Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

Games / Movies / Music / Sports / Random Posts / Politics


Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > Chit Chat

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

Fri-Yay: Shows to Catch Up on This Summer; The Conners Coming to ABC Tuesdays This Fall
3rd Rock from the Sun Launches on Laff in July; The CW Fall 2018 Premiere Dates
NBC Fall 2018 Premiere Dates; Season 4 of Bounce Sitcom Premieres July 2
The History of Comedy Returns to CNN; Showtime Gets First Late Night Talk Show
Showtime Gets Don Cheadle Comedy; HBO Special Directed by Jerrod Carmichael Coming Soon
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of June 18, 2018)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Roseanne Spinoff One Step Closer to Reality; Netflix to Air New Season of Lucifer
Fri-Yay: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Finally Finds Its Best Self; All About the Washingtons with Rev Run Coming to Netflix
Paramount Network Comedy Scores in Ratings; Stan Against Evil Returns on Halloween for Season 3
WGN America Picks Up Two Original Series; Pop TV Orders New Comedy Florida Girls


New on DVD/Blu-ray (June)

Living Single - The Complete Fifth Season Step by Step - The Complete First Season Will & Grace (The Revival) - Season One Perfect Strangers - The Complete Fourth Season Last Man Standing - The Complete Sixth Season

06/05 - Living Single - The Complete Fifth Season
06/05 - New Girl - The Complete Sixth Season
06/05 - South Park - The Complete Twenty-First Season (Blu-ray)
06/12 - Fresh Off the Boat - The Complete Fourth Season
06/12 - Life in Pieces - The Complete Third Season
06/12 - The Office - The Complete Series
06/12 - Speechless - The Complete First Season
06/12 - Speechless - The Complete Second Season
06/12 - Step by Step - The Complete First Season
06/12 - Will & Grace (The Revival) - Season One (Blu-ray)
06/19 - Perfect Strangers - The Complete Fourth Season
06/26 - Last Man Standing - The Complete Fifth Season
06/26 - Last Man Standing - The Complete Sixth Season
06/26 - The Mick - The Complete First Season
06/26 - The Mick - The Complete Second Season
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-11-2007, 08:17 PM   #166
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,171
Default

A Texan visits a ranch in Australia. The Australian proudly shows him his cattle.

"Why, we got bigger cows than that," says the Texan.

The Australian then shows the Texan his sheep.

"Why, we have bigger sheep back in the Lone Star State," the Texan replies.

Just then a kangaroo hops by on the other side of the fence.

"What was that?" asks the Texan, astonished.

"That?" the Australian answers. "Oh, nothing, mate, jest one o' our pesky little grasshoppers."
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2007, 05:42 AM   #167
Brad Russ
Member
Forum Veteran
 
Brad Russ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 17, 2002
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 10,068
Send a message via Yahoo to Brad Russ
Default

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and a! sked, " Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
Attached Images
 
__________________
St. John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Currently my favorite song.
Brad Russ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2007, 10:31 AM   #168
Brad Russ
Member
Forum Veteran
 
Brad Russ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 17, 2002
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 10,068
Send a message via Yahoo to Brad Russ
Wink

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS
(and men who may appreciate good humor)
Brad Russ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2007, 11:52 AM   #169
swedeace
Member
Senior Member
 
swedeace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 22, 2003
Posts: 8,975
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS
(and men who may appreciate good humor)
These are really good ones! I love the sarcasm in them!
swedeace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2007, 07:35 AM   #170
Corolla
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 21, 2006
Location: Owen Sound, ON
Posts: 2,374
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

FORWARD TO WOMEN IN NEED OF SOME LAUGHS
(and men who may appreciate good humor)
Corolla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2007, 04:17 PM   #171
Brad Russ
Member
Forum Veteran
 
Brad Russ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 17, 2002
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 10,068
Send a message via Yahoo to Brad Russ
Wink

I'm glad you guys liked that one!! Even being a guy, I have to admit, I thought it was pretty hilarious!!
Brad Russ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2007, 08:32 AM   #172
Corolla
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 21, 2006
Location: Owen Sound, ON
Posts: 2,374
Default

Yeah.
Corolla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-21-2007, 05:21 PM   #173
MsOrange
Bringin' Sexy Back
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 27, 2004
Posts: 6,086
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and a! sked, " Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
i've heard that before, just told slightly differnt.... funny stuff
MsOrange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2007, 07:54 PM   #174
Courtnee
MAN VS SAMMICH.
Forum Veteran
 
Courtnee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 23, 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,378
Send a message via AIM to Courtnee Send a message via MSN to Courtnee
Default

A mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married within a short period of time.

Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good to the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent a card from Vermont a week after the wedding,
and the card read: "Benson & Hedges."

Mom now knew to go straight to her
husbands cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed, but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Carribbean.

Mom waited for a week, nothing.

Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it in shaky handwriting,
were the words: "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar Magizine, flipped through the pages, fearing the worst, and finally
found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days week, both ways." Mom fainted.
__________________
Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose of life's complexion
The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see,
I gotta have my bite, sir.
Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade
Courtnee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2007, 07:58 PM   #175
Courtnee
MAN VS SAMMICH.
Forum Veteran
 
Courtnee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 23, 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,378
Send a message via AIM to Courtnee Send a message via MSN to Courtnee
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
Here's another good one!!

Subject: Daddy Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic,
businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic
dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other
men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy
and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to
ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and
is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was
too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
Courtnee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2007, 08:05 PM   #176
Courtnee
MAN VS SAMMICH.
Forum Veteran
 
Courtnee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 23, 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,378
Send a message via AIM to Courtnee Send a message via MSN to Courtnee
Default

Courtnee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2007, 01:26 AM   #177
Melonhead00
#00 Teshawn Edmonds
Forum Regular
 
Melonhead00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 09, 2004
Location: Brooklyn, New York, USA
Posts: 522
Default

TLE: Melon, where's my Gatorade?
OMH: I ain't got no Gatorade
TLE: Yeah, you do, Melon. You're just hiding it.
OMH: No I don't have your G-G-Gatorade
TLE: Old Melonhead, and old sacka EAD
OMH: You fulla (bleep)!

TLE=Your's truly; OMH=Old Melonhead (father)
__________________
I di bless... HAIL KING LAGASSE I!!!
Gatorade is the healing of nation.
adidas New Jersey Transit
Melonhead00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2007, 02:22 AM   #178
treky
star trek fan
Forum Veteran
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,712
Default

__________________
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
treky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2007, 12:35 PM   #179
LivinLaarge
BEefaY!
Forum Regular
 
LivinLaarge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 27, 2006
Location: NC but im from Brooklyn
Posts: 851
Default

A man buys his wife a tombstone for there 20th anniversay after that he doesnt buy her anything
Wife-why dont you buy me anything anymore?
Husband-well you didnt use the last thing i got you so why should i?
__________________
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Hasn't anyone said you look like someone?
Doug Heffernan: Oh, you mean like every famous fat guy in every movie ever?
LivinLaarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2007, 03:27 PM   #180
mrs.gingerhinkley
*Bette Davis Fan*
Senior Member
 
mrs.gingerhinkley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 06, 2007
Posts: 2,475
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Superstar
Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

well, i'm not one to laugh actually, I ran into the gym wall in the 6th grade and got a concution
__________________
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-Edgar Allen Poe


God Bless Our Troops
mrs.gingerhinkley is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:54 PM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

VigLink badge

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.