bell and Heroes
Fresh off the Boat Launches Sept. 1 on UPtv; New Sabrina Begins Oct. 26 on Netflix


New on DVD/Blu-ray (June/July/August)

Alice - The Complete Seventh Season Green Acres - The Final (Sixth) Season The Last Man on Earth - The Complete Fourth Season The Good Place - The Complete Second Season Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season Five

06/05 - Living Single - The Complete Fifth Season
06/05 - New Girl - The Complete Sixth Season
06/05 - South Park - The Complete Twenty-First Season (Blu-ray)
06/12 - Fresh Off the Boat - The Complete Fourth Season
06/12 - Life in Pieces - The Complete Third Season
06/12 - The Office - The Complete Series
06/12 - Speechless - The Complete First Season
06/12 - Speechless - The Complete Second Season
06/12 - Step by Step - The Complete First Season
06/12 - Will & Grace (The Revival) - Season One (Blu-ray)
06/19 - Perfect Strangers - The Complete Fourth Season
06/26 - Last Man Standing - The Complete Fifth Season
06/26 - Last Man Standing - The Complete Sixth Season
06/26 - The Mick - The Complete First Season
06/26 - The Mick - The Complete Second Season
07/03 - New Girl - The Final (Seventh) Season
07/10 - Alice - The Complete Seventh Season (WBShop.com)
07/10 - The Bill Engvall Show - The Complete First Season (WBShop.com)
07/10 - Green Acres - The Final (Sixth) Season
07/10 - The Last Man on Earth - The Complete Fourth Season
07/17 - Cooper Barrett's Guide to Surviving Life - The Complete Series
07/17 - The Good Place - The Complete Second Season
07/17 - Son of Zorn - The Complete Series
08/07 - Happy Endings - The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
08/28 - Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season Five
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-12-2016, 09:49 PM   #706
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,500
Default

"Doctor, I think I'm crazy. I like boots better than shoes."
"That's perfectly normal. I myself like boots better than shoes."
"Really? How do you like them - fried, boiled, or roasted I like I do?"

__________________
My blogs:

Miscellaneous Musings

Pictures of Beautiful Women

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE:

REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS SCOTT WALKER - RICK SNYDER - JOHN KASICH - RICK SCOTT - PAUL LePAGE

ON THE CHARGE OF IMPERSONATING AN OFFICE!!
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2016, 03:38 PM   #707
JamesG
Freakshow
Moderator
Forum Celebrity
 
JamesG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 01, 2008
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 39,266
Default

JamesG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2016, 02:35 PM   #708
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,033
Default

You're Not a Kid Anymore When


You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.

You enjoy watching the news.

The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.

The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.

People ask what color your hair USED to be.

You're proud of your lawnmower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.

You start singing along with the elevator music.

You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

Your car has four doors.

You routinely check the oil in your car.

You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style TWICE.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

7 AM is your idea of "sleeping in."

You don't remember when you got that mole...or the one next to it.

You write thank you notes without being told.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

- according to Jeff Foxworthy
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 02:49 PM   #709
Babalu
Member
Senior Member
 
Babalu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 22, 2014
Posts: 2,436
Default

Back some years ago, a woman had awakened after giving birth in a hospital. The doctor came in and said, “Your baby is normal in every way with one odd exception”. “What’s that, the woman asked nervously?” The doctor replied, “Your son has a solid gold screw in his navel. We have no idea why and because he seems perfectly healthy we see no reason to remove it.”

Well, the boy grew up healthy and happy and although he sometimes felt awkward when people stared at him he didn’t let it affect his life. In fact, he was extraordinarily smart and successful, and eventually became a very wealthy man. He sold his businesses and retired young, and began to travel the world. Eventually the gold screw in his navel began to bother him more and more. It didn’t hurt and didn’t really affect his life, but now that he could afford anything he began to seek out renowned doctors around the world to see if they could remove it. Time after time he was turned down.

He began to get desperate, seeking out less savory characters. One of those characters was a mysterious Middle Eastern fortune teller. She sat in a dark room with him and communed with the unknown, seemingly in a trance. When she came to, she told him that she and only she had the answer. She told him to travel to Egypt. On the night of the full moon closest to the vernal equinox he was to find the spot equidistant to the three great pyramids. He was to wait until midnight, remove all his clothing, and lie down with his head facing north. Then and only then, can he rid himself of the gold screw in his navel.

As crazy as it sounded, he had nothing to lose and certainly the money to travel there was no problem. On the night of the full moon closest to the vernal equinox, he found the appointed spot between the pyramids. At 11:55 he removed his clothing and laid down as she had instructed. At precisely midnight, clouds began to form in what was previously a cloudless sky. Then the wind began to blow. Suddenly he saw lightning and heard thunder, but no rain fell. In what were now the dense clouds directly above him, he saw an object descend from the clouds. At first he couldn’t make out what it was but as it descended faster and faster he realized that it was a gold screwdriver. He was now scared to death that it would impale him but as it got closer and closer it began to slow down. And as it reached him, sure enough the gold screwdriver fit right into the gold screw in his navel. It turned and turned and he could not believe it but the screw lifted right out of his navel. As soon as the screw was completely out of his navel a sudden whoosh and the screwdriver and screw ascended to the heavens, only to disappear in the clouds. He laid there for a few moments, as the shock wore off, and then realized what happened. He looked down at his navel, and seeing the screw finally gone he leaped to his feet. “I’m free! I’m free!” he shouted.

Then his ass fell off.
__________________
.








I just nailed Mrs. Trumbull
Babalu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2016, 04:53 PM   #710
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,500
Default

What is purple and swims in the ocean? Moby Grape.
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 01:13 AM   #711
treky
star trek fan
Forum Veteran
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,814
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
I heard about a mobster whom the federal government is trying to indict. Here's something I don't get - what's the letter "C" doing in the word "indict?"

Another joke: Two Mormons walk into a bar. That's it.
I don't get them
__________________
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
treky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 06:59 AM   #712
Penny Lane
Aidan Turner-ON
Forum Celebrity
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03, 2001
Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies
Posts: 27,538
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by treky
I don't get them
I don't get the first joke.
The second joke answer is that Mormon's don't drink.
__________________
The Beatles saved the world from boredom- George Harrison
Penny Lane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 10:15 AM   #713
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny Lane
I don't get the first joke.
The second joke answer is that Mormon's don't drink.
The first joke is simple. What is the letter "C" doing in the word "indict" when it's pronounced "in-DITE?"
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 12:36 PM   #714
Penny Lane
Aidan Turner-ON
Forum Celebrity
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 03, 2001
Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies
Posts: 27,538
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
The first joke is simple. What is the letter "C" doing in the word "indict" when it's pronounced "in-DITE?"

So why is that a joke? A lot of English words have "silent" letters.
Penny Lane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 02:15 PM   #715
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny Lane
So why is that a joke? A lot of English words have "silent" letters.
Dennis Miller once joked on "Saturday Night Live" about why there's a letter C in "yacht."
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2016, 03:38 PM   #716
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,033
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
The first joke is simple. What is the letter "C" doing in the word "indict" when it's pronounced "in-DITE?"

Probably because the two words have different meanings:

Indite- To write, compose...to dictate
Indict- To accuse of a crime or other offense; charge
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2016, 06:41 AM   #717
Loving_himym
Member
Occasional Poster
 
Join Date: Apr 21, 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
Default

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Loving_himym is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2016, 06:42 AM   #718
Loving_himym
Member
Occasional Poster
 
Join Date: Apr 21, 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
Default

What is the color of the wind?

Blew.
Loving_himym is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2016, 06:43 AM   #719
Loving_himym
Member
Occasional Poster
 
Join Date: Apr 21, 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
Default

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
Loving_himym is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2016, 01:20 PM   #720
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,500
Default

A man goes to his psychiatrist and says he feels like a fifth of the man he should be. The psychiatrist replies, "Your problem is that you're two-tenths."
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:09 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

VigLink badge

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.