How to deal with your family.

[Kay Scarpetta]

Okay guys, I'm going to try my hardest not to make this another "lyke oh em GEE eye hate mi familie!!!" thread.

Over my grandmother's house today, my aunt and cousin got into a conversation about where she was going to apply to college. My cousin has a decent mind, and was looking at Tufts or Brown. Before I had a chance to slink out of the room to avoid being asked about where I planned to go, she [my aunt] asked me, so I told her truthfully where I'd like to apply. Well she basically told me that I won't get into any of them because I'm not smart enough. My OTHER aunt had a negitive comment about everywhere else I wanted to go.

People wonder why I can't stand my family. It's because they make me feel so dumb and worthless. My mom said I just have to ignore them, and she's right- but these people still do not have any right to be like this to me. They've always been like this... lousy know-it-alls. They don't realize how they act, either. No one but my mother, father and sister knows about what's been going on in the past few years and about my mental issues. They don't know I'm on meds, they don't know I see doctors, they don't know I had addiction problems. Maybe if they knew, they'd see why my grades aren't exactly the greatest. I'm trying so hard to bring them up, but it's going to take time. I just wish they'd stop lowering my self-confidence even more.

Does anyone have any advice?! I don't want to confront them because like I said, they don't know how they act. I just can't even take it anymore. I'm sitting here almost in tears.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Tell them you can do whatever you want and go wherever you want and its sad that they dont believe that you can do it. Just because youre grades are slipping, it doesnt mean youre not smart. Some things have happened and caused it to happen, its not like you are a slacker [like meeeeee ]. Or you can just say thank you.

[Hollow]

It probably sounds lame, but the best thing to do is to just focus on what you want to do, because what do they know? my dad told me straight up the other week when i forgot to wash some towels that i was stupid, and i told him "**** you" out of frustration. i try so hard to get along with him but he makes it impossible. i can't tolerate someone trying to bring me down like he always does. he treated my mom the same way and made her cry a lot. and it's so weird, it was pretty much right after she died that he started acting mean towards me.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

Yeah, not much else I can say. But Sarah's right, what do they know? You said they don't know anything about your personal life...why the hell should they be able to judge you? There's nothing wrong with you, you're fine. **** them, tell them you ran for president. (erm, of course...that wouldn't be the best one to relate to smarts) **** it, just tell them to **** off. That's all I can do with my dad. He doesn't listen. He's the same way, he doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't want to admit there's something wrong. So **** it.

[Belair]

My Mum is a pain; she puts me down alot,and nothing I do is good enough for her.She also NEVER admits when she's wrong.

[Sharop]

Well, everyone is talented at something - your grades may not be excellent, but if you work hard, you should be able to pull them up. What were they like before the last few years?

You never know, you could turn out to be a genius...develop at your own speed. Pursue your interests. What do you really love doing? For me, it's writing...my ambition is to write books, movie screenplays and scripts for sitcoms (hopefully popular, award-winning ones.) I've been writing ever since I was six. So maybe you could select something you know you do wonderfully and see if you can shape it into a career. I.e., if you're good at cooking, you could be a chef, if you're good at Drama, you could be an actor, if you're good at Maths/Science, you could be an accountant, or pursue some career that involves those subjects.

As for dealing with what some members of your family say...if you don't feel you can talk to them outright, maybe you can write them letters, telling them how it makes you feel, or ask your parents to speak to them? What do your parents think about the way they belittle you?

I just thought of another point - you said your aunts said they don't seem to notice their own behaviour or realise what they're doing - so is it possible that they don't actually mean to be rude and make you feel bad, but are just the type of people who say what they think, and unfortunately express their views in a very blunt manner?

I must say, you look to me like the type who'd be very talented at English and writing, because the spelling and grammar you use in your posts is spot-on. (Am I right about this? Is your best subject English?) Maybe you could be a writer when you're older. Have you ever tried your hand at writing stories/scripts, or anything like that?

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally Posted by Sharop

I must say, you look to me like the type who'd be very talented at English and writing, because the spelling and grammar you use in your posts is spot-on. (Am I right about this? Is your best subject English?) Maybe you could be a writer when you're older. Have you ever tried your hand at writing stories/scripts, or anything like that?

English always was a favorite of mine, and thanks for the compliment. If it's one thing I cannot stand, it's bad grammar.

Thanks for the advice guys. I guess I will just have to ignore them for now. It's hard, because they ARE my family, but they just get me in tears over everything they say.

[TheGreatPretender]

Damn that is ****ty of them. I would just brush it off that's what I learned to do. My dad has been telling me that I'm worthless, stupid, and will have a miserable life since I was a little kid. but then I learned that he is someone I just won't get along with so why should I care about him or what he thinks?

[ABlairican Pie]

If there is one thing you are not, you are NOT stupid. I have had to deal with that crap on a daily basis ever since I was born. I just came to the realization that certain people in my family were messed up. Sometimes I wonder what would my mother would say about graduating from my scriptwriting course. But you got to go with where your heart is.

[dawsongirl]

Sounds like my fam. Except, once they found out about my anxiety/depression, they all tried to tell my mom and dad what to do with me, what they should do/say, and a bunch of other ****, like they all ****ing knew what the hell they were talking about. Ignorant sons of bitches. My dad more or less said, Screw them. I'll raise my kid however I want. Yay dad. None of them have any ****ing clue. I try to ignore them, but I can't because it makes me angry and hurts my feelings. I mean, I could tell them a few faults of their own. Especially my mom's side. I could tell them how much I despise my uncle and honestly wish he'd die because he's nothing but a lazy **** who is on disability for being ****ing diabetic when he could work just fine, but he's lazy and would rather milk the state so he can go and buy a goddamn Porsche. He hates my dad because my dad hates lazy ****s and my worthless POS uncle turned the rest of the family on my dad. That pissed my mom off to no end and hurt her feelings and **** them. I don't like people who hurt my mom's feelings and people who hate my dad. He's one the the most likeable people on the planet. Just because they have no ****ing sense of humor doesn't give them any right....

Sorry, I guess I just had to rant. I'm glad a lot of them live out of state.

[Belair]

Originally Posted by TheGreatPretender

Damn that is ****ty of them. I would just brush it off that's what I learned to do. My dad has been telling me that I'm worthless, stupid, and will have a miserable life since I was a little kid. but then I learned that he is someone I just won't get along with so why should I care about him or what he thinks?

One thing my Dad could never do is call me stupid or worthless or hopeless because he's been a heroin addict for 25 years. My main motivation to be a success is to be what my parents weren't.Neither of my parents have done anything with their life really.

[Sharop]

It's quite disconcerting to read of some of the things that go on in families. If families can't get on, then what hope is there for the rest of the world?

A question for dawsongirl - how diabetic is your uncle? How serious is it? I'm just asking, because there's a man who lives near me (my sister is friendly with one of his daughters) and he can't work because he's diabetic. It's not that he's lazy; it's just that he really can't work, and his wife has to stay at home with him - they're on benefits from the government. I was just curious, because you said your uncle could work fine, even though he has diabetes. It could be possible that he's justifed in not working, unless, as I said, it's a mild form. Obviously you know him, and I don't, so I'll take your word, but I don't think the man I'm thinking of is being lazy.

[Michael [hXc]]

i'm really sorry you have to deal with that. you should tell them that you don't like the way they're treating you. tell them it needs to stop. but if that doesn't work, just know that you can always do what you want, and that you're not the way they think you are. sorry about all this.

[robyrob]

maybe it would be easier if you just accepted the fact that they are going to be unsupportive jerks and return the favor - next time they say anything that upsets you, try saying something like, "gee, you are sure getting OLD, SENILE and BITTER"