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12-28-2005, 09:36 PM
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#1 |
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Forum Veteran
Suburbanite Extrordinaire
Join Date: Dec 29, 2001
Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization
Posts: 16,353
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It's Here! The 2006 Hawkeye Awards!
From the Strathmore Bowling Lanes in Matawan, New Jersey, it's the 2006 Hawkeye Awards!
And now here's your host...TJL's Attorney, Barry Goldtoe! Thank You. Welcome one and all to the Hawkeye Awards, honoring another year in entertainment. I regreat to inform you that my client TJL is unable to host the award ceremony in person, but rest assured that he is alive and well and will be back as soon as I can convince the Judge to drop the charges. I am not at liberty to discuss the particulars of my client's case, but I can confirm that there was an altercation during the Hawkeye Award's dress rehearsal this afternoon and TJL may or may not have punched out Tara Reid. Again, I am not at liberty to discuss the details at this time. In light of this unfortunate situation, TJL will not be able to bring to you the Hawkeye Awards in it's tradtional form. Instead he is letting you, the loyal members of this Televison themed Website, to pick this year's winner. Here is a list of this years categories, so feel free to award anyone you think should win the coveted Benjamin Franklin Pierce Award of Achievement In Excellence. Also feel free to add any kind of humerous embelishment to your nominations, although I will stress that any similarities between your smartass remarks about celebrities and TJL's and you'll be sued right out of your hoodies. Enjoy The Awards! (Note: TJL and the Hawkeye Awards are not liable if you do not enjoy the Awards.) The 2006 Hawkeye Awards Category List Outstanding Person in Film (Male) Outstanding Person in Film (Female) Outstanding Achievement In Music The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television) Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel) The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room) Man of the Year Woman Of The Year Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring) The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?) Let the mudslining begin! 
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"I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.wordpress.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.wordpress.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier |
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12-28-2005, 11:08 PM
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#2 |
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Forum Veteran
MAN VS SAMMICH.
Join Date: Mar 23, 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,379
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The 2006 Hawkeye Awards Category List
Outstanding Person in Film (Male) Jon Heder Outstanding Person in Film (Female) Emmy Rossum Outstanding Achievement In Music Green Day The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television) Chris Griffin Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel) Britney Spears The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room) Taria Reid Man of the Year Jon Heder  Woman Of The Year Amy Lee Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring) Jesus The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?) that k fed dude....yeah
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Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade |
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12-29-2005, 01:58 AM
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#3 |
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Forum Idol
RonFingSwanson
Join Date: Dec 09, 2001
Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL
Posts: 102,106
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[
The 2006 Hawkeye Awards Category List Outstanding Person in Film (Male) Steve Carrell, Will Ferrell Outstanding Person in Film (Female) Reese Witherspoon Outstanding Achievement In Music Green Day The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television) Peter Griffin, Will Arnett Jason Lee Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel) Britney Spears The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room) Tom Cruise Man of the Year Steve Carrell Woman Of The Year Charlize Theron Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring) Pilot Inspektor Lee The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?) K-Fed F-Ked Up whatever his name is, that man who is married to Britney Spears
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Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post! [/b] |
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12-29-2005, 06:18 PM
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#4 |
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Forum Veteran
Suburbanite Extrordinaire
Join Date: Dec 29, 2001
Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization
Posts: 16,353
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 Let's go! I want posts! |
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12-29-2005, 06:28 PM
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#5 |
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Moderator
Forum Legend MISS APRIL
Join Date: Jul 19, 2001
Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder!
Posts: 68,711
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Outstanding Person in Film (Male)
Outstanding Person in Film (Female) Outstanding Achievement In Music Kelly Clarkson The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television) The Office Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel) Nick & Jess The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room) Paris Hilton Man of the Year Woman Of The Year Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring) The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?) Paris Hilton
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DAVID COOK FOR AMERICAN IDOL |
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12-30-2005, 10:12 AM
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#6 | |
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Administrator
Forum Celebrity Stormin' Norman
Join Date: Aug 03, 2001
Location: Beantown
Posts: 34,461
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Quote:
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01-01-2006, 05:55 PM
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#7 |
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Forum Veteran
Suburbanite Extrordinaire
Join Date: Dec 29, 2001
Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization
Posts: 16,353
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With all the celebrating this week, I totally forgot to fill out my own ballot for this years Hawkeye Awards. Here's a few of my winners:
Outstanding Person in Film (Male) This years winner has been away from the cameras for a long time. A true legend who's star shown bright in a series of adventures on the big screen. In 2005 he made his grand comback to the film world and stole the show right out from under uber vixen co-star Linsey Lohan. This year we salute you Herbie, the loveable VW Bug for your performance in "Herbie Fully Loaded." You da man! Honorable Mention: Eugene Levy in whatever piece of **** movies he did this year to kill time between mockumentary movies with his "Spinal Tap" friends. For Outstanding Person in Film (Female) the Hawkeye goes to Jessica Alba's body. It truly was a banner year for Miss Alba's body folks. This year alone her luscious frame apeared in three big screen hits: Sin City, Fantastic Four and Into The Blue. Let's just hope that her tight and tanned torso will have a long and pimple free career in showbiz. Honorable Mention: Jessica Beil's hooters in "Stealth." Outstanding Achievement In Music Hands down folks, R Kelly's epic masterpiece "Trapped In The Closet" had the country captivated with the exciting 12 chapter tale of a guy got trapped in a closet. Would he get out? Would he stay in? What's the deal with the midget again? It's all good R. Anything to keep you away from the little girls. Honorable Mention - Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl." Here's to you Gwen, for proving that white chicks can rap. Sort of. |
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01-01-2006, 07:09 PM
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#8 |
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Forum Legend
weee.
Join Date: Apr 23, 2004
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 70,662
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Outstanding Person in Film (Male)- Um. I dont know. The guy who plays Harry Potter?
Outstanding Person in Film (Female) Outstanding Achievement In Music- Carrie Underwood  The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television)- hmm. I dont know...American Idol? Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel)- lol, Nick and Jessica?  The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room)- PARIS HILTON Man of the Year- hmm. Woman Of The Year- Carrie Underwood Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring)- I dont know. The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?)- Britney Spears Let the mudslining begin!
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"I know the difference between TV and reality, Jeff. TV has structure, it makes sense, there are likable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you." - Abed Nadir, Community |
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01-04-2006, 04:05 PM
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#9 |
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Administrator
Forum Celebrity Stormin' Norman
Join Date: Aug 03, 2001
Location: Beantown
Posts: 34,461
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As usual, Good stuff TJL. |
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01-04-2006, 06:57 PM
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#10 | |
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Forum Idol
RonFingSwanson
Join Date: Dec 09, 2001
Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL
Posts: 102,106
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Quote:
 : Love it! |
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01-05-2006, 12:07 AM
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#11 |
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Moderator
Forum Legend certified wackball#3
Join Date: Aug 03, 2003
Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's
Posts: 50,063
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Outstanding Person in Film (Male) - Steve Carrell, he's had such a good year. Will Ferrell with an HM.
Outstanding Person in Film (Female) - Uma Thurman, she's always great. Outstanding Achievement In Music - the Donnas because pretty much anything else current sucks now The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television) - My Name is Earl with an honorable mention to Arrested Development, two bright spots in the wasteland of reality garbage. Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel) - Charlie Sheen and Denise Richardson, apparently after another (?) brief attempt at reconciliation they filed once again for divorce today, but they STILL insist on keeping their juicy details private instead of using it to feed the hungry tabloids. Bonus points for trying to put their kids priorities ahead of their own. The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room) - Tom Cruise; enough is enough already, you are a crazy alien lunatic who's managed to brainwash Katie Holmes and break Oprah's couch, but the public STILL somehow pays to see all of your crappy movies where you play the same role you've been doing since Risky Business. Man of the Year - Leopold "Butters" Scotch. When Kenny died for good in season five, Butters became the boys new best friend. He has really come so far, our little man. Woman Of The Year - Lindsay Lohan; with the eating disorders, coke binges, car accidents, public feuding with her father, yet she's in every movie made this year, promotes her album and somehow still manages to keep pace with Tara Reid's partying and makes personal appearances at hospitals to cheer up the sick. Oh and that E.P.T. pregnancy test? - it was for snorting. Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring) - i'll vote for Pilot Inspektor, why not? The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?) - Ashlee Simpson, i just dont understand why she's famous other than the trainwreck aspect
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01-05-2006, 12:26 AM
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#12 |
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Senior Member
Member
Join Date: Oct 23, 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,494
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The 2006 Hawkeye Awards Category List
Outstanding Person in Film (Male)--Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain; I haven't even seen the movie, and I'm really not even a fan of his, but the film was a hot topic this year and the first of its kind. Outstanding Person in Film (Female)--Naomi Watts in King Kong Outstanding Achievement In Music--Ryan Cabrera, for putting out an amazing album this year which went by with little publicity. The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television)--Tom Welling in Smallville, for...being hot. Outstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel)--Does the Brad/Jen/Angelina triangle count? The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to their room)--50 Cent, no explanation needed. Man of the Year-Brad Pitt, for all of those trips to other countries in an effort to help under-priveledged children. Woman Of The Year-Angelina Jolie; See Above. Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring)--Nicholas Cage's child, Kal-El, because...well, he deserves to win something in life after he got stuck with a name like that. The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?)--I gotta agree with the people above me and say Kevin Federline. Although, I don't think he'd even be suitable enough to be a janitor at a White Castle restaurant.
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I pretty much wear my emotions on my sleeves for the people in my life." --Chad Michael Murray |
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01-05-2006, 12:38 AM
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#13 |
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Forum Celebrity
paradox.
Join Date: Jan 08, 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 28,334
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The 2006 Hawkeye Awards Category List
Outstanding Person in Film (Male): Anthony Rapp in RENT...cuz I'm  like that Outstanding Person in Film (Female): Reese Witherspoon...I've always loved her, even though she's had a couple of flops in the past recent years. Her two films this year, Just Like Heaven and Walk the Line, not only put her career back on track but proved to us how great, yet underrated of an actress she really is. If she doesn't win an Oscar, at least let her win a Hawkeye Award!  Outstanding Achievement In Music: Gwen Stefani...For making BANANAS the catchphrase of 2005! The Boob Tube Award (for Excellence In Television): American Idol...cuz I'm like thatOutstanding Achievement In Marriage (or divorce, whatever you feel): Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston...HELLO BRANGELINA!! The Timeout Trophy (for ill behaved celebs who really need to be sent to thier room): Paris Hilton...get her out of here. pissed: Man of the Year: Bo Bice...For dealing with drug scandals, getting his intestines pulled out by surgeons...and getting ONLY second place on American Idol? Whatever happens to him, he always handles it with class. Here's to a true rockstar on a mainstream show!  Woman Of The Year: Kelly Clarkson...YAY FOR AMERICAN IDOL PEOPLEZZZZ!!  Spawn Of The Year (for this year's crop of celebrity offspring): Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's baby, Sean Preston...cuz it's amazing how she's one of the most well-known women in the entertainment world and her hubby is known for...WHAT? KEVIN WHO?) The 15th Minute Reminder (who should turn in their star card and get a real job?): Paris Hilton...'nuff said.  |
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