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Old 06-15-2015, 06:32 PM   #616
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Cat Allergy
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Old 06-16-2015, 10:13 PM   #617
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AB
Cat Allergy

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Old 06-17-2015, 12:04 PM   #618
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Old 06-18-2015, 12:44 AM   #619
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from the Duck Hunters Facebook page

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."
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Old 06-18-2015, 10:34 PM   #620
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Why is the number 288 disgusting? It's two gross.
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Old 07-17-2015, 03:31 AM   #621
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(in an e-mail)

"This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl
who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and
fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever."
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Old 07-17-2015, 12:34 PM   #622
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Why did Ponce de Leon stop looking for the Fountain of Youth? He got too old for that sort of thing.
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Old 07-19-2015, 06:07 PM   #623
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Air Force One has taken off, its destination is Geneva Switzerland. On board are US President Barack Obama, Cuban president Fidel Castro and North Korean President Kim Jung Un. Halfway to their destination a door pops open, and all three are sucked out of the plane.

Which one will impact in the ocean first?































WHO CARES!!!
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Old 07-19-2015, 07:57 PM   #624
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Ever hear the one about the Polish kidnapper?

He sent a kid home w/ a ransom note, whose parents also happened to be Polish, and they sent the kid back w/ the money.
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Old 07-19-2015, 08:30 PM   #625
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Regulus
Air Force One has taken off, its destination is Geneva Switzerland. On board are US President Barack Obama, Cuban president Fidel Castro and North Korean President Kim Jung Un. Halfway to their destination a door pops open, and all three are sucked out of the plane.

Which one will impact in the ocean first?































WHO CARES!!!

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Old 07-19-2015, 08:44 PM   #626
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Did you know that insanity is hereditary?

You get it from your kids
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Old 07-19-2015, 10:05 PM   #627
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Did you hear the joke about the skunk? It stinks.
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Old 07-23-2015, 12:07 PM   #628
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0H MY!
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Old 07-23-2015, 04:12 PM   #629
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Did you hear the joke about the bed? Of course you didn't, it hasn't been made up yet.
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Old 08-25-2015, 09:15 PM   #630
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