Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

Games / Movies / Music / Sports / Random Posts / Politics


Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > Chit Chat
User Name
Password


Welcome to the Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, search, view attachments, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

New Comedy for Sundance Now Service from Peep Show Stars; Showtime's SMILF Gets Set for Premiere
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of October 16, 2017)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Television Academy Hall of Fame Inductees Announced; Roswell Ready for Reboot
Fri-Yay: The Middle on The Top; Hulu Snags Futurama
Hallmark's Holly Robinson Peete Series Coming in February; Remembering Sitcom Writer Bob Schiller
Disney Picks Up 2nd Season of Raven Sitcom; Family Matters Cast Reunites
ION Television Gets Festive for Holidays; USA Schedules Psych: The Movie


New on DVD/Blu-ray (October)

2 Broke Girls - The Complete Series The Good Place - The Complete First Season Green Acres - The Complete Series Rhoda - The Final (Fifth) Season The Jamie Foxx Show - The Complete Fourth Season

10/03 - 2 Broke Girls - The Complete Sixth Season
10/03 - 2 Broke Girls - The Complete Series
10/03 - Rules of Engagement - Seasons 1-4 Collection
10/10 - The Brady Bunch - A Very Brady Christmas
10/10 - Everybody Hates Chris - The Complete Series
10/10 - Frasier - Christmas Episodes
10/10 - The Honeymooners - Christmas Laughter
10/10 - Sabrina, the Teenage Witch - The Christmas Episodes
10/17 - The Good Place - The Complete First Season
10/17 - Green Acres - The Complete Series
10/17 - Rhoda - The Final (Fifth) Season
10/24 - The Jamie Foxx Show - The Complete Fourth Season
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-09-2008, 03:35 PM   #241
Augustus McCrae
Banned!!
Banned
 
Augustus McCrae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 04, 2008
Posts: 561
Default

A WOMAN'S POEM:



Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.





A MAN'S POEM:



I pray for a deaf-mute gymnist nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****.
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2008, 02:44 AM   #242
Janice
Administrator
Forum Celebrity
My Sweet Lily
 
Janice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 03, 2001
Location: Beantown
Posts: 35,861
Default

^ at those cartoons, Jenny.
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2008, 12:58 AM   #243
*Pleasant Tomorrow*
Forum Legend
Member
 
*Pleasant Tomorrow*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 19, 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 69,155
Default

okay okay, my new fav joke:
Girls don't poop. They don't have an ******* until they're married.
__________________
my name is ashlee


"I can feel it - the turn of the Earth,
the ground beneath our feet
spinning at a thousand miles an hour.
And the entire planet is hurtling around the sun
at 67,000 thousand miles an hour and I can feel it.
We're falling through space, you and me.
Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world
and if we let go..."

- The Doctor
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2008, 10:42 PM   #244
rperegrine75
Frequent Poster
Member
 
rperegrine75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 10, 2008
Location: Houston
Posts: 54
Default

How does a Redneck tell how fast the wind in blowing?

He looks at his friend to see what angle his Mullet is flowing!
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 04:46 PM   #245
Chelsea
Senior Member
Semi-retired
 
Join Date: Jan 07, 2001
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 5,652
Default

Did you ever hear the one about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a dog.
__________________
Chelsea
Former Administrator, 2005-2012
Former Member, DVD Review Team, 2004-2010.
Former Seth, 1986-2015
For questions, comments, troubleshooting, or forum help, please PM TJ.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 07:19 AM   #246
tv star collector
Senior Member
I Love Susie
 
tv star collector's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 18, 2005
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 4,288
Talking Three Proofs that Jesus Was ...

Three Proofs that Jesus Was...
==============================

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin,
and his Mother was sure he was God

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd,
at a moments notice,
when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men
who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up
because there was more work for him to do.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 09:16 PM   #247
The Great One
Senior Member
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 29, 2006
Posts: 6,373
Default Did you know...

Did you know that a man who runs in front of a car would eventually get tired and that a man who runs behind a car would soon get exhausted.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 09:20 PM   #248
PunkyP0WER
Banned!!
WAKE UP & DREAM
 
PunkyP0WER's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 23, 2008
Location: MACY*S on 34th St.
Posts: 1,903
Default

very clever great one
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 09:31 PM   #249
The Great One
Senior Member
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 29, 2006
Posts: 6,373
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PunkyP0WER
very clever great one

Thanks!
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2008, 06:09 PM   #250
Impressions
Senior Member
She died the way she lived
 
Impressions's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 08, 2002
Posts: 3,866
Default Got this in an email today...

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
Attached Images
 
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2008, 10:41 PM   #251
Steve M.
Forum Celebrity
Holding the compass
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 28,483
Red face

Four friends who hadn't seen each other in thirty years are reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He got a good Catholic education and then started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is my pride and joy. He also got a good Catholic education and he started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son attended a good Catholic school, studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other
just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked, "What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son went to a state school, is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame...
what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

  Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2008, 02:20 AM   #252
Cactus Jack
Forum Idol
RonFingSwanson
 
Cactus Jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 09, 2001
Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL
Posts: 102,722
Send a message via MSN to Cactus Jack
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
Four friends who hadn't seen each other in thirty years are reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He got a good Catholic education and then started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is my pride and joy. He also got a good Catholic education and he started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son attended a good Catholic school, studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other
just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked, "What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son went to a state school, is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame...
what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

O....M....G...!!!!! All their sons are gay LOL
__________________




Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock








April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!

[/b]
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2008, 05:48 PM   #253
The Great One
Senior Member
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 29, 2006
Posts: 6,373
Default

A man who eats many prunes gets a good run for his money.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2008, 12:07 AM   #254
InspectorExstead
Forum Veteran
Member
 
InspectorExstead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 29, 2001
Location: The Golden State
Posts: 12,882
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impressions
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'


HILARIOUS!
btw, i am looovin' your avator! it looks really cool.
__________________
They killed my sister because she asked:
"Where is my vote?"

http://sosiran.com/
http://tapeshhd.com/index.php
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2008, 09:21 PM   #255
*Pleasant Tomorrow*
Forum Legend
Member
 
*Pleasant Tomorrow*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 19, 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 69,155
Default

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38575 haha
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:34 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.5.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.