Having a dilemma

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Baah ok, bare with me.. Im gonna try and get into as much detail as possible, unless I run out of patience -.-



Ok, so like my best friend is Amanda blah blah blah, and you all know I moved 90 min. away into this small boring town.

Well, I had to stay at her house for a week or so because I needed to give Shaws (my job) enough time to transfer me up here. So when I was all done down there I moved up here for good. That was sometime in May. Well, like, 3 or 4 days after being here Im online and she asked me if I wanted to come down and stay with her and her parents for the summer- as in transfer back to the old Shaws. At first I JUMPED at the chance-- I was bored as Hell up here and I missed my old job soo much (I actually cried I missed my old work Hah.) and I wanted to be back where I had been my whole life- its all I ever knew. My mother thought it wasnt all that bad of an idea either, though she thought I was crazy. Well, that weekend I went down to stay for the weekend for a visit and we went to Shaws to visit because thats where I go when Im bored lol. Mary (a co-assistant who I worked with) said they missed me etc. and after said if I really wanted to come back, to just call. Well, that next day I called. I said I was available to start June 11th (notice Im still in Maine ) so while they were doing all that, I continued to work up here. But then.. things changed. I (hate to say it) got used to it up here. Now, I dont love it up here, and would do anything to move back home.. but I did adjust. So now.. I dont want to go. Thing is, Amandas mother bought themselves a new matress to give me their old one while Im down there. Well, Shaws is dumb and hadnt scheduled me down there for last week.. so I visited mine Friday to see what was up, because last week I didnt work ONE day. Yay for no paycheck! They said that the other Shaws probably forgot or whatever and theyll straighten it out. Thing is.. I dont want to go. Buuut Ill feel like an ass. I mean, I called them to transfer, theyre probably fixing it all right now, and now I dont even want to go. Its not worth it anymore. Not to mention, I just started up here. I cant afford not working when I have bills and stuff. Not to mention I have Montreal and NYC and a bunch of concerts coming up soon. Yeah, theyre not necessities.. but hadnt all this mess happened, itd be a lot easier to afford. Because, down there Im paying $200/month for food and some bills and stuff to help out- which is fine. But thats $200 EXTRA I could have for myself in case of an emergency or just having fun. Also, I have a tough time saying NO.. I just cant get myelf to do it. If I had the balls, Id call up Shaws and say, listen.. I dont want to go anymore, lets just forget it.. I wanna stay. Id also be able to tell Amanda and her parents that I dont in fact, want to come down.. but I know if I did theyd get their feelings hurt because theyd take it the wrong way. I keep telling them Oh! I want to come down and I still am etc.. but blaaaah I dont want to go down, and I really hope I dont. I just have a really hard time with saying no and I HATE confrontation more than anything. Im a huge people pleaser and I always tend to do what others want me to do because I dont want to upset them.. when half the time it isnt what I really want.. like this for example.

My mother also made a good point a month ago when she asked me if Amanda would do the same thing. The answer? No. And its true. Amanda wouldnt go back and forth, so why should I? Yeah, I know they miss me and stuff, but I just cant go down to stay there for like, 3-4 months. Id die. Im a homebody and Id go crazy. I like living by my rules and doing whatever I want. Not to mention Amanda asked me if I could request Mondays and Wednesdays off so I could babysit her dog. WTF?!?!? I was like.. eh.. but its like dude, I need money and Im not gonna give up days to watch damn dog. Meangya, put her in a friggan cage. Shell survive for a few hours. I told her Id watch her on my days off and stuff.. but hell.. on days off I wanna go out, do some shopping and stuff so shed get all pissy because her dog would be alone. Meangya.

So, as you can see Im having all these crazy emotions running through my head and I am so confused. One minute I want to go down because Id get to go back to what Im used to, but at the same time.. ITS NOT HOME. And everytime I talk to Amandas mother and I tell her I cant come down because I need the money I have (yeah.. I have bills too ya know!) shes all.. you dont love us anymore, your never gonna visit us. God, its like.. major guilt trip and I friggan hate it. It makes me feel like **** and makes me even more confused as to what I want to do. It makes me feel like I HAVE to go down there, but then she goes.. if you dont want to come.. you dont have to! We wont be mad! But dude, I know if I turn around and say no.. theyll get pissy and upset and lay down the guilt. Im not that dumb. I seriously just want to write them a check for the matress (how ever much it costs...?) and tell them thank Im sorry and I still love you, but I need to live for myself. I need a job more than I need to go down there for a good time. Easy for them to say, because theyre not me. Theyre not going through all this transfer crap and stuff.

Now, I know Im a big girl and can make my own decisions, and I should, but I want some advice or imput anyways.

[vienna waits]

I think you should say no. 200 dollars a month is a ton of money that you should save. I would feel really uncomfortable being in someone else's house for that long.. but you're really close to them so you would probably feel fine, but still it's not home. You and your friend might get sick of each other too if you stayed together.

[robyrob]

couldn't you come up with a plausible white lie for why you cant go there ?
(i'm sorry but all those details really surpassed my attention span so i have no idea what yer actually talking about)

tell her that yer under house arrest for smuggling beaver pelts out of canada or something...

[Ewan's My Man]

Crystal! I FINALLY FOUND YOU! MY ALTER-EGO!! You sound EXACTLY like me...I have been through so many dilemma's like that, and being a people-pleaser I always just go through with it. Most of the time though I'm glad I didn't back out.

[vienna waits]

Originally posted by robyrob

tell her that yer under house arrest for smuggling beaver pelts out of canada or something...

Unfortunately, the first part might not be a lie.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
Unfortunately, the first part might not be a lie.

Last time I tell you secrets, snitch!

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Ewan's My Man
Crystal! I FINALLY FOUND YOU! MY ALTER-EGO!! You sound EXACTLY like me...I have been through so many dilemma's like that, and being a people-pleaser I always just go through with it. Most of the time though I'm glad I didn't back out.

Ahh yes. My twin! Well, least Im not alone.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by robyrob
couldn't you come up with a plausible white lie for why you cant go there ?
(i'm sorry but all those details really surpassed my attention span so i have no idea what yer actually talking about)

tell her that yer under house arrest for smuggling beaver pelts out of canada or something...

To be honest.. Ive been trying to come up with some kind of lie. So far Ive got nothing though.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
I think you should say no. 200 dollars a month is a ton of money that you should save. I would feel really uncomfortable being in someone else's house for that long.. but you're really close to them so you would probably feel fine, but still it's not home. You and your friend might get sick of each other too if you stayed together.

I agree with all of that.

[vienna waits]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
To be honest.. Ive been trying to come up with some kind of lie. So far Ive got nothing though.

just blame everything on your parents. say that they won't let you go

[Ewan's My Man]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
To be honest.. Ive been trying to come up with some kind of lie. So far Ive got nothing though.

Call the place you were trying to get transferred from and cancel it or whatever than when Amanda asks if you're coming say you haven't gotten transferred yet...continue to say that for about a week or two and then finally say that it completely fell through and that you're completely bummed but it's getting really crazy and you can't come anymore.

Or...you could say you died...


It worries me that I'm able to come up with stuff like this...

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Idol Fanatic
just blame everything on your parents. say that they won't let you go

Well, my Dad tells me to forget it anyways.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Ewan's My Man
Call the place you were trying to get transferred from and cancel it or whatever than when Amanda asks if you're coming say you haven't gotten transferred yet...continue to say that for about a week or two and then finally say that it completely fell through and that you're completely bummed but it's getting really crazy and you can't come anymore.

Or...you could say you died...


It worries me that I'm able to come up with stuff like this...

Ive been saying that for the past month now. Cept well, it is true. But I could drag it on longer.

[Janice]

Crystal, I would level with Amanda and her family. Tell them that you care a great deal for them, but it would be too much expense and upheaval in your life, and would cause problems with your work.

Tell them that you would miss your family too much and that your parents are discouraging you. They want you to adjust to your new home, and going back is a step in the wrong direction.

They sound like very nice people, and hopefully, they'll understand. Perhaps you can stay for a few days here and there, and Amanda can stay with you.

As for the mattress, don't stress about it. It sounds like they needed a new one anyway.

You have to do what's best for you, and not others. Work on that people pleasing thing. I was that way for years, and had many people take advantage of my kindness. Trust me on this, it gets you nowhere. Take care of you.

Good luck sweetie, and let us know how it turns out.

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by Janice
Crystal, I would level with Amanda and her family. Tell them that you care a great deal for them, but it would be too much expense and upheaval in your life, and would cause problems with your work.

Tell them that you would miss your family too much and that your parents are discouraging you. They want you to adjust to your new home, and going back is a step in the wrong direction.

They sound like very nice people, and hopefully, they'll understand. Perhaps you can stay for a few days here and there, and Amanda can stay with you.

As for the mattress, don't stress about it. It sounds like they needed a new one anyway.

You have to do what's best for you, and not others. Work on that people pleasing thing. I was that way for years, and had many people take advantage of my kindness. Trust me on this, it gets you nowhere. Take care of you.

Good luck sweetie, and let us know how it turns out.

Bah thank you so much Janice! Hopefully Ill get the courage tomorrow to call up the Shaws up here and can come up with an excuse and tell them to forget it.

Yes, Im a naturally nice person and I dont want to turn into some bitch, but I really hate being walked over and stuff. Bah, I hate saying no. Oy. But yes.. Ill keep ya posted!